Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3348. page
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If you are reading this, chances are I committed suicide.
First of all I want to apologize to my parents and little brother. I know my actions have had an extreme impact on you emotionally. I don't want you to feel this way. I want you to understand why I have done what I have done, and through that understanding be relieved that I am finally at peace.
Why do you want to do it? Lets have a chat, anon.
I would also like to apologize to my girlfriend, Hannah. I know she will not take the news of my death lightly. I warned her that this might happen. I want her to know that this is not her fault in the least bit. This has been something thats been going on since before I met you. There is nothing anyone could have said or done to stop me.
You better suck me off or i shoot, you faggot!
>>28316830
Shoot me.
oc
yes mistresss
>>28316830
I know that's not a real gun, but I'll show you a good time anyway~
Hey guys, thank you so fucking much for reading, uh so listen, I am in between jobs, before you ask yes im looking goddamnit but I need some help cause Im just needing money for shit right now like feeding my cat,
I am a writer with over ten years of experience as a hobbyist with published articles, the latest being for a satirical news site just last week.
I'm looking to do some work, ANY KIND of work,(ANY) that pays, this could mean anything from copywriting to personalized fan fiction, and I'm willing to work for cheap, as I am in between jobs now and I am going to need to use my hobby to try and supplement some funds until the next job opens up. Again, I want to do very good work for you and would not skimp on any quality or level of polish simply because I may be working for less than the common rate.
that you can think of, i would fucking do it as well, as long as it's agreeable work of some kind
and if theres something else i can do for you
If you are interested feel free to e-mail or text me with any questions at [email protected]
Bumping for a friend in need
Hope you can find something.
I'm also a hobbyist writer with a couple pieces that have been published.
I also have a full-time manual labor job which pays my bills because I'm not an idiot.
So, since my writing credentials are equal to OP's, and I have an established history of reliable work experience, I am obviously the superior choice to hire for all your writing needs.
And, guess what? I'm offering a special deal: half of OP's price on all stories and articles. This deal is valid until OP grows the fuck up or starves to death.
>>28316877
Thanks man, fuck the guy above me, i'll go cheaper than him
I am hereby filibustering this board.
Ingredients
Serves: Makes 4 servings.
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons McCormick Cinnamon Extract, divided
4 slices bread
1 cup pancake syrup
Beat eggs in shallow dish or pie plate. Add milk, sugar and 1 teaspoon of the flavor; whisk until well blended.
Dip each bread slice in egg mixture, turning to coat evenly on both sides.
Cook bread slices on lightly greased nonstick griddle or skillet on medium heat until browned on both sides.
Mix pancake syrup and remaining 1 teaspoon flavor in microwavable bowl or measuring cup. Microwave on MEDIUM 30 seconds or until heated through. Serve with French Toast.
Starting with this.
Ingredients
Serves: 12
Serving Size: 1 muffin
2 cups flour
2/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon grated orange peel
1 teaspoon McCormick Pure Vanilla Extract
1 cup blueberries
1/2 teaspoon McCormick Cinnamon, Ground
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly grease 12 muffin cups or line with paper baking cups. Set aside.
Mix flour, 2/3 cup sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Mix sour cream, milk, oil, egg, orange peel and vanilla in medium bowl. Add to flour mixture; stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. (Batter will be thick and slightly lumpy.) Gently stir in blueberries.
Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups, filling each cup 2/3 full. Mix 2 tablespoons sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle over muffins.
Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center of muffins comes out clean. Serve warm with Honey Butter, if desired.
Ingredients
Serves: 4
2 tablespoons butter, melted
2 1/4 teaspoons McCormick Gourmet Garam Masala Blend, divided
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon honey, divided
1 package (8.8 ounces) naan, (2 pieces)
2 ripe peaches, pitted and quartered
1/2 cup plain yogurt Substitutions
2 tablespoons flaked coconut
1 tablespoon finely chopped pistachios
Mix butter, 2 teaspoons of the garam masala and 1 teaspoon of the honey in small bowl. Brush naan and peaches with honey mixture.
Grill naan over medium heat 2 to 3 minutes per side or until toasted. Grill peaches 2 to 3 minutes or until grill marks appear. Slice peaches into 1/4-inch thick slices.
Mix yogurt and coconut; spread on each naan. Top with sliced peaches. Sprinkle with pistachios. Mix remaining 1 tablespoon honey and 1/4 teaspoon garam masala. Drizzle over top.
when is the best age to an hero?
>inb4 normies with happy lives going "nah it gets better man just wait till your 30 blah blah"
Any time. Everyone has a different breaking point.
I had this question come up just the other day. Do wait until you're 30. Not because it gets better, but the long term planning part of the brain isn't fully developed until about 23-25. After that, give yourself 5 years to see if life is going how you want.
If by 30 you haven't made it, and you're not even on your way to making it, then you can end it. After 30 it's all down hill with the aches and pains. The pain never gets better. It gets worse every year.
30 is a good age to off yourself.
>>28316764
The answer is always "now".
I'm tired of having sex
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu2Dsnvk6M0
just use the other arm
^ OH SH*T GET REKT
I've been doing NoPoo for 4 days now, and I've really been feeling the positive benefits: improved posture, more "manly" facial expressions, increased energy from the vitamins I'm holding in, all that stuff, but lately the urge to defecate has been getting stronger and stronger.
I tried soaking in a warm bath to ease the pain in my abdomen like all the NoPooers say, but it hasn't really been helping. Eventually, my willpower gave way, and I decided it would be OK to "edge" a little.
Well, one thing led to another, and now I'm sitting on the toilet with my pants around my ankles, dangerously close to a relapse. This turd is hanging halfway out of my ass, and I'm having a hell of a time keeping it there without completely pinching it.
Is there anything I can do to reverse this? I really love the person I've become over the past few days, and I don't want to throw away my progress just to satisfy a cheap biological urge.
>>28316694
You got it all wrong haha.
Just stop washing with shampoo.
Like this:
http://www.dardenfocus.com/home/the-gift-of-perfect-hair-with-less-care-two-bottles-become-one/
>>28316694
This is the funniest thing I've read today
Push it back in. You're gonna have to wash your hands but you know it's for the best.
>tfw realizing you'll live and die alone, without ever having done anything meaningful or truly loved anyone
>tfw you come to terms with that realization and don't even try anymore, blocking out people and opportunities by anticipating rejection and failure
>tfw you gradually lose interest in the world around you and everything becomes more and more bland and tasteless as you start drowning in apathy and bitterness
>tfw your heart becomes jaded and cold and your perspective increasingly dark
>tfw deep down, you just want someone to hold you and tell you everything will be alright
I'm sure some of you know exactly the feels I'm talking about
Sometimes I wonder why the fuck nothing interests me at all and what I'm supposed to do with my life. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
>>28316625
Every night I feel like I'm so pathetic and pity myself. I'm just begging about death and I don't want to wake up. He doesn't care about me, he deleted me from the chat ;-;
You sound too young to feel like life is already over.
Who is oedipus complex or at some point was oedipus complex here?
>My mom was a solid 9/10 well into her mid 40s
>used to wear cutoff shorts, revealing nightgowns, bikinis, miniskirts, etc. and could totally pull it off.
>Occasionally seeing her naked gave me a fetish for hairy pussys and slightly saggy milf tits.
>It also didn't help that she was very affectionate and had very little qualms about kissing me on the lips, cuddling, letting me caress her thighs, etc.
>Still occasionally think about her when fapping.
Pic related. My mom would dress like this both around the house and in public like it was nothing until she was about 43-44 and pull it off. I really couldn't help but want to fuck her.
Why don't you find a fembot to help indulge in this fetish?
Anon, we need to talk.
-God
>>28316622
I don't know that I have a full blown oedipus complex, but being that the only women who've ever loved me, are my mom and grandmother, I equate most positive female attention with being motherly.
Too bad from what I hear, the mommy gf thing doesn't last long.
I really cant take these feels anymore. Im "in love"/infatuated/whatever you want to call it with a girl i have never met and never talked to. I dont know what to call it, i dont know why it happened, but i know that its destroying me from the inside. I cant stop thinking of her. I cant eat or sleep. I cant get her out of my head. I have never fallen in love before, and never have attached much value to women. Why now? Why this way? I fucking hate this shit.
I dont even know why im posting this here. I guess i really just need someone to talk to.
>>28316597
The same. But the worst part, he also posts on 4chan, I can chat with him anonymously and he has a gf and doesn't give a fuck about me :c
>>28316629
Well at least you can talk to him. Im not fully comfortable about going indept about this, but lets just say that my chances of even being able to talk to this girl online arent very high.
>>28316663
But that;s the worst part I can talk to him. Because it prevents me from forgetting about him.
femanon feels; lena dunham edition
> like cyberstalking oneitis
> see his uncle died
> feel sad
> wonder what it'd be like if our parents were friends and I went to the funeral
> imagine kindling a romance as I invite him to hang with me to get his mind off things
> realize I'm a sociopath
> feel bad
women don't have feelings
oregano
>cleaning apartment for first time in months
>start to find dozens of pill bugs underneath all junk on the floor
>billions of pill bugs
>tfw start putting them inside me
>tfw considering letting them breed so i can keep doing it
>>28316623
> you'll never have a girl consider crashing your favorite uncle's funeral just to give you pussy though
Why live?
Where are the robot writers of the 21st century?
I'm here posting on /r9k/.
Anonymous online writing is the future.
>>28316545
>Where?
France produced Michel Houellebecq
>>28316602
>>28316545
Yeah, we can be lonely fucks together here, which eliminates any productivity we would have used for writing and replaces it with hours upon hours of shitposting.
Well, this is it boys. Thanks for the laughs over the years
Goodbye, anon. Safe journeys.
abadaba
abadaba???
ABADABA
>>28316542
Are you gonna go elliot shit up or plain out an hero anon? (Have a nice journey either way).
>Senile old boomer comes into the surgery
>Has come in to discuss a recent blood test
>Talk him through all the results
>He wants me to give him an explanation without medical jargon
>Give him a lethal dose of morphine instead
>>28316445
you just made this thread, there is no need for another copy
>>28316471
but that was a different patient
>>28316480
But it's practically the same thing
The guy I stalked for 5 years found himself some ugly underga bitch. And he said my English is bad and he can't talk to me. And he rejected me. Despite I left everything, literally everything in hope of being with him.
Why did he do this to me? I don't deserve smart and handsome guys, I only deserve chatting with r9k-tier ugly dumb and poor loosers like you. So let it be. I'll sit here for the rest of my life. And I swear to God, I will not post on any other board. I'll read your hateful dumb commetns and that's it. I may be mentally sick, but who cares.
Even now the Stacy rejects the robot.
Remember this everyone.
>women only settle for cdad
end your life, toastie roasty
>>28316425
Enjoy your stay. You deserve to be here, just like most of us.
