Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 547. page
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My boyfriend started to gain weight after we started dating. He noticed it after a few extra lbs and told me he was gonna start dieting. I told him I would always love him, fat or skinny. Welp. 6 months down the line and he is now about 40lbs heavier. He is still incredibly attractive but I'm afraid that if he keeps this up he'll end up a balloon. I obviously won't leave him for something so superficial, but I bothers me that I try to keep up my appearance for him but it seems like he doesn't care. He is currently eating an entire family bag of doritos.
>>17230620
If you're concerned for his health, or if your attraction to him depends even partly on his appearance, you should tell him that. Talk to him about it.
I wouldn't call that superficial. Attraction happening in a vacuum where the psychological is all that counts is a fairytale concept only—appearance obviously plays a part, and it's fair to acknowledge that. Being attracted to someone *solely* for their appearance *would* be superficial, but that's clearly not what you're about.
>>17230620
Don't be silly.
Have some self respect. You deserve to be happy too and if him gaining weight is turning you off you should have a serious conversation about this. I'd assume he wants to be happy with himself too?
I'm going through just about the same thing. When I first met my boyfriend he was super skinny and I thought that was so attractive. Today I found out he's officially overweight according to his bmi. I always swore to never be the type to get fat once I got into a long term relationship and I've even lost more weight these past few years and am approaching underweight if I'm not careful.
Oh well.
I got engaged three days ago and I've been wearing my ring but we haven't told our parents. His parents are aware that he intended to propose but we haven't told them that it's official. I guess I have held off on that because being engaged at 20, almost 21 is taboo and I feel like my family will freak. No one in our family ever got engaged so young but my Mom got engaged at 26 after knowing my Dad for 10 months whereas I've known my fiance for three years. At least I know him very well but I am fully aware I am still young and I'm not excited about the backlash. I've been in a few romances- one before I met him, then we parted ways for a short while after a petty fight.. I just hated being apart from him because he is my best friend and I ended up getting all the wrong sort of attention from other men that I didn't want when I decided to date again. We reconciled and I've been so happy since, I'm sure he is too since he asked if I'd like to become his wife. I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life, so I said yes. I know that sounds like love sick puppy crap but we are well over the honeymoon stage; I just know deep down he's the one. Our current situation isn't massively ideal.. he does have a stable and well paying job and is up for promotion and I've just finished college and I'm looking for a job. We haven't enough money saved up to move out yet but we're working on that and should be getting going out of his parents' house within a few months. We won't be getting married for a couple of years simply because we think it's wise to get other priorities in place like our house and jobs and then save up for the wedding.
How should I break the news? I basically feel like a very shy 12 year old.. or maybe I'm a not very mature 20 year old cause I'm looking to adv to help me.
Have a long engagement, first of all. Really really take your time planning out the wedding and all that. Gives you a chance and time to breathe.
As far as telling your family, I don't think they're going to freak as badly as you think they will. If anything, bring your fiance with you for moral support. They might warn you about being young and dumb, and I'm gonna warn you the same (hence long engagement) but I realize when you know, you know. So just take it at your pace with telling them. Good luck.
20 isn't a bad age to get engaged at. I think it's pretty smart to wait a few years to get married, like you said.
Anyway, you should definitely sit your family down and tell them. If they react negatively, just tell them you're happy, and you don't plan on marrying right away. It's your decision, not theirs. You're an adult. Best of luck, OP.
That's funny. I got engaged 4 days ago too and haven't really told anyone yet. The ring is a bit too small and needs to get fitted first. I think the reason i haven't told anyone is that my fiance (saying that still feels strange, but good) is younger than me and we have only
been dating for 7 months now. But we move in together in a few weeks and we won't get married till atleast next summer. We are taking this very serious, but i'm afraid some people will not be thrilled. Especially his parents. And honestly, i hate that. We're very happy about...
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Pic is unrelated. I an 18 year old woman (still live at home) am best friends with a woman 30, who lives in another country. We were best friends for a few months but she is starting to annoy me, she was in love with me, even when i was younger but i brushed it off. I didn't mind the compliments but now I have a girlfriend it annoys me. When I still liked here we were making vacation plans but nothing serious, now she suddenly is planning coming to my house and wanting to go on vacation with me but I don't know how to respond to this whole situation
Tell her you're not comfortable with her coming to your house is probably a good start. Also, let her know you have a girlfriend if you haven't already.
>>17230588
Ew. Tell her not to come. Nothing good will come of this, she sounds like bad news. WTF 30 year old hangs out with someone who's 18 or younger?
>>17230588
And this is why you NEVER to LDR. Because the other person always sees you only as short time entertainment.
End her suffering femanon. Tell her you don't love her and that she has to stop and date real people in real life because you aren't real.
I need to take tomorrow off from work, but need a good excuse. don't want to call out sick or use a family member as scapegoat. any suggestions?
>>17230558
Why do you need to take tomorrow off?
>>17230558
A funeral might work
need to bring pet for emergency vet visit
Recently I've been going to a newly opened church with my mother. I'm not really religious, but I love her more than anything. I know my father isn't going to go with her, so I've been going out of respect for my mom.
The people there seem perfectly nice, but after three weeks of attending, they're starting to take more of an interest in me. Part of going to church is developing a sense of community with other members, but these are not my people. I really don't know how to approach this, if I keep faking enthusiasm for this stuff I think...
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Now this guy's inviting me for a coffee, hahaha... What the hell am I supposed to talk about? This can't end well.
Maybe I could say my relationship with God is really personal? I'm grasping for straws here.
Honesty is the best policy. You can't manufacture a feeling you don't have or a faith you don't have. It's cool. They may be awkward about it, but you gotta do you.
hey guys. im 24 this has been an issue bothering me for some time. ever since i was little my parents always told me not to waste my money. ive always been very cautious of my money and have always saved been responsible. if i cant justify a purchase for being good for my future then i wont buy it. both my parents past in the last few years. i have a pretty large savings and a full time job to support myself. but i still find myself not being able to by things that i want.my girlfriend recently bought me a ps4. the thing is not only am i like this with my money but im also like...
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That's a hard one Op, im not sure, but I'll definitely tell you that you'll be fine when you do buy it. I make $1200 and in school, pay $500 for rent, and pretty much the rest of my paycheck is gone from car payments, utilites, etc. anyways so from all of that im still surviving. Your parents taught you too well, try having your girlfriend talk it out with you. Try asking her to convince you in a heart felt way that it's okay, try not to say too much and just listen.
>>17230454
stop trying to blame your parents and realize that you're just a jew.
you're fully in control of your situation now and there's no reason to keep bringing up your parents.
>>17230454
So your problems are:
>not being lazy
>having money
Wow OP. Such problems.
If you can't treat yourself, then make your gf the person who decide what you should buy and enable her to do it.
My life is meaningless, all I ever feel is self hatred and loneliness. I can't get a relationship since I'm ugly, fat, 5"3' and practically autistic. Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill myself /adv/
Have you tried working out a bit? At least running a mile 3 or 4 times a week in the mornings or evenings, cutting soda drinks and fast food and overall eating healthier? That can do wonders to you and your self esteem after a few months. A friend of mine was exactly like you and it did help him immensely. He met a tiny cute Latina after like a year and a half working out and is happier now than before. You can do it too.
>>17230484
I've been running 5k for the past several weeks and cut out all soda. I've lost weight but I can't get below 80kg.
>>17230496
That's good. Keep doing that and make it part of your life. Even if you don't go down, you will look better over time. Combine it with a good diet and keep working/studying or whatever you're doing with your life. Girls are not everything in life and even though it does suck not having one, you can still do a lot of shit to keep yourself occupied and entertained. With patience and luck you will catch a girls attention. Just don't be desperate, act cool or chill all the time and be a good listener....
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I'm going to kill myslef, but I have a donor's card and I don't want my body going to waste and I want to be useful even if it's after I die.
How do I do it without compromising any major transpantable organ?
Pic unrelated, first thing I had at hand.
Pretty sure they can't use your organs if you're already dead before they get you in the hospital.
>>17230426
Does your govvie support youth in asia?
You could call 911 and tell them you are gonna kill your self. Maybe they could get you to the hospital in time to use your organs?
I have a very packed schedule, but i feel like there's something substancial lacking since i don't really pursue a hobby passionatedly. I'm afraid it will consime too much energy, time and money and will upset my carefully balanced life. Am i being an avoidant bitch, searching for excuses?
Bump with pic of strange hobbie
>>17230425
Do you actually want to pursue a hobby passionately, or do you just feel like you're supposed to? It's okay to just do a hobby casually if that's all you want.
But if you honestly feel like you're not getting enough recreational time, you need to start making plans to get that time for yourself - if not now, then soon. All work and no play leads to burnout, and burnout is extremely hard to recover from.
Are you working? Going to school? Any kids?
>>17230731
I do have a lot of interests, but they all get burried under responsibilities. I do wish i had more time to get lost in an avtivitie i do "just because". But i feel like that would fuck me over big time since i need every moment to stay ahead with stuff.
Yes, i have a kid who's 5, i work, i have a household to do all on my own, i try to squeeze in exercise and social interactions (started dating again half a year ago and i'm very much a family person, i feel like i don't see my family...
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Should I be cautious? Will I gey screwed over? Never had a job before, recently graduated highschool
Btw it's contract work
>>17230384
>>17230393
Ask them questions. What is the purpose of the skill assessment? What is it that you do, etc.
I would ask questions and draw a conclusion from there.
>>17230406
The skills assessment is basically if i can be coached have the ability to learn the job they expect
>Girl messages me daily, talks for hours
>Gets angsty if we don't chat for like 5 hours and messages me asking if she did anything wrong or will just send a random message or selfie to initiate conversation
>I also get angsty if we don't chat regular
>With her BF for a few days, messaged her a few days ago, said she missed me and we talked for like 5 mins, then she said her battery was low which kind of felt like a ditch tactic
>We...
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She's waiting for you to man up and take her. You've got like -2 years to do that, better start soon!
>>17230383
What makes you think that?!
Unless the pussy game is absolutely ridiculous, stop whining and talk to someone else. She doesn't care if you feel neglected and she's well within her right not to. Neither of you owes the other anything.
Okay so I don't want to go to a doctor because she always tells me there isn't anything to worry about, and I am so busy lately...
Symptoms
Had a UTI for the first time in my life in December 2015 (peeing blood). Went to the emergency room, got an antibiotic cure, it killed the infection but i been having these symptoms ever since.
- Itchy vulva (not inside the vagina)
- Heavy discharge (no smell, no color)
- Hurts when I pee (burns, worst late at night)
- Pain during sex
- Pain the vagina
- Brain fog and bad memory
I asked...
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It's obviously an infection. Go to the doctor, we cannot swab you here.
Wow man vaginas are fucking gross.
Boy am I glad I'm a male.
>>17230347
>I know I don't have STD because I have the same partner, and got tested
When was the last time you've gotten tested? Partners can cheat, get tested again. Go to a different doctor is cause these symptoms aren't normal.
I have a girl dilemma, /adv/.
I asked a girl whom I am really good friends with, and who I have loved for years, out on a date. I knew she had a "thing" for some other guy and that the feelings were mutual but nothing was official at the time that I asked her.
After I asked her, though, it turned official and they're an actual couple now. Even though we're good friends, it is extremely awkward for me to go on a date with the girl, knowing that she is in a relationship with the other guy. The girl, though, won't cancel, because in her mind...
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>>17230328
tell her in no uncertain terms what your intentions were with the date and that you are not interested in going on this date as friends. Maybe another activity can be arranged at a later time, but you would be too uncomfortable with this date given your intentions.
>>17230328
do this: >>17230332
If you care about her as much as you say then be honest with her. Suck it up. Be an adult for once in your life.
>>17230328
>What do I do?
Depends how much you value your friendship. If you care go through with it. Either way bail out. Give some bullshit reason why you can't. Hope for the best she won't pressure you for explanation.
ow do i know if i actually have ADHD or not, all i know is that in the past i was brought to some private clinic to some psychiatrist who gave me some bullshit test to "not click the spacebar when the X appears on the screen, but click it when you see any other letters", I had a not too substantial anomaly for impulsiveness.
But that's not important, they gave me Ritalin and Concerta and charged me premiums for the drugs and even the consultations itself, I feel like they're jewing me, but i'm not sure. I find it hard to focus on a task for a...
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>>17230314
I was diagnosed with inattentive ADD about 2 years ago. The medication made me really anxious and hyper-focused but did nothing else for me so I quit taking it and my life was so much better for it. If you feel like the medication does not help, then quit buying it.
I had to take the same test that you did, and I saw no purpose in taking it and quit giving a shit because it's nothing but mind-numbing, monotonous bullshit.
Do you have ADHD? Probably. The irony behind this post is that I'm simply...
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>>17230314
See a real doctor
I've always suspected myself to have some form of autism, my mom first brought it up, and I've always been extremely socially awkward.
I feel like such a pussy bitch though for seeing a doctor about a mental issue, though.
I feel like it's not something uncommon, or something that human's shouldn't be able to work through, and function for themselves with.
I function well, I had a job that pays well, and despite the daily struggles I like to think are worse for me than anyone else, I'm sure I live a normal life today, and hide...
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How easy is it going from total isolation to being a normal functionable human being in society? I've been lucky avoiding outside world problems, for the most part I just stay in my house all day.. When I was 19 I somehow got the guts to go outside and look for a job and I did find one, but ended up qutting 2 days after, since then I've been to only one job interview but ended up not getting hired and I'm already 22, for the majority of my life I have remained isolated from everyone, I don't have any friends now because i stopped talking to the few people...
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>>17230303
It'll be a culture shock for you but it'll be fine after a few days/weeks, Now go get a job.
>>17230311
Thanks for the contribution, and what do you mean by culture shock?
>>17230303
>19
>22
Amateur.
