Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 4356. page
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>April 1st, 2016
you post this kind of thread every week
>we are 1/4 of the way through 2016
>>27539782
>>27539495
>I am currently 1/4 of the way through my life
:)
>went to relatively prestigious UK Grammar School
>many years previously, someone smeared shit all over one of the toilets
>became known throught the school as the poo bandit
>school never found out who it was, he slowly transitioned to a school legend
>tale was passed down by students and staff for years
>becomes a well known in joke within the school
>be me
>in year 11 (16 years old)
>bought a 12 pack of special brew on the weekend, consumed nothing but them Sunday and had some left over on the Monday
>decide fuck it and chug a couple between lessons
>drunk, but not enough that it's obvious
>rumbliesinmytumblies.webm
>excuse myself from lesson, head to toilets
>for some ungodly reason thought it would be a good idea to shit on top of the closed toilet seat
>a HUGE pile of fucking rancid black soft shit comes out
>I lift the lid, squishing it against the wall and hiding it
>go back to class
>nothing comes of it besides me hearing some teachers talking about it the next day
>realize I got a massive rush out of doing it
>buy more special brew and binge the day beforehand to get the nastiest possible shit
>start to re offend
>shit in sinks
>in urinals
>even shat in the toilet brush holder and mushed it up with the brush so that when someone went to clean my shit off the toilet the brush would also be covered in shit
>this went on for a few weeks, people are talking
>accusing people of being the new poo bandit becomes a common insult
>rumours start about members of staff
>headmaster holds an assembly and tells us that if anyone knows anything about it they should come forward
>goes on about how he can't even imagine what kind of mental illness would make someone do something like this
>only drives me further into depravity
>plan my biggest hit yet
(cont.)
(This is all 100% true, I'm sure most people won't care but I really wanted to tell this to somebody, even if it's anonymous)
>a well-endowed incubus will never come to fuck you
>>27539383
Hurry the fuck up and post I have other threads to lurk in and shit post
(cont.)
>drink a 12 pack of beer and a gallon of milk the day prior
>wait until just after school, people still milling about but relatively empty
>go to toilets in brand new state of the art building
>anyone could have walked in at any time, but that's what gave me the rush
>my shit is pretty much completely liquid, so I can squirt out and pinch off neat little salvos as I please
>Leave a pile in every urinal, every sink, and smear all over toilet seat and lid
>now for my piece de resistance
>Use tissue to gather a handful from the toilet lid
>use it to write, in massive 2-3 foot tall letters of thick black shit, "THE POO BANDIT STRIKES AGAIN NIGGERS" along with a giant jizzing dick on the wall of the toilet
>admire my work
>wipe ass
>stick shitty paper to wall and leave
>next morning
>called into headmasters office
fuck
So how is Eggy doing?
Did his new gf dump him?
Did he and /r9k/ break up or something?
>>27539373
Quite literally who?
>>27539373
That's his gf? Damn I didn't take him for having a hobo fetish.
>one day your mom will die and you will never see her again
Sometimes i can't sleep because I keep thinking about this
>your parents wont be at your funeral
(well, most likely)
for some reason this really saddens me. the people who brought me into this world wont be there to see me go
>>27539381
At this rate, my parents will be at my funeral. Hopefully soon.
>>27539340
Damn.
Might as well buy some gear to commit suicide just in case she dies soon.
I just moved in to a new appartment and my neighbor looks kind of gay.
As of now, whenever I browse porn websites, all the popups and ads feature gay, twink, gay dating ads.
Is that because we share the same network or something?
>>27539133
Are you using his connexion?
>>27539133
No.
But *you're* visiting those sites and searching for gay shit. Ads customize themselves to the browsing history of whoever uses the computer most.
>>27539155
No but almost all the people in the block are using the same ISP.
Sometimes I get a captcha alert from google because it says many connections are originating from this adress or something
If your tits droop like sad pancakes, why will it matter if you have big tits? saggy tits is the equivalent of Chest-roastie. I've seen fat neckbeards with the equivalent value.
>has to tape her tits up
>>27539084
I have small tits and they still sag like that
gonna kill myself soon
>>27539134
It's better to have small tits and small benis
What's your uber rating?
>tfw all drivers gave me 5 stars
>poorfag needs to use uber
>>27538859
>poober
Go back to india, rajesh
>>27538875
>>27538950
Since when is uber for poorfags?
What are the things that keeps you alive Anon ?
What motivates you to keep going and to stay alive Anon ?
Do you think you have succeeded at life Anon ?
And finally rate your life / 10
My snake motivates me to keep living. If I die now, nobody else could take care of her. I still live with my family, but they're afraid of her and wouldn't take care of her. My snake is my only friend.
Overall, my life isn't that shit, I'd rate it a 4/10. I'm just a whiny mother fucker.
>>27538922
Also I forgot to mention that I don't think I'm succeeding in life. I stay inside all day and only go outside to go see my therapist.
>>27538958
What do you suffer of ?
Also what species is your snake ?
You guys have any comfy games you play? Recently picked up Stardew valley. Has to be one of the most relaxing games ive bought in a while.
anyone on or are you guys just not interested?
Ive been looking at this. Is it worth it?
Senpai play Tree of Savior, its comfy as fuck no stress fast paced beautiful graphics no homo try it out, came out 2 days ago
Why don't you just give up and become a girl instead?
>>27538342
Anyone ever actually done that? Became a trap just cuz they're lonely or something or last chance at a new life?
I ask cuz I've been thinking about desu.
>be me
>5'5
>108 pounds
>no facial male characteristics
>submissive
I think life would just be easier cuz I'm realistically closer to being a girl than a man
>>27538342
'Cause I'm 6'3" and have a man-face.
>>27538342
i like her fashion sense here
more pics?
This guy comes up to you and says "GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD RIGHT, GROW THE FUCK UP, AND STOP BEING A WASTE OF FUCKING SPACE!!! What do you do?
>>27538300
Listen to him and stop being a weak pussy faggot
ebrybody yells ab me
>>27538300
say "you too"
What can I buy for less than $200 that will make me happy?
A copy of the Bhagavad Gita
A venezuelan prostitute
A rope to Hang yourself
I've seen too many bullshit redflag threads and it's beginning to piss me off. You picky little shits have absurd standards, yet you don't weed out crazy bitches.
Dyed hair isn't that big of a deal, (some folks think it's funny, others like to try new things).
I'll start with my list
>smokes cigarettes
>not from an educated background (i.e. parents didn't go to college or don't have professional jobs, no blue collar)
>does illicit drugs (weed is tolerable, but in moderation)
>has no identifiable father
>has issues at home (i.e. abusive parents, alcoholic parents, controlling parents)
>has sold herself for drugs/ only dated someone for material goods
>dated much older dudes in the past
>only goal in life is to have children or expects you do everything
> life is consumed by mainstream media
>doesn't like animated shows/video games or thinks they are childish (I have worked at videogame studios and vfx houses in the past
>not interested in other cultures
>extreme anger fits
>any racist tenancies or racists parents
Am I missing anything?
I dont see how having racist parents is a redflag. That is something you cannot control.
>>27538392
OP is a nigger!
That is why he lists it as a red flag desu
>>27538392
A couple of these are things she can't control but that doesn't mean they aren't red flags
>Guten Morgen! Why so gloomy this early in the morning? It's the gorgeous Asuka greeting you!
>>27538118
Hi Asuka! I just finished writing my suicide note, I wish it were a manifesto instead bu-.... rambles off into nothingness... how are you anyway?
>>27538118
Hey, you little bitch. Why don't you go ahead and kill yourself. Thanks.
>>27538118
I wish I could hear Asuka actually say this to me.
>You're in school
>Pic related comes up to you and says "Give us one reason not to kill you!"
What say?
I want to help
normies REEEEEEEEE
>>27538051
That nigger over there needs some lynching, don'tcha say?
>>27538051
i have a plan to change the world
i want to live only to see it implemented
