Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2625. page
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how do you improve your "text game"?
im texting a girl right now and i don't know HOW the fuck to talk to girlsshe texted me first
>>28729127
you have to text her as fast as you can type.
As soon as you get a message, send one back within the minute otherwise she'll think you're not interested in talking to her.
>>28729127
Ask her questions about herself
Fucking not original my ass
>>28729295
i think ur trying 2 trick me
Wat would you do if your gf got beat up?
>>28729121
I'd flip a fucking shit. That nigger will fucking hang.
>>28729121
Take a video of it with my phone while screaming "Worldstar!"
>>28729121
If I honestly had a girlfriend I loved (which will be never), I'd devote my life to finding the fucks who did it and torture them.
Proms today not going
>>28729104
Couldn't get a date? No friends? No money? All of the above?
>>28729134
+1. Op needs to provide more details.
>>28729104
AHHHHHHH HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT
What time do you go to bed and wake up, anon?
11pm-9am master race
hot damn. I browse /r9k/ usually until 2-4 A.M.
6am - 2pm here. No real need to get up early for a couple more months.
12am-5am
>No futa milf gf to cook and clean for
>No futa milf gf to give you kissu when she walks through the door after she comes home from a long day of work at the office
>No futa milf gf to snuggle up next to in bed on a cold winter night
>No futa milf gf to hold you and gently massage your bottom to get you ready for an all night butt-pounding
>No futa milf gf
Stop these feels anon
>tfw no futa wife to fuck into submission
>tfw she'll never say she didn't enjoy it, but then you flip her over and see she came all over the bed, and she starts blushing when she realizes you know how much she likes it
>>28728954
>>No futa milf gf to hold you and gently massage your bottom to get you ready for an all night
Why even live?
>>28729000
That's pretty sexist, Anon. I think you need to be assigned a big-sister to show you how to treat women respectfully.
>tfw 6'1"
>tfw the supreme emperor of manlets
Why can't I be 6'2"? Why?
>>28728904
>TFW 5'11 3/4 "
Kill me
>>28728904
>>28729425
do you guys really just measure yourselves compulsively? is it like how people with eating disorders step on the scale every hour?
>>28728904
> 6-7
> too tall
How does one get a loser gf? I just want a gf to chill at home with. Play vidya, laze around and watch movies, smoke weed, and just generally be a lazy piece of shit with. No pressure to be a better person, but content with the current situation. Do you think I could find one if I got a fast food job or something?
>>28728892
Loser gfs still want YOU to go out and be successful, because they're entitled bitches with shitty personalities, and spending time together is probably just going to lead to bullshit arguments anyway.
>>28729153
Yeah, you're probably right. A man can dream, though.
>>28729171
If you're going to look for one you should go for a FWB that's more independent, and then eventually suggest moving in together for convenience/finances and hope things don't go to shit.
>I eat potato chips every day for lunch at work and now all my coworkers started to call me Chippy
FUCK YOU THEY'RE THE ONLY THINGS I LIKE OUT OF THE VENDING MACHINE
AHAHAHAHA Fatass. Look at Chippy again, what's on the menu today Chippy? Lays or Doritos? AHAHAHA
lol that's a neato nick name
i wish i was cool enough to have people give me nicknames
>>28728885
You got a nickname; they like you at least a little bit. You've been accepted.
>that dream when you think you're awake but can't move
>that dread when you feel like something bad is about to happen but there's nothing you can do
Those silk curtains must feel great rubbing against her vajayjay
>>28728856
>>28729733
>lovely hair and feet
with glasses she'd be perfect. name?
>>28730282
>not knowing who that is from a 10 threads away
MEW LAD
Hello I'm looking for a girlfriend. I like grand strategy videogames, roleplaying games and anime.
>>28728827
19-year-old Asian girl here. I hope you're white! Are you? ;)
>>28728854
I am but I'm also fat. Not obese though.
Girls don't play strategy games. They only watch shitty shojo anime.
SELECT YOUR FIGHTER.
>>28728807
I wanna fuck the girl making an aheago face near Eric and Dylan
>>28728807
i choose the stoic
>>28728807
I can spot every robot in this photo. As a robot you can sense it in others, like the force but for autism
>tfw slit asshole while taking a hard spiky shit a few weeks ago
>everytime I shit now it just aggravates the wound
>it keeps hurting very bad and I don't know how to let it heal properly
That's called an anal fissure, senpai.
What you need to do is eat very little for a few days, and then start a fibrous diet. I've had a fissure for over 7 years.
If it gets bad enough, you might need surgery. It will stop hurting over time if it doesn't heal.
Remember to stay very well hydrated, regardless of what you eat, in the future.
>>28729937
>I've had a fissure for over 7 years.
>>28729937
OP here, I actually had an ass surgery like 4 years ago for something called an anal fistula. Had to go under anasthesia and everything for it, was a terrible 6 months. This doesn't hurt as bad as that did but it still fucking sucks. Am pretty much at the point now where I squeeze out my dumps as hard and forceful as I can just to get through the pain spike faster instead of writhing around on the toilet for 10 minutes. Thinking about getting laxatives and just shitting liquid for a weeks
>Hey, I found these pieces of tissue paper lying around in your room, why do they smell so weird?
You're probably just getting a wiff of your diaper.
>>28728795
A better question is why aren't you out working, you bourgeoisie pig
>>28728795
>"it's the polio virus that ive been subjecting you to for the past two years. Guess I should also add that I haven't been building a wheelchair accessible stairway out of the basement."
> 25 years old
> attempt to pull back foreskin for first time in life
> absolutely the worst smell a human could ever experience.
> pull back 99%, almost past the head.
> smell almost makes me faint.
Can't get it any lower, something seems to be blocking it.
There must be some kind of smegma rocks hidden underneath that won't let me pull my skin back. It just REEKS.
>>28728727
Jesus, anon, wash your dick.
I figured this out by the time I was twelve, I think.
>>28728749
I can't pull it back, it's impossible to wash down there. It won't go. This little string thingy on my penis head is stopping me.
Do you think a prostitute would still have sex with me even though it hasn't been cleaned at all my entire life.
hire some asian prostitute to make a video of her pulling it back and licking it off
>haven't showered in over a month
>nobody has noticed
Wrong. Nobody talked about it to you because it would be awkward.
Humans have noses.
How do you know if you smell? I shower and wear clean clothes daily but I have horrible anxiety over whether I smell and no one is willing to tell me or not
>>28728647
How do you go that long feeling so grimy?
