Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 5841. page
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Tonight at midnight you will die a painless death.
For exactly a year and a day your soul is trapped in your corpse, unable to move or do anything except sit in your dead body and stare into the darkness of your grave.
But when that year and day have passed, a white light suddenly appears. You hear a heavenly voice call out to you.
It gives you two options:
>you are permitted to leave your earthly form and travel to the afterlife.
>Whether you will be punished or rewarded in the afterlife is still to be decided.
>you may stay on earth, and come back from the dead as a hideous, deadly monster.
>You remain immortal as long as nothing violent happens to you.
>You can be easily overcome by 4 or more humans, so you will need to stay in hiding, but dealing with 1 or 2 humans should be easy for your powerful new form.
>If you die, you will be dragged to hell for all eternity.
This is so shitty
Afterlife it is
>come back as a monster
>life is still shit
>tfnogf
>An hero
>???
>profit
I'll take my chances with the afterlife. The penitent man will be forgiven, right?
If I was a girl, people would think I'm sweet and nice just by existing. People would want to talk to me and hang out with me. I could make people happier just by acknowledging them.
But instead you are a ugly white guy. Maybe you are Asian like me and nerdy looking, so that's even worst.
Hoesntly I don't even care anymore. Just accept the fact that there are attractive people and there are unattractive people, I just happen to end up in the latter and because of this I have to adapt to how my life would be like, disadvantaged.
>>25940136
Just be a gay bottom and get the same effect.
>>25940220
Asian guy are cute desu. But you are right all the same, best to not get too worked up over it, no one really cares.
>have qt r9k gf from my university
>she's catholic so she doesn't believe in sex before marriage
>dated 8 months
>she says she could see me as the father of her children
>happiest i ever been in my life, she's an actual nice person to be around
>suddenly it's not you it's me i need some time to find myself
>not only does she lose her virginity, she fools around with a bunch of dudes
>calls me crying yesterday, now 6 weeks after break up
>says she wants to get together again
I don't wanna end up a cuck but I legitimately think I couldn't do better than her looks and personality wise. However, her tendency to fool around for some reason soon as we broke up is making me do a double take.
What would you do in this situation? I am on the verge of accepting because I'm starting to think this was a one time thing.
>>25940102
>I am on the verge of accepting because I'm starting to think this was a one time thing
Therein lies your problem.
What the fuck does "finding oneself" mean anyway?
I had a similar situation with a fembot, except it was a LDR. She suddenly stopped loving me then lost her virginity for the fun of it.
It was my first love but I wouldn't take her back. It was a learning experience and I just moved on.
Don't make the same mistake twice, OP. It will just make you more cynical in the future.
When was the last time you got a hug?
Four years ago when I asked out a woman which was already in a committed relationship.
first and only hug by a female that's not family.
It was nice and awkward.
It's been a while. I could really use one right now. But whatever who cares
>>25940062
>Ask my MCB lab TA if I can have a hug
>he turns me down with, "maybe some time, but not in the lab"
Soul crushing desu. I wonder if he thought I have a gay crush on him, which I don't. He is pretty handsome and kind though so maybe it's not the first time and he's fed up with it.Going to hug my mommy/goddess gf lots when she gets here though
How do I move to la?
You don't, it sucks. It's expensive as shit, fucking hot all the time, and everybody's a turbochad.
>>25939996
Fuck off. La must be an awful place if you arent an sjw or a chad
>wanting to move to LA
>ever
why would you ever want to move to that hell op?
When is the last time you received a genuine compliment?
>>25939577
Two year ago when i was skinny.
>>25939577
Two years or so, a bit under maybe
>>25941088
What was the compliment?
What the fuck is wrong with you people.
You're literally bragging about how fucked up and broken you are, but from years of browsing this board only about ~10% of you have intentions of doing anything about that. Why dont you want to change your lives? Why?
>implying it's a choice
Normalfags are incapable of understanding this.
>>25938686
>what is autonomy
>>25938670
The world won't let us change. There are too many rules, regulations and societal conventions that hold us down. We can only make the best out of our situation and unleash our spite on this shitty world in small ways.
>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like my poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
>>25936683
So what are you celebrating?
Just as we don't like normies being on r9k, normies don't like us being anywhere that they belong.
Also, you shoulda ordered the sardine plate
>be me
>in my room playing Star Fox Command on my DS after getting up early at 3pm
>mummy opens the door, knocking over a stack of my piss jugs
>"A-anon come on, we're going to Walmart to buy you some new clothes"
>pretend I didn't hear her, does this bitch really have the gall to try and interrupt my day?
>"Anon please turn off your game, you haven't been outside since March last year"
>close my eyes to suppress my rising indignation
>start shaking, breathe deeply through my mouth to calm down
>my heartbeat is audible to both of us at this point
>"Anon what's wrong, do you need a doc-"
>snap
>throw the DS at her
>hits her in the mouth and breaks in half
>she just stands there stunned
>"YOU BITCH YOU BROKE MY DS"
>it was the Mario 64 DS version that I bought with the GBP I got for my 26th birthday
>now I'm really mad
>grab my bokken (that's a wooden samurai sword for you gaijin, bought it with GBP that I earned by going weewee in the toilet for a week)
>she turns around to run
>"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING"
>expertly throw my bokken to trip her
>hits her head on the doorframe
>hasn't moved since
I'm hungry and I want tendies but the selfish bitch never taught me how to use the microwave, what do
Who /submissive/ here?
How do you deal with it?
>>25929428
I'm joining the army to man the fuck up
>>25929479
They just teach you to be even more submissive and follow orders.
>>25929428
got a dominant boyfriend so that helped a lot
>qt girl with her friends at uni cafe smiles at me and keep looking over at me
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
"HI MY NAME'S ANON AND I THINK YOURE SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE PLUS OTHER PHYSICAL FEATURES LET ME INFER OTHER ASPECTS OF YOUR PERSONALITY THAT I DEEM AS POSITIVE TRAITS SO SINCE YOU RECIPROCATED ATTENTION TOWARDS ME I WANT TO COURT YOU"
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
If you're not a Chad, do nothing. Otherwise do anything you will succeed.
>>25942279
Say exactly that.
Guranteed pussy, maybe even some of her friends will join
>"wanna smash?"original
Why are conversations between males and females so awkward ?
Often I (female) will say something that will cause the male to look at me strangely or start to ignore me for long periods of time. Why do you guys do this ? Thanks.
>>25942073
IMO
>conversation aimed to seduce the other sex
>conversation aimed to show that you are not seducing the other sex
and that's why
any division beyond this is pleonastic
>>25942073
Well what the fuck do you say lad? Jesus christ
>>25942073
no you are this way
only conversation I've had alone with girls it feels like I'm talking to a wall
Not that I'm very interesting
I can't live with parents anymore. I'm just running away and going to live with whatever
>dad wakes me up early to do shit 10 mins before my alarm
>checked in on me FOUR fucking times while I got ready
>walked in on me changing pants and I had to yell Jesus Christ dude just fuck off
>try fapping
>he wakes up from a nap and starts walking by me
>the second I cum he walks by my door
>the second I come out of my room he's staring at me
>try napping
>he opens the door shines the light in my face
>he sprays a bunch of febreeze in his room and leaves the door open
>he starts violently stomping and shit loudly
>go downstairs to piss
>he's staring at me and telling me about chores
It's 1:30. This has all happened before 2 o'clock.
>>25942068
Why don't you get a job and live alone?
>>25942068
Just ask daddy to buy you an apartment. I always tell people to do this but they never liste. This is all I had to do
>>25942123
The only place I want to go is far away and major cities are too expensive
who fat here? I weigh 400 lb.
>>25942004
Try eating sardines. More protein, less fat.
Do you look like those fuckers on "my 600lb life"?
270lbs @ 5'10" here. Is that considered fat?
I'm just big boned.
Now that I have your attention..
Why the fuck do you care so much about sex? I understand sex is fun, its nice, its plenty enjoyable to have somebody give you an orgasm. BUT. Why can't you be patient about it? Most people you meet are gross and disgusting motherfuckers, barely practice decent hygiene. You realize that guy you wanna fuck probably has a smelly cock/balls/anus or that girl you wanna fuck could be bleeding or shitting or have a hairy or fish-smelling vagina right now?
Just wait. Wait for your fucking turn and practice the art of introspection. Learn to love yourself before you try to exchange smelly bodily fluids with some other disgusting, unwashed human.
>Why the fuck do you care so much about sex? I understand sex is fun, its nice, its plenty enjoyable to have somebody give you an orgasm. BUT. Why can't you be patient about it?
Because I get urges for sexual pleasure, and masturbation sucks for me because I was circum-mutilated.
I want to feel whatever pleasure is left in my mutilated dick while not having to put lube on it (which feels very gross and takes away a lot of feeling and means I have no orgasm when I come--it just feels like pissing because there's no stretchy feeling at the climax) or jerk the skin on my dick that doesn't even move, which is literally painful to do but at least I get an orgasm at the end. ANd I've tried those pocket pussies and I don't feel anything at all when I use them.
Circumcision was literally popularized in my country to make masturbation less fun. Yeah cut guys still masturbate but it feels like shit to me and every time I do it, the awareness of the fact that I was mutilated hits me like a truck.
Doesn't help that the advice a lot of cut guys like me who hate it get is DURRHUR GO GET LAID.
>that girl you wanna fuck could be bleeding or shitting or have a hairy or fish-smelling vagina right now?
None of that turns me off at all.
>>25941868
The people you're talking to are failed normalfags and don't belong here.
Men prove their worth by having sex with a lot of women and women prove their sworth by having numerous orbiters
>shave asshole
>farts are now more high-pitched and louder
feels good
my asshole is very hairy and i assume most guys have hair around their asshole which makes me wonder if gay dudes have to shave their assholes and if they do how they would do it
>>25941690
Women do it too, not just gay men.
Just get in there with a razor and be careful
>>25941722
Women have bum hair?
