Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3481. page
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You hanging in there dudes?
One chocolate milk please.
Killian's pls
>>28351276
THIS IS A ROBBERY,
PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN THE BAG THAT I HAVE MARKED WITH A DOLLAR SIGN TO SHOW THAT IT IS MEANT TO HAVE STOLEN MONEY IN IT
Fembots, not meme'ing here but how can you expect me to stay loyal to you when girls who look like this exist?
I wouldn't even want anything long term with her. A handjob would be enough, I'd never cheat on you emotionally.
but what if i'm prettier desu
she looks like an old lady who's face has been ironed
How do you expect us to stay loyal to you when there is this?
I think I need help guys.
I have a huge problem with nofap, it makes me 100 times hornier, it makes me go from straight to huge sissy bitch, even when not watching any porn I just start craving cocks viciously, I finger myself, I look for anything in the house that I could fuck myself with...
Imo fapping keeps my head clean and stop me from doing stupid shit (like posting ads on craigslist offering my ass to the first stranger replying to me).
Im 25 and I thought all my life since 9 when my libido started going crazy that my faggot self would somehow disappearing but the hornier I get over the years, the most fucked up things I end up doing. I spent like 400$ in dildos from amazon, riding them for a few weeks then throwing them away because I would be ashamed of being such a fag, then a few months later it would grow on me again...
Yeah I think I have a serious issue.
I think I just like abusing myself sexually, that's fucked up
Yeah my faggotry has gotten pretty bad too.
I'm starting to embrace it though, kinda fun not giving a fuck about woman anymore. Just don't hook up with randoms for sex, that's filthy.
Just embrace it anon and lock yourself up in chastity. Then you can become the cock loving sissy your bodys telling you to be
>mom found the poopoo coffin
>>28350551
>house elf found the child dumpster
>dad found the bottyjuice toilet
>rape dwarf found the fun-times attic
>What's the matter, Anon? Don't you support gay marriage?
no i don't
also go to /pol/
>>28349976
nope, they can all burn in hell.
Why would I support becoming the highest risk category for every STD and STI known to humanity, as well as guaranteeing anal fissures and anal rupturing? I want people to be healthy.
You are given one piece of paper to write on that will be delivered to your 16 year old self in the past.
What do you write on it.
Hey younger me. It's older you from the future. I'm supposed to give you hints but frankly I won't because you won't realize this yet, but your life is thoroughly insignificant. Not in some cosmic insignificance sense people like to mention, but compared even to your peers in school. You are shit. You are trash. We are trash. You won't understand why. Do whatever. It would probably be for the best if you killed yourself but you're not capable of that. Nor am I. Bye. Take care, or don't.
"Stop smoking weed. It's lowering your IQ."
It's yourself from the future. I know you're going to want proof, so I'll tell you something you haven't told anyone yet, you wish your dad died in his accident instead of just becoming disabled and you wanted to kill him for years.
Now, you're going to become friends with a redhead girl that smokes in the future in high school. She'll be pretty damn depressed when you meet her and you'll be able to convince her to suicide. If you can tell her you'll do it with her and then don't and make sure she knows you didn't. She deserves it, trust me. Also get into dota earlier you'll end up playing it anyway. Also invest money into apple, it blows up and becomes pretty huge.
"Just Put A Bullet In My Head Right Fucking Now" Edition
>22yo robot in uni, no friends, no gf
>decent at playing guitar
>post online seeking singer-songwriter
>lots of shit responses, but one from a qt at uni
>we arrange a meeting at school between classes
>in one brief lunch, shes showed me more attention than any girl ever
>we meet that weekend at her place, i play her some songs and chord progressions
>she freestyle sings and hums melodies while i play along
>she says shes gonna write a bunch of lyrics to my songs as i leave
>best night of my life
>next time she comes over to my place
>shes written some beautiful lyrics to one of my songs
>we discuss putting out a project together, like an EP
>topic of 'what would we call ourselves?' comes up
>we both say we'll think of ideas on our own and present them next time
>she leaves, i realize im pretty much in love with her at this point
>i get the idea that "CAMPUS CRUSH" would be a good name for our duo
>its kinda cool sounding, it could also lead into me asking her out
>eg. "how did you think of this name?" -- "because I met you on campus"
>pay a graphic designer to make a logo
>get it screen printed on a t-shirt at a shop downtown for 25 quid
>we meet at uni for lunch
>i tell her i thought of a band name
>i pull the t-shirt out of my bag
>its all wrinkly
>unfurl it on the table and say 'what do you think?'
>she's not speaking
>finally she starts going 'uhh...its....uhhh...li...uhhh...'
>i can tell shes super uncomfortable
>quickly scrunch it up and jam it back in my bag
>'just an idea, n-no harm done... ive got some other ideas too'
>she doesnt respond
>finishes her drink, stands up and says she has to get to class
>i say 'okay, take care you'
>she gives me a look of almost disgust
I have texted her 4-5 times after this and never got a response.
I emailed her twice as well, no response there either.
I've written her a note explaining my actions, but I dunno if I should send it or just cut my losses.
>>28349285
What's wrong with you man? Could you not just fucking ask her out first? Would have been less work than your gayass t-shirt
holy fucking shit this is so autistic
>>28349309
Obviously I wasn't thinking straight. She'd loved everything I showed her up to that point -- my songs, my guitar playing -- so I thought she'd like this too. And then I thought I could parlay it into asking her out.
And even though this blew up in my face, I still think CAMPUS CRUSH is a great name for a band. Maybe not for our duo though, maybe like punk-rockers or Blink-182 style.
People constantly accuse me of being a misogynist and it's fucking killing me. Claims against my manhood, etc. are the most common thing in my life. I've heard people say I must have a tiny dick or that I'm compensating for something more times in the last year than I've heard someone say "I love you" or "I care about you" in my entire life.
Not only did I not hate women at all before people started accusing me of being misogynistic, but I'm starting to hate women recently, only because I'm so fucking jealous of them.
why are they calling you a misogynist?
then stop saying youre not mysoginistic, stop apologizing. people will only critize you if you allow them to
accuse them of being virgin white-knights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4wqpgGTCPA
ayy lmao
Warrior girl in show are not the reality
well im not gonna listen to that, thats a fucking nightmare.
thanks for triggering me, assfuck
>>28348145
Honestly I feel nothing
>>28348116
I swear to god I laughed went she went "YOU, YOU" because she sounded liek that character from kungpow that went "WiiU, WiiU"
Is anyone with a white father and Asian mother ever successful? It seems like a guaranteed losing combination
>>28347703
just move to a place where asians are rare or none
eastern europe sounds like just the place
Ya. I personally know one dude from my neighborhood who used to be a skinny little shit and he became a fit marine.
Also Daniel Henney.
There are successful ones to balance out the crazy failures.
Oh and my cousin is successful. He's married now to a qt pi.
You will never find the successful ones on 4chan or Reddit because they are mega chads.
Who here is an alcoholic?
How is your life?
Got any plans to quit?
>>28347629
eleven days sober here.
It's piss easy if you're not at the stage where your DTs fuck you up too much, but fucking boring.
Alcohol kinda fucked my life, but I also think it wouldve been fucked in different ways if I never turned into such a bad drunk.
Probably wouldnt have gotten a domestic violence conviction though...
>>28347629
Just stop spending money on alcohol, faggot.
>>28347674
It sounds simple in theory but I'm such a weak willed piece of shit.
God knows how many times I've said, "next week" or "tomorrow".
I have debt now and literally it would all be cleared if I had gone without alcohol for just 6 months.
Meanwhile, on bizaro /r9k/...
>>28347267
Man, my girlfriend is so hot. We just got back from a sexy house party. We're gonna go fuck like wild animals now.
I definitely do not browse reddit.
I totally don't want to kill myself
God I love life! :-)
>you will never cum in a girl's asshole
Is there a worse feeling?
yeah, i think being in unending excruciating physical pain would be a worse feeling
this is a problem you can easily solve with a hooker
>>28347241
That pussy is fucking gross. God damn it I wish all girls had nice looking pussies.
>>28347241
I'm finding the feeling of knowing I'll never eat fruit loops from a girl's anus tougher.
early morning breakfast edtion
what's for breakfast lads? just cooked some flavahan's oats inn the pan with some chopped bananas mixed in and a bit of honey
feel like a right toff tbqh
>>28346956
why not just microwave it
>>28346956
Toast with jam on. Can't be bothered for anything else.
Are there any grills browsing /r9k/ rite now?
If you are a grill, please answer this question:
>can you be my gf, pretty please?
I am 22-year-old guy. I have a job, not a virgin.
Seriously, if you are a qt3.14 and browse r9k, pls be my gf
I need a gf, someone to talk, someone to trust, someone to cuddle with ;_;
>artsy hobbies is a plus
>not a virgin
Into the trash
>>28346845
OP here, i'm a grill btw ;)
>>28346876
I am OP but not a grill, you spread falsehood m8
