I need your help /r9k/ -- this may seem small and insignificant to some of you but it's a stupid situation and I'd like to resolve it without me looking like a fucking weirdo.
I moved in with a roommate 3 months ago. I am a pretty anxious and easily embarrassed guy. I never liked farting out loud when my roommate was home. I found the easiest way to get rid of the sound is to pull my asscheeks apart, which makes it sounds like wooshing air rather than the smacking / squealing sound of a typical fart.
Tonight I was making a snack in the kitchen and had...
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You are so fucked. That is never going to disappear from his memory for as long as he's around you.
Best hope is to burn this bridge and find a new roommate you can feel more comfortable around.
>>29020549
There's really no way to salvage this huh?
I was thinking of maybe saying I had something wrong with my bowels and the doctor told me to do that to give relief somehow. Believable?
If I were you I'd just pretend it never happened. I have a feeling if you try to explain it you'll just dig yourself in deeper
Honest to god question:
Will joining the army make me a normie?
I'd do fucking anything at this point.
Yo I'm employed at an important job. I am not a neet.
>>29020443
No, but it will give you access to long guns.
Take that as you will.
Join the navy embrace your inner freak
I had that dream again, everything was going well, hugs and affection. I knew when i would wake up but i really enjoyed it, as always.
But why does life keep coming and shoving it up my face? The fact that i'm KHV?
>>29020433
I had a dream about masturbating a magic horse cock. I'll trade you op.
>>29020523
To be clear I was giving a handjob to the magic horse dick it wasn't attached to me.
>>29020433
Here's a poem for you OP
Once, I think I half remember,
Ere the grey skies of November,
Quenched my youth's aspiring ember,
Lived such a thing as bliss,
Skies that are now dark were beaming,
Gold and azure, splendid seeming
Till I learned that it was all dreaming.
Who else /bully/ here?
>Be me in highschool 8 years ago
>Walking to class with stacy
>Spot that loser anon in the corner of the lockers
>Walk by him "Hey Stacy, Anon likes you"
>"Eewww gross hahah"
>Look at him and hes just staring at the floor
Still gives me a laugh. Cant think of that losers name though.
I WILL REEEEEEEE THE CHAD RIGHT OUT OF YOU FAGGOT
>Highschool
>See some nerd finally get a girlfriend
>Shes like 2/10 but whatever
>Get her MSN addy and start chatting her up
>Tell her she should dump the nerd at school but do it in person to be nice
>She does it next day, he nearly cries
>Block her on MSN
>>29020404
and now you're on r9k. Pretty sure he's getting the last laugh
Aye white boy, hand over that 3DS and them comfy ass sketchers
>>29020324
>implying a black man would ever be caught wearing lame ass whiteboi shoes
>>29020337
who said they're gonna wear it stupid?
>>29020337
my boy rico got heel spurs he need some ergonomic shits
There is NOTHING in my life I've ever cared about as much as Harambe. This lovable big cuddly ball of fur was wrongfully shot to save some STUPID kid
All I want is my Harambe back. I want to see his smile when I go to the zoo again. I want to see his majestic gait, I want to see his beautiful arms and strong legs and his intelligent kind stare. Is there any way we can undo what's been done? Is there ANY WAY IN THIS WORLD to bring back Harambe?
>>29020302
>Tfw stupid summerfags will actually fall for this shitty shit bait
fuck em, shouldn't have been stupid enough to get caged by superior humans
>>29020302
>stupid kid
yeah dude everyone is "stupid" as kid, your brain is not fully developed yet
>caring this much
people and animals die in unfair ways every day
this zoophilic mentality of the normies sickens me desu
>start talking to girl
>she responds well
>gives every sign shes into me
>ask her out
>says no
Why does this happen?
Why do women do this.
they enjoy the attention and validation from a man pursuing them
>>29020280
>she responds well
wrong
>gives every sign she's into me
wrong.
You just can't interpret for shit.
Look at what a horrible guy you are. The first thing you do is come to /r9k/ to question women. Why don't you question yourself? That's right. You would never do that. Why? Because you have no self doubt, the mark of an idiot.
>>29020469
Its called confidence, and if I decide to become perfect just to get a girl I never will because perfection doesn't exist.
>its a rooney builds a home in Legoland episode
>its a people think a pretty girl or any girl is austitic based on scarce evidence just because they can't face the truth that all girls are actually the same and its not their basic biology to be autistic episode
>>29020621
>"ANON I MADE A POOPOO CLEAN MY BUTT CLEAN MY BUTT"
>>29020621
OP BTFO
bloxx
I never thought I would make it. I was here 6 or maybe 7 years ago on /r9k/ and a NEET for a lot of that. That was before the serious concentration of the cancerous autistics began to swarm all about if newfags aren't able to remember.
I'm about to get paid big bucks at a rich bank.
Thanks for making it easier by spewing the STEM is a meme bullshit and discouraging others from entering the competition. A sincere thank you. About 95% of my graduating class (in my general major) have full-time positions that average around 65kish or are given med-school...
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>>29020260
>Coming to a den of failures to brag about your life
Uh...Congrats? You're better than me. It's not hard
65k on wall street eh.. thats like 25k in NYC. you're basically poor after all that work
>>29020285
Not bragging, just trying to help the younger anons that the STEM is shit MEME can hinder or fuck your life if you are so myopic to believe it.
And maybe provide some advice, I don't know. I've studied all about this stuff to maximize my career success when I realized how awful being a NEET was after the 6th month. I am still a loser in some ways, I think.
Dear /r9k/,
I had sex for the first time. It sucked. I feel dirty.
t. Former 25 year old virgin
need more info about you and the person you did it with
>>29020258
i'm sorry, anon. this is why i don't try. i know i'll just feel shitty afterwords so what's the point?
>>29020258
you would've liked it more with a boy.
>apply to jobs online and offline when possible every day
>interviews at mcdonalds and wendys
>both ended with "we'll call you"
>mcdonalds never called back, automated rejection email from wendys
>turned down from construction labor because they were "overstaffed"
>guy outside reading an employment paper points to a box truck full of mexicans and tells me "they...
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How are you so unemployable
Time to move to Rojava! Join the glorious revolution and fight for your rights!
i could be about to enter this feel if things go on like this much more
>steal/obtain fat from liposuction clinic, posing as waste management company
>Make soap out of fat in basement
>Pack them into fancy packing
>Sell them to upper middle, and upper class people who'll gobble up """handmade""" like cupcakes at exorbitant prices
Why wouldn't the work? This is one of the best business models ever
>>29020129
>>steal/obtain fat from liposuction clinic, posing as waste management company
Not easy at all
>>29020129
It would in theory, but companies like proctor and gamble would destroy you if you ever got big enough to affect them.
I mean, I also don't know if there is a market out there for homemade soap.
>>29020129
Then get to it you fucking waste of space.
>being black
>not moving to japan to marry and impregnate qt jap girls
Explain yourselves
Japanese people are racist and hate black people
>>29020118
but I did and I am, I plan to have many blasian babies and boost japan's birth rate
soon everyone will be mixed and japan will stop being xenophobic to foreigners
>>29020127
Japanese women, and Asian women in general love racemixing.
so my mom texted me this
>>29020114
Your mother is a saint and has provided you with the top bantz. Also, all you replied was "I love you too" and I feel sorry for her.
>>29020137
my mommy loves me
>>29020114
>>29020153
Haha cheers to your mom for bringing in the bantz, she sounds like a nice lady op, hope you treat her right.
I am 100% sure that if smartphones didn't exist or at the very least were a niche thing, the world wouldn't have turned into such a shitty place to live in
God, what the hell happened when smartphones got popular around 2013ish? It's like a fucking plague! And it's not only the phone that's at fault, it's the fucking jewish ISP providers who can give you access to the internet 24/7 who used this as a tool to destroy society
It's just really weird to see the internet going from something weird nerds do to something essential that...
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I have never owned a phone in my life, I still look at the ground while walking or sit and look at my knees with my arms crossed
Is it true that if you don't have a Facebook account you're viewed as a suspicious person? Do people question you at interviews about the fact that you aren't active in social media?
I'm not going to make an account anyway but I'm curious
>>29020183
>Is it true that if you don't have a Facebook account you're viewed as a suspicious person?
Definitely
In fact, employers have it as a red flag. They see you as a socipath if you don't have one. They actively look into your personal life to see if you're "qualified" for the job
The world is becoming a very Orwellian place and it gets worse every day
Apparently the EU wants to remove "hate speech" from the internet and wants to send...
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