Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1449. page
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Lads, in this day and age Is it abnormal for men to be approached by women? What quality's does one need to develop to have girls come to you instead of you having to go out of YOUR way to seek them out?
And I'm not expecting some self improvement and then a flock of ladies come running, I understand that the whole "Flirt game" is based on both the actions of the guy and girl, but just once id like to not have to make the first step and for them to come to me in any setting.
For example theirs this chick in my course who im pretty sure I could spark something up with but for once id like her and others to see my value and come to me instead of me SHOWING my value....
Anyone else ever had this happen, and if so what kind of person are you?
>>16864555
Absolutely never happened to me in my life, but bump for interest
>>16864555
Is it abnormal? Yes, but it is increasing in popularity. You need to work on being super friendly, positive, helpful, and assertive. The flirting game with it involves doing something that shows your value, being shy and coy (all about the body language), and catching on to when you are getting asked out, women are a bit more subtle about this. Also remember that you could be genuinely asked to do something as a friend and not as a potential partner. This happens to me a lot (I've usually been in a relationship and I can count the number of times I've made the first move on one hand (they all failed miserably)). I'm just your standard, late twenties, white, working class guy.
So... i started dating this cool chick... i like her... but i cant seem to get it up man... when im with her i need to really need to concentrate and when we start to do it... it gets soft... fast...
wtf...
this never happened to me... im getting sad and mad at the same time... and i think it doesn't help :\
what to do ?
Try to solve it using emotions and common sense yourself, just to exhaust all of your options at home. I figure you're smart enough to figure out what turns you on and what type of mood is conducive to wood. I'm sorry, by the way, that you have anxiety or whatever. That shit is no fun.
If trying again doesn't work, maybe see a doctor for ED or something. If he says you're fine, then just keep trying to give yourself some self-applied therapy at home. If you go months without being able to fuck, after getting penile clearance from the dick doc, perhaps see a therapist after that.
Calm the fuck down and just fuck the bitch
I've been slacking off for the past two weeks in my technical class, however I still have a c average. My teacher has connections with my mother and just ranted at her about me being lazy, what do I do?
>>16864548
Quit being lazy?
I'm bored to death with some aspects of my life. Pls give me some ideas to make it exciting again. The main problem is my work. I had a REALLY shitty start. I can elaborate but it's a long story. Atm i'm woking as an assistant ina special needs school without a degree. It's nice and all but it's very underwhelming. I want something that's a challenge and that makes me want to get up and give my best every day.
>>16864541
Welcome to the club.
>>16864541
Do you have any hobbies that could potentially be turned into a career?
What interests you?
What would a job have to give you in order to make you want to get up every day?
Not having a degree is a massive disadvantage these days. Would you consider going to university?
I dated a girl 5 years younger than me for around 6 months while she was working in my country. After it, we've seen each other three times for some periods of time like going to her country on my christmas holiday and such. I like her and she's beautiful, but I feel she's way more infatuated with me than I'm with her. I was a fool and told her that I loved her after she told me she did. She wants me to move to her country with her and I feel I'm not ready (and also something I'll add later).
Fast forward to this day:
I met a very attractive girl (half black, beautiful eyes, tight body) lately and she's giving me hints that she wants the D. I don't have any feelings for this girl apart from lust, and I would like to sleep with her and get it out of the way. I already had a one night stand with another girl while the first one was away, but I knew this girl would only be in my city that night and it was very discreet. Of course, I never told the first girl. I did it because (and this is the thing I wanted to add) the sex with her was not that great. I want her to be dirtier and into kinky stuff but she's too sweet and shy.
I want to be single so I can do whatever I want with my penis without having to hide it, but on the other hand I don't want to hurt the first girl by letting her know my intentions. I would like a clean breakup so that she suffers the least possible. I know I am an asshole for doing all of that to her and I will get a lot of "RRRRRREEEEE NORMIE CHEATING SCUM" coments. I was like you once.
>I have to options:
Breaking up with her, coming up like a total asshole and having her suffer.
or
Banging the new girl behind her back and hiding it from her until the chance to break up comes up.
Can I get some opinions on my situation?
bumping in a slow board
Honestly, I think you fucked up by telling her you loved her when you really didn't. I know it was putting you on the spot when she said it, but you've got to sack up and be forward with what you want and how you feel.
In regards to your current situation, honestly, it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship of any kind with girl one. It just sounds like its not what you want. You need to be direct and tell her how you feel ASAP, because its going to hurt, no matter what. But she'll get over it and life will go on. Also, you'll be able to fuck your new girl without having to constantly have that in the back of your mind.
You're not losing anything. Guilt isn't something to protect. Cut her off and get your sex, or keep her and keep your sex.
All's fair in love and war. Just be clearer with the next girl so you don't fuck her over like this one if you feel bad about it. It's already given that you've fucked her over, so you might as well flip a coin if you don't like thinking. Who knows? If you stay with her, you might learn something. If you're gonna break up with her, you can be as clear and sincere as you can be, or not. All up to you. I'm not gonna tell you what to do.
This is a personal moral decision, and thus, a philosophical one. Just be the man you want to be by making the choices a man like that would make.
(864) 764-4768 <--- this guy needs advice about not being a pompous asshole help me anyone?
>>16864524
...really?
Nypa kiddo
>>16864524
My advice would be not to do stupid shit like this.
Why would this be stupid? He harasses me like every week?
OK.
>broke up with gf 2 months ago
>recently had sex 2 times at her place
>slept at her place
>next day she leaves for work, I go through her iPad
>finds out she's been hanging out with 2 diff. boys, kissed one of them
>about the time we first hooked up after the break up, she hung out with another guy
>talking shit about me to her girl friends
>I got really fucking upset
>Haven't mentioned anything though, been playing cool
>She texted me yesterday, wanted to hangout and have sex
>Said she was looking forward to see me
>sex is really good, she loves my cock
>litterally worships it
>I still have a little bit of feelings for her, but a lot of it dissapeared while I read this stuff
>Should I just fuck her brains out?
You obviously still have feelings for her and are still under the delusion that this fuckbuddy thing going on is a vessel for your relationship to continue.
Move on before you get yourself hurt.
You are in the most toxic point of a relationship. If you want to have a chance in hell of getting her back/making her regret everything. In one message simply tell her what you saw, and do not respond for weeks. She will literally fall into a void of pain. The whole fuckbuddy thing is so retarded and I personally would never be a part of a relationship like that. Anyone who can be is actually quite sick in my mind.
How do I stop being so lazy to the point of it being self-destructive?
>>16864492
Slowly, carefully, and with planning. What are your problems and goals?
Stop fapping or playing video games when you're bored. Exercise at home or ride a bike in case you don't have friends to hang out with. Also stop eating so damn much.
get off 4chan
Hello /adv/!
I'm a 23y old male. I just started with the first year of college (sociology and history).
Here in Europe you go to college when you finish high school (gimnasium).
I tried with college before, but I was hospitalised for two times(suicide attempt, depression, and so on..)
I just think college isn't for me. I worked thru every summer and I exceled at my jobs. From garbage recycling to office jobs. I just feel like college is a waste of time and money for me and I ain't getting younger.
Can I still make it in life without a degree? Or will I resent myself for leaving college?
>>16864491
If you feel college isn't for you, you'll resent every day that you spend there. Don't force yourself to do something you know you hate. If you are fine working without a degree, then do it. You can always go back to school as an adult, if you feel the need.
>>16864491
idk how it is in europe but in the USA unless you come from a rich family or are naturally talented in some way you basically perma-yourself by not having a college degree. the 'you don't need to go to college' hype is bullshit propagated by bitter losers and people who need more blue collars to fix their cars and toilets.
classism is real. you will be looked down by literally everyone at some level for not having a college degree unless you're like the founder of a startup or something. educate yourself and get the degrees to show for it.
>>16864514
>perma-fuck yourself
So how do you fuck a guy up?
He is a douche and i wouldnt be doing this if he was any good.
>he looks at me in a agressive way for over a year
>i start to look at him after a year
>he then comes to me and threatens me, this happened several times
>once i heard him saying he will find a way to beat me for no reason to one of his friends (they didnt know i was there)
I know what car he has and the ID number, plus i know where he has a candy shop, but there is a hospital near.
this is childish. just let it go
>>16864453
ive been bullied since i was 12 and i just cant let go this things
>>16864454
That is a problem with you. Not anyone else
Girlfriend and I just broke up.
I was the one who broke it off.
I just stopped feeling happy and told her it would be best to split away.
I haven't felt this sense of loneliness for a long time. I already want her back.
>>16864435
>person a initiates breakup with b
>a is then sad and depressed
Were you expecting to get a new chick instantly
>>16864445
No, it's just I didn't know that I'd feel this bad.
>>16864435
You'll get over it.
You broke up for a reason.
It isn't 'her' you want; it's the loneliness you don't want.
You'll get over it. Grab a 24 pack. Play your favorite vidya. Rub one out, you'll be fine.
If I can initiate and get a divorce from my wife whom I was married to for 9 years, you can get over this.
I'm almost 24 and I feel like a huge loser because I'm still working in retail, no savings, don't own my own house, no licence, no car, in debt and failing uni.
It's probably not as bad as you think.
Working in retail whilst you're reading your degree is fine. You can't start your proper career because you're still working on the qualification you need to get your foot in the door, and you can't do a 40 hours monday to friday job because you need time for lectures. The only options that really leaves is food service or retail, which is what the vast majority of students do.
A part time shelf stacking job doesn't pay enough to have savings. To do that you need to earn more money than it costs you to live, and if it was possible to do that and read a degree at the same time, student loans/grants/financing wouldn't be a thing.
With house prices being the way they are I wouldn't have thought anyone own their own place at 24. You need to have been working for a good few years in a full time career first to get a deposit and be accepted for a mortgage - I graduated at 21 but It took me till I was 27 to buy my first house (and that was in 1998, when things were a lot easier).
The car things shouldn't be a worry either. Even an old banger is expensive to run, so the only time you really want to own a car is if you have to have one to get to your job - that way the amount of money it allows you to earn is greater than the amount of money you plogh in to it every month. Learning to drive isn't difficult at all, when you get a "real" job just pay for one of those intensive courses where you do it all in a couple of days. Couldn't afford a car when I was a student (not that it would have helped much - Oxford is in a state of perpetual gridlock and there's only two parking spaces in the entire city), but I've got four of them now if you count the one my wife drives and the one I got my daughter so she could learn to drive in.
Debt is just standard fayre for students. If you're making enough money to support yourself and pay for tuition unaided it means you're spending far too much time working and not nearly enough studying.
what degree should i take if i want to make 8 million dollars before im 28?
>>16864416
Prostitution
legit mate, i need to fill DPA papers up
Only way to do that is to get incredibly lucky
>disclaimer: senior in uni, 6'1, /fit/ handsome, but a little awkward at times otherwise i wouldn't be on fucking 4chan
Met a girl from university last spring (2015) off of tinder (bonus points she was from my hometown, also in my year), went on 3 dates, made her dinner at my house, had sex. Saw her for 2 months where we'd hang out regularly, have sex, meet all her friends and all that good stuff. To me she was giving off date-y vibes and I was down with it. Then at the end of the semester she started being oddly crass and sarcastic, shooting down offers to go out to lunch in kind of rude ways via text. Then she agreed to getting dinner with me at a nearby bar... like 20 minutes before it was time she mentioned that she was full cause she got dinner instead with her gay friends. i just got pissed off and just deleted her from facebook and went no contact on her after that. my rational was assuming all sorts of shit like either she was using me as a rebound, just wanted to fuck and was feigning interest or whatever. regardless i felt upset and used after my emotional investment.
two weeks later she texts me for a booty call. i thought maybe i was being too hasty with the >delete from facebook meme, so i agreed to meeting up. it ended up not working out due to logistics, but i sent her a friend request after that.
"i don't understand, did you delete me?"
"yeah, you were being cold"
"...wow. Frozen".
Didn't hear from her again for a good 6 months. During that period I felt like complete shit. I made a childish move and single handedly fucked up something I thought had potential. I saw other girls during that time but none compared cause of my oneitis.
>>16864402
Last october i thought i'd try to reconnect with her and take her out to lunch. I texted her saying hello and apologized for being an immature dick. She was wary of my intentions "what triggered this all of a sudden?". Agreed to go to lunch and then canceled/flaked at the last minute. Then she said she was 'busy' and couldn't hang out with me. Got the message, didn't talk to her for a while.
A couple weeks ago, my friend gave me two tickets to a local opera super last minute. I didn't have a date so I messaged every girl I hooked up with recently to go with me. This girl was included (I ended up going alone). Her: "sounds awesome, i can't though xyz busy".
Rejected again, oh well.
either way it's a big enough issue for me to write this all at 7 in the morning so yeah, /adv/ pls and thanks
>>16864404
>ignore that last line
Then later that week, she tried to booty call me at midnight. I didn't see her that night, but I ended up taking her to dinner again, hanging out with her another day, and then getting booty called successfully a couple days after that.
I'm starting to think she only wants/wanted to fuck now, but she's playing the 'maybe someday when i'm not so busy, ugh i have all this stuff to do' card when I tried to hit her up recently. we exchanged some light hearted banter by texting back and forth, but now i'm just sick of chasing and am gonna let her initiate a meet up (which surprise surprise, hasn't fucking happened yet).
I've been seeing other people through this whole ordeal, but my oneitis is bad for this girl I'd cancel any date if she wanted to see me.
I also can't fucking read her. Did me defriending her just turn her off permanently? I feel that's what set this whole episode in motion.
Did she just want to hook up the whole time and nothing else? Why the fuck did she sleep with me again after flaking and showing no interest before?
I tried to talk to her about this whole situation and apologized for cutting her off earlier and explained why, and she literally gave me a 'i'm so stressed with work i can't talk about this right now' reply and nothing else.
Women always bitch about men 'using them for sex' yet i feel the reverse is happening here and it feels fucking awful. Part of me feels that it's my fault for cutting her off and that's why she acted that way, but also a part of me thinks she's being immature and unreasonable.
either way its a big enough issue for me to post this at 7 so yeah /adv/ please and thanks
>>16864402
Hard to say exactly what's going on as I don't know the in's and out's, but I'll give you my gut feel -
Chances are, she doesn't exactly know what she wants and is just having fun.
Most girls enjoy the date-y things, cause, in general, they just love attention.
The problem is - you caught feelings.
You are a booty call because you do a good job, and, unlike how guys can just jerk off, girls really need dick to satisfy that urge.
The bottom-line is this, if you were after something serious (which is the vibe I'm getting from your story), she would make time for you and talk through your 'kind of childish' behaviour in the past if she really wanted something serious too.
I'm sorry for your situation bro, but there's good girls out there :). But I'm 26 now and I'll tell you, in my experience, most girls in university are just fooling around. By and large, and this is full /pol/-tier logic, I think not having their careers/life sorted out and many options kind of fucks with their head and their desire to find something serious.
Also - deleting from facebook was kind of childish, but it was only a 'weak-move' when you apologised for it. There's nothing wrong with cutting contact with people who aren't productive/beneficial to your life.
I could use some /adv/ice.
There's my girlfriend, i fell in love with her 2 years ago. She got into some family problems not long after, and started getting depressed. I cared for her and wanted to help the woman I fell in love with. We got into a relationship together over a year ago. Lately I've felt suffocated by a thought. She has mentioned before that if it wasn't for me she'd not wabt to live. Now it feels like a burden. I love her but i can't handle the responsibility, i feel like she needs to be able to be happy by herself before we continue.
How do I go about this? I've never been in a similar situation.
>>16864382
Be gentle as fuck no matter what you do. I'd stop overthinking it (suffocated by a thought) first and foremost. The next thing I'd do is try to set up some reoccurring event (weekly poker night, guys night out, etc.) and try to encourage her to do something that she likes during that time. You could also try introducing her to hobbies that are the check in on type (painting, reading, etc.) so that she can start doing things on her own while you still are able to be supportive of her.
>>16864396
She has a few hobbies. These include reading and cooking mostly. She doesn't do much active things, which I think could help make her feel better about herself too, but she's not very open to this. As soon as things seem like I want her to change something she'd be like "why does everybody always want me to change??" And makes me look bad. She often says she is bored..
>>16864396
I'll try to stop thinking too much of it, but what I'd like is for her to get more confident and not depend on me emotionally.
