Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6935. page
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>be today
>at family christmas party
>bored, just finished eating, just sitting around chatting with cousins
>haven't had a fap in a few hours, getting horny
>grab my phone, go to washroom and fap 2-3 times
>cum in toilet, flush
>"Anon, you were in there a long time, you okay?"
>"Uhhh, I was really constipated earlier but it's all good now"
>no one suspected a thing
another christmas in the books
>>25236359
>havent fapped in a week
>usually twice a day
H E L P
E
L
P
>christmas 2k12
>go full neet and sit upstairs in my little cousins room playing vidya on my laptop while everyone is partying
>get horny
>start rummaging through my cousins underwear draw
>fap into his undies
>do it 3 times that weekend
>still have them
>>25236425
return them on his 18th
Why are British women so ugly?
>>25236337
Inbreeding.
I agree. The majority of them are crisp-munching, beer-swilling, man-hating, blue-haired, lard-assed whales. I don't think it has to do with genetics though as many Aussies are purely English yet Aussie girls are so much hotter.
>>25236337
Heavy drinking culture, alot of people start binge drinking in their early teens and just generally dont take care of themselves. So by the time they get into their 20s they look like complete shit and have aged 20 years.
>Tfw no petite French gf
>Tfw you'll always be a burger
>Tfw French girls hate burgers
>>25236331
There were some French students at my college.
They seemed like dumb sluts, and they weren't even blonde.
>Regular language exchange user
>Overflow of French users, including French girls lately, looking into the possibility of coming or moving to the US because of all the terrorism bullshit
>Some even talking about marrying to immigrate
No better time. Already got 2 qts on the line. They find it fascinating when I tell them everyone has guns here, we can go hunting and kill animals when we want, and can shoot Muslims if we feel like it.
fuck da poIice
/trash/ tier post
Officer: You know how fast you were going?
Carl: [drunk] Yeah. Why, what your gun say? I clocked it at 136.
Officer: In a 25. In a school zone.
Carl:Oh don't get your panties in a wad, there ain't any kids out at this hour.
Officer: How many drinks have you had tonight?
Carl: Oh maybe like two or three, so you know, I'm good. [drinks from a can of beer] Really, I've been drinking water for like an hour. [finishes the beer]
Officer: How about that one?
Carl: Fine! 18. You like a big man, now, pig? Maybe if you had a real job, you could afford to party like me, instead of uh trying to set a trap to meet your quota!
[Officer notices a sleeping woman in Carl's car]
Officer: Is that woman dead?
Carl: Oh man, I hope not. Let me check. [slaps her face three times, which makes her snore] No. She's not. Thank God. I - I will say this. She's gonna be confused when she wakes up. Right? [laughs] Punch in the fist! What's that thing you just pulled out of your- [Officer shoots a taser at him] AHHHH!
>>25236229
You wont be saying that when your child gets raped and kidnapped by an unknown and you have to call the police to have them rescue your shit offspring.
Hope you die doing what you hate.
>bought gift for everyone at work
>got nothing
>no one gave anyone to anyone but me
>I felt good inside for some reason
>depressing work people became happier
>blew over $500 giving gifts to people I hardly knowit felt good, just giving gifts to people. even though i dont have many friends just the thought of giving someone something made me feel better inside; and this was the first year I actually bought anyone anything; got my mom a pancho, my dad some shoes, my sister this figurine, it felt good, like giving stuff to people feels good, I just never felt so happy, seeing people smile even though I'm still depressed. giving gifts to people just makes me feel good ya know, i cant wait for my family to see what i got them, first year not being a neet and making my own money :)
merry christmas everyone!
>and the robot's heart grew three sizes that year
Good for you op. Hopefully people are nice to you at work now that they realise you are a good person who just happens to be a robot. You are gonna make it someday.
>can only afford 1 good blanket
>space heater is shit
>have raynaud's disease
>live in yukon
can't be dealing with this
>>25236174
if you can't deal with it then maybe you shouldn't have been born
>>25236174
What year did you graduate OP, maybe we've met. I know everyone up there knows each other.
>>25236266
Hello Reddit!
Goodbye REddit!
>he doesn't celebrate christmas
>>25236159
>the jews want you to not celebrate Christmas
Other way around nigga. It's good for their businesses. Walmart makes millions from November to December.
>literally start "being myself :)"
"Anon how do you expect to attract woman when you are so negative and cynical about woman, try being more positive"
Gas all normies
Maybe you're t3h gay
But if we gased all normies how would society even function? Concidering that normies probably make up 98% of the population im not sure how we robots would survive.
>>25236131
>Gas all normies
if all normies died, all robots would subsequently die due to losing their hosts
![ProfessorBrothers_12_PrisonerChristmas-02[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/3BtCSIq.jpg "ProfessorBrothers 12 PrisonerChristmas-02[1]")
Johnny wishes he was just a little bigger
Frankie wishes he was still in the force
Harry Hal wishes for ladies and gals
And little William wants to get a divorce
it's christmas christmas christmas eve
Can't leave
It's robot christmas
>>25236123
Boo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
BOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>>25236123
>Johnny wishes he was a little bigger
FUCK YOU.
YESMAS
What are some robot-friendly shows?
nahan for you
mr. robot
peep show
You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original..............
Dexter
Breaking Bad, but infiltrated by normies like most other shows
So i live in this small town full of fucking normies. I hate them so fucking much.
You guys are never gonna believe what i just did, i just did the raddest shit. I dressed up as santa claus and broke into all their homes and STOLE ALL THEIR CHRISTMAS SHIT.
THATS RIGHT, ALL OF IT.
DIDNT EVEN GET CAUGHT LOL.
EVEN RAIDED ALL THEIR FRIDGES TOO
This one girl woke up and saw me and i thought i was done for, but SHE THOUGHT I WAS SANTA
I TOLD HER I WAS TAKING HER CHRISTMAS TREE IN FOR REPAIRS AND THE DUMB NORMIE CUNT BELIEVED IT LOL.
I think I'll just go dump it off a cliff or something.
Man, these fucks are gonna wake up soon too. I gotta watch their dumb normie tears rolling!
Some of you Whos are all right. Don't come to Whoville tomorrow.
Your post wasnt funny OP.
4chan will never be clever, ever again.
>>25236152
Buck up anon, at least it's just a shitty post and not another >tfw no bf thread.
Surely this means that more and better OC is on the way.
>lying in bed thinking of excuses to avoid going to family get together
>punching myself in the head to offset the crippling back pain and anxiety
>thinking about girl who refuses to talk to me and hasn't for months
>painful heart palpitations and blurry migraine eyes signal an oncoming panic attack within the next 30-90 minutes
>can't wait to be called a piece of shit by my abusive family for not going tomorrow
I'm going to decorate myself in mistletoe leaves and hang myself from a bridge to be SUPER FUCKING FESTIVE XDDD
>SO EDGY
HAAHAHAH A I KNOW RIGHT LOL
nice personal blog you fucking retard
>>25235839
>I'm going to decorate myself in mistletoe leaves and hang myself from a bridge
timestamp fagit
>>25235839
go to bed peter u fgt fuk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkyDYk9Gsxw
let your pain gooooo go go go
Why is ASAP such atalented musician?
>>25235837he isn't he stole his entire image and sound from Spaceghostpurrp
Asap always gets some fine girls
>muh mom
>muh dad
>muh not divroced parents
>muh grandma
>muh family
>muh christmas presents
Got all of them. Highly, highly, highly overrated to be quite honest with you my friend.
Does the word "dysfunctional" mean anything to you?
Let me guess you're poor.
>>25236110
>[email protected]
filler
what are they saying about you?
>>25235505
Shit, is this what being T R I G G E R E D is like?
IT'S NOT TRUE
THEY ARE LYING
Talking about my big, manly Penis
![nathan-for-you-third-season[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/4jmKDyA.jpg "nathan-for-you-third-season[1]")
