Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 417. page
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>tfw dad was a deadbeat, left me with my mother pretty much my entire child life
>hardly contributed to anything, used to beat my mother and brothers when they were together
>tried to make amends with him around my 20s, we ended up living together for about 6 months before he went into another drunken rage and kicked me out
>I ended up spending a month in the psych ward shortly after this, he never attempted to see me or help me with anything
>never encourages me to achieve anything, before I started the civil engineering program I'm about to graduate from he literally told me "You're too stupid to be an engineer."
>for the last 4 years I've been living on my own without either parent's help, dad still tries to call me an have a relationship despite all this.
>It's father's day.
Should I even fucking call him? I really don't want to.
To be honest I genuinely hate my father. I see him as a goalpost for what never to become. He's encouraged me to become a better father when I have my own kids because I'd absolutely hate for my own kids to hate me the way I hate my dad. Sometimes I try to think of nice things about him, once in a while he'd take me to a theme park or buy me a game or something as a kid but for the most part, he was just an awful figure in my life and constantly destroyed my confidence. It wasn't until I learned to stare him down and tell him to go fuck himself to his face that I actually started feeling pride in myself as a human being, started getting my act together, building my own life and feeling happy about myself.
I really don't want to call my dad. Is it ok to just ignore father's day if your dad was a dick?
>>17272457
Don't bother, you're better off cutting relations with such toxic people in your life.
I can't speak from personal experience, so I'm sorry for overstepping, but fuck no.
If anyone in your life shows you nothing but how shitty they are, then you don't need them in your life. You don't need that negativity.
Are you close with your mom? If you love her, call her and you can both bitch about your dick dad.
>>17272457
Without going off on a rant, short answer don't call.
I had similar experience. Dad in and out of life. Last saw him when I was probably 15. Called me once when I was i think 18 and I hung up immedietaly. Adds me on facebook, and I've now deleted my account. He was a horrible father. No money for support. Alcoholic. Bipolar. And what have I accomplished since I saw him? Graduated high school. Graduated college. Gotten Jobs. Learned to drive. Taught myself how to shave. First date. Basically all that Will Smith on Prince of Bel Air scene.
He's a toxic person. You might always want to reconnect, but it seems to do more harm than good.
Should I dump someone if my gut says that they're not interested in maintaining anything further, or is it usually wrong to trust your gut?
I don't really have a good reason to dump this person other than that my gut is saying that something is wrong on their end and I should leave, probably because they have been withdrawn. Every time I ask about it it ends in me being guilty that I asked in the first place.
>>17272455
trust your gut
>>17272456
What if it ends up being the one that got away or whatever and a dumb mistake?
>>17272455
there must be other reasons besides your fat gut
list them
Sometimes some muscle of mine starts pulsing (usually the trap, leg or under the eye), specially when i'm stressed; this can be explained by stress.
Sometimes my arm or leg twitches; it has been this way a long time, but i think it happens to people, right?
I just want a confirmation that i shouldn't worry about it.
>>17272336
it happens. sometimes there are reasons. sometimes there arent. you could eat too much and drink coffee and just not exercise enough. could be more sleepy than you realize but had a 'second wind' to keep you going. could just be twitchy.
my eye does it a lot. sometimes other parts of my body but its been nothing to worry about.
>>17272342
I eat regularly, don't drink coffee and exercise, though i haven't slept well this week because of the dog.
The pulses happens randomly while the twitching happens once every 2/3 months.
>>17272366
i wouldnt worry about it too much. if i had to guess those random twitches are on your more 'off days'.
and please note that even an hour of exercise isnt considered healthy. humans are meant to be on the run. an hour is what they recommend as a minimum of exercise,m and its supposed to be cardio, not lifting.
just saying. you'll still be fine, but the twitches sound random for me. if you are concerned see a doc.
I need help deciding if I should accept new job. please explain your preference.
current job: mostly uninteresting and easy, just clocking in time type of job. pay is just okay. but I live in my favorite area, close to friends and family, and things that I like to do.
new job offer: really interesting work that I want to get into. pay is much better. but it's on the opposite side of the country, in a boring small town. I don't know anybody within 2000 miles, seems like not a lot to do there.
>>17272331
id take the job and see whats up, depending on my current situation. i moved to la from delaware so yeah.
what is the current job?
whats the new job?
what is the pay difference? its in a small town so i imagine you could save a lot yeah?
worse case scenario take the job for six months then come home
>>17272335
both jobs are mechanical engineering, but new job would be much more in line with what I like and am good at. new job also 25% pay increase. i would be able to save a lot, that's a big factor. but I think it will be really hard to be living there and I might get depressed or something. I also have a gf that I would either have to break up with or go long distance for almost 1 year until she can move
>>17272361
you sound whiny, so maybe done go. adventure is not for the puss of heart.
Anyone here meditate regularly? How has it effected you? I try to meditate for 20m but around the 10m mark I find myself getting distracted, playing with my cat, checking my phone, etc.
How do I git gud
>>17272301
what are you trying to achieve by meditating? traditionally its simply clearing your mind entirely to let a godly presence into you. but more recently it coudl literally be just a time you sit and think and no one cares. does it matter if you play with your cat at the ame time? i mean isnt quality time with the animal you adopted kind of more important then sitting aroudn thikning?
the closest i get to meditating is in the shower. no music, no tech, no lights. just me, fetal position, with hot water for a half hour. washing away the grime of the day helps me feel like im sleeping almost. it recharges me in ways that even sleep cannot. i just let my mind wander where it eneds to. its there for a reason, but the hot water stops me from being all anxious and overthinking
>>17272301
As a practicing Buddhist with a lot of other beliefs (because strict dogma is shit) Buddha once said before he died, to follow your own path, to follow that which brings you peace, and that there is no one way to enlightenment.
In this matter, find what brings you peace. Meditation doesn't have to be the kind of thing practiced in temples and stupas by laymen and women. It can be simply what meshes with your heart and mind.
If you feel the want to improve, go for it. Meditation has no true form. Only you can find what makes you feel at peace and happy.
>>17272301
I did when I was in the Army. If you want to get good pick up some books and read various techniques. I prefer to lay down to mediate. My favorite technique was focusing on passing "light" from one part to another after channeling it to my forehead. After a while you only feel the "energy" and not your body and feel like you are floating in the air as a ball of light.
I just realized that I'm incredibly narcissistic. People have always described me as self-centered, and that irked me, but then I realized what I was.
I don't value other people. I don't see them as real. When you mow down enemies in a shooter, do you feel bad for them? Those enemies exist to be mowed down.
Now, let me clarify, I'm not saying I'd murder someone. I'm just saying that I have this fucked up perspective where human beings are just backdrops, props, NPCs, etc., in the story of ME. I observe reality from a egocentric perspective, this world is like a daydream and it will evaporate when I die.
But I also acknowledge that I'm a shitlord for being this way.
Sadly, as time goes on, I feel more detached from reality. If I feel like I'm in a dream, then how does anyone else matter but the dreamer? It's getting to the point where I only see people as objects to be used. I don't want to be this person. I never set out to be like this, I always thought I was kind and virtuous over all. But if I ultimately feel like the entire universe is just a dream that exists to entertain my dumb ass, I'm probably a really shitty person, am I not? How do I be better?
every YOLO normie feels the same way even thought most of them aren't as self-aware as you. if you experience pain your mindset will probably change
>>17272398
What kind of pain? Physical or mental?
>>17272449
both. if you suddenly got cancer your "dream" would seize to be enjoyable. all the npcs would continue living their lives unaffected by your suffering
My scalp is starting to look like this guys.
Every time I run my fingers through my hair, I get at least 6-9 hair in my hands. The second time done, the same count :(
I'm scared even to comb my hair. Even more scared to wash my hair :O
I tried Olive Oil for a week as per my cousin but that isn't helping me.
What do I guys?
>>17272293
You need to start using Rogaine or Minoxidil now if you want to keep what hair you have left. You should also take a DHT blocker every day for literally the rest of your life:
https://www.amazon.com/Ultrax-Blocking-Nutrient-Solubilized-Supplement/dp/B00BFFQMBA#customerReviews
This is the best one around. It might be too late though, if your scalp already looks like that it might be too late.
Get a prescription for finasteride and start using nizoral shampoo 2-3 times each week, leaving i on for 2-5 minutes before rinsing. You can get it without a prescription.
>>17272343
thanks for the rec. the before and after pictures have me sold to try this. not OP but also worrying abotu hair. can hide it quite well but yeah.
anyrecommendation for acne scars? chin only and not too bad in the right lighting thankfully but still working to be my ideal self.
How old is too old to start and compete in judo?
I started it earlier this year and I love it. I find it amazing and want to try and be the best I can and I sort of see competitions as the pinnacle.
I train 5-6 times a week.
I'm currently 19, but am turning 20 next month and I wonder if I'll be able to catch up with those who started as kids.
I realize this is more of an /asp/ kind of question, but that board drowned not so long ago in all that WWE shitposting, daily judo threads are no longer a thing there.
>>17272272
does it matter? unless you are saying that you want to do this professionally it really doesnt. plenty of people dont start martial arts until they are adults, and competitions are done based off of experience adn weight class (if im not mistaken they wont have someone with an early belt fight someone like a black belt) so it doesnt really matter.
would you quit if people said 'TOO LATE JUST STAHP FOR REASONS GAWDDD'
?
>>17272288
Yes, it matters.
Of course I would not stop, but I'm wondering how far can I actually go, in order not to go full out on a fool's errand.
>>17272360
you will likely never catch up to those who started as kids and are still in the business.
but since you take the opinions of random strangers
>YES ITS TOO LATE WHY ARE YOU EVEN BOTHERING YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK SILLY FIGHTING OTHER MEN OF YOUR SAME SKILL LEVEL AND AGE LOLOLOL WHAT A BAKA
I actually helped a friend of mine to get my big crush. They're together now, 'cause she didn't really want to be with me.
I'm a disaster with girls, but I'm a good wingman. Eitherway, I'm a bit sad. Any advice about this fact and the future too?
(my friend has a crush on her too)
Calling bait on this one
>>17272266
bro's before hoe's
>>17272266
watch out for people dropping stuff on your head.
Should I commit a crime so I can get banged up in jail and prove my manliness by fighting everyone in there?
I just want to prove my manliness
In my mind this is an essential route to doing so
>>17272249
I am here to beat the fucking stupid out of you.
Put that energy into MMA, martial arts, that shit
Go participate in tournaments
And you better get to the philosophical aspects to straighten yourself out.
I am a man. And in my standpoint, you are not yet a man for thinking this.
Get it out of your head and make something of yourself. Quit being a fucktard.
>>17272249
so you think that going to prison will make you anything omre than being a prison bitch? think about it, if you have no expertise fighting, which you clearly dont otherwise you wouldnt think going to prison is the only way to fight, they already know how to fuck you up, and they already have gangs.
you arent going to learn how to fight through fighting. you just learn how to get your ass kicked. maybe take a class.
>>17272249
this is possibly the most retarded post i have read all day
What job only requires a bachelor's degree and is in high demand?
>>17272239
In some states you can get a teaching certification with a BA. You make around 50k a year, can retire, health benefits, and summers off.
Military Officer. Can retire, benefits, and a lot of room for upward mobility.
>>17272245
I hate kids and I've already served in the military on the enlisted side.
Thanks for the suggestions though.
>>17272248
What is your BA/BS in?
Is there anything at all you can do to stop being gay?
Abstinence and loneliness
>>17272242
That's what I do anyway.
I wouldn't mind no sex but not being able to share my life with someone is crushing.
How important is sex to women?
>>17272234
not really. conversion therapy is known to be shit.
that being said, you dont have to be a fucking faggot. im only out to one of my friends, and the only reason im out to him is cuz we met by me asking him out on a date. hes straight but we hit it off so yeah.
outside of him no one needs to know. my sexuality is really no ones business and i dont intend any of my other friends to meet a partner til i find someone worth introducing them to. but im more homosexual than homoromantic or whatever so it hasnt happened yet single for four years.
but i digress. my point is that your sexuality doesnt have to define you. you dont have to be a career gay like all the tohers. you dont have to make a gay joke every five minutes. or ever. you can just never acknowledge the gay discussion.
the only time i ever seem to is with my parents (god i regret that) and here on 4chan
Is going to a private university even worth it? I've got a year to fuck around right now before attending a university. I'm planning on majoring in CS, but I really want to avoid being fucked over by student debt. I feel like going into trades isn't a bad idea, but I really want to get the fuck out of my parents' house 'cause I can't stand living with them. What do?
>>17272223
>I really want to avoid being fucked over by student debt
Could you not get any scholarships? if you weren't good enough in High School maybe you shouldn't go to college, they practically throw money at you if you are at least average
>>17272223
College is worth it if you can pay for a large portion of it out of pocket. Private universities especially aren't worth it for the common person - you pretty much need to be independently wealthy to justify going.
Trades are a fantastic idea, school is shorter, far less expensive, and you'll probably end up making more than those fresh out of college with a degree.
The problem with trades is the glass ceiling, and the only way to make a LOT of money is through a labor union - and a lot of people choose cheaper labor than unions because of their high costs.
It's really up to you.
If you really want to be a hands-on, fixin' shit type of person, trades are pretty much the way to go. But if CS is really your passion, then don't pass it up.
Keep in mind too that you can go back to school and complete a degree online, or from a local university. If you're really looking to become self-sufficient as quickly as possible, this is how you would do it.
>>17272223
Join the fucking military for 3 years and get the GI Bill. It pays for your entire schooling and books plus a housing allowance.
V/r,
Anon who got 2 AAS, 1 BA, and 1 MA out of the military.
Hi, I’m a 24y old male, got a nice girlfriend, she loves me and usually the sex is pretty cool. Also got a job that it’s ok, it’s not the job of my life, but I’m not planning to stay there forever.I’m tall, slim and as far as I know nobody considers me either ugly or dumb.
But lately, like for 6 months from now with some big changes in my life (finishing college, finding my second job), I’m feeling sad, not every day, every time, but almost half of the time I think life isn’t worthy at all and like once or twice a week I think I can’t keep going. When I’m not sad I’m either angry (not in a violent way) or euphoric.
The thing is, I’m not sad always, and I think that all this shit is going to be temporary, and it will stop when I reach some stability.
But I need advice, should I see a psychologist? Should I do something? Anyone with experience in similar situations?
Thank you very much guys/ladies
Nobody here? Should I ask /pol/ or should I ask /b/?
>>17272224
ask /pol/
>>17272133
24 year old in a very similar boat here, minus the girlfriend. Don't have an answer but I'll be monitoring this thread.
Happy father's day, /adv/. Any fathers out there have a question for me? If it's a specific legal question, include your country. I'm from Canada, do mostly family law.
seeing as canadian farmers feed people to their pigs, and now that beastality and suicide are legal, what's the cost and fees associated with starting a pig brothel/health care clinic ?
>>17272145
You'd have to come to my office for a full answer. Cost: one pig. Do you have any close family that would miss you?
interesting recipe. do you drain the blood (jewish lawyer) and keep it on ice during that two weeks?
