Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 731. page
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>tfw no dog knot to suck and lick on
>>29701462
>Be on boring vacation with father last Summer, parents are divorced
>Don't have anything to do but sleep and watch shitty television
>He has given up on trying to bring me along with the family, just leaves me home with the dog
>Start masturbating one day
>Look at dog
>An idea pops in my head
>Start trying to jerk dog off
>He struggles a bit at first, but then seems to start enjoying it
>Doesn't cum, I stop doing it because I felt ashamed of myself
>Next day, do it again
>This goes on for a few days, eventually start sucking its dick
>It cums in my mouth, it feels good but at the same time it feels like I've lost yet another bit of my humanity
>Do this for the rest of the vacation, almost get caught a few times
>Dog loves me
>Eventually vacation ends, go back to my mother's house
Dog got run over a few months ago.
>>29701589please have more stories
>>29701745
Don't have many like that, sorry. The family cat got into heat once, before she started getting pills, she's probably gonna get cancer. Either way, she kept rubbing herself on me and presenting, it was sort of arousing, so I "rubbed" her. Don't know if she liked it, but it was just a moment thing, and she acted weird around me for a while after that, not much else.
>autismo hobbies
>low standards, no overweight chicks or druggies
>just dress cute or modestly
>somewhat controlling, just wants to know what you're up to
>Intense emotions - either pissed off when upset or extremely happy when having a good/usual day
>doesn't lie
>is paranoid
>has a job, a car, and lives comfortably, but might drive trucks locally so he can move out and have his own weeaboo dungeon
>usually very needy
>love nature and animals
>pic related I was catching frogs instead of patrolling while I was overnight security
Describe yourself and see if anybody would consider getting within a mile radius of you
> no hobbies only browse 4chin and reddit all day
> be 7/10, i dont care about anything else. you might murder me in my sleep but i wont care.
> t-shirt and jeans that are to long.
> love arguing, i also love correcting everyone else, because im a cunt.
> definetly a few mental illnesses
> im gradecuck so no car no job and live with parents.
> havent talked to dad in 6 month even though we live in the same house
> im very very needy, and will probably grope the shit out of you if you show interest in me. no matter what your gender is.
> Animals are better than most humans.
> 5`7
> 56 kilos
> light brown
> atheist
> chad chin
> kinda big nose
> never smile
Please tell me if any one will ever love me.
btw op i wouldnt mind hanging out with you as a friend, you sound chill
>20 year old neet
>unattractive
>have a car but never use it
>spend most of my time playing shitty video games, browsing the internet, or reading
>dislike people in general, barely talk to my own family
>social skills have detoriorated beyond repair
>only friend i have is my dog
>like roleplaying
Get at me
>22 years old
>average looking
>attend university, have a job
>move a lot through different countries
>used to kill small animals when I was little
>daydream about murder as an adult
>hobbies include fintech, machine learning and music
>have a few internet friends
>completely destroyed family relations
>very moody
>people are playing and singing fucking gangnam style next door
>>29701408
Sounds like a pretty good time 2bh
>Roommate comes home
>You've been sleeping a lot, are you depressed?
>I'm just trying to catch up on sleep. (I work full time)
>You know sleeping is a sign of depression
>Yeah, but I don't feel depressed.
My roommate thinks I'm depressed. I was diagnosed as such, but I'd really rather he not. But whatever. How to damage control?
>>29701408
>apartment below me has been gone all day
>their little dog won't stop barking
>try to post appropriate image
>FILESIZE TOO LARGE
>when girls on normiebook stop updating their profile pictures
>>29701372
what does it mean ?
I havent change mine forever
>>29701411
They're getting fat anon-kun.
Normie Music:
American Football - American Football
Weezer - Pinkerton
Modest Mouse - Building Nothing Out of Something
The Jesus and Mary Chain - Psychocandy
The Smiths - The World Won't Listen
Pink Floyd - The Wall
The Microphones - The Glow Pt.2
Who /healthyeating/ here?
I just stocked up on bananas, avocados, greek yogurt, low fat cottage cheese and mangos after being a skinnyfat faggot who eats fast food every couple days. I'm gonna make myself great again, fambruhs.
>switched from white bread to brown bread
were gonna make it bros
I've been tracking calories/weight and trying to eat under 1500 in the iOS health app and a few others, it's been going good so far
Not the healthiest eater though
>>29701288
mash all of that shit up in a bowl and microwave it for super concentrated health
practically a superfood
>"so anon, why not tell us a bit about yourself to start off this interview?"
Really, I don't know what you are talking about.
>>29701287
You little frog shit
>>29701253
>my name is anon, I am 22 years old and I was TIME magazine's person of the year 2006
How do I stop being a buzzkill
Please tell me robots
I feel like it's really obvious if I fake enthusiasm.
Get buzzed
>>29701291
I'm still a buzzkill and Im still too self conscious of what I say.
>>29701951
Then screw getting buzzed, get flat out fucked up.
>read up on serial killers /spree shooters
>they usually had a wife or girlfriend that didn't know a thing
>some get women throwing themselves at them after they are caught and convicted
Tell me why I shouldn't become a serial killer right now. It seems like an easy way to get rid of tfw no gf. Better than being socially awkward.
It's not a worthwhile endeavor to kill people just to get qt3.14s, especially when you're going to sit behind bars with limited internet access for the rest of your life.
>>29701209
>free internet
>room and board
>food
>no job
>occasional conjugal visit from qt 3.14 who loves me cause I kill people
It sounds worthwhile to me
kek if you've ever been on tumblr (God forbid) you will see that these murderers are swimming in pussy. Just look up someone like Richard Ramirez it's crazy
Apparently there are lots of robots on 9gag
http://m.9gag.com/comments/agGN1LK
Of course there are, this place is a shithole. Where have you been?
>>29701167
being a virgin is not the only attribute that makes up a robot new friend
>>29701167
Selection bias
Also virgin != robot
If the great apes had a throat structure which allowed them to taIk, would they be given rights?
I've always wondered about this. Obviously they'd be retard-tier in terms of intelligence, but I don't think we'd keep them in zoos if they could learn basic English and tell us they wanted to be free. Maybe the smartest chimps would fight for civil rights.
i'm pretty sure this has already happened
>>29701063
we've already taught gorillas sign language, and they've demonstrated surprising levels of intelligence, such as memories regarding the deaths of their parents as small children, remembering people they've met throughout their lives and expressive grief at their passing, etc.
we still don't give them rights, though. it's a comically arbitrary concept.
>>29701096
i am proud of you
>Passed an important test on thursday
>whole family congratulates me
>see dad today
>grocery shopping, as him to pass a pepper with his shit and i give him the money back
>starts taking jabs at me
>it gets worse
>i call him out on not being able to treat me nicely for more than a day
>he starts screaming at me
>i scream back
>he runs to the car
>its raining
>he accelerates and makes me chase the car two blocks
>he yells that it was just a stupid test and im a piece of shit that doesnt do anything
>i tell him that both him and his family always treated me like shit
>he starts telling me i dont deserve to be loved or treated like a human being (again)
>i tell him that my 3 previous therapysts all told me to cut ties with him
>come home and send a nasty text to my auint telling her to fuck my dad already and form a family with my cousins and never contact me again and that her mother before dying of cancer already had a fried brain and i remember her shooting me nasty looks as a child
i really dont want to contact them again but i have no other family (my mother is completelyt crazy) nor friends (guess why?) i should kill myself right now because i know i will forgive him again like the little abused bitch i am and in a month they will tell me i was acting like a bitch like they always do
>>29701054
>"Whole family congratulates me"
>Proceeds to talk about how his dad's side are all horrible, and assumedly didn't congratulate him
I'm detecting discrepancies here.
Just leave
Move out and cut ties with them all. You'll be happier
>>29701208
They treated me well for like five minutes putting on a cherade and immediately after theh revert to the se shit they always do.
I only passed the test because I wanted them to like me. The only reason I do anything at all is because I'm starved for affection, they drilled into my head all my life that no matter what I did I was a piece of shit
Random infographic thread.
Just posting it because I am looking for the one comparing the success of children raised in single mother households to normal households r9k made ages ago. Like comparing suicide rates etc.
>>29701015
>tfw you read "infographic" as "pornographic"
Wew lads
>>29701015
I have this one, but maybe you are referring to a different infographic.
>>29701015
Have a pic, might be interesting.
>being ethnic Chinese
>having a racist family who think black people are monkeys with stinking skin
>being told to get a white gf if possible 'because they are beautiful and rich'
>my two brothers already married white women
>I'm a virgin and I would have no problem going out with a white gf but it would be fulfilling my parents' wish and I don't know if it's right
I don't know what to do
Have you considered killing yourself you fucking ricenigger?
>>29701006
>making up stories
>on 4chin
>on r9k
>>29701059
No
You sure are rude
>>29701106
Why would I make such a boring lie? I don't think I wrote anything exciting that would get me lots of (you)
I heard this image is out-of-date. Like they put safeguards in the helium tanks or something.
If this is the case, what is the next best thing? I like the concept of just drifting away in my sleep, but I don't want to risk failing and just causing brain damage or something.
I figured if anyone knew, someone here would. Thanks.
>>29701004
>Wasting helium
You swine; carbon monoxide is too good for you? Stop wasting even more precious resources on dead-ends like yourself.
CO poisoning will make you just as dead as helium would; and it's cheaper and more readily available.
This is still the best method, however helium tanks you can buy at party supply stores are cut with oxygen and will fuck your day up.
Just make sure you're buying 100% helium and you're good
Don't kill yourself, Anon.
Do not kill yourself, Anon.
All my friends are online. I am addicted to the thrill of someone responding to my post.
"Just go outside" is the usual advice I get. I've tried this countless times over years. But at my age, walking up to a group of people and intruding into their conversation is considered creepy harrassment.
I am beginning to accept that the root of my addiction to imageboards is that it is like an umbilical cord to a supply of fresh safe human contact.
But as soon as bedtime comes, the crushing weightlessness of it all becomes unbearable. I take my laptop with me, and just leave it on so I can sleep in peace. I'm afraid that I might one day go full Elliot if I go completely mad.
Can anyone relate? Any practical advice that doesn't involve harrassing people?
combprince unrelated
>>29700997
Nah, it sounds like you have a good idea of the situation you're in.
Most adults don't have friends, however.
>>29700997
Then you need to cut your safety net out; as long as you know your hugbox is waiting for you after each abortive attempt, you're not going to make real progress.
>>29700997
>But at my age
please clarify. this matters.
