Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 7378. page
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ITT: random greentexts
>walking to the store
>see a huge fresh dogturd on the sidewalk
>avoid it
>walking back about 7 minutes later
>someone stepped in it
>mfw
>wakeup
>fatass chickadees outside window
>hopping around on power lines
>thunder and lightning very frightening
>stretch session commence
>loud crack
>outside: strobe on
>inside: lights out
>ooh.avi
>peek outside
>feathers
>later
>friendly neighborhood niglets gather around charred din-din
>one pokes it with a stick
>savages
>forgets about holiday turkey in oven
>ohno
>I am a savage as well
>mfw
>I'm a degenerate ne"er-do-well in my middle school years
>take up shoplifting, mostly because i didn't have a job, i liked the rush, and i got stuff to eat
>me and my friends go into this real small convenience store
>like extremely small, there's only one aisle and it stretches like 6 feet, this entire place is smaller than a 1 person dorm room.
>this store is SO badly laid out, there's an actual pillar in the middle of this store so basically everything behind looks shrouded in secrecy
>i go to the back, my friends are all distracting the store clerk
>i take like $20 worth of food and drinks, my friends calling me "swiper"
>completely get away with it too because it was a poor convience store and they didn't have cameras.
backstory
>i had strep throat 2 years ago during the first weeks in September
>i took medicine and antibiotics, both of which made me drowsy
what happened
>after laying in bed for 2 days i decide to go back to school insisting I'm fine
>in the car ride there i heard my stomach rumbling and i fart, think it's probably due to the antibiotics and think nothing of it
>i go to 1st period, nothing happening, but i have to go to the office and check attendance because i was out for two days
>i do so and come back
>i go back and my friends tell me
>"anon why is the seat of your chair soaking wet?"
>i look in horror at the horrible clear liquid that most likely came out of my ass in front of me and the general public
>they keep asking what happened, eventually it came to this
>"anon, did you shit yourself?"
>i say no, never wanting to admit that
>she's like "turn around anon", sees nothing, whatever
>i switch it with my friend's seat because i didn't want to clean it
>she walks in tries to take her seat my friend tells her to watch out
>she complains and cleans it up with some tissues teachers always have at their desk
>as she's wiping it up she says
>"that's a pretty shitty thing to do, what a sweaty asshole"
>my other friend being a cheeky cunt quips
>"yeah thats one sweaty asshole"
>laughingnervously
>eventually 1st period ends, i stand up last just in case this happens again
>nothing happened i go to the bathroom just to be absolutely sure
>i go into the stall, wipe my ass
>i did shit myself, it's on the underwear and on the side of my pants, but not directly in the middle
>FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
>try to clean as much as i can off
>think of a solution real quick, got it
>ill go home through the nurse and tell them my strep throats not better
>i do all that while trying to not sit on anything
>i get home, realized what i've done, change out of my clothes and all that
>lay down about to fall asleep, look up at the ceiling
>realize i shit my pants on 9/11
I've run out of Tarantino and shitty comedies on netflix, what movies and shows do you autists enjoy
Just watch IASIP
I've been getting back into anime and Watamoe is good if you don't mind anime.
Mr. Robot is good if you like computers.
Lady Snowblood is good if you want to watch what inspired Tarantino to make Kill Bill.
>Tarantino
>comedies
Get some taste normie
I just found out I am retarded.
>found out yesterday about misophonia
>wow this makes a lot of sense literally all of this applies to me
>today I tell my friend, he says "yea that's common with people on the spectrum"
>"haha yea ok fuck you"
>finish my finals and go home for break
>chatting with my mom, tell her about possible misophonia
>"Oh, yea did it say it was because of mild autism"
>wat
Had no idea. Was never social, but I figured that's just because I'm an asshole who doesn't know how to make friends. Now that I know, it is my responsibility to kill myself. Any suggestions?
>>25023122
I feel like I'm in the same situation
>always be bad in school
>always be bad with people
>get checked by doctor in my 20s
>have learning disability due to parents shit genes
That explains that. Just waiting for the day I get bored enough and end my life.
>>25023122
Mandatory Shitposting here
>>25023122
>misophonia
Fuck I think I might have this. I also think I might have autism.
yall niggas like apples right
can't answer that legally
>>25023093
>yall niggas
>>>/instagram/
>>25023093
HONEYCRISP OR DIE
>tfw i've played this on repeat 30 times and counting
JIBUN WOOOOOOOOOO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ7zQbMxm28
i can fix that
play this instead
deus vult
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB9WgR_N4h4
Don't blame you desusan
I did the same thing with Evangelion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgIzBX9oV80
>the majority of people on r9k don't get the reference anymore
so, /r9k/, when did you realize all women are pretentious assholes who don't appreciate solid romantic efforts?
>be in middle school, circa 2003
>have crush on girl, probably 7.5/10
>approaching winter break
>decide to make my move on her
>on the last day of the semester, i bring some mistletoe
>my plan is to find her, hold up some mistletoe, and kiss her
>it'll be original, quirky, and romantic
>find her at lunch sitting w/ guy i know
>whatever, it's time to make my move
>sit across from her, clear throat
>hold up mistletoe, smile
>she keeps talking to guy, not even a glance in my direction
>i stay there holding mistletoe and smiling for a good 5 minutes
>"anon what are you doing?" she says
>oh fuck
>i didn't plan this far ahead
>i start leaning in real slowly
>she asks again "anon what are you doing"
>i keep leaning forward, getting closer and closer to her face
>itshappening.webm
>she is visibly freaked out
>i lean all the way in, kiss her
>kinda miss her lips, end up kissing space between upper lip and nose
>she backs away, starts spitting
>"anon that was gross"
>guy looks at me, shakes his head in disappointment
>girl runs off, tells teacher, who tells principal, who calls mom
ended up getting in some big trouble for it. Why are women like this?
>>25022923
>>kinda miss her lips, end up kissing space between upper lip and nose
you fucking mongoloid, might have had sympathy if you weren't retarded
this is your story
>mistletoe shit
>go to kiss her
>she allows you
>you fuck it up and kiss below her nose
>>25022923
This is kinda creepy desu....
>>25022923
Dude not all women are like that. There are some real catches out there, you're probably just too awkward or some shit. Just break through your fear, and don't bullshit it. Don't second-guess yourself, next thing you'll notice, the girl you deserve will end up coming to you. Take my advice, married anon of 10 years here.
>go to mcdonalds
>ask for a double cheeseburger and mayo chicken
>Stacey behind counter says 'oh like a mcgangbang?'
>pretend not to know what she's referring to
>watch her get all embarrassed and flustered
You were probably just dumbfounded when she said anything other than "was that all?"
Should have said "You like to what?"
>>25022846
you lost a oportunity there bro, it was quick as fuck desu but you will regret later desu
I had an idea a while back as a result of the following:
>Checking out porn a while back
>Looking up Desi stuff for variety's sake
>Find this girl Bindu
>Look up more on her
>She was brought to the USA on a fiancee visa
>Pushed into sex work by her new husband
>But not the illegal kind, or so she insists
>Stripping/amateur porn mostly
>Her "husband" proceeded to live large on her earnings for years
>Apparently he did it to her older sister for years as well, and just replaced her when she left with the younger sister
>This is all perfectly legal
His technique could use some refinement. For one, she could have been doing professional porn instead of amateur stuff at home, as in actual porn shoots. When not on the pole or on his cock she could have been in her room camwhoring for even more money except when she needed to sleep.
1. pick up qt third world village girl while overseas
2. bring her back as my fiancee
3. break her in sexually
4. put her to work in a strip club
5. then camming
6. book her porn shoots
7. put all of the money after tax in a joint account
8. pay all bills from this
9. dump the money from that account into one just for me
10. divorce her for the new model when she burns out
11. kick her out of the country when I'm done
>This is perfectly legal as long as I don't make her escort
>After tax this is likely to yield 65k+ annually
>always have access to fresh virginal, exotic pussy from Asia, Nepal, Latin America, or Eastern Europe
Thoughts?
That's pretty smart. I "rescued" a third world girl, but that guy went above and beyond.
>>25022833
explain this 'rescue'
women from their home countries tend to keep within their race
I've had enough of the chads of the world stealing all the qt3.14 gf's. I want them all to suffer. BETA UPRISING NOW REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Beta Uprising Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6MUfTqb8wQ
>so on the eve of the attack
>finger trace the targets on their backs
>and open fire
Then go out and do something about it
make me proud son
>>25022644
>chads of the world stealing all the qt3.14 gf's
Who are you? CWC?
What's CBT like?
You generally use a piece of software or product as if it were normal operations, or you test specific parameters and then you give feedback and report your experience in order for deficiencies and flaws to hopefully be addressed.
Please respondorginalplZ
>>25022637
I mean Cognitive Behavorial Therapy
mystery.jpg appreciation thread
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Bfj8bBRUF0
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YVeMCfCNAw
Mystery only comes here for attention.
Why do you give it to her?
>>25022370
he sounds like a whorehow long will it be before you realise its a man retard?
>all these fucking threads
>have to comment filter "mystery" now
Fucking cunt. I hate you trip bitch for fucking up my board. You're worse than JLH's baitposting. Fuck you.
Is Tatay redpilled?
>>25022148
sorry, *Taytay
silly me >_<
Whoever really said that was spot-on.
>>25022299
It's from Mein Kampf
its chad bingo time, time to see how chad you are
>>25022055
>group sport in hs
>parents proud
>good at public speaking
that's about it
I'd be impressed to see people on here making 150k though.
>>25022055
Bench 250lbs at 168lbs bodyweight
Played a group sport
Technically made varsity(American football) before junior year, during offseason, my team was also a 5A division I team in Texas which went to state my first official year on varsity.
Squat 400lbs at 168lbs bodyweight
That's it.
>>25022055
I got the top two under B
>Parents are proud of you
they are now but not for long when I fail out of college
>Made Varsity before Junior year
yeah i was a swimmer
If that counts as a group sport then
>played a group sport in HS
too
>mfw cumming inside a tranny
>cumming inside a tranny
>not letting a tranny cum inside you
It's like you actually wanna be a faggot
>>25021928
>tfw don't have either of these things
fuck
>>25021889
Never had a faff and a laff with a tranny. They give a good willy snog? I imagine they really know how to fondle the bollocks.
>attend a uni with a 73% AR
>major Is undecided, want to major in philosophy but know it's a useless degree
Will it even be possible for me to get a job after school?
>>25021662
most important part is interning during the summer
a philosophy degree is pretty much a lock in for grad school or law
Not too familiar with philosophy majors though but I know one or two that became software devs
As long as you're white and put some effort into school then yes.
STEMfags will tell you otherwise and even though, yes they will make the most money, they tend to live much less enjoyable lives.
>>25021691
Only a freshman now. I have no connections and no idea where I could intern.
Do I need to be worrying about this now? How can I start making connections?
The world is suddenly looking much bigger then it did before.
![Taylor-Swift-Race-Mixing[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/DebbGif.jpg "Taylor-Swift-Race-Mixing[1]")
