Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6885. page
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So, a common bullshit excuse I always see is that robots "aren't interesting" like Chad or that they lack interesting experiences or stories. So if we all post an anecdote that roasties and normies find interesting we can all share each other's stories and roasties will think we are interesting.
Here goes, this always makes roasties piss themselves laughing.
>me and two buddies are hanging out drinking
>buddy A. buys the shittiest most disgusting fucking retarded bottle of beer in a choose your own 6 pack. Ghost face killah beer. A beer with 6 peppers including the ghost pepper. Now, why this syrup nigger thought that this would be a good idea is beyond me, but let me tell you it was like literally drinking pepper spray. So syrup nigger takes a sip of it comments on how gross it is and hands it to me
>hey anon try this its fucking awful
>so I drink it because hey it's beer what could be wrong. Fuck no fucking lips were burning mouth on fire no amount of regular beer can quench this fucking caustic burn I got going in my mouth.
>So like any normal person I say
>we have to make a bet where the loser has to drink this god awful shit.
>buddy B hears this and says he will be in no way a part of this
>mostly because buddy B is a pussy when it comes to spice, I mean faggot won't even put hot sauce on taco bell. He fucking thinks wasabi ruins sushi.
>so I ask buddy b "do you have a deck of cards?"
>and he says he does but continues on his protest of how bullshit this is and how he isn't going to be part of it
>I tell him, "hey man, you brought the cards and that counts as consent" Buddy A joins in and we force him to shuffle the deck, the game is lowest card drinks the bottle.
cont
.
>I draw first and pull a 9 so I am sitting pretty, I figure good odds someone draws lower than me. Buddy A draws and pulls a 3. Looks like that faggot will have to drink. Luckily the 3 and our constant urging convinces buddy B to draw figuring he just needs to beat a 3.
>not so fast nigger and he pulls a fucking 2.
>so he goes back to his bitching and moaning and me and buddy A say we will both have 1 more mouthful if he kills the bottle
>he still wants out but we tell him we aren't leaving to get dinner until he drinks so he takes us up on the offer and we both have a swig and pretend it wasn't like injesting fucking pepper spray again. Fucking mouth burnt for another half hour after that.
>so buddy B is still being a pussy so I tell him if he wants he can put it in a glass and stick his dick in it for 30 mins instead.
>he seriously fucking consideres this, not knowing it would burn his cock off, but to my dismay he drinks it instead tring to hold his nose while doing so.
>so we watch the end of the show on netflix and realize, we don't know where buddy B fucked off to and we want to go grab food
>turns out he has spent the last half hour on the bathroom floor crying about how much his stoumach hurts and how he can't drink for the rest of the night
>mission accomplished.
>so we go to get dinner and buddy A can't pay for his shit like normal. So, being about 8 beers deep myself I tell that mayple jew that me and buddy B will pay for his meal if he drinks a 6 pack of ghost face killer
>eventually the moose fucker gets a job in florida and has to move. We were going to have a party for him, but suddenly he couldn't make it when he was reminded he had to drink a 6 pack of ghost face killah, after he tried to negotiate to be able to dilute it with like 50 limes worth of juice
>moral of the story, never let a canadian buy you beer.
R9k has no stories
This one time I posted a thread on /v/ and it reached 400+ posts.
Oh and when I was a kid on my first day to school I pissed myself horribly and it ran down my leg and down the length of the bus and the girl next to me screamed and I got known as the pee kid for the rest of my time at school.
>ana ivanovic
>famous, successful tennis player from one of the poorest countries in Europe
>could pick and choose literally any male from her country and make his life a fairy tale
>is getting married to even richer and more famous football player from germany
meanwhile...
>novak djokovic
>literally from the same country
>accomplished 100x in tennis than her in every way possible
>married a girl he was with whole life
>women
>ability to love
>pick one kek
>>25269596
Females are hypergamous by nature, no use in denying it,
>>25269702
This becomes truer the older you become. It's hard to actually believe in love.
Women don't and cannot love men. They can only love the social status, entertainment, and resources that the man brings to the table.
Well-off, stable working men never had a problem with dating poor women.
Well-off, stable working women would never dream of dating a man who is below her economic status. This is why you see "career women" constantly complaining about "where have the good men gone?". Women, even when they're at the top of the food chain, still expect to be swept off their feet by a man who is even higher class than she already is.
Everytime I meet a girl who I like I want to be with her. But as soon as she likes me back I don't want to anymore ;_;
>>25269572
just enjoy the chase anon.
>>25269612
BUT I AM A FUCKING VIRGIN
Hey look, it's this thread again.
>tell parents you're going out with friends
>you're actually going by yourself
>>25269566
Where you going by your self?
>24
>24
>25
>that face
>24
Why are women such fucking liars on this thing when it comes to age?
Looks 24 to me. What are you memeing about?
I'd imagine having a nigger baby would age you quickly, considering your life is over.
>>25269544
She would be pretty if not for the degeneracy, imo.
Ask someone who believes they know the answer to the most important question(s) anything.
>>25269490
What is the answer to the most important question
What is the most important question?
>>25269526
You will live a repeat of a happy section of life and be happy forever after you go through life on earth.
That, or you die and feel nothing if you're mentality wouldn't allow you to live the happy section of life on repeat.
>2015
>Having a job
>not getting free money from government
what sound does a clock make? ;]
Jokes on you, I live in eastern Europe. The government doesn't offer free moneys. Here you either work or you die of starvation.
>>25269452
>2016
>The NEETs are nearing their final form
>Mathew Lesko
>Despise it at University and don't want to go back
>Don't get on with parents and I don't like it at home.
What the fuck do bots?
>>25269371
1.Finish your shit degree and get a job that enable you to move out. Try mixing things up at Uni to try and enjoy it more do a martial art or club or something.
2. Join the Armed Forces.
3. Join the Merchant Navy or become a fisherman.
4. Commit suicide.
5. Go straight to Jail.
>>25269409
One of the reasons I don't like University is because I can't join clubs. I tried to do rowing and badminton, but everyone there is an egotistic that won't give the time of day to new people. I never played sport as a kid and I don't know how.
Also, can't join the forces, I have a heart murmur.
>>25269485
Well rowing and badminton are both posh cunt activities. Have you tried something nerdier?
Fencing can vary between snobbiest of all to 'i can't do real sports'. I love it.
Is there no games club or something.
>tfw you sleep so much that the following day feels like a dream
>tfw you have depersonalization disorder so everything feels like a dream no matter what
>>25269499
Describe it in full detail.
>>25269532
I took a nap on the afternoon on my 14th birthday feeling perfectly fine, woke up half an hour later in a completely different fucking world where everything seemed off. I thought I was crazy and staeted googling "everything feels like a dream" and figured out pretty quick that this is something other people experience. I'm 23 now and have been depersonalized 24/7 since, it doesn't bother me anymore and I forget what it was like to be normal. Meh
>tfw family asks you what you've been up to the past year at the annual Christmas gathering
>you're doing even less than last year
>you're still a virgin at the age of 25
>you've become unemployed
>school was years ago
>you've gone from the "heir apparent" to the family disappointment in less than 3 years
Who else /disappointmentandfailure/ here?
>>25269367
No wonder you're a disappointment, you're a dumb hamster poster
>>25269427
>One Meme Man
REMOVE HAMSTER
Daily reminder that you are most likely a Chad if your wrist is any thicker than 2 inches
The technical term for us is 'wristlet'.
We've had threads about this before.
>>25269365
step your game up senpai.
>>25269451
SPOOKY
C
A
R
Y
>"Hey mom does my dress look nice? Oh, I have a date. Just a guy from school. No, you don't know him. He's kind of quiet, I've never really seen him outside of school before. No he's not a weirdo! Oh don't worry I'll be home on time, just tell me if I look ok already? I'm trying to make a good impression!"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bXUclvLSXg]
>"But what if he doesn't want to be approached? I mean he just doesn't seem to care about anything going on around him, I don't want to like go up and annoy him or anything. I mean I keep telling myself that the next lecture will be when I go say something to him but then I get there and, I don't know, what if my instincts are all wrong? He's just the kind of guy I've always been attracted to, and I hate to see him there all by himself all the time because surely that can't be what he really wants. Can it?"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLunChGz6GI]
>"Hey, Anon? We went to school together. Remember me? That's right, wow I can't believe we've bumped into each other like this. Are you just home for the holidays too? Yeah same here. Where you living now? Yeah I know not here, but where!? What job do you have? What like a tech guy or something? Something like that, oh okay, well I can't say I know much about that sort of thing so you could be making that up as far as I know haha! Hey I passed your buddy the other day, that one guy you would always hang out with at lunch? That's right yeah, can you believe he still lives at home? I think his mom's like a manic depressive or something, I don't blame her I think I would be too!I always knew he was a weird guy. You should've hung out with us more in school Anon! Well anyways, good seeing you! Merry Christmas!"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgKymMtqGDQ]
>>25269364
Why is she getting dressed outside?
ITT phrases that make you cringe
>Okay, time for a group photo!
> shall we come over to visit you?
glad i found something so they didnt for the last 3 years. Never got any visitors in my flat but comfy with that
>I'm at the door come open
>i wish i met someone like you
Everytime
After a good 2 years adventuring the world with my best friend (a girl), I confessed my passion and love to her.
We have never been romantically involved (other than our drunk shenanigans) but I have grown to enjoy her qualities. She is 5'2 short, cheeky, brunette, but has a boyish figure.
I'm 6'5, humble, wealthy, but hairy (like Chuck Norris).
We've had our share of fights, but all of them have ended in us cuddling. When traveling we were intoxicated on the regular, and would occasionally make out and have sex. But all to be forgiven and forgotten in the morning.
Her family know I'm loving and supportive to her, and trust me like a son. Her whole family keep asking me when I'm going to marry her, but I get these feelings like if I confess, our great friendship will end. I don't want to lose that.
But anyway, long story short, I confessed to her after a romantic dinner in Greece (I didn't propose).
She said, thank you, she likes me as a friend, but she could never get emotionally attached because shes a lesbian.
A couple days of being a bit depressed, we got drunk and has sex.
I told her parents and sister about what I had done, except for you know, the sex. They gave me a hug and gave me some inspirational quotes.
We're still good friends, but there is that hesitation where she knows I like her more than just a friend.
What do I do?
>>>/adv/
yes, this comment is original.
>>25269256
Just give her what she really wants
All your money
>>25269282
most logical answer
>be me
>6'1, good looking and /fit/
>picked up lifting and drawing at 16
>always had an easy time making friends
>coworkers and friends think that l get lots of pussy
>unironically doing it for my waifu
>created her back when l started lifting for motivation
>l only fap to her getting fucked by me/masturbating
>made her a tulpa and talk to her when l'm alone
>mastered lucid dreaming to be with her in dreams
>l keep all my art dedicated to her locked in a chest to keep her pure
>l actually enjoy living like this
I'm 22 and still a virgin but l don't care, at least she loves me
>>25269251
>l actually enjoy living like this
Then live your dream anon. I'm happy for you
Post pics of ya waifu.
Wow you can draw really well
>tfw wanted to become an artist but everyone was better at it so i stopped trying
worst feel
