Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 1868. page
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So anons, how bout a story about the time I literally ate a dick?
>be me
>be 12
>mom takes us on bangin ass cruise
>got pizza, life was good
>basically did nothing but eat sweets & pizza the whole time i was there
>except for today
>get to the island, find out it's Trinidad and Tobago
>cool i guess
>eat t&t foods
>not sweet, 0/10
>We get on this boat or wherever
Cont?
>>29162255
This is an original comment designed specifically to urge you to continue your story, OP.
>>29162295
aight, will continue.
>bunch of niggers start talking to us
>"You gonna have a good day today mon, we gettin da conch for one lucky mon to enjoy!" >aight cool
>guy fucking swan dives off the boat
>plunges into 30ft of water
>we drive off
>mfw
>we get to shore, massive seaweed monster walks up from the water
>oh wait it's just the guy
>guy holding a conch shell
>raises it up and shouts "who wants it ledies an gentlemon?!"
>ofc everyone raises their hands and cheers for it
>fuck put your hands down i want this thing
>the guy smashes a tiny hole into it and pulls out some longass green wiggly tube from it >"who wants it now mon?"
>crowd goes silent except for me
>hands me flappy greens
>tells me if i want the conch shell i have to eat it
>challenge accepted motherfucker
>slurp that thing down like no one's business >tasted like buttered spaghetti
>crowd is cheering for me
>i'm like, I kid you not: "woo spoogetti!"
>am now considered autistic by entire cruise ship guests
>the nig tells everyone that what i ate was "the conch animal's "phallic organs"
>guy told me to eat a dick
>i ate that dick like it was spaghetti
>get the conch, some chad laughs at me
>fuck you guy you raised your hand up before me
>shocked the rest of the way back
>was bothered that i enjoyed eating dick
>still questioning my sexuality to this day
How does this make you feel?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whf0VPidcXA
>>29162177
>white kids
>crazy
Is that normal for normal 15 year olds?
Feels worse than usual. If it's not that this is kind of a sad birthday anyway where there's some bogus expectation of ceremony, it's because this is more for the parents who think they are being supportive of their apathetic manchild who made it one year further into his complacent adulthood. The depression is just a phase. All he needs is some sunshine and coddles.
Why are you racist, /r9k/? It's irrational to judge people based on the color of their skin.
>>29162149
r9k doesn't take so well to ugly shaming bro
>>29162162
>>29162162
This. Phenotype is out of everyone's control, this board can attest to that personally and sympathizes with the ugly and malformed, please leave and never come back, Normie-scum OP.
>>29162216
>>**and malformed. Please
Elliot Rogers didn't snap becsuse of issues with girls. He snapped because he couldn't handle being gay.
>gay
no, he was asexual.
go read up on what he thought about when he saw porn, he was frightened of it, disgusted etc.
>>29161970
he wasn't gay you retarded faggot, give me one piece of evidence and i will refute it
Just watched a few of his videos and he was so painfully, obviously a fag. I've had friends go apeshit because they couldn't come out or couldnt realize they were gay.
Elliot would have been fine if he would have just let someone pound his boipucc.
ITT we post rap songs that pump you the fuck up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n96InrwfFg8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVjk9firE9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u0c5AcFe_8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCu-2ekdFe4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc5sA0Z5Yfw
https://youtu.be/XnJmt_Yu7_I
BUFFET BOYS
GLOBAL TILL DETH
Okay, senpaitachi.
https://youtu.be/2TOB2McGSVw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAzzv6Ks9nc
Thugger 4 prez
>go to see an escort tonight
>arrive
>cute girl
>GIANT ass
>South African accent
>go into bedroom
>Start getting into it
>she puts a condom on me
>stick my dick inside her
>she says I have to cum fast because shes alergic to condoms
>alergic to condoms
>a prostitute
>alergic to condoms
Just when i thought the world didn't have a sense of humor
If she was really alergic to latex she'd just carry latex-free condoms. She was just trying to get rid of you fast.
>>29163409
Sorry OP but this. Hope u didn't pay too much.
>>29163409
Yeah this
I have seen many escorts and never heard this. If they told me this and didn't have a back up condom it would be the one time out of 60++ times iv gone that I would straight up demand my cash back and tell her to fuck off for wasting my time
Then probably go shitpost on the local escort forum about her.
I live where escorts are legal but protection is required, so if she was trying to rip me off like that when I payed for x amount of time I would call the people and get her in shit.
If you guys don't have obese parents then you don't understand real humiliation in eatery establishments
>Father is 340lbs
>Mother is 260lbs but much shorter
>Once a month they force me to go out and eat with them
>They always try to be cute
>They are proud of their obesity
>They have 'props' they bring with them to every restaurant
>For example, they find the restaurants menu online then write it down on a huge piece of card and pull it out at the restaurant and start saying ''big menu for big people!'' and laughing while everyone else is silent
>at the end of the meal my dad always squats and rips his pants causing change to fall out because he hides it there then says ''we tip with a rip!''
>they always laugh at me for ordering normal portions
LITERALLY humiliates me every time and they don't care.
>>29161824
that's actually fucked anon i feel bad for you
Well if you cant fight them join them otherwise just move far away really far away probably out of USA.
>>29161824
> and now in this thread: Things that have never happened.
I really want to film a documentary about what it's like to be homeless.
I've been planning it lately. I started the framework for a kickstarter campaign, I approximated costs, and decided the direction of the documentary.
We'd get new shoes at the beginning of the filming. We'd get a feel for them, lace them up, head out. As we meet homeless people that we think are worth interviewing, and we learn their stories, we ask them about their shoes. Where they've traveled in them. How long have they had them. Then we go buy them a fresh pair of Nike kicks, the less fitting the better (not literally, I'm talking about an elderly white woman with air force ones). When we reach our destination, we look at our once new shoes, and reflect on where they've taken us and how hard it was.
Would you be willing to travel across the country as a vagabond, recording the adventure and opening your eyes to a new lifestyle?
I need a bored down for anything madman neet to be a cameraman.
If I wasn't a NEET, I'd say yes.
Also you'd want a cameraman who'd know what they're doing. Amateur level film won't impress anyone.
>>29161818
sure, i live in new zealand
>>29161818
this sounds fuckin coolio bro, take some inspo from this old vice series about homeless and traveling the country n shit : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO3-AAVTeDA
Wondering especially about the cute guys who work out and have big dicks. Asking for a friend, obviously.
>>29161787
Depends if passable or not, if so, then without a doubt I would.
I don't work out nor i have a big dick, but i want a mtf gf.
Sure, as a practice gf
> elliot rodger only killed 6 people
why not more
Because he was a failure.
>>29161778
poor planning
A FUCKING DOORoriginalblox
Why do fat chicks have it so easy compared to fat guys and yet fat chicks constantly complain about fucking everything?
>>29161775
theyre girls, thats why and the only reason why
>fat chicks have it so easy compared to fat guys
Except that's wrong.
>>29161775
They are women anon they are programmed to always bitch pathologically.
Why don't you like clubbing Anon?
>>29161740
what the actual fuck?
there is no way they are old enough to get into a club...
is there fucking estrogen in the water or something? what the actual fuck is this?
>>29161740
Id only embarrass myself.
It takes me a fuck ton amount of alcohol to have fun at a club. I think the only time I really enjoyed myself at a club was when I went to a concert of one of my favorite DJs and I was so drunk that I was on the edge of blacking out.
>>29161884
There are a ton of 'youth clubs' for 18 and under kids. At my high school it was a pretty big deal. They were supposed to be alcohol free but people got creative on how they got stuff in.
>tfw no narcissistic gf to worship
I'd lick her butthole daily
>implying they'll let you worship them
They'll be disgusted by you for being so beta
>>29161715
I work with a narcissist, it's not all that great
ITT draw yourself and your waifu in ms paint
please respond i am so lonely
Good work on the artwork OP, I'm shit at drawing but I hope your thread gets lots of replies. My waifu is Yuuko from Nichijou
I'm not sure if I have a waifu but meiko is my favourite character from prison school
ITT we post memes that normalfags like.
cave man spong is funy mee mee
Netflix & chill
i fucking loooove the pepe
https://youtu.be/ajX6CGDMvB8
