Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2239. page
- Home
- Board: /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
- Reading: Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2239. page
Morning anon....
I hope you slept well, are you gonna get up and make me some yummy brunch?
no, you have shit hair and eyebrows
>>28949096
I hope there's a noose hidden under your blanket...
>tfw no cute /comfy/ bf
Do you get respected a lot as a soldier in America?
>>28949048
IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND THE TROOPS YOU CAN STAND IN FRONT OF THEM FUCKING COMMIE
No, 4chan contrarians that have never worked a day in their life whine about soldiers being welfare queens. College liberals whine about them being baby killers. If I could enlist, I probably would so I could swap four years of my life for a college tuition payment. Considering I'm broke as fuck.
>>28949048
Pffft no you get treated like a god. They get meals at restaurants for free, discounts everywhere. You wont have people coming up to you every minute saying 'thankyou' but yeah only leftists and commies hate the military.
>be robot
>Get gf
>Leave /r9k/ and put /fit/ and /mu/ as my main boards for the time
>Become a le Norman
>Find out that she was cheating on me
>Come back to /r9k/
Well that happened. I got to touch her penor and everything
How was the home while I was gone.
This was never your home
Welcome back, normie. Fuck off.
this happened to me too and now we're talking again after two years
looks like I'll be a Norman again temporarily until I get cucked again
sucks being such a pathetic beta cuckold that I can't stop loving someone who has hurt me so much
>tfw dropped out of high school
Why did you do that, you dumb faggot?
>>28948965
>Why did you do that, you dumb faggot?
**Why'd you do that, you dumb, faggot?
>>28948975
Useless correction. My sentence was correct.
>Hate every job ive ever had
>Dislike people
>Dont want a family
>Hate relationships cause women a shit
>Have absolutely no goals or motivations other than abstract ideasl of "living in farm in the middle of nowhere and doing nothing but living off the land and not interacting with anyone"
>>28948950
It's achievable...
>>28948950
Congrats, you're a total failure of a human being.
>>28948950
>The man who is isolated, who is unable to share in the benefits of political association, or has no need to share because he is already self-sufficient, is no part of the city, and must therefore be either a beast or a god.
which one are >we robots
>nothing to eat for 3 days
>drink only tap water
>didint lose a singel kilo
more proof that being overweight is a genetic illness
Come on anon, no need to lie on the internet
>>28948916
That's impossible.
Maybe you've got something hefty hidden within your rolls of fat.
>>28948995
didint even make this up
>toilet is clogged
>plumber coming tomorrow
>know its all the cum stained kleenex
>dads gonna be pissed
don't destroy evidence in the toilet.
kleenex cant clog a toilet, its too thin.
just jam something in there to loosen it.
>>28948763
Cut out the middleman and make your deposit straight into the toilet. Don't fuck around with kleenex.
Flushing your toilet every once in a while might also help.
I flushed a slice of pizza down the toilet and got it working again, without use of a plumber. You can fix this on your own.
un4chanately "unfortunately" has 4chan in it
>insert_kek.jpg
medium rare kek
K7k / k10k
>>28948719
did you learn that from a 4chan cookie or something?
So, I'm 20, and the girl I'm into right now is 16. Is this socially acceptable?
if in america, no, anywhere else, probably
>still associating with children
When I was 19 this 15 year old girl I worked with had a huge crush on me
This Chad got hired there and I caught her sucking him off in the basement. He was fucking huge, when I walked in his dick was on her face and it was a good length longer than her head
Turns out he was 26 and they had a thing later on after I quit
Think about that, girls born after the year 2000 are willing to fuck a guy 11 years older than them because he has a huge cock
Pic related
>>28948769
Why is that so weird? Girls love older guys, and not just because of cocks or whatever. They love that a guy so mature is paying attention to them of all people.
>girl gets on train
>sees a male friend of hera
>sits next to him
>starts exhaling and breathing fucking loud as if she ran a marathon (it's possible she ran to the train tho)
Would she start inhaling so loud if she sat beside and unknown person or someone she doesn't trust? What is she implying with this? It's a sign she's into the guy?
>>28948600
she had a vibrator in her snatch and was orgasming.
Now this is some vintage pasta
>>28948633
Are you retarded? I just wrote it myself. I'm on the train right now.
Wanted to post proof but the photo is larger than 2 retarded megs.
Can't take it fucked up morning pancakes, was going to kill myself last night fell asleep woke up distracted myself by making pancakes and wasted 7 eggs fucked up threw it all in the garbage. Dog pissed on floor. Have to mow lawn. No friends missed out on everything, don't get credit for anything, get lectured about things I'm already doing, get talked to like a regard, no one takes my side, everyone fucks me over. Put on 30 pounds in last month, waddling now
I'd eat your pancakes, pal.
Only if they're blueberry ones, though.
what so they say to you when they talk to you like a retard?
just fuckin do it, no need to be an attention whore on r9k
faggot
> Have an uncombed afro, although whiteboi
> Stopped caring when I entered hikki life, what can I say
> Kinda annoying and itchy
> Tried to shave myself, but 10$ machine gave up on it
> JUST.jpg
> Go to barber
> "Oh, you sure haven't been to the barber for along time, right?"
> herewego.mp4
> Barber tries to make smalltalk
> Answer inaudible and short
> Lady next to me lets out a giggle now and then
> Goes on for what appears to be an eternity
> "So, do you like it?"
> "Yeah, that's good!"
> Looks like shit
> Tip 10 bucks, because I don't want to wait for change
> Try supressing tears of rage and sadness as I rush home
>>28948490
>tfw you have curly hair and you either looks like a 8/10 or a 3/10 depending on your hair
>tfw your hair won't do anything it just wants to curl
>tfw people call you Will Ferrell
>>28948518
>Jewwy greek afro on head
>It only looks good when wet
Always thought I was 6'0 for some reason. Got my height checked by an infallible wall stuck tape measure, turns out I'm 5'10
What's the most painless way to kill myself
>>28948462
Does it even matter? I'm sure there are worse things going on in your life than you mistaking what your height is.
Set yourself on fire
It overloads the pain receptors so that you end up feeling nothing at allIt doesn't really lol, that was a joke
same thing happened with me, thought my dick was 6 inches but was only actually an even 4.5"
metric is a superior system but damn if it doesn't set you up for a fall
Daily reminder you're in love with a woman you know you can never have.
How are you holding up?
How are you holding up?
>tfw you're on phone and the scroll function is fucked, making you repeat yourself like an idiot.
Anyways, im not sure why i even care anymore. It's always the same shit, but for some reason i still feel like shit. Why have we evolved to feel jelousy?
She rejected me long ago but I still think about her. I think I have to kill her.
>>28948402
Shit sucks, anon. Tell me about her.
HOLY FUCK
Sorry for poor English
> finally get qt virgin gf, prude but pleasant and motivated personality
> date for several months, introduced to her mother
> pic somewhat related, her mom looked just like gf but taller and MASSIVE tits
> one day her mom asks me to help out with the garden as gf leaves for work
> hot day, take off my shirt after a while
> mom eventually comes out of the house, changed into short shorts and a tight tank top with no bra
> can't help but sport a chubby
> tells me to come inside away from the sun to get some lemonade
> comply, don't even bother to grab my shirt
> put on some Ren and Stimpy , her mom comes in with the lemonade and sits next to me, and puts her arm over my shoulders
> starts laughing at the show, leaning into me to make comments and jokes
> realize her tits are pressing into my shoulder and chest and her other hand is on my knee
> can feel heat radiating off her immense chest, notice her nipples are hard
> I am become diamonds
> am thin, well endowed (about the height of a beer bottle) and wearing tight jeans
>impossible to hide it
> she gives me a long look in the eye and smiles, rubbing my knee, gets distracted laughing at the show and spills lemonade on her chest by accident and gets some on my pants
> shirt instantly becomes see-through
> surpass the density of diamonds
> she swears and tries to wipe some off her tits and my pant leg, brushing my cock
> lets out a soft "oh" and chuckles
> looks me dead in the eye, strokes my cock again and takes off her god damn shirt
> chuckles again and says "its a bit hot for shirts anyways, right?" pinching my fucking nipple
> feel like I'm about to cum in my pants
> she quickly pulls my cock out and tells me to relax, swinging her leg over to the other side of me, pushes up against me and kisses me with my pulsing cock sandwiched between us
> "I want you to be confident for my daughter, don't be so nervous"
> starts jacking me off while dry-humping me and kissing my neck
> instinctively grab her waist
> she kisses me on the lips again, slides down and starts sucking me off
> goes slowly at first, then begins to deepthroat
> I'm moaning like mad, feel incredible pressure building
> warn her, she nods and keeps going
> blast an incredible load into her mouth
> pushes me against the couch
> "if you yuck all over my nice couch I'm going to be really upset... I might have to punish you"
> then puts her huge tits around my cock
> "you're seriously not allowed to cum on my couch you hear"
> the fear only makes me more excited
> she titfucks me, lost in the sensation and psychological aspect of my gfs mom's giant knockers on my dick
> realize I've "cooled down" quite a bit but I'm harder than ever
>"so you're ready now?"
> strokes me again and straddles me
> pulls her shorts to the side and puts my dick in her cunt
> my gf came out of there what the fuck
> doesn't matter I'm having sex right now holy shit
> shes bouncing on my cock and her tits are bouncing around
> grab her boob and pull her closer
> she humps harder and harder, moaning
> have an adrenaline rush, pick her up and switch positions with her
> start hammering her pussy, "thats it now, you're doing fantastic"
> move in and kiss her, start blasting cum inside her while still pounding her
> have 3 consecutive orgasms and almost faint
> "that was fantastic... just what I needed"
> she says we should shower
> both go in together, she sucks me off again and I titfuck her a second time until orgasm, blissfully blast another load all over her neck
> make out for about half an hour in the shower while I play with her tits and finger her
>we both sit in the shower exhausted but still wanting more
> we dry off, she says I need to come back around soon to "work on her garden", winking with each word and laughing
> go home, gf texts me good night
Im no longer a virgin but what the fuck have I gotten myself into...
Itt: the graduate
Also things that didn't hapen
But if that did happen to me I'd be super careful, even older women are still women.
pictures of mom or it didn't happen
