Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 895. page
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So, im 19 and in 2 days i will have my final exams. They include oral presentation (random topic). Point is that im totally socialy retarded. Im fucking sweating and my stomach hurts already. How do i kill the feeling of fear and anxiety? Im pretty much dead inside beside these two.
Maybe you can ask friends or family member if they can help you practice? Just give the oral to them like you would in front of a class. It's not exactly the same but it's a good start. You could do it outside in a public space like a park. The key to everything is practice.
>>17100760
I have no family / friends
If you just approach it normally (usually a topic which you just talk through) and don't do anything crazy, you'll come across as bland and completely normal. The chance of someone actually remembering your presentation is small if everyone in the class is doing it. I don't even remember my friends presenting their projects nevermind anyone else.
Hi, /adv/
I have a childhood friend whose hidden aggressiveness is getting on my nerves. He's insecure, and feels everybody around him is more successful. This I know cause we've talked about it. He's also lonely he says, and doesn't have many close friends, and struggles to keep in touch with those he made in university. He's generally an extroverted and charming guy, so this would seem weird, but I suspect it's because he treats them the same way he treats me.
I stopped talking to him for a year because I couldn't stand interacting with him anymore, but he recently reached out to me again and said he needed me, so I felt sympathy for him and decided to talk to him again. It didn't take long before we fell into our old interaction habits though.
Another thing to take into account is that we're both into creative fields and while I seem to do good despite my «useless» degree, he's pretty down on himself for still being stuck in a almost entry level job that has nothing to do with his field.
Examples of what he does:
> does not acknowledge stuff you talk about unless he's in a good mood
> has a tendency to one-up anything you tell him about that's good for you
> persistently mentions friends I've never heard of, although he told me he didn't have any other close friends he could rely upon but me, which I interpret to mean that he wants me to see him as not completely needy
Example: "Hey, this blog is gonna showcase my song next month!"
His response: "My good friend Tom* got his song on the radio the other day.»
*(who I've never met or heard of)
(cont)
(cont)
So, to the next part. I have to acknowledge that I'm pretty much like him in my insecurity and tendency to one-up people I identify as threatening. I'm only like this with my close friends and not everybody else. I recently «broke up» with another longstanding friend because of issues with this trait of mine. This means that I can exhibit the same traits as the friend in question here, but I've taken it upon me to treat him as well as I can and be conscious about my behaviour when I'm with him. We do have had a tendency to fire eachother up in «one-up contests» that are pathetic viewed from the outside, but only increases the insecurity of me and my friend.
Please take this into account. I'm exactly like him, so I know what it's like. Now, how do I deal with this? I'm tempted to just stop talking to him, or even leave him completely, as I'm tired of having these downward-spiraling relationships. I do have friends who are immune to my own hidden aggression, which mellows me out since that insecurity never surfaces in the first place when I'm with these friends.
So, how to deal with passive-aggressive friends?
i'd dare say it's pretty natural to be competitive if you're involved in competitive fields. if you don't compete, no one can compete against you.
i'm in a similar situation with some of my friends but i find it inspiring. i especially love to be challenged by them, since it really revs me up. i think that if i was around non-competitive friends all the time i'd start to lose my passion.
if you're still friends despite the competition and one-upping, there's some reason for it. people don't just remain in contact with people they absolutely can't stand. it's a bit like john lennon and paul mccartney, they had the same one-upping relationship but even after the beatles broke up they got together again in the 70s and hung out like old times and enjoyed each others' company.
>>17100741
That guy looks like he raped a sandwich and killed its family.
Hello /adv/,let me tell you mine story:
>I had an abusive childhood in a disfunctional family and in the school it was even worse.Because of all of that I constantly changed them in a little period of time(more than 7 times,and that was an elementary) including my residence
>I never loved my parents,neither they had loved me...Actually,I dont love anyone,I dont have any "close" friends neither a gf or bf,its really hard to relate to someone because I push them out really fast,and sometimes if I dont like it,I totally delete them(especially if someone criticisez me,I kick them out without any regret)
>My behaviour is actually not agressive(only if it is self-defence or with a good reason) but it can be a pretty reckless one
>I love to lie,about everything,from the daily life up to the social and financial status.I still have a fake social profile on which everything is a one big lie,and I've had never posted a picture of myself.
>I love to manipulate people too,its like a some sort of a game that gets better for me as long as I exercise more.The bad thing is that I live in very domestic social circles and Iam very afraid that others may find out who I really am behind my mask of a very good and amusing guy,and now I long for moving out from this country,for forever...
>And this comes down to this:Who really am I?Can I really change myself or is it totally imposible?
I used to share a lot of the same personality traits and behaviors that you have now. I had a similar upbringing, very abusive and hateful, sadistic parents.
What helped me more than anything was to meditate. Guided and Vipassana meditations are good, so are the 'root chakra' ones on youtube. If you do a chakra meditation, only do the 'root' or 'heart' chakra ones, as they are designed to help you balance yourself and become more steady. You do not need to do the other ones, they can in fact be harmful when you're in the place that you are now. The idea behind meditation is that it raises your awareness. A heightened awareness is the key to making life changes, becoming a better person, and being content in life. Raising your awareness can help you to heal many mental illnesses, as it allows you to examine your thoughts, and rather than becoming upset by them, let them pass. With time and practice, you can gain the ability to control your emotions completely. Then, rather than being depressed, you will be able to fully experience happiness, and appreciate true sadness as well. Our emotions happen after we have a thought. It is not an event itself that makes us feel some way, it is our thoughts about it. This idea has been incorporated into a therapy called CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I highly suggest you find a therapist who specializes in it. They can help you isolate the flaws in your thinking that lead you to feel upset/not good frequently. The fact that you've already noticed all these things you do is a really good indication that you can change. I used to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have cured myself by doing the above, and working very hard to change. You can too. You can make yourself into that admirable person you want to be, and instead of making a fake profile and pretending, or lying to people, you can actually be a person that people look up to as an example.
Also, buy a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns
Don't think so little of yourself, feel more important and spire to do well. But from what I've read, don't ever fucking think you're more important than anyone else or that the very people who you only cross while walking somewhere aren't living beings too, you sound fucking dangerous like the people who go out and shoot up innocent people.
>>17100775
I will try this out for sure,only of I could find a physical copy,I hate reading in pdf version
>>17100825
What do non-drinking 20-somethings do at night?
I'm not, like, an AA type. I quit drinking because I stopped enjoying it and it was making me fat. But it seems like the only things open at night are bars. And the only thing people my age do is drink. Most of my friends don't really want to hangout with me anymore because I don't drink. But it's not like I look down on anyone for it--I just find it boring.
Where can I go to meet people my own age (24)?
>>17099632
i feel ya. im not a big drinker myself. when i go out its to get laid or just for flirty validation, and i dont like to go with friends cuz its a distraction. as such i like to find friends like you, ones who dont drink. AA seems nice on the surface but its a lot of people who went too far and are having trouble putting thier lives together.
so how do you find friends? i got some advice, it was typed up for people trying to meet women to potentially date, but it wokrs even better for just finding friends in my opinion. im a copy paste it into the next posts but before that just want to address something you say
>but it seems like the only htings open at night are bars
eh yes but also not quite. depends on where you live. smaller town will be bar only. cities will be more than just bars. at the very least they have things that are technically bars but also other things. for instance, a bar where they have a trivia night, or a bar where they have karaoke, or poetry slams or this or that and the third thing. find somethign that isnt a basic party bar and you'll be surprised. i tend to jsut drink water but still go out to be social.
but there are non bar otpions. most of them are for the day, but if you can make friends during the day, you can ask them to hang out at night, either inside or out.
>>17099650
effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.
the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.
so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.
go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.
you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.
its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.
>>17099656
>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!
and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.
Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.
I worked a minimum wage job for almost two years. Was promised raises and promotions to shift manager for the last year of that. It never happened, and I got severely bitched at by my GM when I put my two weeks notice in. She bitched at me about it so much that I just got fed up and left during my shift.
My question is, do I still get paid for my unspent vacation time even though I just left like that? I have about 30 hours of vacation left.
not if you got fired, which you most certainly did
lmao retard
>>17098154
The company still owes him the vacation hours, fired or not.
>>17098157
depends on what state or country he lives in, only about half of US states have laws saying they need to pay out vacation time in your last paycheck. If OP's living in a red state he's pretty much fucked.
What are the real false rape accusation percentages? I believe 60% are false
No one can really know to be honest. But my anecdotal evidence points to most being fake.
One of the most controversial disputes affecting the discourse related to violence against women is the dispute about the frequency of false allegations of sexual assault. In an effort to add clarity to the discourse, published research on false allegations is critiqued, and the results of a new study described. All cases (N= 136) of sexual assault reported to a major northeastern university over a 10-year period are analyzed to determine the percentage of
false allegations. Of the 136 cases of sexual assault reported over the 10-year period, 8 (5.9%) are coded as false allegations. These results, taken in the context of an examination of previous research, indicate that the prevalence of false allegations is between 2% and 10%.
http://www.icdv.idaho.gov/conference/handouts/False-Allegations.pdf
those are the ones that they can absolutely prove are false, how many of the ones with 0 evidence ala jameis winston are false
WTF I've never had acne in my life but once I turned 19 and started college I got cystic acne all over my face and back. Will it go away with time??
Well, fuck. I'm a med student, so please answer a few questions. Are you male or female? If female, are you taking bc? If male did you start takings steroids?
Go to a dermatologist and get yourself a prescription of Epiduo.
>>17097715
Male. I went to the doctor and she prescribed me oral antibiotics and I've been taking them for a few weeks but haven't had any results yet.
Acne isnt as simple as parents made it out to be. if its only in one location its usually caused by a specific problem (for example (thisi s wrong but for example) acne on the nose would be a dairy issue). I had acne on my chin only, and thats a hormonal issue. however i cannot fix that as a dude (whereas women could just take birth control etc).
there are two approaches that worked well for me. the first is how i went from pic related to second pic related.
>tretinoin in the morning
>salicylic acne wash in the shower
>moisturizer after / as needed
>erythromicin at night
tretinoin is prescription but you can order online as well. you rub it on to your skin and it peels it fast, causing your acne to fall right off. thats.
salicylic acne wash is basic acne wash you can get at most any store. i get mine at rite aid.
moisturizer stops your face from drying itself out, which prevents your skin from getting damaged and/or over producing oils which makes more acne.
erythromicin topical gel is an antio biotic used to treat acne, however instead of applying it your stomach, you apply it to your face before bed. it attacks the bacteria right on your face, killing acne before it starts.
I used all 4 together and it wokred pretty well, but it was annoying. way too much of my day was dedicated to treating my acne, not eating foods, trying to find ways to scratch an itch without touching myface. if i was making out with a girl and she happened to rub her fingers across my face, you can bet your savings that id have acne on the part of my chin she touched.
i got so frustrated i went ahead and started taking accutane. i was nervous but within the first month i had no acne. i had to quit one week into the third month (of 5 months) but my acne still hasnt returned and for that im grateful. i can sleep face down, scratch my chin, eat whatever i want. its awesome.
I believe that circumcision is wrong but my wife want to circumcise our baby.
What can I do?
>>17093858
Ask her why she thinks it's a good idea
>counterpunch.jpg
>>17093858
Grow a fucking spine and tell ur woman to fuck off
Tell her the health claims don't actually exist and that you will personally wash your sons dick if it really grosses her out.
Circumcision is fucking barbaric and I will never forgive my parents, in particular my father, for allowing it.
hello i need a job
no experience or education required
above average intelligence required
no human contact
>>17113731
>no experience or education
>above average intelligence
Pick one and choose one you pretentious fuck.
>>17113731
Full time shitposter :^)
Lol, you'll only get an intelligence-based job if you have some evidence for that. No degree? No entrepreneurial experience? Good luck buddy.
Consider this: maybe you're not THAT intelligent if you haven't figured out how to earn yourself some income and don't have a degree to prove anything.
Do you have any highschool advice? Thanks! Also , highschool experience!
>>17113703
go away child
try 9gag
Sit near the front, back straight
note down as much as you can.
Study hard and talk to people from as many different groups as you feel possible.
Try new things and dont throw it all away.
Do better than I did and i'm sure you'll have a great time.
Be willing to fight and lose to protect yourself sometimes. Its better to know what that's like so you fear it less. (seriously its better than never fighting and not knowing that its possible to defend yourself)
And tell girls/guys how you feel about them if you're interested.
if you get rejected, same morals as the fighting thing. You need to know what it's like.
Other than that, try to have fun. maybe you'll smoke a wee bit of weed and drink a wee drink but if you do don't make it a habit you fuck.
How do I make my life better, all I do all day is browse 4chan and post memes, all my friends from school have gone out to better things, the only one who still talks to me is just like me, only he seems to relish it.
I feel like I'm going no where fast guys, what do I do to give my life meaning.
>Also I'm balding but that's just icing on the cake at this point.
>>17113668
You need this other NEET friend as a gauge.
He loves living like this, great. You don't.
Starting now, anything you do that takes a step away from him and towards your normie friends is a good thing.
1. Get a job. Anything, something small. You'll get out of the house and make some cash.
2. Join a gym.
Things will start to look up from there.
>>17113668
Leave the house and get a job.
I've been out of my country for a year doing work on the other side of the globe. The day before I left I had sex with the wife. When I got back, 2 weeks ago my wife said she's pregnant. The thing is she's 8.5 months pregnant. She claims that she's been faithful and that sperm can hibernate for a few months in the ovaries. I want to believe her and have reason to think she's honest.
TLDR: Is it possible for sperm to hibernate near the ovaries for a few months?
I have heard a couple days but hell no not a couple months
>>17113665
Very sorry mate.
So I have a problem I got this cross tattoo and im not sure what to do about it. My options are learn to live with it, Try to get it removed even though it will probably be a hypopigmented cross with some ink left over possibly, and get a cover up although I'm not sure what that would be and I really don't want another tattoo unless I would like it more. What would you do?
you already made a thread about this
stop making threads
Laser-remove that shit and avoid wearing clothes that will show a big part of your shoulder until it fades away enough.
Skin graft m8
I keep balcking out and hearing shit in my head. Regardless where do I get anything that doesn't suck like Obama care? Or is Obama care good? Opinions?
>>17113524
shit sounds serious. get yourself to a neurologist for a brain scan
>>17113541
I'm so broke, I don't know how to become in debt and not get fucked. I got bills and no job. I've been applying for a week now. I hope to get a job soon but before then I need insurance. Am I wrong about this?
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=how+to+use+obamacare
Do I need to report an accident if only my car is damaged from sliding into water, nobody is injured including me, no charges were pressed, only my car was damaged, no property and other people were harmed?
I'm in Texas btw.
No. In fact if the damage is minimal then just go get it repaired on your own if you feel like it and pay out of pocket.
If you report it to your insurance you'll have to claim it on your insurance. They'll fix it for you but you'll still pay your deductible, but more importantly it'll be on your record with and your premiums will increase.
This is why a lot of people like to take care of minor accidents on their own. Even when two people are involved, because both parties usually understand how insurance works.
Sliding into water how? If there was no public or private (cars) property damage to anything else then no cops needed but you could report it to your insurance.
>>17113528
The only damage was to my car, it's totaled no collision insurance but it's a used car I bought.
>>17113534
Flooding Houston, cops reported it and I got rid of it through a wrecking company.
