Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 7646. page
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I'm gonna teach you how to get a date /r9k/. Always works for me. First you need to clean up your facebook, delete all autistic and extremist shares and pictures. If you have a bad profile, ugly/cringy pictures delete them all. Put your best picture on your profile (this only works if you are at least 6/10), no anime shit or anything like that. Put a nice cliche cover like the picture of the thread, no reference to movies or other stuff. Now you are going to pic a girl. Add one who a friend of yours study/works with and it's the same level of beauty as you. Noice, feeling well huh?
When she accepts you wait exactly ONE day to talk to her, preferably somewhere around 6pm to 8pm. Correct grammar fucker.
>you: Hey
>her: Hi
>you: you go to "insert college here", right?
>her: yeah, how do you know?
>you: I have a friend who goes there too, "Mark Dicksucker" do you know him?
>her: Yeah, he's nice.
Now you ask him something that happened recently at the college, some play, event, flashmob, anything like that.
>you: I was at the play that you guys had on Tuesday, did you like it? I thought it was preety fun.
>her: Yeah, it was nice
>her(2): No, i didn't
>you: I didn't stayed until the end thought, how was it?
>you(2): It was preety cool, altought i couldn't stay until the end, how was it?
>her: It was fun, "Gabriela Pussygiver" triped in the curtain. (She will say anything remarkable about the end)
>her(2): That's a shame.
>you: haha, i wish i could have seen that.
>you(2): Yeah, at the end "Gabriela Pussygiver" triped in the curtain (anything remarkable about the event here) it was funny.
cont.
cont.
>her: everybody laughed.
>her(2): Haha i know, i wish i could have seen that.
Wait about 30 seconds between each reply, and after that last one wait about 2 minutes.
>you: so, do you like going there?
>she: yeah, it's preety nice bla bla bla bla
now you must keep this conversation going, talk to her like any normal human being would do, don't say anything cringy PLEASE, you can say that you are not liking your university, explain why, ask her if she likes sports, movies, music, stuff like that (don't say you like cringy stuff like Jazz, Heavy Metal, Russian Movies or Cricket, say you fight Boxe, and pick the same taste of music and movies as her), talk a bit about Mark Dicksucker. Try to talk to her about a hour, you will know if she is open to you or just responding because she is polite. Don't respond exactly as she responds, make it seem like you are busy, try to hear about her the same as you talk about yourself, and make it seem like you have a cool life, but don't do it too much or you will sound cocky.
cont.
At the end of the talk.
>you: i need to go, it's getting late
>you: we should hang out sometime.
>her: yeah, sure.
>here you say anything funny regarding your conversation, or anything said before.
>her: hahahahaha
>you: hahahaha, good night
>her: night
BOOM. You have done it, just talk to her on the same basis for two or three more times, ask Mark Dicksucker to set something up so you guys can hang, or go to a show, picknick, anything she is going to.
>Hey, do you memeber me? Robot Anonymous, we talked sometimes.
talk to her on real life, try to be a little flirty, at the end of the day:
>hey, do you want to go out with me sometime?
BOOM, SHE WILL SAY YES. Thank me another day robots, she might even become your girlfriend sometime.
>>24919424
Hey,
Lemme teach you how to write a resume.
For example, you want to be an accountant,
Academics
>Graduated HS 2010
>2012-2015Harvard school of accounting
Experience
>2014 Accounting Internship at Goldman Sachs
Hobbies
>Maths
>Creating Excel Macros
>Accounting magazines
Simple?
Now, what you shouldn't do if you're applying for an accounting / quality control position
Academics
>2008 failed HS
>2010 community college journalism
>2012-2015 Nothing
Professional experience
>summer 2013 - Walmart checkout
>summer 2006 - Babysat my little cousin Johnny
>___Change diapers
>___Count diapers
>___Responsibility and team work
See? This is *exactly* what you shouldn't do. In your CV, *only* mention what is *relevant* to the job you're looking for. Why mention babysitting when you're applying for an accounting position? Don't be stupid. Managers don't care if you worked one summer at Walmart.
Who /Medical Condition/ Here?
You're not a real robot unless you have a life-altering disease. Mental health doesn't count.
Type 1 Diabetes here
>tfw can always fall back on overdosing on insulin to kill myself
>>24919315
Ulcerative colitis here.
>tfw my intestines are literally always bleeding
>>24919315
Sociopath.
Thanks `ma
(blaming other people for damaging a child makes me a sociopath fucking apparently)
>>24919409
>Mental health doesn't count
Read the rules reee
I've done pic related with a girl, am i still a virgin?
Whats it mean to be virgin?
>>24919269
Condor or no condor??
>>24919269
PENOR IN GINA
>>24919310
kikiki no condor
Why don't you lonely virgins just get tinder? I just made an account and already have had 7 dates and fucked two bitches haha shit is easy fa'm
because I'm ugly and socially inept
if i was a girl i would take that as you saying i was fat and i would be offended
>>24919260
Is this Kathryn or Shannon?
alright guys, i made a fake chad tinder profile. Let's see if you can woo this chick
>>24918970
Her first message to me so far
>>24919001
get da nudes
she looks like a whore
>>24919001
"Heh. Not much. I'm more of a sub type. Would love to get fucked in the ass with the biggest dildo you got."
Have you come to terms with the fact that you'll never find a nice girl with no past relationships to settle down with and start a family?
How are you dealing with it?
It is apparently unrealistic in modern society.
>>24918811
Yes.
I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. No girlfriends nor friends. I'll only work to get enough money to keep me alive because I can't have NEETbux forever. Then I'll spend the rest of my time waiting for death to come. However long that may be. (I might go meet her myself someday when I finally break)
>>24918895
It's a strange feeling.
I'm not even sad at this point, I've just come to terms with that and now I just feel empty.
>start a family
Why the fuck would anyone want that? Seriously, my wagekeking is hard enough without having to support a bunch of little ungrateful shits
>mfw I spot disgusting twitchy coffeefag as I sip my delicious tea
Drinking a pot of coffee is the only thing that makes me happy anymore
Same, coffee makes me laugh and happy.
tea is only good when it's cold and strong. otherwise, you may as well just drink hot water, tastes about the same
>we are 15% of the way to 3000
might just get to see it in my lifetime lads
15% of the way to 2100 brah.
I'm confused on what you're even saying.
>>24918466
nani nani
Enjoy it while it lasts wagekek. $1800 I get every fortnight comes in on Monday. Might take your gf out and... I guess you know what happens after that.
I hear she's into hung unemployed men who have time for fine wine and patrician hobbies.
Don't wait up wagekek
>>24918394
i dont have a gf
og comment
>applied for SSI disability, thinking I'm gonna get like $2000 a month and housing
>less than $800 a month, multi year waiting list for section 8 housing
How hard did I just get memed
>>24918469
You weren't retarded enough sorry anon
>almost 2016
>not being alpha
Join the vans master race lads
I like adidas more
>>24918288
Vans are alright if you're in high school, they look retarded on anyone older than 16 though.
>>24918288
I like the all black slip ons.
I love it when things are made from titanium, tungsten, depleted uranium, or stainless if it has a really high nickel content. It doesn't really matter what the object is but I get exited if it's made from those metals, especially if it's common place. Don't really know why I'm posting this but some anon really should give me a titanium crowbar.
>>24918278
I know that feel OP
I have a bit of a "material fetish" for metals too
I wish it came in normal crowbar form tho
My teeth are titanium, it's pretty fucked up. Why do you want a crowbar though.
Where can you get one? I'd send you one but there doesn't seem to be any online that look reputable.
if you had access to a gun, would you?
Im american, I could get a gun any time I wanted.
Better off getting a helium suicide kit though.
Some people survive gun shot suicides.
I have 7 guns in my bedroom right now. No, I wouldn't because I'm not a weak willed bitch. Times get tough sometimes, but that doesn't mean you give up. Shit will get better.
I have multiple guns but no. Even if I wanted to I'd pick a different method.
Would you press the button /r9k/?
Without a doubt.
I don't actually care that much about /r9k/
if this board got deleted tomorrow I'd probably be more happy than sad
so no
Only true robots would press the button.
Real hopeless types who live in certainty that they will never have sex anyway.
I would.
TFW you finally get a cute asian girl and then cum too quick
Is there any way to make myself fear cumming? Some people are scared of clowns but that fear is created when young. I'm 20. How do I learn to fear my own cum? I want to spook myself into lasting ~15 minutes
She's still talking to me so I must not have blown it fast enough to scare her off.
>>24917964
train yourself to associate cumming with pain by shocking yourself every time you cum
this will have one of two effects:
you will either start to feel pleasure from pain
or
your body will be trained to not cum
>>24918260
that seems kind of risky but I don't have any better ideas. is there a way to make ejaculation a voluntary response?
>>24918407
hmm perhaps edging and shocking yourself every time you feel close to cumming?
then you will [obviously] not come but you can still continue building a tolerance to stimulation
honestly tho the best way to last longer is to just not masturbate for a long time
I really like this girl, where the hell do I go from here
I don't get it. Why is talking to grils like taking to a wall? They don't even try to make conversation
Ayy bb u wanna Netflix and chill on my dick
>>24917835
>What TV show?
>Oh, just breaking bad.
>oh do you like it?
>yeah
>should I watch it
>definitely
>what's it about?
>drugs and stuff..
and so on. these responses don't look too good OP
