Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6381. page
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"I don't do commitment sorry. I'm just not looking for anything serious at the minute."
*gets boyfriend 3 months later*
you were probably too ugly for her
i'm sorry mate
>>25497590she still let me smash though, pls no call normieI miss her
Just take everything she says in context with you.
"I don't want anything serious...with you."
"I'm really having a great time!...with you."
Don't see everyone as a potential gf, especially when someone says they like you. Just don't. You will get autistic and it will fall apart. Friends first. More later.
>"Anon, I need you to promise that you're not just using me as a 'practice girlfriend.'"
what do
>>25498259
repost shit threads on /r9k/
>>25498259
THIS THREAD IS LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF ME
I HATE MY LIFE AND I HOEP I DIE THX 2U OP
JESUS CHRIST I EVEN LOOK LIKE PIC RELATED AND SAID THE SAME EXACT THING
>"baby, i'm done with practice, this time i'm playing for ranked points."
What type of girl do robots usually attract?
Latina underage high school girls. I can't do anything though, im in college.
>>25497469
null type
>>25497469
Im not attracted to girls or women.
They are manipulative deceitful creatures and should all be purged from existence.
My girlfriend is cute and smart and she's an anime faggot like me
The other night she and I were cuddling in bed and she started humping me and whispering "oniichan oniichan" and that turned me the fuck on
so I called her "oneechan" and then she stopped and looked at me and I said "what is it" to which she replied "I always wanted a twin brother so we could fuck all the time" (she's an only child and all I have is a younger brother)
so all night long we were humping and calling each other oniichan and oneechan and I came in my underwear and we were pretending we were brother and sister trying to sexually please each other without having sex and it was fucking hot
>>25497251
same
(original commenterino)
>>25497251
This fucking pasta is getting old
>>25497251
My is gf is considerably younger than me and says this kinda shit in the lewdest voice sometimes. I don't even watch anime but when she does it i get diamond hard everytime. I don't even know what half of what she says mean
>"e-excuse me... can I get some soup? your dirty shoe is on top of it"
>>25497085
There is literally an entire shelf of soup, why not take another one?
I'll put my noodle in her can.
>dat ass
>dat gap toothed manface
easy pickins, boys
So this is whats hapenning right now.
>go on vacation for new years to my cousins place out of town (alaska)
>chill, really like the place
>suddenly wild 11yo girl appears and apparently she is my cousins bff
>has a major crush on me, and it's reeeally obvious
>i sort of like her too, but shes 11 ya'feelme?
>i never considered myself a pedo but i've always been keen on underage girls
>thinking about walking around on my underwear tonight with her on the house
>be kind of hung
What do you my fellow robots would advice me to do? If so, how and when should i do it?
Thanks.
>>25496931
It's you two's little secret anon.
>>25497002
This. Keep it quiet and just hang out with her.
If she has such a big crush on you doing as little as hanging out with her would probably make her feel really happy.
PIDF out in full force today.
saging and hiding this. not today, pedos
when did you first masturbate /r9k/ how did you discover it?
>be 13
>be at friends house
>he says "hey anon do you fancy watching the porn channel" (the hour of porn adverts that are on an hour before midnight on seedy freeview tv's
>"sure okay"
>girl in tight underwear starts dancing around playing with a vibrator on the advert
>he starets moving his hand under the covers where is crotch is
>"hey what you doing"
>"Anon its called weenie tending my mum says"
>"oh okay ill do it too"
>later on that evening i came for the first time and me and my friend both cried when we did because it felt funny
whats your story /r9k/
I was 10 and my friend was 11. He showed me the porn site kaktuz or something like that. then we jerked it in his room.
>go on holiday with family across country
>about 13 at the time
>stepsister (also 13) and I have to share a bed
>she's wearing her dad's shirt and lacy purple underwear
>I'm wearing pajama pants
>she hugs me in her sleep
>wake up
>my hand is on her tits, another between her legs
>holy fuck.jpeg
>penis becomes diamonds
>feel it starting to throb
>hit puberty a year before and have never ejaculated so it's mind blowing and agonizing at the same time
>cum all over pajama bottoms
>tangled with stepsister
>spend two hours untangling very slowly
>body is numb from uncomfortable position
>if she wakes up I'm fucked
>finally get up and go to bathroom covered in sweat
>balls still throbing
>drink lots of water
>back to bed
>she's in my space
>sleep on cold, hard floor
>realise the first time I came I was a few metres away from my mother
>still filled with shame when I think about it
I was 12 and in the shower after watching Ace Ventura the day before. I had no idea what was going on in the scene where Jim Carey is masturbating in the tent, but did make out that he was tugging at something. I was curious and thought he was tugging at his dick, so I began doing the same in the shower.
>female coworkers
Let's get some greentext stories going.
>have female coworker
>she isn't very good at her job
>all the guys support her and do her work for her
>I don't because she probably has casual sex
>work with qt
>have sex in the washroom on break
>mfw see orbiters offering to buy her lunch
>work in the diversity office at my school
>the only white man among colored women
>the only white man (me) just runs errands for them all day while browsing /pol/ in the student center.
>basically the janitor for facebook. my job is to delete offensive material and ban people.
>have access to private messages and photos of everyone
>notice that girls send heaps of nudes to guys.
>also notice heaps of guys beg for nudes and like sending pics of their dick
...
>start getting curious about people i know.
>no surprises. the girls i know also send out heaps of nudes.
>get curious about the ultra religious and innocent girls i know
>mfw these innocent girls are the biggest whores of all.
>look at a muslim friend... surely she doesnt do it?
>she does.
it only gets worse.
>look at my best bud.
>i idolize him. stand up guy.
>discover he has been cheating on his highschool sweetheart of 10 yrs.
>he sexts underage girls.
>not the guy i thought he was.
I feel terrible. My whole world has been shattered. I feel like I can't trust anyone or anything anymore. It's as if everything is a lie. People put up a front, but behind that they are monsters.
Can you check someone for me pls
Takes forever to find a real friend brobot
>basically the janitor for facebook. my job is to delete offensive material and ban people.
>have access to private messages and photos of everyone
If you really are the janitor of facebook. I wonder if you've come across my friends chat. We post pretty much anything that isn't illegal. My friend posts a lot of furry porn, other friend posts lolis, etc.
It's a good feel that the mods of facebook use our chat to jerk off and save content.
I have a $100 Amazon gift card. What's the coolest thing I can buy?
50 cupcakes, looks like
>>25497217
so native american women can just take them all?
>>25497217
A lot of Hispanics are White and consider themselves white.
I bet it would taste gross
So is covering boobs with food going to be the new fem meme of 2016?
>>25496556
wtf is that, coloured yoghurt or what
you americans are disgusting
>>25496615
It looks like frosting
Don't they have cupcakes and shit in your country?
Post Trivial things you have in common with Elliot Rodger
>Was selected for Jury Duty aged 19
>Was then excused at court.
Sometimes I'm with the alphas, I can relate to being high-five'd etc, but in the end, don't belong.
Sometimes I'm with the betas, I can relate to whining, defeatism, acceptance etc, but in the end I don't belong.
I relate with so many things. I'm not going to type them all out.
>>25497232
G-go on anon
Reminder that we were doomed from the start
I mean, y'all were. I look like the guy on the left.
>>25496247
Post pic then faggot desu
>>25496214
>tfw I look more like the guy on the left but have the hairline of the guy on the right
JUST
Cute guy in my class but he's a loner and doesn't talk to anyone, I never see him happy and it makes me so sad. We don't always want chads like you guys assume...
>>25496144
Hit on him then?
>>25496144
Try talking to him?
>>25496175
How am I suppose too? He never talks to anyone and when he does he just gives short answers like he wants to leave as fast as possible, I don't understand him but I just wanna make him happy
Can someone explain what the hell's the deal with bronies? Are they all fat fedora edgelords, or has the internet just blown it out of proportion?
>Are they all fat fedora neckbeards?
Many are, but so are many non-bronies fat fedora neckbeards. Being a bronie is a creed, a lifestyle. We have many in our ranks.
>>25496048
>inquiring about the "deal" with dead subcultures
Might as well ask what's the deal with greasers, ayyy!
>>25496048
The world is spiraling into degeneracy. At least bronies find happiness in less destructive ways than others. Let them bee themselves
>will never have happiness like that
