Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 811. page
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You oblong fucks who mewl over your hopeless situation and defiantly declare to chads who try to help you that your problems are immutably written into your DNA are fucking stupid. You aren't genetically predisposed to being an ugly fuck, a fat piece of shit, or a DYEL skellington. Your disgusting body's so memed up because you've always been stupid, and you ate like a retard when you were a kid.
Eating a sloppily prepared protein, dripping in grease, lathered in something fattening and then coupling that with two or more sides that are fucking carbs is why you got fat, you got greasy, and why no one loves your nutritionally deprived dumb ass now.
If you're some kind of barrow-wight with a concave chest and countable ribs, you didn't drink your goddamn milk because it's "icky."
>"but it's my parents' fault!"
Fuck off, retard. Just because the two mongoloids that spawned you can't into fucking portion control doesn't mean you HAD to be a bitch and scarf down all the chicken fried steak, macaroni and cheese, and stuffing they put on your plate. Take the spanking like a fucking man and go to your goddamn room. You didn't have to let them fuck up your future irrevocably just because they couldn't wear a condom while shitfaced in the Burning Man port-a-potty.
It doesn't take being a cocksmoking faggot from /fit/ to figure this shit out. Stop dumping Cheetos and your mouth and eat a piece of broccoli. Just make sure no one sees your bawl your eyes out while you shake violently and fake vomit noises because you haven't eaten anything green since you licked up the dog's shit by accident when you were three months old.
>he fell for the "fries are a vegetable" meme
>he fell for the "dessert with every meal" meme
>he fell for the skim milk meme
Nurture beats the shit out of nature, and you faggots fed your nature a bunch of butter.
>>29665866
>he had mommy cut off the crusts of his sandwiches
>is now 5 foot FUCKING 6
You chose this terrible future, manlets. If only you weren't scared of anything that didn't resemble a harmless fluffy cloud, maybe Stacy would've gone with you to the Winter Cuck Social!
>>29665951
>"Dude, I just have a really fast metabolism, okay... back off"
Guess who never had the decency to take a fucking multivitamin every morning when they started puberty? Essential minerals boost energy and testosterone, which lead to a greater desire to consume complex proteins and smart carbs, leading to a healthy, muscular frame.
>"B-but --!!!!"
But nothing, you lazy shitstain. Aww, you couldn't pop a widdle pill each day? Lol give me a break!!
>>29666028
Pic related never ate brussels sprouts
He ended up hanging himself from the Golden Gate Bridge after a final trip to Jack in the Box
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN???
what can i do with 8 vicodin that wont destroy my liver?
Throw them in the garbage
>>29665861
WEW SO EDGY
WOW
HURR CAN I GET LE EDGY TATTOO DURR
LE COLUMBINE KILLERS LE EDGY
>>29665889
i've been taking them 2 at a time once a day for my back pain but i always hear normies talking about how CRRRRRRAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYY they get on them. fucking druggies buy these shits for $3 a pop.
all i get out of them is a mild buzz and feelings of dizzyness and like i want to throw up. why the fuck do normies buy these?
>>29665902
epic response xD
Write a letter to someone who may or may not read it thread. Initial or names encouraged.
dear op,
kys
signed,
first poster
To no one in particular,
It hurts a lot. Everything hurts a lot. It's already been seven months and it gets more painful. When is it going to just stop hurting? I already gave up on actually hoping, now it needs to stop hurting. It just keeps getting worse. I also need better distractions. It really, really hurts. Accepting it didn't reduce the pain. Being proven right didn't help. Being only able to fault myself for it really, really doesn't help. Are experiences really worthwhile if the outcome can only be you very, very slowly just losing the related feelings? Wouldn't it have been better to never have experienced it if the outcome can't be positive in any light? It's no one else's fault, it just really hurts.
Dear D,
Please don't kill yourself.
Love,
me
Is there any holiday more normie than the 4th of July?
>muh loud noises and flashy lights even though they're actually dangerous and maim and kill people and animals and also have absolutely no practical purpose
>spends large amounts of money on fireworks.
>lights them on fire and watches them instantly explode into nothingness.
>complains about not having money.
its for retard nationalists. I fucking hate it. I'm supposed to get my motorcycle license on monday, but I cant because its fucking normie retard day.
AUTISM ALERT
AUTISM ALERT
AUTISM ALERT
AUTISM ALERT
AUTISM ALERT
>be me, opportunistic young aspiring entrepreneur who sets high goals and is very persistent
>recently invited to invest in an exciting new business opportunity selling weight-loss shakes based on some kind of amazonian kelp
>just need to find some start-up capital
>lounging on the beach, see a guy park his high-end bicycle at a nearby bike-rack
>jackpot
>he walks away, I make my move
>saunter up to the rack, cool as a cucumber
>discretely pull my wirecutters from my pocket
>attempt to cut the chain, but it's a bit tougher than I expected
>try using both hands
>not even a scratch in the rustcoating
>really give it my all, even grunting a bit
>this is like, some nano-carbon space-age rustproofing or something
>my hands are all sweaty and shaking because this is taking way too long and I'm getting nervous
>fuck this
>self-consciously stroll away and then break into a jog when I get around a corner
>manage to a secure an entry-level position delivering the local newspaper
>within two weeks, I rapidly become the fastest newspaper carrier on my team, because i'm not a 70 year-old pothead
>even pick up a second route
>bonus time is coming up soon
>my team leader is an older lady, not attractive but definitely not the ugliest 40 year old I've ever met
>corner her one day, get her to agree to go to breakfast with me (it's like dinner for us)
>at burger king explain to her that I've cut delivery time in half and reduced missed papers entirely on my routes, and I could be making seven cents more per paper with the competitor
>she thanks me for my service
>lean forward, eyebrows raised
>ask how she intends to pay me back
>she offers me a raise
>stare her down
>"You've already given me the raise. Now I want you to finish the job"
>she kind of blushes and strokes my forearm
>i look down and away, and pull back my arm
>I've never been with a woman before
>suddenly get silent, lost my appetite due to nerves
>after she finishes eating, I shrilly give her some kind of excuse about a forgotten appointment and bolt out the door
>smirk to my self all the way home
>had her in the palm of my hand
>>29666145
>>29665756
KEK these are hilarious plus it was a 9.5/10 movie
I got the ball rolling so now you assholes post your own.
I can't fully enjoy the humor in these if I have to write them all myself.
Reposting this thread cause I missed the replies.
Dated 3 girls from 4chan. Fell in love with the first one, but her family moved to another continent so I couldn't be with her. Heart still broken.
Liked the second one, and then I found out she was a mega whore who lied about her feelings for me and cam whored for her swath of beta orbiters. Felt like shit.
So, any other robots have any experience with fembots?
I mean the good thing is I'm finally dating a girl I didn't meet here. And it's going well.
>>29665743
what about the third one
>>29665776
Third one was good to me, we were together for over a year. Met up regularly. But she lived in another country and neither of us wanted to move.
>>29665743
Just like I told your dumbass in the last thread what do you think would happen if you dated a girl from here kek
nigger stacy BTFO
>>29665634
This doesn't make me feel good at all.
>>29665634
and you call women unempathetic wretches
also
>nigger
>stacy
funny joke.
She doesn't sound like a Stacy at all you fucking idiot.
robots, Im searching for the cheapest place to rent/live from my savings. Im talking CHEAP here, lowest i can get.
Requirements:
>dont get killed
I dont give a crap about anything else. A country with easy access to otc drugs would be preffered.
>>29665627
Eastern Yurop
remove some kebab while you're at it
>>29665627
Panama is pretty safe.
I go for jogs at 4 in the morning, yesterday I met a hobo who gave me his belt after I offered him my umbrella.
>>29665941
Is Panama really cheap? I thought they were booming.
>tfw name is less than 4 letters long
>tfw will never have a strong name like Robert or William
>tfw always a namelet
Reminder if your name is 4 or more letters long you have no excuse being a robot
Hi, my name is Ryan.
>>29665614
>OP calls my name strong.
>Kissless virgin at age 26.
Ok.
>>29665653
You have no excuse
>tfw no mata straining, pelikula watching, diyaryo reading, kawal honoring, tubig drinking, salamin shattering, eleksyon voting, isda skinning, kape brewing, mukha cleaning, daliri fracturing, kuko biting, tsinelas snapping, lamesa wiping, sapatos breaking, kotse fixing, itlog cracking, ilong blowing, ube chopping, puso racing, damit wearing, kumot weaving, puwit slapping, paa rubbing, buhok combing, ulo scratching, simbahan attending, parol hanging, kamay washing, tuko calling, jeepney driving, kanin picking, manok chasing, tinikling dancing, tiyanak finding, aswang hunting, kabayo riding, carabao herding, baboy wrestling, duwende stomping, lechon roasting, lumpia cooking, pancit making, sinigang eating, forest loving, /r9k/ posting, qtp2t filipina gfDo
What if she's actually just a city girl who "loves to travel?"
OOOOHHH MY GOD WHEN WILL YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR DENSE SKULL NO ONE HAS SYMPATHY FOR YOU.
>>29666414
getting triggered by the daily thread
>you
Post stuff about your experiences with therapists / psychologists. What it was like, any consistency between doctors, what was good/bad; just anything really. I'm currently seeing a psychologist weekly and this is the only one i've stuck with so I'm curious what /r9k/ has to share.
>>29665582
For a psychologist/therapist, if its not working out, ditch them and get them to refer you to someone else. Do it sooner rather than later; I wouldn't even "give it one more session" if you've got the gut feeling that it's not a good match.
inb4 "hurr durr das sexiss/"FEMBOTS DON' T EXIST REEEE" etc., absolutely avoid female therapists if you're male. They 100% cannot relate to men's problems the way a male therapist can. Don't waste your time or money; get what works for you.I've seen six total; 4 women, 2 men. Of those 6 only one male therapist was worth a damn.
For a psychiatrist/medical doctor it's a bit different, seeing as they're probably at lot harder to come by, especially if you're in a country with socialized medicene (pic relatedHappy Dominion Day). Their main role is to dish out the pills/monitor your medications and refer you to other medical tests (physical, bloodwork to rule out nutrient deficiencies etc.).Go for a dopaminergic antidepressent (Wellbutrin etc.) as a firstline unless you're bipolar/have other medical conditions.And if the pills you're taking break your dick, tell them.
psychologists are pointless, it's a money hog.
psychiatrist are just like first one except they take shit load of your money and write you prescription for anxiety drugs.
i went to one therapist when i was a young teen, i was forced to go
she kept giving me all these half assed corny assignments that seemed like they were meant for 7 year old kids that i never bothered doing. i hated going there and didn't want to be there. at some point after like 2 months i just sat in her office completely silent for the entire session, and she just went about her business like i wasn't even there and started doing paperwork. after that i never went back.
I keep coming here. I may have gotten /fit/ but the sadness never leaves. You guys are the only ones who understand, so fuck it, I need advice
How do I get over my oneitis? He used to be my best friend but I couldn't hang out with him anymore because I loved him too much and he was straight. He knows about this cause I told him. We text once in a while but I have not seen him in person in like a month
I miss him so much bros... Being with him was the only time I felt happy, other than lifting, yet it hurt so much cause I know he'd never love me back. :(
anyone? please?
originallllllllllakdjejndnsoskd
>>29665720
idk man sounds like a tough problem
>>29665561
Get out there and meet new people. I personally always have the feels for my ex crush until I meet someone who sparks new interest from me.
What do you do when you need to think about your life and hard decisions?
>>29665540
I don't. I play vidya and watch movies instead. Can't say it has been very beneficial but what you gonna do
I avoid my responsibilities, hide in my basement, and pretend talk to Adam Lanza. it's become a daily thing for me now
>>29665540
BEWARE, god is watching you
What is it with women and alimony? Why are many so destined to financial destroy their ex-spouse's life after divorce?
>>29665498
why do NEETs want spurgBUX and to see chad burn?
>>29665498
dude that guy is literally fucking retarded
>"boo hoo so sad :*(("
fucking faggot
>>29665558
False sense of self-entitlement, fear of having to be financially self-sustainable, and refusal to be independent?
Can we have a big penis feels thread? I'll start.
>When a woman says size doesn't matter
>When your dick makes your quads look small
>When she cums in seconds and is too sensitive to keep going
>>29665448
>women
Haha epic
2/10
Oregano toast.
>>29665448
Tepid response so far... Help me out here robots.
>When she can barely get her lips around it
>When you miss your flight because the TSA agent stopped you to inspect your "suspicious package"
