Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 1679. page
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Who here /masturbate every day/?
I feel myself going braindead
>>29251171
I do, I just fear for my prick. Poor thing is slowly dying :<
4-5 times a day. Can't focus on the task at hand if I get the urge to masturbate. If I am trying to fall asleep while I feel like I masturbating, I will not be able to fall asleep until I have done the deed.
I /masturbateseveraltimeseveryday/.
I blame this place.
21M with great facial aesthetics, 6'2", and supposedly an attractive personality. I have no problems getting girls, but sometimes they have bfs and I usually turn them down. The reason I ask is because there is this 4'11" cutie throwing herself at me atm, and wants to meet up at my house tomorrow. When we were drunk and I didn't know about the bf we made out and I sucked on her titties etc. Now the problem is her bf is like 6'3" and jacked af Chad. I don't want to end up in hospital. Also I think my good friend has a beta orbiter thing for her and would be devastated if he found out.
I'm planning to turn her down, or should I just YOLO and do it?
Pic related, looks kinda like me.
>>29266627
pathetic
i hope you get cucked one day
you should always fuck girls with boyfriends and always tell the boyfriends afterward.
My gf wanted to try to get me to have a threesome with her friend who had a boyfriend, I said no.
Don't be a dick.
>tfw live with my dad
>tfw he's going on a date tomorrow
>"I guess I'm the only one talking to girls in this house"
what's your relationship with your dad?
>>29266418
kek you got #roasted
He died from drinking too much.
>dad is busy working all week, every week, so we rarely talk to eachother
>dad is an uneducated idiot who likes things like Jackass unironically
>come downstairs to eat and watch it with him just to give him some company
I honestly don't know, he's generally a decent guy, even though his foolishness can make him selfish sometimes.
I'm just glad he's alive and well, I don't have much of a relationship with him.
Is sex even real? I've only seen it in movies and shit, but I also see fucking Middle Earth in movies but that isn't real.
>>29266305
> middle earth isn't real
>>29266344
Dubs confirm that Middle Earth is fucking real.
>>29266305
iktf op its become such a foreign concept that it seems like an act conceived in the void of imagination.
>tfw you remember all the autistic things you did when you were younger
Remember:
If you do not allow yourself to have fun and socialize, you are prone to more cringey moments. A lot of times I will invite robots to a party and by the time they get comfortable they blurt out edgy and cringey things in an attempt to be funny , cool, or flirty. Learn to think before you act when you're having fun. Robots are usually okay when it comes to assessing situations in videogames, games, or play flights, but when it comes to socializing, robots often blurt out things involuntarily. Also learn to control your indoor voice.
Also learn to tone down your vulgar language. Assess your audience and speak accordingly.
Throughout my teens I obsessed & ruminated about all of my childhood blunders to the point where I started to forget happy memories. When I realized how pointless it was to do this, I started to actively avoid such rumination. Now I've forgotten much of the bad as well along with the good.
I don't have any advice for you. I just wish I hadn't been such an angsty little shit, because the end result for me has been a general loss of autobiographical memory. If you still have good memories, maybe it'd be good to spend some time thinking about & remembering those.
>>29266350
T. Chad wannabe
Daily reminder that having a good personality helps you get places in life
>Daily reminder that having a good money helps you get places in life
So does having enough money for an indoor hot tub and for the square footage/installation/maintanence fees required to have it in your house
>tfw considered 8/10 by women upon first meeting, but terrible personality turns them away asap
It hurts.
i did it robots, i'm free from this board
>be me
>kissless virgin
>never been on date
>don't talk to men ever
>one day decide to get a tinder
>match with /o/ chad
>/o/ chad wants to meet me
>constantly pushing him away
>weeks later
>finally decide to meet him
>heart pounding throughout the day
>finally meet
>he makes a move
>we kiss under a dock
>holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck
>get to third base on first day
>2 days later
>see eachother again
>lose virginity
>HUGE confident boost
I don't understand how there are 20+ year old virgins
It's so easy robots, just let yourself go and stop being such a pussy or else you're going actually die alone.
>>29266234
>i'm free from this board
That's not how it works my sweet summer anon
>>29266234
youre gay. Gays are like 1000x more promiscuous than straight people, with super low standards.
If youre a woman whoring for attention, its the same thing. Your sexual market value is much higher than that of a man, even an obese AIDS patient who stinks of pee and owns 30 cats can get a boyfriend.
Relationships are easy mode for girls or gay guys. Fuck off.
Who else /constantlyremindedofher/ here?
Yes
Pic related, looks a lot like my ex. It's my favorite TV show and I just get filled with feels whenever she is on.
>>29266121
only when ive finally forgotten her do i remember her.
its always dreams too.
dreams of me failing to say how i feel or dreams of what couldve been
I constantly have dreams of the girl I had a huge crush on. In those dreams I am never able to talk to her and she is always just out of reach in my dreams.
Is my brain trying to tell me something
>tfw someone told me that she also had a crush on me but she got over it because I never did anything about it
Can someone explain this to me? Thanks
I'll explain it to you OP c:
>>29266091
I think by "be a hoe" she means "dress like a hoe", which is fine I guess.
>>29266091
She can be a hoe for her man? Or dress slutty? Kind of strange way to word it so I'm not sure.
holy shit guys, im in love, and it feels so fucking great. I know im going to feel like shit once it's over, but I don't fucking care, im feeling something that isn't depression and nothingness. I'm actually feeling something, and its really fucking great to feel again.
>>29266045
Good for you OP I haven't felt this whole love thing in over six years now
So those who can feel should feel
>>29266045
Keep some hope alive
>Felt in love
>Told her how I feel (didn't use the word "love" but I was confident and direct)
>She only sees me as a friend
J-just be yourself, right guys?
>Porn video is more than 5 minutes long
>watching the entire porn scene
People don't do this, do they?
>>29266013
i refuse to watch anything under 10 because the only hot part of porn is the foreplay
>>29266013
>i cum within 2 minutes
Any robots tried modafinil (brand name Provigil) ? It's supposed to be like the real life limitless pill, but what is it actually like? I'm thinking of buying some to fuel my graduate school degree.
all it does is keep you awake, theres no increased concentration or anything. Its basically gonna remove any sleepiness you have, good for an all nighter i guess. Also, heads up it makes some peoples pee/sweat smell really bad.
>>29266033
>theres no increased concentration or anything
Well, that's sort of disappointing. I've been using adderall and vyvanse as needed for years for marathon study sessions, so I fear Modafinil may feel like nothing in comparison. I guess I'll just use it for all-nighters while relying on my own mediocre concentration abilities.
>>29266135
yep thats all its basicaly good for.
>green tea tummy aches
>>29265839
>cheeto tummy aches
>beer stomach aches
>dick skin peeling off from fapping too much aches
>Wake up at about 2:30 am with urgly gurgly in belly welly
>It is time to recycle my tendies that I had yesterday morning
>I roll out of bed and waddle my way through the sea of pee pee and poo poo jugs in my room
>I knock on mummys door
>"Ughhhh... What is it, Anon?'
>"I HAVE YUMMY YUMMY TENDIES READY FOR MUMMY WUMMYS BELLY WELLY!"
>"Anon, I gave you 750 Good boy points for you not to do this again"
>The bitch is rejecting the best kind of tendies
>I bust down the door with my glorious rolls of fat
>Mummy tries to run away but I sit on her to keep her in bed
>"MUMMY, YOU MUST ACCEPT THE TENDIES OF THE GODS!"
>She starts wailing as soon as I put my crusty anus into her mouth
>I whisper "Tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy"
>I let out a long fart and about ten seconds later, recycled tendies go into mummy
>She is gagging
>for dessert, I shove my dipey wipey down her throat
>She tells me she would do anything to make me not do that again
>Mummy has been driving me to Popeye's every night at 2 am for tendies, not charging me a single good boy point
life is good
>>29265802
>make thread on /b/
>people insult you and tell you to go to /r9k/
>you actually do it
Lmao OP you're a whole nother level of pathetic
Lel this one is going to straight to r/4chan XDDDD Can't wait for le ebin upboats XDDDDDDDDDDD
>>29265988
>>29265971
Shut up fags
>XXXXXDDDDDDDDDD IVE BEEN HER A LONG TIME BROOOOO
Why aren't you activists yet, robots?
Being an activist would be the solution to all your problems. You've got a group of people ready to be your friends, and you don't even have to think about what to say; there's always work to do and campaigns to discuss. They are extremely forgiving of things like mental illness, unattractiveness, and bad smells, since it's very common in the activist scene.
On top of all of that, anyone with a pulse can get all the hippy sex they can handle. Most people involved in activism are polyamorous and believe in free-love -- and are very tolerant of nontraditional body shapes.
If that's not enough to convince you, remember that you'll also be making the world a better place at the same time, so you'll be doing stuff to make you proud and build your self-esteem. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
>>29265785
>remember that you'll also be making the world a better place at the same time
in someone's opinion
which probably only makes it better for them, or someone they were manipulated by
>>29265885
It's not hard to find a cause you believe in, or at least aren't actively offended by. I'm not telling you to run about and join your local university's Wimminz Centre, anon. Just find an activist group doing work you think it admirable and starting going to meetings.
>>29265785
Most people here are unable or unwilling to take steps to improve their own lives. What are the odds they'll take steps to improve someone else's?
