Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 886. page
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Hey /r9k/,
I got banned from cracked, despite trolling the site for a couple of years. I've said worse things on cracked, but apparently calling a poo in loo a potential terrorist and calling for /pol/ to raze their comment section to the ground crossed a line for them. Never mind the fact that I said fuck feminism multiple times and have used nigger, faggot and cocksucker more times than I can count. It doesn't bother me since I have multiple accounts, but I find it strange that they've just recently started banning people from the comments section.
Did some faggot with a hard-on for censorship suck enough of David Wong's dick to become a mod or something?
I think I'm going to go for blood this time and flood their comments section with /pol/ level shit. You guys are welcome to join me.
>>29634163
>Boohoo I got kicked off some SJW site
Nice blog post.
>>29634163
Nobody cares.
Fuck off back to tumblr.
>>29634163
I'm assuming you're in high school or earlier because this is juvenile as fuck dude. You probably think you're better than everyone but you're just a scumbag.
>irrational childhood fears
I had a fear gravity would switch off and I'd fall up into the sky and into outer space
A black hole would form above earth and kill us all.
I was afraid of getting flushed down the toilet, so I'd poop in a bucket and then tip that into the toilet from a safe distance.
>too exhausted to play video games
>too bored to want to do anything else
>lie on couch doing literally nothing
Anyone else? All my fucking meds aren't exactly helping with the tiredness either
>>29634101
start shouting and screaming desu
Same. These days I just lay on the couch and surf the web from my phone. Everything seems like so much effort, even effortless leisure activities. What's wrong with me
>>29634169
give me succ fag
>it's a "normie thinks he's some sort of wise sage and gives useless, unsolicited, Just-World-subscribing stock "advice" to mentally-ill, ugly robots with incomparably shit lives and then acts surprised and offended when they tell him to fuck off" thread
>>29634084
>r9k hate women
>it's "gf begging" thread
>>29634084
c'mon, just b urself op :)
>>29634084
>it's a "I complain and circle jerk about how awful my life is everyday yet I find it unfair that I'm so miserable" thread
Ask a femanon anything about the thought process of high school girls, I see a lot of misconceptions.
Ask away /r9k/
When was in high school I would have had plenty questions about the female mind and how I can adapt to it.
But now that I already know the thoughts that go through their heads, why they're attracted to what they widely are etc, i have but on question to ask.
Why are young girls so fucking evilly retarded?
Why do most of you fucking date a guy just to dump him for a fucking self esteem boost
Why do you go back to the same dirty lowlife Chad despite knowing there's plenty of Brodies who would very willingly treat you right?
im going to directly ask a girl on tinder if she wants to fuck
will it work
Only if you're Chad. If you're not Chad you have to subtly move to conversation into sexual territory.
>>29634127
i might just do it anyway im too tired for this shit
>>29634504
doitoyuwont
Can we get some rare Molyneuxs here?
>>29634065
Molyneux is nothing more than a fucker with nothing to share and if you disagree you're uneducated and a bitch
>>29634065
>try to make money as an online philosopher
>few viewers
>switch to an anarchist
>get a few more views
>switch to inviting stupid people to argue with
>get more views
>switch to reporting recent news with an angry face
>get more and more views
>notice most of your viewers are /pol/ neocons
>change your attitude and views to better suit them
>views over 9000
The short story of Stefan's show.
He will insist on something, defending it to death... oh, not to death, I mean until he drastically changes his mind for no reason 2 years later.
I am expecting him to rediscover religion some time soon, despite mocking and bashing it for a decade. He already abandoned all his other ideas.
>>29634286
So many problems with this not an argument.
who here has mommy and dadda issues? (rhetorical)
>son stop drawing like a faggot artist and play football with Chad
>anon why dont you ever bring friends to the house?
>anon i dont have time to spend time with you
>ANON GET OFF THE COMPUTER
>jeez anon why dont you ever spend time with us
I never had a strong male father figure if that counts.
>>29634049
>tfw I latch on to women who give me mother transference feelings and try to get them to admire me
Trying to relive and repair early life experienes I suppose. She was emotionally distant and prone to being harsh .. was molested and she knew but she just brushed it under the carpet and got angry at me for being depressed and weird as she saw it as my own fault
My fucking mom was such a demanding controlling psychotic fucked up bitch but she really loved me when I was young. My dad was a drunk and just sat around and shit. he was really beta. my mom wore the pants. my dad alwasy treated my little brother better and gave him more attention because he was more into sports and shit and i just sat around with legos and hot wheels and books and drawings and got lost in my imagination all day (tfw dont havbe any creativity or imagination anymore). so i always felt kinda neglected like they didnt understand me. always tried to force me into sports and shit and i got made to feel guilty for not liking sports. id take out my anger on my brother and fucked with him a lot and would beat his ass all the time. my mom used to support me kinda and put me in art classes a little bit and shit but she got more and more fucked up and her rules got completely ridiculous after my parents divorce when i was in grade 3. i lived with her but she started to treat me like shit more and more when she realized i wasnt going to be her perfect prodigal son. i was never good enough for her. so i ran away to my dads place and ruined my relationship with her. my dad was happy since this was years later, but he didnt really put any effort into me while i was growing up as a teenager and i was basically neglected in a friendly way, he let me do pretty much whatever i wanted with absolutely no consequences cause he was a bitch so basically i just sat around and did nothing because there were no expectations on me anymore. i started smoking a ton of pot, went into uni, dropped out of uni, became a plumber, moved out, quit my plumbing job, and now im here just sitting around with no job severely depressed.
>it's another "Anon gets another gf and is actually happy" dreamwhy did i have to wake up
>>29633982
>it's another "anon gets a nice paying job an moves out of his parents house" dream
>>29633982
once i got a dream that a woman told me not to be afraid of anything and that im a good guy
made me feel good for atleast a month
>its another "anon went on a stabbing spree and is now evading the police" dream
Why haven't you joined the armed forces yet?
>>29633930
Because I suck dicks and I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose
>>29633930
because i'm scarred of what i'm capable of
>>29633930
History of treatment for mental illness.
It's a non-starter for even the most desperate recruiters.
How do you explain homosexuality?
>>29633929
I was looking for some sarcastic image involving a hot dog that won't fit in a donut hole. Didn't find one but I did find this. This shots getting ridiculous
the purest form of love desu
>>29633929
How do you explain posting from a fucking iPhone?
What was the most cringe-worthy thing you've done?
Share stories
>Be me, 4 years ago, 18
>A few days after graduating highschool I get invited to a last party with my class
>Thought my beta friends from class would show up, but they didn't
>Came there with high expectations but realized pretty fast that it's gonna be a bad night
>Usual highschool campfire, only normals show up
>I have never been to a normal party before so I decided to stick around for a bit and see if anything comes out of it
>Most people there came with their bf/gf
>Sit on the side drinking some shit-tier cheap beer and observe normalfag behavior
>Some guy is playing a guitar near the fire while some girls watch, others are talking and some chads are playing soccer
>30 minutes pass just like that
>Two of the chads playing soccer come up to me
>"Hey man why are you sitting here all by youreself?"
>Feel beta as fuck as he tells me that
>Other chad replies: "Probably because he didn't came with his girlfriend"
>First chad answers: "You know what anon, I'm gonna borrow you my girlfriend for tonight. Just don't go too far on her, ok man?"
>fuck_the_what.mp3
>You can "borrow" someone's girlfriend?
>I never had a gf and I was kinda lonely so I decided to play along
>He calls his Stacey gf
>She smiles, grabs my hand and walks me to a group of about 6 people talking
>She sits and so do I
>They talk about random shit, I didn't even listen
>This goes on for like another 20 minutes
>From time to time they ask me questions, like:
>"So anon where are all your friends?"
"Oh, I don't know haha, they probably went somewhere else together and forgot to invite me."
>"What do you like to do anon?"
"Um, I work out and play the guitar and stuff."
cont.
>>29633819
>That was as you already probably guessed made up as fuck, My real hobbies include wasting time, vidya, anime, shitposting etc.
>I don't work out at all, I was actually skinnyfat back then and I knew maybe 10 guitar chords and a few partial song tabs so I can't obviously play the guitar
>"You play the guitar anon? That's cool! Can you sing as well?"
"Ah.. Maybe a bit but recently I had problems singing because I kinda overdid it"
>"Can you play us something anon? Sing too!"
"U-Uh... That's okay.. I can't really sing right now.."
>They all start gathering around me
>"Come on anon! Play something!"
>Realize I have no way of getting through this without playing something
>That guy who brought a guitar passed it to me
>Silence
>Take a deep breath
>Mind goes blank
>Decide to improvise and try to make it sound as normal as possible
>Quickly think of the most basic guitar power chords that come to my mind
>Decide on playing with just the chords F#5, A5 and G5
>Start doing some startup strums
>Decide that I'll just sing whatever comes to my mind
>Decide that the Chorus will be F#5, A5 then G5 and the verse is just F#5 and G5
>I don't remember everything I sang (it was about 4 minutes long), but I do remember the beginning of the song
>This is a shortened version of what I remember
>Take another deep breath
>Let's_Do_This.jpg
>Start playing
>After a few bars I start stuttering some words that rhyme
>Stop
>Say sorry and start over
>It goes like this:
Anon - The Autism Song
(Sounded like http://vocaroo.com/i/s1RbgQZTUrzI without distortion)
[Chorus as intro]
[Verse]
I never thought, I'm gonna be
So, so, so, so, so alone
I never thought, I'm gonna see
Myself in the dark zone
And now I think, to myself
It's amazing how much, I've grown
I listen to the sounds as I
Moan!
[Chorus]
Hey, hey, hey hey!
I moan!
Hey, hey, hey hey!
I moan alone!
Hey, hey, hey hey!
I moan!
Alone!!
[Outro]
cont
>>29633836
>Don't look up from the guitar through the song
>Finish
>Look up
>See disgusted faces
>Some people walk away
>"That was... a pretty cool song anon. How's it called?"
>"Uh.. It's "I moan alone" by... Um... Condom Cork"
>See some people pull up their phones
>Worry that they will search this on their phone and realize I lied
>Say I gotta go to the bathroom
>Leave the guitar
>Sprint sanic-fast out of there
>Go behind a tree
>Cry for like 25 minutes
>Go back
>No one's there
>Go home
>Cry again
>Don't come out of my house again for 3 months
Well I guess you learned the hard way to never tell people you play an instrument unless you know you're good. They'll demand you play for them and it's always an embarrassment. I experienced something sort of similar to this m8.
Users of marijuana and other drugs are mocked constantly and told to go away on other boards. Therefore, we smokers demand the creation of our own board, /420/ or something, where we can establish a homeland for our people. If you are in favor of this, it is time to speak up, because the admins are listening and waiting to hear the voice of the masses calling out for this brilliant and necessary idea.
>>29633710
I support a new containment board for druggies and drug-related content.
420chan exists for this purpose and will always be better than anything drug related that 4chan would shit out
>>29633710
I almost fell for your bait until
>brilliant and necessary
That was too sarcastic even for my autistic brain
OK anons. Tell the truth. How bad does pussy actually smell?
>>29633676
You know how your balls smell after a long day in the sun or at the gym? Pussy can smell the exact same. Doesn't always, but it can.
>>29633676
when you eat pussy it's your saliva that smells bad, not the pussy
lick the back of your hand for 30 seconds and then smell that part, you'll want to vomit
pussy alone smells good, arousing
I've only boned two girls
one had virtually no smell and the other ones smelled like a dead fucking fish
boi pussy >>> roastie whores
Would you for a $1 million
>>29633669
Twenty bucks.
Ten if I can film it.
>>29633669
I don't wanna have sex for money.
It's the age thing mostly that would make it awkward.
She doesn't need me to get laid.
>inb4 "she"
Yes, top or bottom. But he has to be in full make up.I probably would do it less
