Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 4724. page
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Well /r9k/ I did my part in making America better.
>Be me working at pizza hut
>8 year old kid comes in with his mom
>Moms asks what kind of pizza he wants
>He tells her the one with the cheese in the crust with peporini
>The mom attempts to order it
>Me not wanting this kid to grow up to become another fat American I tell the mom we dont do the cheese in the crust anymore and the only toppings we have left are pineapple and peppers
>She asks the kid if that ok
>He just stares at her
>She orders the pie and asks for a diet coke for her and a coke for the kid
>I tell her we only have diet coke left
So they took their food and diet sodas and left. I honestly feel really good guys, im happy. I did a good thing
>>27379552
Huge dick move dude.
Ruined that kids night.
Shame on you.
>>27379552
good going
>>27379552
I'm pretty sure that's irl moralfagging.
>tfw the get a sports car meme worked
>tfw gf
>tfw your relationship's success is predicated entirely on your economic value
>>27379348
What car was it?
>>27379429
It's probably the one in the picture anon
>tfw can't watch porn because seeing a girl fuck another guy/suck a dick/whatever makes me feel like a cuck
It just makes me angry.
>>27379337
I know that feel. Watch lesbian porn.
>>27379378
I'd rather not watch porn at all, it gave me ED for a while so I have stopped watching entirely. But anytime I see a sex act posted somewhere on here, I just feel angry and cucked. Like, I can't even understand it anymore. It feels like you'd have to have a voyeur/cuck fetish to get off to any porn in my eyes.
>>27379337
>tfw disgusted at tattoos
>every porn star has tattoos
Well I think my life is over.
So I am a 26 years old robot. I actually got close to a girl once, close enough to have sex almost!
However, she saw my penis and said "What is that?". This was when I realized something was wrong about me physically and the doctor diagnosed me with phimosis. Basically, my foreskin was so long and tight it looked like a tiny floppy hose dangling from the end of my penis and that was when it was erect, when flaccid its even worse. I do not have a particularly small penis (I think 5,5" or so which is not huge but not tiny right?) but this had to be fixed.
I figured that this was the source of my inability to get girls, as I became incredibly insecure after that encounter. So I visited the doctor a few times. I read a lot of warnings about circumcisions and how they make you less sensitive so I ask my doctor "Is there a way to keep my penis sensitive while not having phimosis anymore?"
To my surprise the doctor said "yes" and recommended a dorsal-slit partial circumcision. Because this was a private clinic my parents got me in to it could all go pretty fast and I didn't really bother looking it up, I just went with what the doctor said because it sounded great.
Well I just had the operation. I am still bandaged up and got home finally and I looked up what type of circumcision I have now.
Pic related. The foreskin will fold down into a floppy mass of skin during erection because they just cut a vertical line in the top.
I now have a roastie penis. My life is over, no girl will see this and find this attractive or want it inside of her. I am pretty sure I am going to die a virgin. I can't even think straight, I am just sitting here, trembling, while my crotch slowly hurts more and more as the pain medication wears off. I am considering ending it all if nothing can be done.
>>27379174
Damn son, your penis is small and mangled.
Just drop the gf stuff altogether and fuck prostitutes.
Also TD;DR
>>27379174
oh no.
>doing any kind of circumcision ever
you can fix it by yourself im sorry man.
sue your doctor
you had a tiny ass dick either way
I HAD ICE CREAM WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE FOR DESSERT
hi bunnyposter i'm glad you're back and safe
don't be a stranger now yuh hear?
I had bunny poon.
HI BUNNYPOSTER!!!
HAHAHA ROASTIES ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS
>>27305340
But that's the truth.
Wich part are you disagreing on
All the vaginas I've seen with beef strips look blown the fuck out and really loose. Just generally very off putting. I'd reject a girl for having a roastie.
innies > arbys
>>27305340
It's 100% true. Go pick up a copy of Gray's anatomy. The book, not the DVDs
>inb4 Jew media etc
I did not ask to be born. That is a fact.
No doubt if life turned out better, I would not be lamenting this.
>26 y/o
>kissless, hugless, handholdless and obviously fuckless virgin
>acne
>yellow teeth
>balding
>several mental illness with frequent panic attacks
>I have 0 (zero) friends
>I'm afraid of everyone I meet, I can't speak to people without worrying about what they think of me
>constant suicidal thoughts
>fat fuck
>failed college
>can't hold a conversation at all since I'm so boring and have nothing to say
>cant drive
>scared of airplanes
>small dick
I would not miss my life on anyone else. I wish I was dead, better yet, I wish I never existed to begin with. I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide unfortunately.
Fuck my faggot parents for shitting me into being.
You are always free to kill yourself. As long as you decide not to, your life can't be that bad.
>>27378918
/thread
potato skins force down throat
>>27378693
>posting Lain with an OP that indicates your obsession with nonessential details of your life
Shamefurr
You're not like Lain at all
Remember when she found out how her entire family, and the life that came along with it, was a lie?
It's time for a survey, robots.
1.) How often do you bathe?
2.) Do you take baths or showers?
3.) What tools do you use? (ex. washcloth, loofah, bare hands)
4.) Do you use body wash or bar soap?
5.) Which body parts do you wash? How do you wash them, and in what order?
6.) Do you have any unusual or abnormal bathing rituals?
inb4 >bathing
Usually every other day
Shower
Hands
I use both
I wash my entire body by putting soap over it
I like to sit in the shower after I'm done bathing for around 20 minutes just to think about life
1) Once every 2-3 days
2)Mostly showers
3)Entire bare hands, sometimes a washcloth for back
4)Body wash
5)Usually everything except for my back legs and butt. Wash my dick last
6) Take a shit and work out before I go to the shower
>>27378506
>1.) How often do you bathe?
once a day
>2.) Do you take baths or showers?
showers
>3.) What tools do you use? (ex. washcloth, loofah, bare hands)
nothing. i just stand there for 5 minutes and waste watter. occasionally i'll exfoliate my face or shampoo my hair. despite this my bo is alright
>4.) Do you use body wash or bar soap?
body wash if at all
>5.) Which body parts do you wash? How do you wash them, and in what order?
i wash my dick with my fingers and scrub my armpits with a washcloth. i usually exfoliate my face with my hands
>6.) Do you have any unusual or abnormal bathing rituals?
no which is surprising because i am autistic
If you support Bernie Sanders then you are a male feminist. Prove me wrong.
>>27378486
What is that quote about?
/x/ warned me abot this
>>27378535
It says on the picture
>>27378538
About what?
Let's have a thread about times we had sex.
>be 16
>nice summer evening
>over at friend's house
>dad has a video project and sets up bed sheet movie screen in backyard
>tons of kids from around the block show up for movie night
>me and friend carry out lazy-boy recliners because we're cool
>set up at the back of the group, but away from each other (for various reasons)
>it's dark out and movies start
>friend's sister just turned 12
>she looks back, sees me
>comes over and sits on my lap
>instaboner, but she doesn't notice...
>until after a while she shifts and her hands brushes against it
>she freezes and looks at me like, really anon?
>shrug, yes really
>she sighs and gets off me
>ah fuck I couldn't be that lucky
>she goes inside
>10 minutes pass and she comes back out
>she's got a blanket
>and she's changed into a sleep shirt that goes down to her knees
>comes over and sits on my lap again, covers us with the blanket
>she adjusting or something under the blanket
>I'm frozen, death grip on the armrests
>she presses her butt into my crotch
>I'm still frozen
>she grabs my hands and pulls them under the blanket
>she puts my hands on her ass
>my brain explodes because she's not wearing anything else
>soft things and tight ass
>like it was almost muscular, I didn't know girls could have asses like that
>fondle her back, ass, and legs under the blanket
>she sorta pushes against me with her butt a couple of times
>oh my god she's asking for my dick
>okay...I'm going for it
>push my shorts and underwear down to my knees
>she reaches back and strokes my dick (unnecessary but nice)
>I reach under and rub around her pussy
>she's actually wet
>try a finger and I have no problem slipping it in
>she pushes my hand away and tries to make my dick go into her
>we have to reposition
>her mom looks over at us
>OH SHIT WE'RE CAUGHT
>mom smiles like, oh isn't that cute and goes back to movie
>finish reposition
>I try to guide my dick in but she keeps pushing my hand away
>>27305166
>we're actually, silently fighting over who gets to put it in
>let her do it
>she grunts
>it's crazy tight
>I can only fit the head and maybe an inch of shaft
>she just waits
>after a moment she looks back impatient and mouths the words "come on"
>what? oh!
>start to hump my hips into her
>there are DOZENS of kids AND adults all around us
>but it's dark and everyone is focused on the movie
>after a while I finally cum buckets on her back and top of her butt
>she whispers don't get any on my shirt
>she takes off her socks and hands it to me to wipe her up
>it takes some doing, but I get my shorts back on
>then she sits on my lap and cuddles
>nobody knows
>>27305166
>>27305176
didn't read any of it, fuck off to /soc/ /b/ or wherever you came from
hopefully your shitty thread 404's
>>27305166
Things that never happened the thread
Original
>drowning in $57k medical debt from when i was unemployed and got hit at crosswalk by uninsured driver
>meet with bankruptcy attorney
>"You make too much in your new job, Anon. Your debt isn't that bad. Pay it off as you go."
>oh ok
mfw
U S A N U S
S A N U S
A N U S
muricafags btfo by shitty healthcare system. id have just told the medics to leave me there dying in the street.
>>27378351
They will take you against your will and if you don't comply they will call the police. I'm not even joking, it happened to my brother.
I am nothing.
I am nobody.
iktf anon
keep trying your hardest, it's all we can do
Same. I'll die an absolute nobody.
Maybe we'll get reincarnated in better circumstances.
I don't know how I feel about this feel when I feel it
When I'm nobody, I wish I was somebody. And when I'm somebody, I wish I was nobody. The grass is always greener.
>Being a manlet is just a meme
explain this then normie tallfags
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbG05ePWRQE&feature=youtu.be&t=313
>>27378199
It is obvious women are insanely shallow. This isn't news. The people who will listen already know and those who won't you are wasting your time.
This is impossible to be an effective troll or bait.
>>27378199
>tfw 5'9
BOW TO ME, YOUR MANLET KING!
>>27378199
How tall are you? I'm sorry that you have to be a manlet. Though look at it from the bright side: evertime a manlet thread comes up it makes me feel better about myself.
I'm beginning to doubt everything /r9k/ has taught me and i don't like it.
Women can't all be bad.
good, go out there and confirm it for yourself. see you in a month.
>>27305029
Go talk to women then, nothing stopping you. I'll keep your seat warm for when you come running back.
You don't actually take robots seriously do you? That's one retarded step above taking /pol/ seriously
who else here lives through fiction?
I don't even have a life anymore, escapism and sleep is all I do
Fiction > 3d human life
Sleep is all I do. and listen to music, that's it.
I'm literally becoming a meme.
I'm a disgusting neet who watches anime.
