Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3897. page
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So robots, rate my joke college application. This is just the beginning, it's a work in progress. I decided yo send it because my dad told me to at least try going to college, so here's my application to Harvard University.
Listen here you old fucks.
Most believe you to be an establishment of integrity and higher enlightenment. In all honesty, you only take in the social elites, knowing their future success, to keep up a facade of honor. Really, your representation pillars on the fact that your students are successful, if they ended up methheads whose assholes are turned into Hiroshima by Big Bubba in prison, you would be begging me to attend your school. Here's your challenge, turn my fat, lazy, stoned, stupid, lustful, unmotivated ass into a better person, THAT would be a fucking educational achievement.
But I digress, this is an application letter, so I'll express myself in a pseudo-FAQ manner.
"So Anon, you sexy beast, tell me about yourself."
Well, you old, crusty, rich, most likely white and/or bald gentleman, I was born on October 19, 1992 under a triple rainbow in the glorious and pristine Anonville, Kentucky; a truly lovely town inhabited by kind people. I was born illegitimately in a loving relationship between Pol Pot and Selena Gomez, however I was giving to Dad "Mid" Anon and Mom Mid Anon. Growing up I had many hobbies; such as sitting on my ass, smoking pot, beating my meat like it owes me money, rewatching Bill and Ted, and listening to kick ass music. As I grew older I obtained new skills, such ass cooking, technology, and karate in which I'm a 69th degree black belt. Some things I find interesting are goth girls (as they are good for people who like dark women but are afraid of minorities) independent art, video games, satanic rituals, and studying history. Personally, I like history and geography, as they are easy to study and put perceptions on daily life. (A little bit more in the thread.)
>>27936966
For example, why did George Bush Sr get a promotion in the CIA within days of John F Kennedy's assassination? These are the questions I like contemplating. I have been described as 'dragon-slaying handsome' and 'the motherfunking beast.' However, if you want to know more of who I am as a person I suggest meeting me.
"Anon, why are you intrested in Harvard?"
Why are you interested in me? You see, I couldn't give a rat's left asscheck about Harvard, I'm only applying as so you could feel luckily to know of my presence. If you accept me, I might come I might not.
That's all I have so far. Can't wait for the rejection letter.
Can you not be a dickhead and waste people's time? This isn't funny, just you being an immature edgy piece of shit. Seriously, grow up you manchild.
>>27936966
>Selena Gomez joke
>I was giving to
>such ass cooking
>people who like dark women but are afraid of minorities
this joke only works if reformatted so there's a twist
This is not very funny, and was not particularly well written.
Why do you hate us feminists, /r9k/?
We are your friends and allies.
>>27936944
because you're morons.
>>27936944
Because your picture is a lie and we see through it.
because you create this
>Hey, Anon! It's me, your cute and loving housewife who doesn't exist because you were born in a time after feminism destroyed healthy gender roles!
>>27936942
>this post
REEEEEEEEE
Feminism is a scapegoat. Capitalism destroyed gender roles with market inflation.
I don't even care about the whole gender roles thing. I just want someone who isn't an over sensitive communist retard.
ITS
FUCKING
HAPPENING
original hueland hue hue hue
what is happening on brazil? i am a portuguese fag but i know some brs and they say that shit is going downhill.
how bout them olympics tix
>>27936871
ITS
HAPPENNING
MOTHERFUCKERS
Guys, pls help. How do I find the meaning of life?
you must find your own path, find what you love and do it. find passion in the struggle and persevere
>>27936802
the meaning of life is two-fold.
>procreate. that means fucking to make babies
>sans that, make some shit up and distract urself until death.
Start with Hermann Hesse.
Who here /spoiledprick/?
I can safely say that I never had anything bad happen to me in my entire life.
Not a single fucking thing.
Yet I'm so depressed I'm just waiting for my mom to die so I can an hero because I can't make her go through losing her only son.
I hate myself for this, there are people out there with actual problems and I'm sitting here bitching about muh depression, but I guess I'm just seeing if there's anyone sharing these kind of feels, so I don't at least feel alone in this.
>>27936766
Sounds like youre gaslighting yourself tbqgrfh famalamilia
Depression is always legit
>>27936766
You don't need to have anything bad happening to you to be depressed, however there must still be some factors,like not having friends, being alone , being too stressed because of school/work etc
know the feels. I guess that when you have no real problems in life, even the tiniest problem becomes the most important problem you face.
What I'm saying is that even when you have everything that your society considers a person with a good life should have, you will still find yourself having depressing thoughts. In that sense happines isn't really achievable through having a decent life, but instead is a sensation that comes and goes, indifferent to the kind of life you are living. That's why even poor-as-shit people with horrible lifes experience happines at some point.
can someone please explain face sitting to me
>>27936724
I've had my gf do it a few times. Shes not really "into" it but she has nothing against it. Its mostly uncomfortable but I do like the smell of her naughty bits so I guess I can kinda understand it. Overall its an understandable fantasy but doesn't hold up in real life.
>>27936788
so its kinda like a blowjob? fun to talk about and watch but meh in practice?
>>27937031
Wouldn't know. Never got a proper blowjob. But sex in general has been like that for me. Always better in your head. Unless you do it on LSD, thats actually a life changing experience.
How do you beat the competition, robots?
>>27936613
very carfully
>>27936641
carefully*
fuck me
>>27936613
This is /r9k/. I think a sizable number of us lost the competition.
>finish a show or a novel or a video game
>feel like your best friends just left you and spend the rest of the day feeling empty inside
Only thing to do is to move on to the next.
>Whole season without any good SoL
It was torture, but I started Sora no Woto.
>Watch season 1 of Z nation on netflix.
>Struggle to get into it at first but by the end I'm all like "Holy shit... I need to see season 2".
>End up buying it on Itunes.
>Watch season 2 in a day.
>Season 3 aint out yet.
Fuck >tfw no gf.
>tfw no z nation s3
Life is suffering. Granted, there is a bit of cringe in the show... like the edge-lord who calls himself 10k because he wants to kill that many zombies.
But still good, even with cringe-factor.
Told my girl best friend I had feelings for her and she said she didn't feel the same. Why even live?
>>27936582
because u and i are the living counterbalance of all those rich/beautiful fuckers that are living it up and will never really know true struggling. For every positive, there is an equal negative. we're human negatives.
>>27936582
that's a really nice pepe, got any more?
>>27936622
yeah brobot here you go
who /wish they could hug the sad and lonely people on r9k/ here? V5
figured id need an anime girl for this type of post so i googled random anime girl
who /wish these threads didnt exist anymore/ here?
>>27936629
You do, classic shitposter.
>>27936552
i wish i could hug you
Someone actually heard this line?
Many times....
Le fucking originalo comento
I've never been on a date and don't go outside that often but I get the sense that girls seem to have this expectation of guys to entertain them and hold their interest? Why can't they themselves be "interesting" as well wouldn't that create some sort of back and forth? Our society has been molded to the point where girls are encouraged to be self entitled and expect men to impress them as if they're some sort of goddess.
>>27936549
Yes.
There was a girl that would try to get me to talk.
One day she invited me to sit with her in some class during lunch.
I declined because I'm too awkward and do not know how to socialize, and she said "gosh you're so boring".
Fortunately I'm gay, so it didn't really get to me since it came from a girl.
Had it been a guy it would've been worse.
Yep. It's that time, guys. Time to graph out your existence. If you're 30+ and still here... my condolences.
Add a greentext describing major events as well.
>puppylove gf in 4th grade
>normie for 2 years in high school
>had it all taken away by illness
>recovered at 20, moved out at 21
>got myself into crazy shit with crazy people who fucked me over big time
>tfw moved home
>tfw life is finally looking up again 2 years later, still need a job though....
>>27936545
Template here.BLoxxyblyx
>>27936545
You could post a template you know?
>>27936572
Template's here buddy: >>27936568
*knock knock*
Hey there, son.
It's not good for you to be cooped up inside all day.
What say we go throw around the old pigskin?
>>27936508
What does this accomplish other than cement my hand eye coordination and throwing ability that I should have learned growing up? Let's at least go on a trip somewhere. I'm trying to say I hate most sports and this is the most lauded of them all.
YOU WERE NOWHERE FOR THE FIRST 19 YEARS NOW YOU WANT TO SHOW UP LIKE ITS ALL GOOD?????
GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH!
I HATE YOU!!!!!
NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!!!!
>>27936602
I'm sorry man
Blox
Would you stay married to a women that gave birth to an illegitimate child?
No one would marry me but I'd literally marry or date anything
>>27936477
> stay married
I wouldn't even get married, senpai.
>>27936477
no. even i have higher standards than that shit. cuck is below robot.
