Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6600. page
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Some of you guys are alright. Don't go to 2016 tomorrow.
>YOU ARE DOING THING
>IT IS CURRENT YEAR
Do you think he will be able to complete basic tasks and meet the minimum requirements of human function once the clock ticks 12? The poor fellow.
only one these ive even smirked at, not bad
>be 12
>watching return of the jedi with extended family at some sort of reunion
>scene where Luke and Han are going to be thrown into the pit
>uncle says "That sarlacc reminds me of your aunt dorries pussy"
>whole family laughs
>ask my dad what pussy means later that night
>now 21 and gay
>tfw no vulgar family that makes lewd jokes instead of making each other uncomfortable
>>25376518
>dad makes vulgar jokes and talks about sex shit with his friends in front of me all the time as a kid
>regularly sat me down to watch old action movies with sex in them
>always felt uncomfortable
>grew up wierd and didn't seriously want to do anything more than kiss girls until I was 19
>still a virgin at 23
Kill me.
How is it possible for a remotely intelligent man not to be self-conscious during sex? It's worse than fucking figure skating in terms of the ability required and the inevitably harsh, though often silent, judgement that comes afterwards. Is this why smart people don't reproduce?
>caring about your partner's pleasure
get a load of this guy
>>25365209
>the ability required
it's seriously not fucking complicated
>>25365209
Because if a girl likes you enough to fuck you, you're already validated. Literally all you have to do is thrust your cock for a few minutes. Also who gives a fuck if she didn't like it? You got off anyway
How do I get over being alone on new years eve? Everyone I know are all doing stuff and I have to see it all on snapchat and it's depressing as fuck. Anyway, how do I not feel shitty about being alone on the biggest party day of the year
think of it like any other day
whats different?
>>25378557
I turned down two parties. Enjoy being alone, as it's the comfiest way to be.
>>25378557
Go out to a bar or something
I'll be working
CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM
CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM
CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM
CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Sir, calm down.
>>25378284
DO YOU WANNA GET SHOT UP!?
>>25378298
You're being very irrational right now.
>drink because I feel bad
>feel bad because I drink
who /alcohol/ here?
Only got Gentlemen Jack for now m8
We'll get by
>>25378254
Drinkin busch and vodka outside and it's 30 degrees out. I want to hang out with the animals though, if they deserve to be out here I certainly do.
so trapped by alcohol
everything sucks sober, shitposting sucks, vidya sucks, movies suck, my friends are shit, work is boring, music is lame
add some booze, even just a bit, and everything is good again.
>history project due on monday
>haven't done any of it
>wanted to start today
>ended up falling asleep in my chair I was so tired
>more homework beyond that
Who /nohope/?
>mfw Chad parties all the time yet has it done
here's what you gonna do cunt
1. open word
2. start typing
3. ???
4. done
>>25378176
I'm afraid I don't know my topic well enough and I'll get grilled because it's politically sensitive
You still have time botfriend! Not a lot of time, but just enough. Divide the word count evenly between the next few days and get on that shit so you don't end up crying on Sunday night. You can have a sick ass party by yourself after you submit that motherfucker.
> be me, 23
> be 7.30pm on NYE
> have no friends to go out with
> watching mythbusters on netflix when I get the urge to tug
> watch trap porn with bruna butterfly getting sucked off cuz normal porn is boring
> cum quick cuz it's hot
> cum lands in my mouth
> mfw
What happened to me! I used to be popular, literally lost my virginity at 16 to a teen magazine model. Now I'm at home on the night that everyone is out on cuz I'm a nobody
Do I pass the test? Ca..can I be a robot like you?
>>25378134
>lost my virginity
>can I be robot too?
No
I always wonder why i come to this board. this board is enabler for my behavior.
>>25378134
Yeah. If you want to. Disregard the bitter virgins who want this to be the virgin board. I'm a virgin, but it's my fault and nobody else's. I think anyone could be a robot sometimes, sometimes you just feel real low and you can't communicate with anyone.
>tfw you assign a unique voice to every poster.
Anyone else do this or am I crazy?
Can you tell that someone is samefagging by recognizing the voice you gave them?
>>25378121
Underrated psot.
Can you make a vocaroo of mine?
>there exists some combination of actions and words you could do/say that would get your oneitis/celebrity crush/whatever to be your gf
>you will never find it
it's really not that hard mate
why? i like things just fine right now.
Haha i love this thread
I know that feel bro
What are signs a grill likes you? What if they try to bite your fingers? I'm not even really flirting, just acting aloofly disinterested I actually tend to make fun of her quite a bit
>>25377935
>she texts first and texts back relatively quickly with thought out responses
>when in a group she'll try to be closer to you
>laughs at your jokes even if it was a bad one
Pretty much that kind of stuff.
>What if they try to bite your fingers?
You're dealing with a new kitten or puppy then, not a human female.
>>25378028
It was weird, I was talking to her and pointing my finger at her and she tried to bite it. I asked her what she was doing and said 'if you keep pointing your finger at me I'm going to bite it'
>signs
There is no such thing. If you like a girl, make a move on her.
who /working on newyears/ here?
>tfw had a trip planned
>can't cancel
>RIP the money I spent on it
>drive this car to go to work
>go to work to pay for this car
also
>paying money for a vacation
>not just staying inside for a staycation and sleeping in everyday and enjoying life
shit tatses and even shitter life decisions
>>25377686
>having a job
nothing
>>25377686
just call off
I want the saddest, most downer hip-hop you got.
I'll start.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BngWG24K854
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BngWG24K854
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_9T3LXQwmE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUlsTuG39O0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48LLdLbAiQg
I love feelsy hip hop, these three songs are gold. Also, Chum by Earl Sweatshirt.
didn't mean to double up on the links. my bad
>>25377642
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxJzj65cOHE
>tfw you realise the girl you had a crush on in high school probably sent nudes to other guys
everygirl you see that's pretty attractive has sent nudes to someone
everygirl takes nudes even for themselves to have.
>tfw the girl you have a crush on literally does not know you exist
>tfw she is 30 years old and has undoubtedly taken at least 5 penises into her vagina and mouth, possibly anus
>>25377537
Should have pursued a career in psychiatry.
What happens when the next generation of kids finds mommy's old iPhone in the basement?
Where can you buy pure Helium?
>>25377497
Try nitrogen.
>>25377523
thats even harder to find
>>25377497
Maybe buying a bunch of c02 tanks in an enclosed space would be better
