Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 799. page
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Post about the time you fell for the dildo meme
>Increasing levels of faggotry on all boards I frequent over the past years
>Watch a thread about prostate orgasms, dildoing your ass, everyone says it feels amazing etc
>Decide to try it out
>Buy a basic kit consisting of a natural sized dildo, lube, disinfectant and a douche
>Try it out
>Feels decent at first
>Play around with it for 20-30 minutes
>Realise I prefer fapping the proper way
>Finish myself, clean up
>Look at myself in the mirror
>What the fuck am I doing with my life.jpg
>Out of the four items I bought the one that amazed me the most was the douche, that thing is surprisingly effective
>Keep the disinfectant since it's probably a decent hand sanitizer
>Keep the lube since I most likely will be able to find some use for it
>Throw out the dildo
Heed my words, robots. Never listen to faggots
>>29671213
Did you at least keep the douche?
>>29671384
No
I heavily considered it since I found it to be brutally effective at cleaning out your ass. It's absolutely superb at removing shit (literally) that you didn't even know was hiding up there.
With that being said I don't think I'll need one in the future since nothing is going up my ass again and I still can maintain basic hygiene by wiping after taking a shit.
>>29671213
>see increasing levels of faggotry on all boards I frequent
>start seeing more and more cuck, BBC, trap porn
>be 19, shy and awkward with 5'8" 128lbs super pale & hairless feminine body
>Watch a thread about prostate orgasms, dildoing your ass, everyone says it feels amazing etc
>go on Amazon and decide to buy some different size buttplugs, a chastity cage and a Lex Steele replica dildo since I enjoy his movies
>edge for 8 days straight without cumming
>give myself a nice enema
>try putting different buttplugs up my ass going progressively larger while edging and watching porn for an hour or so
>lube up my penis and put it in the chastity cage
>decide to try and take the Lex dildo
>hard to get it in at first but I take it slow and it eventually goes balls deep
>start pounding away
>it feels really weird like I have to poop but I'm so horny I keep going since everyone says it should feel amazing
>keep pounding away for 10-15 minutes
>my arm is getting tired and I'm kinda out of breath
>all of a sudden I feel like I have to pee
>keep pound my ass anyway and suddenly I blow a huge load while still locked in my chastity cage
>feels fucking amazing, much better than vaginal sex
>almost pass out
>after I regain my composure a sense of shame envelops me
>go shower, still feel ashamed of myself
>end up trowing the dildo and buttplugs away later that day
>fap regularly for the next few weeks but honestly nothing compares to cumming from the dildo
>end up reordering all the stuff I threw away
>fuck me, what a waste of $160
>now I immediately put away all my toys after cumming so I don't toss them
>I still feel like shit for being such a faggot and letting this place ruin me
Heed my words robots, you'll either not like anal that much like OP and feel bad for being a faggot, or you'll love anal and still feel bad for being a faggot.
Pic related, the Lex Steele dildo I ordered from Amazon.
>making a long reply to a post
>thread gets deleted
>yfw you realize on the most charismatic of the uncharismatic can get (Yous) and make popular threads
>yfw the robots who never get a (You) are the true robots
>>29671216
i got u famalam. uhfdsdfsjn
>>29671194
>finally make your grand confession on /r9k/
>thread dies
>do all her chores for her
>she lets you eat her pussy and suck her feet
>she just gives you a look and you hop to it
>>29671171
Dude looks like he's trying not to puke having to eat that old rotten roast beef.
Yeah.
I'd be so glad whenever she lets me have a taste of her pussy. Hopefully she'd feel like it a lot. I just wish my tongue wouldn't get too tired and raw too fast.
I'd try to figure out what is adequate and not too distracting to do for when she's working on different things too.
I'd really try to learn her body well and how to please my mistress well the whole day.
And she would NEVER allow me to come.
She couldn't be a cunt of a woman though. She'd have to be generally smart and refined. But she could deal with me however she pleases of course.
>this triggers r9k
Please tell me there's porn like this?
>>29671186
I rarely kekol at this depressing board but reading that then scrolling up to see his expression was szuper.
Today came the entrance exam results and i didn't make the cut. I've got nothing else going on in my life, and i was hoping i wouldn't fail this. Next exams is next year.
I started browsing /r9k/ for the fun of it, i was mostly interested how robots were whining about everything, and how the NEETs would ripp off on the wagecucks.I've been around long enough to know that being a NEET is terrible, atleast it would be, for me.
I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've become a NEET.
>pic related
>entrance exam
I want to take an exam and enter. what am i entering?
>>29671161
Thisis a great post and story.
>>29671237
Medicine college
>mum found the self-facial blindfold
She found the what..?
These "Family member found the adjective noun" threads are getting pretty creative...
>mum found the terror manifesto
Tell me about your gf, anon.
>>29671094
Well, for starters, she doesn't exist.
>>29671094
She's two dimensional.
My gf is literally these two characters as one person. Except not a shit person like Tomoko, and not as bubbly as Ako.
Alsogoth, and goes to/r9k/.
do girls settle for damaged goods?
asking for a friend.
>>29671071
How would they know you're damaged?
>>29671105
we'll I can't hide it forever. Eventually it'll/ come out.
>>29671122
If you keep a chin up there's plenty of moralfag grills that love people regardless, just make sure you avoid the other tumblr basket cases that may seem to care but will drop you suddenly and without warning
Try going to a religious institution or something plenty of nice grills there usually
how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood
>>29671068
Tell me anon, why are you flooding /r9k/ with cuckold porn? I want to know what drives someone to do this and what satisfaction they take in doing it.
fuck off, reddit. we saw the screenshot
(((you will burn)))
>muslim girl seems interested in me
Is it worth it, bros? She's the first girl I've ever got a number from and she always tries to talk to me in our tutorial classes at University
>>29670994
she's obv an isil recruiter fham. she wants someone 2 go on a rampage with
AVOID
she wants to convert you to muslimity
>>29671004
>>29671032
what if she just likes me without any ulterior motive?
Complete the comic!
here 1.9.1.0.1
I completed the original comic senpai
>>29670982
Original comment for the comic
>It's saturday
AWWH YEAH
>>29670960
W E E K E N D
E
E
K
E
N
D
>>29671054
Having a good weekend so far anon?
>>29670960
Thisis my favorite day of the week even though I'm NEET.
I lost my virginity to my boss today. She is 25 years older then me and the power dynamic was super weird. I am 24 and she was bossing me around like I was on the clock.
I guess I made it /r9k/ but I feel super dirty now and have to work an 8 hour shift with her tomorrow.
>>29670958
Awesome dude keep doing that and get promoted
>>29670958
>I guess I made it
YEah. This counts. It all counts.
But damn Anon. Are you serious?
It's kind of hot desu. But it's crazy.
green text it all please.
>Women are designed to make complex, long-term decisions about their choices of sexual partners
>Young women of today are frequently drunk or on drugs when they meet new guys
Anyone else think that this might have unforeseen consequences in the future?
the sex doesn't matter but if you mean who they have a family with then i think it only distorts the quality of life of poor people. in the past there was a reason to give them some structure and a purpose, and they'd get to live for family. now there are too many of them so it's a waste of our time, and for the most part we can get work done efficiently with just a handful of them.
on the other hand it's very firmly established that people are much less drunk and drink much less often in the modern world than most of history.
No, the consequences are already in effect.The problem is, they prefer it this way because they've labeled anything that doesn't align with the party life as either boring, misogynist, or something men should do in their stead.
>>29670944
forever stuck in the same cycle
a-anyone blade and soul here
>>29670877
Hold on anton, ill send my friend here
>>29670877
wayyy too addicting so i quit
fuck off Mona
The only way to have GENUINE love between opposite sexes is the love between parent and child, prove me wrong
>>29670859
GENUINE love means different things to different people
I didn't experience this so I wouldn't know OP
>>29670859
>tfw my dream is to have a child
I sometimes think about knocking up some random hooker and taking the baby.
