Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 599. page
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>work on a building site for a new house we are building
>Today its only me on site bar one of the plumbers coming later in the morning
>Decide i need to poop and use the upstairs toilet, because thats the floor im working on
>Take the most satisfying shit ive had in a while
>Something doesnt seem right
>Instead of hearing the "ploob" sound of shit hitting water all i hear is "thunk"
>Turns out the upstairs toilets arent in use yet
>Panic
>Decide to lift shit from toilet bowl and try and put it in the downstairs toilet instead
>While im running down the stairs cradeling this shit i meet the plumber coming up the stairs the other way who sees me with shit in hands
What the fuck do i do?
>>29761226
you're fucking done kiddo
leave town
should've just flung it out the window or something
>>29761285
What if it landed on him anon?
I finally thought I got bored of you guys...feeling like shit, realized that you are all I have for now, had to come back.
Rate my ugly 18 year old mug.
You look like a raging faggot.
>>29761218
Who're you trying to get crazy with, esse? Don't you know I'm loco?
>>29761508
Thnx bro...someone confirmed it for me finally.
>mfw I realize 4chan is filled with kids and falied adults
>mfw some of the more impressionable youngins look up to the distorted world views of fuck ups
>mfw the circle of degeneracy continues with the next generation of shitstains, each getting worse and worse as the years roll by
Made this for you OP, feel better!
>>29761181
Yes, as a 32yo it feels good to pass on some of my life experience to the young pepelets here, as sour and hateful as it is.It's the closest I'll come to reproducing
>>29761196
I like it, thanks senpai.
Have you ever been to a topless beach? Share some stories.
Nudist beach somewhere near spain, i remember even the 13 year old girls were nude.
Actually, i specially remember that.
But i got a boner watching some 20+ girl with huge tits.
>>29761065
Where i live it is normall for women to go topless on the beach,
Sydney australia
Every beach is by definition a topless beach
DO NOT FALL FOR THE BOYPUSSY MEME.
Seriously don't. Here's my story.
>find a kind MtF little fat, very tall
>we talk end up online dating and having online sex
>turns out we're both virgin
>we meet up
>5/10 as a MtF
>kiss a lot and have sex
>no lube, lot of saliva to get in
>feels like heaven
>end up having lots of sex in the next three days (we were in a 4 stars hotel)
>fast forward 6 months
>lost a lot of weight
>solid 7 without any make up, the personality makes a 10
>met my whole family
>every single one of them never questioned if she was a born girl
>ask my older brother (a literal faggot) if someone raised an eyebrow
>he said nobody did
>my grandma loved her
>fast forward to today
>been dating for 3 years, living together for 2
>we share every bill
>she's been as loving as ever
>we still have sex very frequently
>we never fight, always settle stuff rationally
>watch anime, play games together, just chill in each other companies
>I plan on marrying her and maybe paying surrogate
Do not fell for the boy pussy meme, you may defeat the vaginal jew.
That's kinky brO
>tfw no cute mtf gf to love and cuddle
Whatever you say, however you try and justify it, you have no way of refuting or disputing this point:
You're gay
who else is trying to become one of them?
and also is this thing even real?
>Secret Agents
what is this meme
>>29761058
not a meme, just a job that is praised in every fucking single movie, you know that guy who travels around the world, fuck bitches, has acces to the best cars and wears suits aka james bond
>>29761090
If i was a secret agent would i have to use gun guns are for pussies
When was the last time something made you sad (outside of the state of your own life).
>Driving home from my parents yesterday
>Someone's dog had been completely destroyed by a car
>You can see where the car attempted to swerve to avoid but it looks like the dog ran the wrong way
>Guts and entrails everywhere, basically all that's left is the upper body
>Clearly was someone's pet, had a brand new 4th of July bandana on, a collar and a leash on
>Still bothering me now
I don't know why it made me so sad, more sad than mad too. It just bothers me that someone cared enough about this dog to deck it out for the holiday but not enough to keep him inside during the show.
>>29761007
That's really fucking sad. Dogs don't deserve to die.
>>29761007
>Clearly was someone's pet, had a brand new 4th of July bandana on, a collar and a leash on
Oh man, that hit me right in the feels.
I guess earlier today, when I went to an old discord group and realized that no one was active in it anymore, and everyone that I had liked either deleted their accounts or unfriended me.
Drove by a car accident and never heard a woman screaming so loud and dramatically because her child was trapped in the car. It gave me goosebumps.
Are "virgin killer" girls a real thing? Or do they only go for cute boys? Are they pretending or is being a virgin really an arousing factor for them?
Being a virgin is only arousing if you are cute and innocent, if you are a fat beta then not so much
>>29760987
>Are "virgin killer" girls a real thing?
think I might have met one once
she was a pretty cute girl actually, it was nighttime and after getting her skype and texting me for like an hour she asked if I was a virgin then asked if I wanted to come over for pizza and sex
she looked pretty clean, and she went to university, she didn't look like some STD-riddled slut, I was surprised at this offer
I got scared and never contacted her again lol. still a virgin, thinking back on it I don't know if I regret it or not
I don't think I could shamelessly consider myself a robot if I lost my virginity so I think I am happy with the outcome. And considering I am the way I am I don't think there's any way this situation could have turned out differently, I would have ghosted her or ended up not going or getting scared at some point or something
>>29761085
>being happy about considering yourself a robot
This board is dangerous.
>tfw no submissive skinny feminine sligthly weeby internet addicted skinny, boyfriend
>>29760982
>Tfw no entitled whore to take my money, refuse to have sex with me and threaten a rape accusation if I ask her to get a job or move out
The saddest part about these threads is that now since there are so many of them it's hard for robots to actually tell if they're real or not and so opportunists are missed
Also
>submissive
>feminine
Disgusting
>>29760982
I'm all of those things except submissive.
I fell in love once. It fell apart in a horrible way and we will never speak again. She refused to acknowledge the things she did to hurt me and refers to what we had as "an abusive relationship". I've slept with other, more attractive women since but have never felt that kind of connection and bond. I have a deep sadness in me, my broken heart never healed. Am I fucked for life to be lonely and unloved and to only have casual sex, never to make love again
>>29760942
then the women you fucked aren't actually more attractive
> see gorgeous girl today
> spend an hour pussying out
> she leaves and never comes back
> put my hand up some roastie bitch ass instead
> wish I put my hand up the other girls ass
> don't really care because I have plenty left to fuck
TAKE YOUR FUCKING CHANCES FAGGOT
the fuck room is my den, my world.
>>29760992
No they definitely were...but with them, they act like they like me, but it's really just an impersonal thing, a way to get off, they don't care about me as a person. With Her, she made me feel like I was special, like she really cared about me.. that is until she changed. I overheard her say once "I was a pushover" in referring to her time with me. To her it wasn't even real. And now I can't even enjoy having a fuck buddy because I know I'm not that important to them. I feel like I felt this false thing that was more beautiful than anything in reality and nothing will ever compare. I'll just be chasing that dragon while knowing that anyone you get attached to will just change or get bored or betray you or leave
Someone tell me I'm wrong
> If you use social media like reddit facebook tumblr twitter ect. you are a fucking normie.
> If you wear trendy clothes say trendy words or only focus on anything trendy cool or hip you are a fucking normie.,
> If you ONLY like stuff that is mainstream & popular in 2016 & dislike or do not care for anything from past decades & if you use the current year argument you are a fucking normie & you do not belong on 4chan
> NORMIES GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .
>get out
Is that why you keep following me to tell me that I need to get out?
>>29760857
All normies need to get out anon.
>>29760829
>>29760974
> believing there is such a thing as a normie
You can live a perfectly happy life without being "normie", but that's not to say it doesn't require some work.
am i bad looking?
>>29760666
Look fine to me bro.
>>29760666
Average. Could pull women.
>>29760666
you're fat. or at least skinnyfat. you have a fat face. it's not even worth commenting on your attractiveness until you lose that fucking fat so we can see what you actually look like.
>You're walking to class on campus when you hear someone walk up behind you.
>There's an audible slap that rebounds off of your ass and echoes throughout the courtyard.
>You freeze.
>You immediately suspect it's one of the girls from your university's varsity rugby team.
>Several of them have molested you in the past and this is their usual approach.
>You begin to spin your head around.
>As your eyes rotate towards the person behind you, thoughts of fear and vindication cross your mind.
>Today is the day you put a stop to the rugby team molesting you.
>With your fist half-cocked, you make eye contact with the person behind you.
>It's Emma Watson.
>As you're staring at her in complete shock she smiles at you and says, "Oi, love, the cavalry's here".
What do you do /r9k/?
My sister kicked my butt today, literally.
>>29760637
>Oi, love, the cavalry's here
dafuq is this supposed to mean
I would probably say "s-sorry" then runwalk away
if she chooses to molest me I would let it happen but I would not be happy about it
> confess my love for her
> shebursts into oppressive laughter
> see her friends behind her
> she walks back to them laughing "omg i cant believe that creep fell for it"
> stood their frozen in place with a bright red face
> compartmentalize the memory and humiliation
> continue on with what can only vaguely be described as a "life"
> remember and relive this experience as an eternal recurrance
> the more time passes since the event the more distorted and exaggerated my imaginary version of it becomes
> worse events happen in the future and take the place of this one
OKAY FAGGOTS I'VE HAD ENOUGH
I know there are some of you out there who have been thinking about doing NoFap. Maybe you've tried it before, maybe you've never attempted it. Well I'm here to tell you that if you have ever planned on doing NoFap, now is THE FUCKING TIME.
NoFap is the trial of the ultimate Alpha warrior. A soldier who fights when he thinks he can fight no longer. The strongest of the strong.
But I know the struggles of the NoFap warrior. You have to be hard on yourself. You are NOT a special snowflake. This ain't some Deepak Chopra hand holding club where everyone lives forever as pink unicorns or some shit. This is a bloody visceral gore infested battle field. There is the enemy over yonder. Masturbation is his name. Attack! No mercy.
You are not alone. You have the support of every other robot doing NoFap behind you. Today we transcend our primal desires. Today we fight.
I will be making this thread each day, incrementing the counter by one. This challenge will last until August 1st, the Day of Eternal Fap. Join me by posting in this thread each day with support for others. You are banned from posting in this thread if you have failed the challenge.
TO GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Protip from someone who's been doing this on and off since 2012: the point of NoFap is to be so busy that you don't have time to bust a nut.
And if you're going to replace time spent watching porn/fapping with time spent mindlessly fucking around on 4chan you're a fucking retard.
That said have fun and do something productive.
>>29760594
We stay strong in our pursuit brother.
>>29760998
Is there any evidence suggesting no fap is anything but a placebo?
Do you have loud farts or silent ones?
Loud ones lately and I purposely fart around my gf.
lately it has been loud ass blasts
(((FARTS)))
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAPPPP
