Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2593. page
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The closest way to reach heaven is to daydream what makes you most comfortable and have someone shoot you from behind at random so you don't anticipate it.
>>28747480
your premise is that you will have no memory or lasting residual benefit from pleasure during life in death
therefore it makes no difference if you do that daydreaming right now, and die in agony
idiot
>>28747546
You're actually retarded in a pathetic way.
>>28747616
damn I've been thoroughly owned by /r9k/ yet again
last night I took a girl out to see captain america with me. on our way there i told her i liked her outfit and she told me she was cold. at the theater she gave me a cookie. she told me she had baked it at home earlier and I told her it was delicious. she liked captain america but said it was too violent. on our way home we took selfies together. when she told me she was cold again i put my arm around her. while we waited for the bus i put my arm around her and she put her head in my chest and rested it there. while I was walking her home while I had my arm around her she asked me 'have u ever had a girlfriend?' and i said 'yes'
before i got to her place i asked her if we could have a goodbye kiss, she nudged me and laughed and said no im not ready yet. i said perhaps next time and she laughed
Today she texted me 'you up' and i said 'ya' and she said 'lol finally' so i said 'wats up' and she said 'nothing really i just couldnt sleep last night'
i said 'wanna do something today' and she said
'im going to the park with my family
my niece is over and we want to do something fun
remember jennifer from school?
she's also gonna be joining us. my niece calls jennifer her best friend'
how should i reply
Did she tell you she put that cookie in her pussy?
I think she put that cookie in her pussy before giving it to you.
>>28747566
no she didnt say that
do girls do stuff like that
>>28747425
>Today she texted me 'you up' and i said 'ya' and she said 'lol finally' so i said 'wats up' and she said 'nothing really i just couldnt sleep last night'
How the fuck do you get a girl to actually text you? I can get girls to reply to my texts, but of course sooner or later they all stop abruptly without any explanation. To actually have a girl text ME, even after a date where they showed that much interest is fucking incomprehensible to me.
After a date like that anon I would have a hard time getting her out again and eventually it would just go wrong whether I did or didn't get her out again, and I'd never see her again. I can't fathom going on more then 2 dates with a girl.
How the fuck do normies have relationships? does this really actually happen in reality, do people actually have sex? it seems far to good to be true. Am I just schizophrenic and delusional about this really happening in real life?
Which one of you was this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/4kii3u/japanese_pop_star_mayu_tomita_age_20_is_in/d3faxal
>some cuck gave her gold
>she doesnt see the hipocrisy
>the slut doesnt understand how social dynamics work
>she doesnt get that him giving her gold is a sure sign that he wants to stay in her mind as that guy that gave her gold for later wking and embarrasing tries to get with her
i hope they all fucking die
I saw this and immediately wanted to post it here, but of course it's already here.
Fucking otaku.
>>28747507
get cucked bitch
sdfghjkl;l,kmjhygtfrdtfyghjk
>2016
>chestlets exist
>theyre still trying to compete
even early teens have big tits, what are you doing chestlets?
Good thread familys.
Hot all next week lads
>>28747340
Fucking hope not
>>28747318
What did he do to leave the 40% blind?
When I was in primary school playing football the 'best' kids would always go on one team. We were beating them one day and I was in goal then when I got the ball on the ground one of them slid in on me because he was angry we were winning and he permanently fucked up my middle finger on my left hand. Still hurts 12 years later senpai. He didn't get in any trouble because he just pretended it was an accident.
for new thread
>>28747340
first?
Original comment?
Please read. Thanks
>I'm 22
>my brother is 24
>we don't have any parents or family except eachother
>we also live togerther in a house our grandma left us
This happend on friday but I'll start with all the backstory
>2012 I met this girl in uni
>she's about 5'6, slim, bonde hair, small boobs and green eyes
>we became friends nothing more
>we wouldn't hang out outside of uni
>one day at the end of the semester we go out and have a drink
>this was the first time we did this sort of thing
>it became a regular thing afterwards
>I knew that I liked her
>I also knew that if I tell her that she will shut me down
>why? well I'm: ugly, manlet, I have no friends...
>so I stayed quiet
>fast forward to last year in october
>after our drink she asks me if I think she's pretty
>I say sure without sounding to eager
>then why didn't you ask me out yet? she asked me
>I really didn't know what to tell her so I went with the whole "I didn't think you liked me that way" spil
>we talked some more and set up our date for the weekend
>I was really excited and ofcourse I told my brother who I consider my best friend
>he told me what to do and what not to do
>I couldn't wait, this was my opportunity to lose my KHV status.
>the date came and went and we became a couple
>on the fourth date we kissed
>I knew I did something wrong beause she asked me if it's been that long that I forgot how to kiss girls
>I just smiled and tried to do better.
>the next thing was of course sex
>I was really excited but also woried
>I read this board too much and it got in my head somehow
>you see I have a 5.3 inch dick
>she told me she was only with one other guy before, so that eased my mind a little bit
>fast forward to April
>we still didn't have sex, because she went into the hospital in march for some odd surgery on her knee
>she asked me if she could stay at my place while she recovered because she didn't want to go home to her city because it was to far and her current home has no elevator.
cont.
>I said ok
>my brother wasn't that thriled when I told him but said it was fine as long as she does her share of the house work
>so she moved in with us in April
>she moved her stuff in one of the two spare rooms that we were using as a closet
>my brother was cold to her when I was in the room with both of them
>fast forward to this month
>she recovered well and was walking again
>she started going to uni again but something changed in her
>we still didn't have sex because I was waiting for her to recover
>I noticed that she was missing from some classes that we shared
>at first I thought she was tired and went home but when this happend the second and the third time I started snooping
>last week I went to uni as usual
>she came with me
>we shared one class this day
>it was the last class before the end of the day
>when I came into the room she wasnt there
>I decided to text her
>where are you?
>she wrote that she met a friend that she hadn't seen in a long time and went to have a drink with her at the bar neer the uni
>I decided to skip this class and went to surprise her
>she wasn't there
>so since I already missed my class I went home
>I came home and I just knew what was happening
>I heard sounds coming from my brothers room
>sex
>even though I didn't see her I knew she was in there with him
>I decided to confirm this by calling her
>of course it rang in his room
>I just went out of the house
>she answerd and I said I was going to be late
>she said ok
>I lied for the past two days that I had things I had to do for uni
>I just can't see them
Why don't you just leave you ask.
>Well I have no money, I have no other place to go. My options are to stay in the house with them or become homeless. I know I had to brake up with her, I know my brother is a shit person. But at the momment I have no idea on what to do.
Thanks for reading
bump
original kommentare ist not
>>28747793
I would try catch them again and film it, absolutely ruin their lives while you"re at it and send it to everyone they know, as well as post it on the internet. You'd probably get her to frantically apologize and your brother would try to fight you but thats what i'd do. I'd do that and then An hero after seeing the aftermath
Describe your dream partner
last thread was dying and I wanted to get the attention of the one person who replied to me
>cute/pretty, sexy isn't necessary but a bonus
>wears lots of hoodies
>likes to cuddle
>into science, maths, reading et cetera
>plays same vidya, likes same music
>clingy
>nice hair and smell
>nice t and a, but nothing monstrous, high average is good
>decent physical condition and hygiene
>looks somewhat like pic related
>virgin
>loyal
>4'8"-5'2"
>90-110lb
>cute
>white or asian
>very shy when I tease her
>Shortish hair
>no piercings/tatooes
>few friends
>doesn't party
>will cuddle with me a lot
>wears cute clothes
>likes similar stuff
>can cook
>will shyly hand me freshly baked snacks and let he rub her head.
Does she exist? Please
>only potential DREAM gf ever may now be gone because I replied too late to a post
FUCK
>>28747328
>doesn't browse /r9k/
>average like pic related
ive grown to be attracted to average girls like this
Who /trying to quit smoking cigarettes/ here?
>been a half-a-pack-a-day smoker of Marlboro reds for 3 years
>started when I was a stupid, edgy 16-year-old, currently 19
>live in a state where a pack is ~$10
>come to resent the fucking shit out of smoking
>no longer enjoy the taste
>smells like shit, gets on my clothes
>whole family (except my mother whom I smoke out on front porch with sometimes) looks at me with disgust when I smoke
>don't even enjoy the nicotine buzz anymore
>weeks leading up to my conscious decision to quit, (currently on day 4) I would end up putting my cig out halfway down because it's just not enjoyable anymore
>feel like an absolute tool when I smoke
I was thinking about picking up some pot soon because for some reason, pot completely destroys the urge to smoke a cig...
Anyone got tips? If you already quit, how was it, how long did you smoke, and what was your brand of choice?
>>28747222
Weed is dank man
If you smoke enough you'll probably feel the same way about it though, that's me rn.
dropped cold turkey. 3 weeks today. I have 1 cigg just sitting on the counter and the temptation is so strong but holy fuck must resist. Kill me man kill me.
>>28747368
OP here, ever try jasmine tea? Jasmine tea is great for putting the bullshit in your head in the backseat so you can think about your decisions more clearly.
Fembots, this guy enters your room and slaps your ass? what do yo do?
>negative canthal tilt
This man is genetic garbage.
1/10
I only fuck black men, this creepy white boy looks like he's gonna shoot up a school or enslave someone.
>>28747138
Don't tell me if this guy wasn't famous that women passing him on the street wouldn't think he's a rapist or a serial killer and by seriously creeped out by him.
Let's have a contest to see who's the most autistic person on this board.
I unironically like Sword Art Online.I'm also actively making Asuna and Yui tulpas to be my irl wife and daughter. I also only speak to them in Japanese.
An autism contest huh? Well I've got a story for you.
>3rd grade
>Watching some cartoon on Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network or something where someone puts peanut butter on themselves for some reason.
>I thought it was pretty funny so I bring a jar of peanut butter in my backpack the next day
>Decide that once lunch time begins I will start smearing peanut butter all over my face, arms, and legs.
>I thought that everyone would find it hilarious and want to be my friend.
>Lunchtime arrives
>Pull my peanut butter jar out of my backpack
>Open it up and grab a big handfull
>Start smearing it all over my face and arms
>One of the teachers grabs me by the arm and takes me to the principles office
>Principle tells me to clean myself off and I'm going to be going home early
>Get home
>Mom tells me that I'm going to be going to a school for gifted and talented kids because I was a gifted child.
>Get really excited
>The next day
>Arrive at the school that was supposedly for "Gifted and Talented" childeren
>Step into the classroom
>Classroom is full of retarded kids
>MFW I was put into special ed and spent the next 5 years of school there
>>28747253
I was going more towards what makes you autistic now, but still a funny story.
Fembots, would you date someone else who browses this board?
What characteristics would they need to have?
>>28747116
I am dating someone who browses this board.
>What characteristics would they need to have?
Need more specific questions than this tb h
Not a fembot, but let me cut this short, they'd need to
>be over 6 feet
>big dick
>muscular
>Chad personality
>handsome face
>good at sex
>>28747148
Personality traits.
Physical appearance.
Virginity status.
Job/education.
Etc.
want someone to talk to? need a way to vent? want to brag about recent accomplishments? need to complain about your week? would you like some advice? I'm here for you! (you)'s for all. let me try to help somehow someway
I want to do something big
I'm going to transfer all my pain and anger onto the world
>>28747184
do you plan on hurting other people?
>>28747257
I don't know what I'm going to do yet
but yes it would be pointless if it didn't involve people feeling as powerless and helpless as I am now
Since most of us won't ever have physical and sexual intimcy with a girl, why not sucking cock at a gloryhole ?
>closest you can get to being sexual with someone else
>hot and naughty, perfect to get off
>you can do it as much as you can, you greedy cocksucking slut
>might not be 100% straight, but you're loving on the cock, not the man
>you don't see the guy, the guy can't see you
>no one will ever know
So /r9k/, why aren't you slobbering all over some delicious juicy anonymous dick to ease the pain of loneliness ?
This is exactly how you get AIDS senpai
because I want a bf to love me not just fuck me
are you part of a government agency doing some gay mkultra shit in my board?
Walked 10 steps from my house today before my panic attack
Maybe I'm actually on my way to making it
Nice job I took out the garbage and only sweated a little bit
I got out of bed and only had a mild heart attack.
I typed this post - my first form of communication with real people in 6 months - without shitting myself twice
>obnoxious friend of brother comes over to house
>barges into my room to see how autistic I am
>sees my harry potter bed sheets
>i'm 20
>he laughs uncontrollably at me
>pic related
I read the first 6 books but never really thought harry potter was ever all that
Was kinda bored most of the time reading
get a slide lock on your door.
then hang yourself.
>>28746903
I would probably laugh at you too. If it were LotR or Hobbit sheets I would be cool with it.
