Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 7520. page
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You have 10 seconds to explain why you're not selling your body.
>>25027894
Because I'm ugly and no one would pay for it.
because you can have me for free
>>25027894
Pride and honor.
Better destroy the world than falling into decadency
Today in class the teacher asked everyone their plans for New Years. When it became my turn, I told them the truth, that I will throw grenades in the air in Counter-Strike and some fucking bitches said under their breath "wow" and "that's sad". It made me so fucking angry I could kill somebody right now. I took the rest of the day off. Fuck this shit. I hope IS strikes on New Years somewhere and I hope they strike hard.
Why did you tell the truth?
>>25027867
Because I am a bad liar. I should have said that I'm going to eat dinner with my parents too but I forgot.
>>25027867
Why tell a lie?
(not OP)
>Come back fom army training
>Go on origin to play bf4
>Game needs to update
>1.5gb update
>3 hour download due to parents shitty internet
>2.5 installation
>Dont get to play that night
>Wake up next day, go on origin
>90% of serves require the expansion version of the game
>Find a server
>Get these 'high tickrate' warnings. Game laggy as fuck. Dunno how to fix it, dunno wtf it means
>FUCK
>Go on today
>Internet seems better
>click server
>game doesnt load
>have to repair game, takes another 2 hours
This is why I drink.
>>25027854
Chocolate makes me sick now. I spent a few years without eating much of it, same for sugar, and now I can only eat very little of it without fucking up my internal plumbing. I could drink a liter of Coca-Cola in one sitting no problem. If I do it now, I'll feel sluggish for hours.
>>25027854
smugfroginblanket.exe
>>25027854
Use your enlistment bonus and get better internet
Post your last dream
>christmas day in some downtown city
>with 4 people i dont know and an married couple i dont but they dont talk to me anymore
>try to take a picture of skyscrapers with american flag in the photo
>literally not talking to anyone
>follow them but get stopped by a cop saying im not allowed to be eating outside...i wasnt
>lost the people i was with
>text the guys wife that i lost them
>>25027796
>in some kind of weird halloween fun house
>cramped as fuck and could hardly move through it
>some hot bitch jumps onto me and basically forces me to catch her
>she starts kissing me while I'm holding her and tells me to make a wish
>for some reason I say "I wish for you to not kill me"
>end up in an area with slightly more light
>she looks like an old rotting corpse of a hag
>says that she's going to fuck me to death
Scared the shit out of me when I woke up, but then I just thought it was funny because I thought of Mr. Garrison from South Park saying that he was going to fuck all of the illegal immigrants to death.
>>25027884
>i wish for you not to kill me
How do you get this low in life
>>25027970
What do you mean? I'm just paranoid, humans are some scary ass creatures. I'm not worried about any other animal killing me, ever.
I was a TA briefly and read quite a few papers.
It was pretty easy to tell which papers were written by girls since the amount of first person pronouns were tenfold that of a guy's paper. The writing constantly circled around them like water in a toilet bowl, never veering off too far into objective territory.
Try it yourself at home!
That's a trait of shitty expository writing in general.
Not stating there isn't a gender bias, but I've read tons of papers from guys that use improper personal pronouns constantly and unprofessionally.
>>25027541
women suk awalt
lmbo
>>25027541
There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing "I", "me", or "my". In fact, some papers are better for it.
How do people kill themselves without making a mess?
personally going to drown in the deep ocean
>>25027522
If you're gonna kill yourself who gives a fuck about a mess?
At first I was going to lay down plastic sheeting on a bed in a hotel and leave a notice on the door to call the police.
Now i'm going to hike deep into the forest and jump off a cliff. Let the animals clean me up.
OH GOD THIS GIANT SPIDER IS HOLDING ME HOSTAGE IN MY ROOM WHAT DO I DO OH FUCK OH FUCK
>>25027360
inb4 Australians
>THAT'S NOT A SPOIDAH
Put him outside. Put a glass upside down over him to trap him, then gently (to not hurt his legs) slide a piece of paper under the glass. Then take the glass/paper/spider outside, and shake the spider out of the glass onto the ground.
He did nothing wrong and deserves no harm. Free him!
>>25027384
OH MY FUCK IT ACTUALLY CRAWLED AWAY UNDER MY DOOR
I'M SAFE
OH THANK YOU JESUS
I LOVE YOU BABY JESUS FOR DELIVERING ME FROM THIS HELL
>want a gf
>but dont even have a driver license
>mfw i dont stand a chance
>want a gf
>also want to be a NEET with absolutely zero responsibilities, leading the most hedonistic and solitary life imaginable
meh
wageslaves who prostitute themselves but still don't gain access to the tribe's women are the ultimate cucks
>>25027286
>no driver's license
>no money because never had a job
>kissless virgin
>no real friends, just "people I know and see sometimes"
>live in a dry town so can't even drink
>>25027286
Just get a driver's license dummy
![845b88e529d06cb0700c46f48d4dff8e[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/rGzLaha.jpg "845b88e529d06cb0700c46f48d4dff8e[1]")
White woman:
>Ugly
>Either extremely stupid or SJW feminist bitches
>Age like milk
>Can't cook
>Bitchy and entitled
>Have no bodies or sex appeal in general
Woman of color are literally superior in every aspect.
Go ahead Stormfaggots on /r9k/ post a white woman more beautiful than this.
You can even post some swarthy Southern European whore who doesn't even look white.
That woman IS white OP
>implying white girls can compete with this
>>25026884
>dat cope
Holy shit!
Ask a man who has just come for the first time in his life anything.How was your first time, anon?
its like taking a good poop after a satisfying meal.
>>25026797
Was pretty good didn't wear a condom
My first couple of faps were uneventful, because I would stop myself before fully ejaculating. The cum would just kind of ooze out. I was always afraid of getting caught.
When I was 14 and had the house to myself one day, I was watching a cinemax movie. It was about witches I remember. I allowed myself to fully cum and it was a mindblowing experience. I was shaken to my core.
I will never experience that mix of shock, fear, and pleasure in my life.
I have psychopaths for friends. Ask me anything.
How do they abuse you?
>>25026859
i think he means you're his friend and you are the psychopath
>>25026912
damn, maybe, just maybe
also >>25026782
there is no pain, you are receding
>talking to female online friend for months
>feel myself falling in love with her
>finally see her face
>she's ugly
same here pic related
I was pretty much immediately disinterested
>female
>online
>friends with you
ITT: Things that never happened
>>25026806
don't project your dweebness on me
I go on r9k
I like video games
I have one cat
I'm a programmer
I like to hunt
I like to cook
OP is a faggot but sure
>Every year I harvest, dry, power, capsule then sell psychedelic mushrooms
>I have 250+ hours in Rocket League
>I take escitalopram in 10mg pills every day
>>25026668
>I have 3 mental disorders and 1 neuropsychiatric disorder
>I'm a computer science major
>I have never had a girlfriend or been laid
Hey everyone, open up your pepe pack and post your rare
Not a bad find.
>>25026663
What is this? Is this a misprint?
pepe pack unravel
This is the highest quality bait picture ever. Someone will fall for it every time. Truly the creator is a master of his craft.
>>25026652
I actually find it more funny that people like you exist, who would think that. It's a win-win for everyone.
The tabs are the best thing about it
>>25026708
tabs are too obvious. the use of internet explorer and bing show subtly and attention to detail that push the picture over the top
