Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 503. page
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if you were to fake your death, how would you go about it? and i don't mean how you would "kill" yourself.
Probablly make a suicide sound imminent and make everyone who would care hate me
Then get a skelly and put it in my house and burn it down, probably have to smash iut teeth so they can't use dental records.
leave a note somewhere saying I am committing suicide
there will be a tripwire next to the note that, when tripped, will release a skeleton (the uninformed will believe this skeleton to be me) tied to a lot of balloons that will then be free to float up into the sky never to be seen again
>>29803174
>Find someone who looks vaguely like me.
>Get to know them, talk a bit.
>Invite them over for some drinking, keep it on the down-low. Probably face to face, instead of texting.
> Do some stupid shit, get him shit-faced and try to stay sober myself. (I've got a decent constitution for this shit, so maybe it'd work.)
> Go to bathroom, faking a note from him that he didn't mean to kill me, and he was just pissed. He feels ashamed and all that stuff.
> Tuck it in my pocket, excuse myself to get some more beer.
> Get a knife from the kitchen while I'm at it.
> Hand him a beer, then stab him. Keep going until he's dead.
> Get a change of close and cover the house in gasoline.
> Take the dude's keys, give him my ID and stuff, take his wallet too.
> Burn the place to the ground, drive off in his car.
> Take his phone too, for added effect. Throw it away somewhere to pretend I'm fleeing the police.
> With-draw maximum amounts of money from several ATMs.
> Answer phone if any calls come about it being suspicious, tell them it's okay.
> Keep going until a few hours after the fire has been lit.
> Dump credit-cards, go a new direction at a 90 degree angle.
> Settle in a new state, wherever I am.
> Lose shirt, go buy a new one at wal-mart then put it on.
All in all, the only 'Hard' part would be getting the card number.
Sup robots, I MAY get laid tomorrow and ascend to normie heaven. However I'm not that sure. I've made out with this girl before and we're hanging out tomorrow with her cousin and her boyfriend (both friends of mine and we already made it clear to leave us both alone after drinking so I can go for it)
The thing is, I don't know if I should bring a condom. Will she feel offended/slutty if we're about to fuck and she sees that I had a condom already as if I knew that she was going to give in? She's not a virgin btw but I am so it makes it worse.
Saged and hidden. I just wanted you to know.
>>29803261
Wtf help a robot is in need here
also bump
no one uses a condom nowadays just rawdog and pullout because precum doesn't have semen in.
My little cousin is going off to college this year, and I'm afraid he may buckle to peer pressure and try cannabis.
>>29803117
I don't need drugs, I'm high on life
I only smoke sausage
lie about having asthma or emphysema if dishonesty isn't worse in your eyes than the devil's lettuce
Is this big enough for a millennial woman?
Yeah it's huge
>get out chad REEEEE
>>29803114
>shaved
Nah senpai you fucked it all up
>>29803114
>you will never have a dick this big
why even live
Just one question. Do you see any indication of butthole in this photo (outter coloration, etc.)?
>>29803028
There's definitely a discoloration where her anus is located.
You can absolutely see the darkend portion of skin around the anus.
Yes
wewew this is so original guis :DDD
>>29803028
I see it, women are sluts whores and subhuman beings desu
>leftists will defend this abomination
>>29802978
>leftists
how to spot an autist
>>29802995
>this post
cuck detected
>>29802995
This post was made by a married virgin cuck
Ask Umi.
>>29802957
is the new love live! shit?
>>29802957
Will I ever get good at drawing
>>29802957
Can I fuck Umi?
>start a chad okcupid for shits and giggles
>meets some nice girls
>start taking it seriously
>forgot i'm using the chad pic
>meet up with one of the girls
>mfw she laughed then called me a loser when she first saw me
its okay anon, we're there for you.
>>29802945
Dear, now why would you go and do a thing like that?
>>29803701
I wanted to troll some sluts and make a an /r9k/ thread and be cool for you guys.
Looks like I did get to make a thread
>her primal instincts have kicked in, she thrust her hips back and forth, passionately gasping and begging Chad to cum in her.
>meanwhile you are jerking off in a dark room and shooting your worthless genome on the floor only to miserably clean it up afterward.
How does this make you feel /r9k/?
I have a crush on some chick in one of my classes but I know she is repulsed by the sight of me and would rather die than even touch my unused shriveled penis. So rather I just fapped to the thought of her fucking other guys.
this feel so much op
a cruel baseless endeavor.
>>29802935
>shooting your worthless genome on the floor
haven't kek'd this hard in a while, thanks op
What's the point of it all?
And if having sex with attractive women is that important to you, why don't you just rape them? If you're really hungry to have a sexual niche then cut one out for yourself.
Well, we all know what time it is.
You all remember the rules, right? Come sit and have a drink and chat with the fellow patrons, or sit and reflect on your own. The pretzel bowl is free to snack on, but IDs are required for alcohol.
Current Mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEmsIkbdXEk
Guiness is all thanks
Real tired. Family has been in town for 1 day and there already starting shit.
i really wish i could make a decent post while drunk,
i really only ever post when i'm drunk, vut in over 6 years i only fucking shitposted
>>29803020
I feel that friend, I don't enjoy my family much either.
the king is back
>can't corner the dorner
Except that you can, and burn him to death in the process.
>>29802921
he sure was a niggera moderately faggoty, paranoid nigger
>>29803016
>paranoid
t. bootlicker nsa-supporting statist from reddit
I still love her even if we're over....
Feels thread let's vent
>tfw you will literally never love anyone again and you don't even love him anymore
It feels like something ate my soul 2bqh
>>29802904
Only girl I can say I've truly loved (had minor crushes and stuff before) lied to me, fucked me around and then completely cut contact. I want to hate her but I can't, and I find myself thinking about her all the time when I just wish I could move past her.
>I've never known love and I never will
Not really a feel but a fact about me
>breathing through both nostrils
life is gud
Amazing anon
amazing anon
you can't be a robot unless you have a deviated septum
I can't do that anymore unless I give my sinuses a good smack. It's a great trick for getting another hotrail in when both your schnozholes don't work anymore
>Girl if been talking with for a bit wants to have sex after our date tomorrow
>>29802868
Did you ask for an STD clearance?
protip: she's lying about birth control and she's fertile tomorrow
Use condom, finger her first and smell the pussy juice.
RANCID SHIT SMELL =RUN
All of you robots with mommy issues, why don't you just date a cougar?
It's easy as fuck, they have literally no standards and just want young prey, the more beta and virgin, the sweeter they will think you are.
Plus they will feed you and pay for your video games in exchange for a little sexy time, come home r9k.
>single moms
>divorcees
What could go wrong?
>hot older women are universally patient with virgins and don't expect anything from them except cummies
I wish
>cougarlife
>paying to get rejected the same way your beta ass would on a free dating site and chat with literal bots
Choose both.
