Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 416. page
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When I see pictures or videos or so much as think of two hot girls messing around, it's the top of the barrel for me. It's the most arousing thing that I can think of, my top fantasy. I can't stand to see guys or dicks in porn. I just want hot girls.
Furthermore, when I see this, I just feel men don't have a chance. How could men compete with a hot girl? I feel that if I was a girl I'd fantasize about being with a hot girl and get off to the thought.
>>29840800
>mfw hot lesbians in anything but porn
>>29840858
I know. I'm primarily talking about porn.
Man, I consume so much lesbian porn I get more paranoid about women cheating with other women than men.
In my head it makes perfect sense that women want to fuck other women, not even men.
Seriously I've been watching girl on girl shit for more than 10 years
So we all know that this board is being invaded by normies for some time.
My question is: Why are we keep yelling "REEEEEE GET OUT" like retards instead of actually fight back and invade >>>/fit/ ??
>>29840787
>/fit/
>normies
/fit/ is just a version of /r9k/ that took up lifting as a hobby.
>>29840787
/fit/ and /r9k/ are basically the same board
>>29840812
This
It's not like they're coming from another board.
They're normalfags who come to 4chan and decide r9k is the place they want to lurk. Why? I have no idea.
>born with fat gene
>fell for the "calories in vs calories out" meme
tfw when u break the laws of thermodynamics
>>29840765
same here dude, literally cant lose weight
the doctor said when i stop drinking coke i will die
>>29840765
Pretty sure youre just fat
>tfw addicted to heroin
>coming off benzos
>>29840768
Benzo withdrawal is fucking rough. There's nothing I can do to help but hold it in your heart that this anon knows what you're going through and wishes you the best of luck.
OP, consider yourself lucky that it's heroin and not benzos. Get yourself some gravol and smoke yourself into a deep sleep. This only lasts a few days so stay strong.
>>29840768
That's always a fun one, isn't it? Here's hoping you don't have any seizures.
Sex toy thread?
>Take up to an hour to masturbate using hand
>Finally fed up with it
>Go to neighborhood adult store and buy pic related
>Spend 20 minutes alternating lubing up and trying to fit it on
>Kick cat off of bed because she might try to lick up the lube
>Get all the way in it
>"Is this it?"
>Start fumbling around trying to fuck it
>Use even more lube
>Finally get a rhythm going in the river of lube
>Need additional simulation
>Get lube all over phone trying to look for porn
>Try to use imagination
>Remember fantasy with high school one-itis
>Have to suppress depressive feelings about jerking off to her years after I've last seen her
>Finally come
>3/10 initial orgasm, 7/10 aftershocks from the toy
>Start moving the toy over to the sink to clean it out
>Cum drips out onto cat
>Have to wash out the shameful orgasm and the cat now
>Not even sure I cleaned it out properly
>Now worried about fungi growing in my sex toy
Any recommendations for better toys? Is it too early to start with dragon dildos?
>>29840620
I got a buttplug and its hard not to cum right away after I put it in. dont use it that often unless im really horny due to feeling extreme guilt after I cum
>>29841085
Love my plug. What you got senpai?
I can't understand why anyone would buy a dildo or anal beads or any of that stuff. I mean surely there are cheaper things you can shove in the ol' boipuss
I don't understand how normies complain about not getting enough hours at their jobs. Like, it just seems so strange to me. I complain about getting too many because every second I'm at my job, I want to kill myself.
More hours = more money = more normie stuff
>>29840670
Sorry but doesn't
more hours = less time for normie stuff?
This is what I don't understand, you can't have both
>>29840608
More money for them.
sup, /r9k/
what kinda career are you planning on?
how much money do you think is good enough?
>>29840600
Sex career
$50000
I either want to be a cartonnist, occult detective, or NEET. a good amount of money is 1 million
none
any that will let me live as a hiki
Tfw no lonely chad bf
Thats literally not a thing.
Thats an oxymoron you whore.
>>29840584
I don't want to call you stupid whore, but I feel like I really have to.
Post a picture and I will try my best to make it spooky. Needs to be a picture of a person/character/animal, can't just be an empty room. I will do my best.
>>29840579
spookify me cap'n
Do this one please
please spook this fucker
I woke up to my mum pulling my covers back and looking at my cock?
>Mum are you looking at my cock
>I wouldn't come in to look at your cock anon lol
>I was looking for headphones
>And then leaves
This happened like 3 months ago
Mummy wants cummies from her bestest little boy
>>29840458
stop being autistic anon she's seen your naked body hundreds of times as a child
don't do something creepy to your mother based on internet incest memes
>>29840486
All she did was kind of chuckle at my chub
I don't remember well I was very tired
I haven't eaten for 2 days and am hungry as fuck, but even thinking about about eating solid food makes me nauseous. What do?
whatever you do, don't eat. Remember, you're just bored, not hungry
>>29840406
put a plug up your ass, so if you eat an get diarrhea you can keep it in.
>>29840406
try drinking something? also i get the same feeling about solid food making me sick but after i start eating the nausea feeling goes away.
Sup lads
Wanna do something useful today?
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/formally-recognize-black-lives-matter-terrorist-organization
Idk but cara is so cute in that picture
>>29840372
Hardly a terrorist organisation, kek
They protest the 100+ unarmed black kids getting shot 150 times in the fucking back, and the officers planting weapons on the lifeless body, framing situations.
Unarmed black people shot vs white or anyother group, the stats don't lye
Fuck, if a cop shot your kid for playing cowboys and indians in a park, zero hesitation, a litteral drive by, wouldn't you protest too?
>>29841532
>setting up a sniper
>planting bombs all over dallas
>planning ambushes and executing newbie cops for fun
>not a terrorist organization
I would seriously date the female rabbit from Zootopia.
But even rabbits want Chad.
I like that rabbit
>>29840772
moar
hopps is so fuckable holy shit
>>29840317
>But even rabbits want Chad.
you think the fox was a Chad? lol. no wonder you're a pathetic virgin.
/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.
1. lf you attempt to post something unoriginal, it is not posted, and you are muted temporarily.
2. The time with which you are muted for doubles with each transgression.
3. Each mute time is 2^n in seconds where n is the number of times you have transgressed. So, your mute time doubles each time you fuck up.
4. BackIinks, eg >>1, are not viewed by the robot. So "lolwut" and ">>2 lolwut" are the same post, in the eyes of the robot.
5. Gibberish at the end of a post to force originality may result in mod intervention (no BLOX posts please).
6. Images are NOT included in the filter, only text.
7. Your mute count slowly decreases over time.
8. You cannot post a picture without text.
9. Unicode is blocked. Sorry, too many exploits (Cyrillic letters, etc).
10. Posts require a certain minimum amount of original content in order to be posted.
11. Post sane, real content, well thought out replies, and mutes are unlikely.
12. The original algorithm was designed by XKCD:
http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/14/robot9000-and-xkcd-signal-attacking-noise-in-chat/
/r9k/ has no topic, but unIike /b/ Global Rule #3 is in effect. In addition, advice threads and camwhoring/hookup/"rate me" threads should go on /adv/ - Advice and /soc/ - Cams & Meetups respectively.
the original has a space between robot and overlord but you have an underscore. you've failed me for the last time kys
*hides your post*
Neet food thread.
Pic related. It's beat pocket.
What kind of food do you neets survive off of?
Once I got really sad and ate 7 hot pockets in one sitting.
I didn't shit for two weeks and had abdominal pain the entire time so bad that I couldn't sleep and instead writhed in bed all night. My digestive system has never been the same since.
>>29840283
You are like 3,900 calories at once. Wtf did you think was going to happen?
>>29840217
Are you who I think you are?
Why don't you delete cuck threads that are clearly advertisement (links, names, pictures with watermark, etc)?
Don't get me wrong I even fap to random shit as depraved as that but it's clearly spam since we have one or more every 40 minutes.
