Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 4402. page
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Was Diogenes of Sinope the first Robot?
>Lived in a barrel
>Jerked off in public
>Probably died a virgin
>Threw dead animals at known SJW Plato
>Told Alexander the Chad to fuck off when he came to him for advice
>His only friends were a bunch of dogs
>Trolled normies in the marketplace by following them around with a lamp
Dude was a classic robot.
(Side question, why the fuck did old painters not paint classical figures as dressing the way that they dressed? Every time I see paintings from the Renaissance depicting classical history everyone's always dressed like knights and shit)
>>27495997
>Side question, why the fuck did old painters not paint classical figures as dressing the way that they dressed? Every time I see paintings from the Renaissance depicting classical history everyone's always dressed like knights and shit
Because they literally didn't know. I wondered the same at some point and the anwser is that acurate historical portrayal is hardly possible if information even about the right-now is very limited, let alone 1000 years ago.
nope, far too confident.
pre-emperor claudius fits the bill
>>27495997
>people tell him to help during siege of city
>pushes barrel back and forth
>"I'm helping!"
10/10 excellent shitpost
Are females really interesting people you'd like to talk to and get to know? Are they fascinating and so on? Or is it all about getting to fuck. I heard that men only get female friends cause they want to fuck them one day?
Any normie want to answer? I really have no idea.
>>27495938
Women are not interesting in any way because they spend a majority of their time cultivating their social lives and improving their appearance. Thus, that's the only worthwhile part about them, thus they are only good for sex.
Some are.
Well after 7 years of being a NEET I think I'm finally going to leave my abusive home and family behind. I've lived on the streets before so I know it's not hard but it's still a pretty huge decision. I live in south FL so the weather won't be a problem.
Just needed to tell someone I guess.
Fuck me.
what's the most important thing to do if you're living on the streets
>>27496007
Stay true to the streets.
>>27496007
Have a bottle of water, stay hydrated(I live in Florida), and have food stamps so you can feed yourself, and have access to a local library.
>penis just got hard and straight
What the fuck do I do?
>>27495872
Slam it against the wall.
masturbate savagely while gripping a rosary and screaming mary's name and also satan's
>>27495917
Last time i did that all the dinosaurs died
Why haven't you become a sissy cumslut yet? It's 2016, come on already.
these captions are always the most autistic thing I see all day
>>27495876
Traps are just ascended autists who realize they can be NEET forever and get boys to buy them anime figs by taking hormones and canwhoring.
>>27495904
then explain why they kill themselves so much?
What's the point of living if you don't look like this?
Hobbies, nx reveal, etc.
>>27495845
It's pretty enjoyable even if you don't look like that. Why wouldn't it be?
Because I would hate being an introvert.
>tfw used to be an archetypal omega male who always put women on a pedestal and got friendzoned almost every time I asked any girl out because I was always too much of a "nice guy" for them
>wanted to fuck women so bad but couldn't
>hated my life
>hated my body
>tfw decided to completely kill my male body and started taking mones
>tfw got nice puffy nips and love handles now
>tfw everything that made me a man like my body hair, upper body strength and penis/testie is slowly disappearing
I will never be able to have children now but I can at least be an onahole for robots. Any robot here wants to use a ticklish sensitive fucktoy? There is nothing I wouldn't do.
>>27495808
No, get out degenerate
>>27495808
where u from senpai
>>27495808
How about finding a bf who will love you? Why do you want to be abused? Why do you want to be a sexual relief machine? Why don't you try to bond with someone? How about cuddling naked and passionate kisses and tummy tickling and neck biting and stuff like that?
Life is a hassle and people are shit. How many of you have realized this? How do you deal with it?
>>27495629
I deal with it with being nice to people even if they are shit to me. They will feel better about themselves, relieve their problems on me and I will have easier time killing myself. I couldnt do it on my own so I hope that they will make my life even worse if Im nice to them so I can get past the edge one day. It seems Im going that direction as I am nothing more than a slave to people in work, home or anywhere else.
Its not a perfect way but its the only plan I have for finally killing myself and not having to care about any of this human nonsense.
>>27495717
anon are you trying to break my heart too
>>27495629
drugs and computers (not video games)
Women are delicate and fragile:
>Cry more than men.
>Adore fluffy animals.
>More likely to be vegetarians.
>Maternal.
>Are more easily damaged by promiscuity.
How do we make women fragile and delicate again robots?
My sister cries at sad adverts I shit you not. She also just cries randomly for no reason sometimes wtf.
the image of women being fragile and needing help is why most women are shit now, so why would you want that
>>27496718
Complete opposite. We have negated any assumption of biological essentialism for women's nature.
Does it make anyone else sad as fuck?
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1sdpo0TVWOi
I sang it so it would sound even more depressing to me and you guys. Post your versions too.
>>27495592
Weird fucking link
you think im clicking that?
>>27495592
yeah you sound depressed af
like you're dead inside. you should probs get on anti-depressants
>>27495678
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1sdpo0TVWOi
its legit u retard. Its op singing a beautiful song.
>work from 9 to 5
>spend 3 fucking hours in traffic
>come home and open my apartment to this
>a fucking neet is taking my wifes clothes off, preparing to pleasure her
>she doesn't even fucking care that I can see her
WHY WHY WHY. WHY DO THE FUCKING NEETS GET ALL THE BABES. CAN'T YOU FUCKING NEETS LET ME HAVE MY WIFE AT THE VERY LEAST? YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN MY HARD EARNED TAXES. PLEASE NEETS I BEG OF YOU.
You guys really have nothing better to do all day than make these threads hunh
is this false flag trolling
The neet sits alone in his small apartment
The cool breeze from the window is the only thing that reminds him he can actually feel anything beyond his autism and huge unfulfilled sexual appetite.
Once again, he posts another thread portraying from another's perspective how fantastical his life should have been, how he was taught it should be. Maybe this time someone will believe it, but he knows they wont. They never do.
As he ferments further into a foul stench of salty, greasy food and unwashed body odours, the neet looks at the update button on his smudged, cum covered laptop screen and mashes the mouse with his Cheeto stained, pudgy fingers. "This time. This time I'm sure." He wheezes, the sweat of his body causing his sore skin to itch again.
"This is the life, after all".
Is "I have severe depression and I'll probably kill myself if you don't have sex with me" a good pick-up line?
I hope you get baker acted
>>27494645
yes, make sure you have a gun too for increased chance of success
>>27494645
>has sever depression
>has enough of a libido to be able to even get hard around a woman
yeah nah nigga
TFW I've been vegan for the past 3 years and I just just ate family sized steak pie to myself.
I don't have a reaction image for this feel.
>>27494585
Congrats....? Why did you give in op? Why become vegan in the first place? Is anyone ridiculing/praising you for your choice to meat it up?
Also, good feel or badfeel?
>>27494585
Oh no, I have crohn's disease, the little men in my tummy must be very mad!
>>27494620
Gave in because I was really hungry and it was just there.
Became vegan for moral reasons (inb4 tumblr)
No-ones commented yet because it just happened.
I have no idea how I feel. I'm kind of mulling it over and waiting for that to kick in.
How do I stop being a lazy fuck?
I'm currently suffering from depression and I'm taking 50mg of Sertraline every day. I'd surely say I got better if I'd have to compare my current state to one year ago, but it's still not enough. I want an actual change into my life, and I know that I'll have to get to work in order to achieve it. But my indolence is overwhelming and it prevents me to do any productive task. Also, even if I accurately plan my day, I always feel too tired to performe the most basic and fundamental thing to get started. Furthermore, I think I might be suffering from a minor case of ADHD, since my attention span is quite short and basically useless, but I haven't told to my psychiatrist yet.
I need to act now. Recommend me any way to get my ass off the bed so that I can reach a successful normie life. Supplements? Meds? Life-coach books? Anything that would work or that have actually worked for you.
Let's also start a /climbingtothetop/ thread, I guess.
>how do I stop being a lazy fuck?
I too need an answer to this question. I might just off myself because living takes too much damn effort.
You want to stop being lazy? Call your internet company and have it shut down.
I lived without internet for 9 months. All of a sudden i had lots of time to do everything. Most important, when i wanted to use internet, i had to leave the house and go to the public library or some coffee place.
>>27494348
>50mg
Max dose is 200, so you obviously haven't tried everything. Personally I hated it when I was on it (mostly because my parents forced me when I wasn't depressed) but it could be great for you and you just aren't taking enough. Get your psychiatrist to up the dosage.
Can we get a good old fashioned tard thread going?
Never see these on r9gay anymore.
>First day at my school for J (other downy kid in my year)
>I'm only around 8 years old at the time
>its the afternoon and almost 'home time'
>im sitting at my desk
>downy has been put into 'time out' near my desk for some reason
>think he was attacking people or trying to molest them earlier that day
>I hear him making some fucked up downy mouth noise
>he does this ALL the time, constant
>look down at him
>blank expression
>i look down at his crotch
>huge fucking wet patch, like massive
>look back at him
>huge shit eating grin appears on his face
>i tell the teacher
>he gets sent off with two other kids from my class to go get changed in the boys toilets
>they escort him
>he has a huge fucking wet patch on his arse too, fucking jesus
>some time passes by
>teacher looks for a couple people to go check up on them
>i dont' pass up on the opportunity as im a keen observer of tard behavior
>i head down to the boys toilets with my best bud
>other two kids are standing outside the bathrooms
>ask them what's happening
>they just keep telling me "dont go in there"
>i go in there
>its dead silent, no one else around
>look around and see his completely soiled clothing articles lain about
>underpants drenched with piss and loaded up with bits of shit
>oh my word
>"J, you there?"
>repeat a couple times
>loud as fuck tard screech
>"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>"GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>jet out of there fast as I can
>tell the others what I saw
>we all decided to investigate
>we huddle around the cubicle the downy is occupying
>he lets out another tard screech, although not as loud this time
>"BAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
>starts kicking his own door
>eventually opens up
>holding a bag of pants soiled clothes
>starts swinging it at us wildly
>hits one of the other kids
>we all leave
>teacher finally rocks up
>it's over
>day fucking one
>grade 4
>science room/class
>this slightly intellectually disabled girl with aspergers mum died recently (she hung herself because two of her other kids were full blown retards and her rich husband was leaving her with nothing and the tards)
>this aspie girl usually hides in the desk and cries really hard, obviously mourning her mother
>normally i always check under the desk just because
>notice she isn't around
>look under desk
>downy kid (a year older than us) is literally pinning her down and dry humping her from behind
>shes bawling her eyes out at this point and red in the face
>downy is raping her minus penetration
>inside im keking
>for some reason I paused and carefully plotted in my mind the next actions
>I calmly tell everyone in the class room to just leave and Ignore J (the downy)
>teacher is abscent
>everyone listens to me
>what the fuck
>everyones leaving the class room
>im ushering them out like some white knight
>im the last person to leave
>its just the aspie girl screaming and crying and the downie on stop of her molesting her and calling her "his babeh"
>i make direct eye contact with the aspie girl
>slowly shut the door and back out
>dont know what happened after that
>later in the day back in the main class room (grade 4)
>teacher fucking applauds me for "acting maturely" and "doing the right thing"
>it was fully my intention the entire time *not* to do the "right thing"
>mfw
>Be riding my motorcycle
>Old 90's ZZR600 with twin exhausts.
>Pull up at a junction and see a 250lb potatohead standing at a bus stop with it's tardwrangler
>I can see it looking at the bike, dribbling, with the sun glinting off it's pyramid shaped bald head.
>Hold in the clutch and pin the throttle
>Tard gets scared, literally shits it's pants and starts beating up it's wrangler
>MFW
>Lived near a retard school when I was a kid
>These were some hardcore mongs, the fences were old wraught iron bars 3 inches thick and 9 feet high to stop the jellyheads escaping
>Sometimes I'd go past at playtime and throw them some scraps of dogfood over and pet the tamer looking ones
>After a while I decide to put the fences to the test and start teasing them with sweeties
>Putting mars bars thru and pulling them back at the last minute, that sort of thing
>They start having a mass spack attach, slamming their solid bones skulls up against the bars and screaming 'MLLAAAAARRR!!' at the top of their lungs
>Suddenly one of the bars shatters under the onslaught and a pack of enraged window lickers is chasing me down the street
>Barely make it out alive and have to throw all my chocolate bars on the ground to stop them tearing me apart like a ragdoll
Mong strength is no joke, lads. That fence would have stopped a speeding freight train but it was no match for these 'tards.
