Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 7891. page
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The sun has long since failed to penetrate the curtains drawn over your windows. The only reason you woke up today was because you simply could not sleep anymore. You glance around for your alarm clock that hasn't been set in over a decade, and it reads 4:05 p.m. Looks like you overslept. Sitting up in your bed, you see the detritus littered around you - empty domino's pizza boxes, 2 liter mountain dew bottles filled to the brim with urine, plates smeared with bread crumbs and honey mustard dipping sauce. It truly is the dawn of another glorious day in your carefree NEET life. All is well, until you hear it coming up the stairs - the heavy thudding of the footsteps of one of your parents. Oh, how you wish they would get off your case about finding a job and a girlfriend and going to college, but there's only so much one robot can realistically do. So, you do what comes naturally...
>1. Masturbate furiously
>2. Boot up your computer and ________
>3. Demand a plate of tendies, purchased with your hard earned good boy points.
>4. Other (write it in)
>>24717042
Masturbate furiously t b h
>4. Write resume, get life back on track
>>24717042
>Masturbate furiously
So, you do what comes naturally. You whip your dick out of your Pepe The Frog jammies and start stroking it, thinking of that trap loli furry image series you were enjoying last night. Your penis is instantly erect, and you begin to beat it like it owes you good boy points. The steps of your parents get closer and closer to your door as you climax, spraying your jizz all over your stomach. As you breathe out a heavy sigh, you hear a knock on the door.
"Anon? It's your mom. Can I come in?"
>Clean up real quick, get dressed, and answer the door
>Get dressed and answer the door
>Just answer the fucking door
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Other (write it in)
>"I hate to think of you being so lonely all these years Anon. You are such a nice person when you let people get to know you. If only we'd started talking earlier, but you always seemed so hostile towards everyone! I'm so glad we're getting to know each other now, I hope you enjoy my company as much as I'm enjoying yours"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUegJBEusoI]
pictureblox
>"Come on Anon, we're going to miss the train! Hurry! Gosh, I can't believe we made it! Here are our seats, do you mind if I sit by the window? Will you point out all the places you recognize on the way to your hometown? I'm really nervous about meeting you family, I hope I make a good impression!"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCs5150EqeM]
>>24717017
tfw girls being nice to me is my kryptonite.
tfw my first instinct is to run the fuck away
>be 6'6''
To all my tall lanky robots, how do you like literally looking down on everyone? Don't women just fit right in the middle of your chest when they hug you? do short men try to start shit with you usually for no reason?
>>24717000
czech'd
I prefer being 6'1, which usually makes me one of the tallest in any given place without being too conspicuous
>girl hugs you
>mfw
See, Chads have problems, too.
Good looks mean nothing.
>>24716960
he needs to grow a beard.
oldbot out
Is he a woman?
I've only ever seen women do this shit where they falsely act like they're some victim and trivialize the issue for people that have actually suffered.
What a douche.
>>24716960
10/10 Made me sufficiently rage.
Why is online dating so awful these days? EVERY girl on there now is some sort of special snowflake SJW and expects you to be a hyper-senstive feminist hipster with an undershave or hair knot.
How the hell do I find someone relatable anymore? Years ago before this tumblr trend, it wasn't so difficult
>>24716953
years ago, i gave enough of a shit to actually try to approach girls.
times have changed. good luck, i am behind 7 basement curtains.
>>24716953
And all of the men literally are trawling for a hookup and refuse to even meet you if you state that you aren't looking for casual sex
Kill yourselves
>>24717022
>"why won't they approach meeeee!"
How has your day been so far? Here is mine:
>be at work
>scratch my back
>some big scab comes lose off my skin
>have the urge to eat it
>cant eat it because someone might be watching me
>put it in pocket
>eat it while heading home
>>24716872
I'd do the same thing nobody is going to stop me from eating my skin
>>24716872
Gold member?
>>24716919
>nobody is going to stop me from eating my skin
Is it forbidden? Like some self cannibalising thing?
I'm having troubles with my childhood friend that I liked, and even think we were dating, what can I do to get her back, I don't even know what I did?
Here's a story:
Hey guys, I have a problem. I used to talk to this girl, and she used to call me on my cellphone pretty late at night when she needed my love, but ever since she left the city she got a reputation of her own.
Now everyone knows and I feel left out. She got me down and stressed out, and ever since I left the city, she started wearing less and going out more. All she has is pictures in instagram of her with glasses of champagne out on the dance floor, hanging with some guys I've never seen before.
Now I'm wondering if she's beending over for someone else, or wondering if she's rolling up weed with someone else doing the stuff I did with her, getting nasty with someone else.
I don't even know.
>>24716868
ya she is. in time, you'll learn to love this feel.
>>24716868
nice story OP, tell it again
>>24716868
so let me make it clear to you what is happening because you seem to not be able to notice the obvious.
1. She's over you.
2. She's fucking some other guy
See, women arent like you, they talk to at least 10-20 guys a day, and they ALL hit on on her. The waiter, the cashier, the random guy at the bar, they ALL hit on her. She already forgot about you and is fucking and building a connection with one of the 150 guys that she meets per week.
Whereas you, you're a pathetic beta who talks to one girl per month for 10 seconds and instantly get shut down. So you think she's special and the only one in the world, but she's already forgotten, because this month 500 dudes tried to bang her.
>tfw you will never have a cool fashionable style
>you will never be vincent gallo
He has good facial aesthetics, he would look fashionable in anything
>>24716771
i dont know that feel tbqh family
I've pretty much come to terms with the idea that I'm never going to find any meaningful companionship online, so I'm trying to find something online to fill the void instead.
In the rare event I actually manage to find someone that looks interesting enough to message and doesn't ignore me straight away, I have a lot of trouble actually carrying a conversation and even stopped responding a few times just because I don't know how to respond (doing this makes me feel really guilty so I haven't messaged anyone in a while since I don't want to make them feel bad)
Pic unrelated
Being an asshole online will find you tons of friends online believe it or not. People like it.
>>24716734
I'm too beta to do that, I feel guilty when I'm mean to someone on here
>>24716704
>Create a Twitter, not in your real name obviously
>Begin talking shit all over the site
>Gain mad followers
>Soon enough join a friend group
Twitter is your best chance, anon.
>third year of university
>suffering from undiagnosed bowel problems (already been to doctors a few times)
>going to shit uni
>unable to study or focus on anything because of random fatigue
>only enjoy masturbating and falling asleep at the end of the day
>can't drink because of bowel problems
haha, this is the life right guys?
Sounds like bowel cancer
>>24716642
I discovered I had Crohn's disease my 3rd year in college OP. Go get it treated.
Whether it's true or not, I'm noticing a correlation between heavy drinking and being able to focus/do homework the next day or two. I did homework for seven hours straight yesterday, just smoking and drinking caffeine, and I had at least 6 drinks the night before. I didn't feel like drinking the past few weeks and I haven't gotten any work done.
>end of the second semester at this uni (I'm third-year off schedule)
>I MIGHT be able to make one friend that I could do something other than just studying with
a-at least I asked out two women this semester, haha right? Sure they both had boyfriends, despite them being older and in a worse setting than most women my age, let alone the 21 y/os that my classes are filled with.
>get pissed at a normalfag cause he was just like "lol make friends and copy homework from them"
>normalfag was nice to me the other day, talked about how the shitty uni was getting to him
It honestly felt good that he's now feeling bad. I hate people who are enjoying themselves when the classes here are shit and nobody has any hobbies.
Are you the Underground Man as well?
Sounds to me like the usual autist?
>>24716610
In a lot of ways, but I try not to let the bitterness and hatred for society in, because I know the forces that have created and guide it are greater than myself, as an individual
I try temper the narcissism, in other words
No.
If you're interesting enough that a great Russian author could write a book about you you are NOT a robot.
Typical /r9k/ autist.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qdhYQJrXlDg
>>24716565
What did he even scream? "In a hoe?"
>>24716565
>tfw no qt swedish /r9k/ bf
I want to fucking kill him.
>>24716696
I swedish, me on the right
>Anon settle a bet and tell us who has the prettiest asshole! It's me right?
Right
Like this would ever happen wtf is wrong with you OP
things to do
vaccum rug+treat
do dishes
wipe out fridge
clean microwave
clean oven
do laundry
>>24716555
wipe horizontal surfaces
clean toilet and bathtub
clean microwave
vacuum floor
scrub lavatory sink
fold laundry
scrub kitchen sink
>visit your country's own version of 4chan
>pepe everywhere
>fat fetishes
>people post weed
>underagebait.jpeg
>kids with their energy drinks
i still love you guys, i always will, atleast here i feel less like afinnish.
Go back to kc bernd
>>24716460
Link?
You have been muted for 64 seconds?
>>24716460
As far as I know, only underage teens and Chads go on Ylilauta. I can't fucking stand my own countrymen online, they're all fucking insufferable if they're in an environment entirely composed of other Finns. Especially game servers. I can tolerate /int/'s /mammi/, because at least we're all a part of the same community. But goddamn, fuck all the normie trash that can't survive unless they're in the company of people that speak their own language.
In trouble with police, in trouble with parents, in trouble with everything. Tried suicide the gun was rusty or some shit and the bullet didn't go through the skull.
Who here fucked?
https://soundcloud.com/teamsesh/bones-cholesterol-prod-by-vegard-veslelia?in=teamsesh/sets/bones-hermitofeastgrandriver
>>24716455
Due to my Libertarian views I actually exercise Agorism, the act of defying the state, a lot.
Live free or die /r9k/.
Why didn't you check the barrel? Maybe use a boresnake? I mean seriously. /k/ could have helped you.
>>24716455
>breaking rules
>attempting suicide to escape
>literally the worst form of defeat
>not being the king
Baka... simply put
