Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6715. page
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'Tis the season to open your ass.
>>25329831
Not for long, assman
![tumblr_myc89fHNr61r1ckuno1_500[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/b8LX8lV.jpg "tumblr myc89fHNr61r1ckuno1 500[1]")
Can someone dump the pastas of drive they have? im getting a bit nostalgic about them, posting mine.
>sitting at home on computer in my scorpion jacket with no pants on
>door opens
>mom walks into my room
>her eyes start watering due to the residual semen odour
>she starts coughing
>asks me between breaths if I want any dinner
>I turn back and continue playing freecell, using my free hand to fondle my limp dick
>five minutes later I respond "sure"
>she's already gone
>an hour later I sit down at the table
>dinner is cold
>I turn to my mother's empty chair, and, whilst rubbing my fingers through my bald spot, say "I drive"
>the chair is cold on my naked ass
>picking up gf from university
>have a badass jacket on, toothpick in mout
>drive OST playing
>strap watch to steering wheel
>she comes near the car
>opens the door
>anon, great to see you, can we wait for a couple of my friends, I told them that we would give them a lift also?
>~...~
>anon?
>you have 5 minutes
>egh, what? ok...
>wait for 5 minutes, not more, not less
>they are jogging to my car, clearly seeing my gf and me
>5 minutes are up
>I immediatly start driving, even though they were in a couple of steps from the car
>gf: OMG anon, y u do this? This is so mean, you are a special kind of dick blablabla
>smile blankly not saying a word
>drive into the sunset
>real human bean
>be 23 years old
>at Halloween party
>wearing scorpion jacket and leather gloves
>everyone's dancing, getting drunk while I stand silently in the corner
>every girl there is drawn into the aura of mystery I exude
>nod at the girls and step outside
>silently watch the party from the outside
>drunk 7.5/10 comes outside
>smiles at me, I nod and flash a half-smile
>asks for a smoke
>offer her a toothpick instead
>"Umm....thanks"
>Ask her what her name is
>"Cassidy, you?"
>Break eye contact and stare intensely into the distance
>Her boyfriend comes outside and lights a cigarette for her
>Hear her tell him she wants to leave
>He's too fucked to take her home
>This is my chance
>Boyfriend leaves
>Turn to her and say, "so you need a ride?"
>"Uh, yeah"
>"I drive"
>"Great, you think you could drop me at my place?"
>Silently nod
>"Thanks, you're a lifesaver"
>Start walking down the driveway with her
>"So, where's your car parked?"
>realize I don't have a car
>realize I can't even drive
>realize I caught the bus to the party
>silently panic
>look around, trying to find an escape route
>She keeps asking where my car is
>"I don't feel like driving tonight"
>"Why not?"
>"I just cleaned my car, and uh...my hands are a little dirty"
>"But you're wearing gloves"
>Fuck
>continue walking silently
>fidget in my pockets for another toothpick
>realize I spent my bus money on my last box of toothpicks
>"where is your car!"
>Need to get out of here
>Walk to the bus stop
>Fuck it, here goes nothing
>Start playing Drive soundtrack on my phone
>Lean in for the kiss
>"WHAT THE FUCK?"
>Pushes me away
>Panic and shove her to the ground
>Go through her purse for bus money, and find it
>She's getting up
>One thing is left to be done
>Go to curb stomp her so no one ever finds out
>Had too much to drink
>Awkwardly trip and fall flat on her neck
>Hear a snapping sound
>Quickly hide her body behind the bus stop and board the bus
>Real hero and a real human bean
>>25330679
Goddamnit how have I never seen this one
>TFW A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD KID HAS BETTER SOCIAL SKILLS THAN YOU
JUST
Fucking faggot
You have been muted for 4 seconds, because your comment was not original.
http://munchies.vice.com/articles/mysterious-teen-burglars-are-eating-denvers-hot-pockets-and-netflix
anarchist /mischef/ shit like this makes me so happy, i mean if you're going to be a pathetic robot you might as well go balls out and take action to fuck with the normies and Chads and Stacys while you're still on earth, even if you die a friendless virgin loser they can't say you didn't leave an impact
>>25329512
omg it was fucking santa you moron
10/10 bait
my friend found out i stole his case hardened ak, m4a4 asiimov, and awp asiimov. What the fuck do i do now?
you return his world of warcraft cards that u stole from him u degenerate fuck
>csgo
>literally the most pleb tier game
Serves you right for willing to end your friendship for literally FUCKING TEXTURES IN A SHIT GAME
Hey guys, was anyone else here for that thread where the guy proposed the anti-thesis of "REEEEEEEEEEEE" in the form of "e-yeeey"
It's definitely helped me a little, it goes a little like this.
Since e-yeeey is the anti-thesis of REEEEEE it's supposed to be said when something pleasant happens or is heard.
For example:
"Interracial Marriage is wrong"
"e-yeeeey"
Its supposed to be low and in happiness compared to the high pitched and frantic nature of "REEEEEEE"
I guess I'm making this thread in a search for the OP of that thread and for anyone else who has e-yeey'd after that thread.
I do that and people just think I'm autistic. It's so fun though. eeeeeeeeeeyeeeee
Does anyone else watch Wall-E over and over again to remind yourself that no one will ever give a shit about you?
No you fucking loser
EVE is fat, phuc dat bich
Its my favorite animated movie. It makes me feel to the max whenever I watch it, and it makes me hope that I have an EVA out there, somewhere.
Every time I hear about a gay person getting killed or beaten in the news, I burst into spontaneous laughter. I have nothing against fags and lesbians, I think it's all right to be weird and messed up in the head because the are a lot of other sick people out there, but I don't understand why I find it so hiliarious. I tell all my friends about gays being killed as jokes, and laugh about their funerals. Same goes for black people.
Could somebody help me figure out why?
>>25329305
you have a case of terminal edginess
Kind of like how someone getting kicked in the nuts is considered funny?
It might not be edginess. As a homo myself, depending on the circumstances I can laugh.
There was a recent murder in Sweden where a gay guy offered African migrants a room for the night, only to be murdered after they realized he wasn't a woman.
I thought that was hilarious, and I literally lol'd.
Would you rather Feel The Bern or Burn The Feels?
I'd rather burn my dread
honestly?
the radicals/feminazis/SJW types only make up a small, albeit loud part of the left
Bernie seems reasonable. Trump is for normalfags who thrive on drama and controversy
>>25329295
>economic plans going to double Americas debt to 36 TRILLION
>reasonable
>thanks just giving out free shit works
>reasonable
>tfw your name is Chad but you're a total loser
just kill me.
You're not just a loser but you're also American. Sorry about that dude.
Change your name chad is horrible
>Confess to someone.
>Get softly rejected.
Why does it still hurt thought?
>>25329089
Shit sucks, especially in relationships and what not. But would you rather not confess and never know? I believe in you op I hope you're alright
>>25329186
Thanks a lot, anon. I appreciate it.
is anyone else here have a strange gait?
I just walk fast as hell and have long strides, nothing bothers me worse than people that walk slowly in front of you
Hey guys, I have a spare copy of don't starve together on steam, if you want it you can have it. I'd like a game in return but if you can't afford, or don't have one spare then that is okay.
This board means a lot to me
heres my steam http://steamcommunity.com/id/Ayepricity add me and send me a message if you want it.
>>25328842
thanks but I already have it
my toaster too weak lol
>when you pop a pimple and you can hear it
>you replay the sound and the feeling of popping it in your mind
can relate to this feel/10
>be me
>18 years old college student
>never been kissed, never had sex, never been seriously pursued by a guy in any way
>fat and maybe a 5/10 face
>watch porn pretty frequently
>show tits on omegle to feel sexy and for male attention
What is the point of even trying at this point?
Tits and timestamp you fake piece of shit
What exactly are you trying to achieve? A long term bf? To feel sexy? To get attention from others?
>>25328810
Quit being fat, holy shit.
