Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 548. page
- Home
- Board: /adv/ - Advice
- Reading: Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 548. page
Is drinking around your kid always inherently traumatising? My family keeps giving me shit about being drunk around my daughter, but my dad was drunk a lot when I was a kid, too, and it didn't do me any particular damage.
My daughter is eight and way smarter than some kids twice her age, and I've never been aggressive or abusive or raised my voice at her. Is this just my mother being her own neurotic self and being worried about how things look instead of how they are, or do they actually have a point?
Is consuming alcohol around children inherently harmful, or is it the fear of an unpredictable adult spontaneously going full retard and turning violent?
My mom is borderline alcoholic, so seeing her drink every night just makes me annoyed and dislike being around her. It's not traumatizing, but it could potentially make your kid not want to be in your company very often when you're drunk.
>>17230309
If she doesn't like being around me, I haven't seen any sign of it yet. She's laying right next to me on the living room floor doing her homework right now.
How do you tell if a kid hates you?
>>17230280
>but my dad was drunk a lot when I was a kid, too, and it didn't do me any particular damage
Well, you drink around your child, this could very easily become damaging to her children if its normalized in her mind depending on the kind of drunk she turns out to be. Drinking at the table every once in a while (and even offering her a glass when she reaches an appropriate age in your eyes, probably above 16 at the least) can make drinking something that she won't do as a form of rebellion but it really depends on the amount and how intoxicated you become. If your family is bugging you about drinking around her you're probably drinking too much/too often.
I'm a friendless 23 year old half-NEET (I work, but within walking distance) that's currently stuck in Winnipeg, Canada. I used to love video games, movies, books, music, any kind of media I guess. It's all starting to feel the same though. I miss having friends. I used to have them before I moved here, and I kept in touch with them online but gradually they started dropping off, having to deal with their own lives. I've tried making friends here but people just make me exhausted. It doesn't feel like anyone "clicks" with me and it's not because of any conscious sort of hang up. I'm trying to be open minded.
I don't know where I'm going with this I guess. I just wish I could still relate to people.
>>17230272
if you work you are no portion neet.
>>17230272
You live in my city. Are you stuck in a loop? Like a movie or game loop where you only pay the same video games and watch the same movies over and over? I've done that a few times, maybe try to find something new or start a new hobby. Have you ever joined a clan for a game you like?
>>17230285
Just a general recluse, if you're going to be all pedantic about it. I never go anywhere except to go to work or run an errand, and occasionally to go catch a movie. Most public venues aren't interesting to me because I don't have friends to enjoy them with.
>>17230288
Not really. After consuming so much distracting media, it feels like creators are in a loop though. I see the same beats, themes and concepts reworked and recycled over and over again and it's all pretty boring to me now. The deeper I dive the more obscure my tastes get and the less I have in common to talk about with people.
I'd love to try something new but I have no idea what. It's hard with no social skills but I know it's not impossible either. There's not much I really /want/ to do though, that's the problem. I've been developing my own game because that's what I want to do more than anything else right now, but at the same time it feels impossible when I'm wasting all my time and energy at my actual job.
I am a person that always gets angry over someone leaving me on read. let's say that I text a friend of mine, and suddenly she leaves me on read and never texts back. I get extremely angry over this, and it's bothering me a lot. The thing is, a lot of my friends do this. It makes me angry to the point that I want to tell them myself to stop doing it, and this has happened before. It has led to multiple arguments, and I just wish I can make this stop. Does this make me a psychopath? Give your honest opinions, /adv/. What can I do to stop being mad over this?
It means you have anger management issues.
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm
This website has some resources on how to work through anger management issues as well as a bunch of other stuff that's pretty useful, even if the site's a pain in the ass to navigate.
Other than that, try to realize not everything requires a response. Imagine these two hypothetical conversations:
>Hey Anon, what're you up to?
>Not much, you?
>Thinking of going to a concert on friday, [band] is playing, wanna go?
This one is extremely rude to not respond to, although they might not get back to you immediately they should do so promptly. Compare that to this:
>Hey Anon, what's up?
>Nothing much you?
>Just playing video games
There's not much to say to that unless they feel like making small talk for a little while. Small talk is fine, but it's not something that should ever be constant and you'll get really annoying if you expect it to be. Even a conversation that's been going on for a while has to wind down eventually, and you don't always need to tell someone you're leaving depending on how active the conversation is. Sometimes you just get busy and straight up forget to reply too.
>>17230266
>friend of mine
>she
There's your problem.
>>17230266
You sound not only angry but paranoid. I'm serious: get help.
How do I get more life experience?
Was with my first gf for about 7 months, after which we broke up because she said that I have no life experience. She's been in numerous relationships in the past. She can't talk to me about anything because I can't relate to it at all. Even more so, I don't actually do much in my life. Few hobbies, small circle of friends I hang out with a few times a month (different towns). So, I accepted the break up and we're still friends for the most part. Didn't hurt much because I understood that it was my fault it ended.
Is it as simple as just "going out and trying new things"? How do you just "meet new people"? I don't want to go to like, bars and clubs and shit. That isn't my scene at all and don't find them fun or pleasant, nor are the people that attend them the sort I'd associate with anyways.
>>17230254
What kind of things did she try to talk to you about that you were. Ot able to relate to.
>>17230257
Low level shit. How our day was, nostalgia ( we went to school together), video games, cooking, etc.
Nothing deep. Which I couldn't relate to. Nothing about relationship status, emotions, feelings. Nothing I'm passionate about, like a hobby or a life goal.
>>17230270
Is that so much about life experience as it is about social skills? These seem like mundane, everyday topics.
How old are you and why haven't you discovered what it is that you want to do yet?
So my best friend just came to me and I guess she was looking for comfort but I didnt help.
Apparently shes been ostracized by people who she tends to run into a lot because they are calling her a slut.
Now she came to me and complained and I said that she was right to be upset. Everything going smoothly here.
Then she starts saying how she isnt a slut and defending herself and ask me for my opinion. I simply said that definitionally slut was an accurate word but that the general populace is filled with people who fit that category and she flipped her shit.
But I dont understand how I am wrong. She casually sleeps around which by definition makes her a slut. Its not like its my opinion. Just a definition. Now she hates all men and says all men as hypocrites and I told her thats now true and how men are divided on this as well but she just wasnt having it.
What should I have done.
She is totally in denial.
I also had a friend that was sleeping after a week of relationship with said guys. She hated sluts.
Your friend probably thinks that she has needs, not that she's a slut.
>>17230251
you probably should have told her it didn't matter if she was or wasn't a slut.
That or just patronized her and went along with it.
>"Anon I'm upset because people keep making fun of me for being a slut"
>You're not a slut."
>"Anon, how am I not a slut."
>Well I mean you're a slut BY DEFINITION but-
you're an idiot.
Slut is a loaded word, not just something with a definition. You called her a slut in no uncertain terms. You need to learn to think before you speak and choose your words carefully enough to avoid doing something socially retarded like that in the future with other people. "I don't think having casual sex is a bad thing so long as everyone involved is consenting and no one's in a relationship" there you go, was that so hard?
Imagine a black friend who's upset that people keep calling him a nigger. Would you say "well technically you are a nigger"? Are you really that tactless?
I need some advice guys.
I am a female getting married in September, we chose to have a destination wedding because it is cheaper and also because I have a bad anxiety disorder and my fiance family is around 300 people; we both would not be able to handle that.
His family have been making a big deal about the fact we are not getting married locally and we said we understand if you can not come we are having a party for everyone in July.
I sent out the wedding invitation and his family are just responding now when they got them over a month ago. All of them are saying they are not going to local party we are hosting for them in July because we are getting married not locally like they want so they want nothing to do with us. My fiance does not know that they are all doing this I am very worried. He already said if none of his family came to the party that he would be very angry. Even his close cousins are not coming.
My family loves him and he is a part of the family but I think he will feel awkward if none of his family come.
What can I do to make him feel better about the situation? I am so angry that his family are being so inconsiderate to him. We never wanted money or gifts we just wanted them to come to the party that is why we were having it in the first place.
Can I get some male Anons in this thread to help brainstorm some ideas to make the party really fun for my fiance so that he will not be focused on it the whole night?
I was thinking of hiring someone who has turtles to come and let my fiance hangout with them the night because it is his favorite animal and he freaks out over turtles.
>>17230246
>buthurt family
>emotial blackmailing
>wow
Tell his father and mother that emotional blackmailing isn't good choise. They most likely won't compromise, but at least you tried.
Also telling your future man this is better sooner than later.
>make party fun
Usually a lot of free alcohol help.
The family is upset because they wanted him to have a "traditional" marriage and now they feel deprived. Marriage is not just for the couple, it's to show the family it's going to be you and him. The marriage is also for the family, that's why it's inconsiderate to marry abroad.
Turtles? That's quirky, you should totally do it.
>>17230366
My problem is I have a medical conditions though I would not be able to handle having that many people around me. I know at a party it would be close family and friends if it was a local wedding everyone would end up showing that is just cousins of cousins. The place we picked was not far and it was cheap and very relaxing that is what we wanted our wedding to be relaxing.
Thank you :) I thought the turtle idea may be good.
>>17230361
I have talked to his parents about it in the past they always corner me in situations where they know my medical conditions will act up so that I am at a disadvantage. My fiance is nothing like his family. I just feel bad that my fiance has to deal with this stuff. He is training to be an airplane mechanic for the airforce and that is why I have avoided telling him for now because he already has a lot of stress with lots of tests. I also feel like if I told him right now that I would blow up because how much his family are trying to push me over the edge and my fiance does not need that right now. I am just calming myself down and when it is brought up the party by him I will tell him in a way that will not upset them, just say that they are unable to come.
Landlord had put up signs this weekend that said that they'd be washing our decks and that should remove anything that we didn't want wet. Reasonable enough.
He then let himself into my apartment yesterday to reach the deck (there was no mention that he'd be entering my apartment), and then interrupted me in the middle of a business call to chew me out about the state of my apartment. Admittedly, it was messy, but I also would have cleaned if I had thought he'd be coming inside.
While he made mention of the deck, he made no mention of the windows and it was hot as balls here in Seattle yesterday (and no one has AC), so my other windows were open. I had water sprayed through them onto my wooden dining table, two amps and another piece of wood furniture. Obviously a mistake and nothing was ruined (i caught the wet wood and dried it), but still annoying.
I was just woken up again to him letting himself into my apartment and informing me that he'd be in and out for the next few hours.
I know it's 100% illegal for him to enter my apartment without 48 hours notice due to Washington state's tenant laws, but I don't know what to do. He's a pretty nice guy overall, but I was sleeping naked with my bedroom door open this morning when he let himself in and I was pretty uncomfortable with it.
What can/should I do?
>>17230243
Get a spine and tell him your uncomfortable with him entering your place without notice?
And if he says anything else tell him about your states laws.
My dad's a landlord, I asked him about this and he said he would walk through his property all the time to fix the place up, but he called ahead every time he did it and none of his renters gave a damn.
You should just ask your landlord to call before he pops in for the sake of rudeness, but I wouldn't do anything else. It's important to be friends with your landlord
OP here.
Talked to my roommate about it and he said he doesn't want to be confrontational.
I'm thinking I should write an email apologizing for the state of the apartment (which is already way better) and ask for proper notice in the future.
>be me in college
>attend every class, do every exam, every homework
>syllabus shows that my final would be on june 8
>turns out it was on monday, yesterday
>not taking it essentially means i am failing the course, regardless of doing everything else because college
What the fuck should I do? It's bullshit that I fail because of obvious miscommunucation between the syllabus and the actual date. I tried contacting him and all he did was confirm that it was on Monday, and it is my fault for not attending classes (big school, obviously didn't bother to learn names, whatever). How fucked am I? First time this shit ever happened to me.
You're probably fucked, OP.
The syllabus almost positively states that it is "tentative" or "subject to change." Any syllabus I've ever had throughout college or grad school has said this in order to protect the professor from stuff like this.
Furthermore, if your university works like mine did, there are universal dates for the finals, and when that final is held depends on what time the class is. This is determined sometime before finals week. I assume the final was listed on a Monday just because it was going to happen that week, and Monday was chosen to represent the potential date merely because it is the first day of the week.
Are you POSITIVE that the professor never told you or the class when the final was being held? Were you the only student that missed the test?
It IS your fault. You can't blame it on a "miscommunication" if all your classmates were somehow able to figure out the correct date. Take some responsibility.
>>17230191
I am 1000% certain he never changed it. But he says that everyone else took it yesterday. And your uni policies are like mine it seems. He is offering me a chance tomorrow, but it is conflicting with my other exam. Asked for a slight time change or just to deal with it and make it work. Literally scared out of my mind for response.
I'm completely and totally in love with him. I've never felt this kind of connection with anyone before. We've gotten pretty close, and based on our interactions, I feel he thinks more of me than just a random friend. I have my suspicions about whether he's actually straight, but it doesn't matter. For all intents and purposes, he's straight and unavailable. I don't have any illusions that we would live happily ever after, etc. I'm not even out. I'm not trying to seduce him or "convert" him. But I can't stop thinking about him. Constantly. Talking or being with him is such a high. But the rest of the time is just pain and hurt. I want to get over him. Not sure if there's an easy solution, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
>>17230157
> Not sure if there's an easy solution
There isn't.
You've just got to do what you can, to get through this.
Is your friend the type of guy, who would still care for you, even if you told him how you feel?
I wouldn't be surprised if he did. He's a really good guy. But I don't know if I want to dump this on him? What good will it do? Just make it difficult/awkward for him?
>>17230205
> Just make it difficult/awkward for him?
Probably, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. If he's really your friend, it won't matter.
I remember this guy, back in high school. He had a major crush on me, which he told me, but we didn't let that get between us. It helped him a lot, getting it off his chest.
Is a finance degree redpilled?
>>17230143
>tfw going to study aerospace engineering
You gotta knock it off with the redpilled stuff, but yes. Finance is a great degree because it's a solid skill that every business has a need for. I'd recommend strongly considering going on to get an MBA in finance or something related, like quantitative analysis, statistics, or behavioral economics as well, though.
One thing to consider: make sure you have a passion for it. If you go into a field you have a passion for, even if it's a "shit tier" one, you'll do better than people who got a good degree they're not passionate about. I know a guy with an anthropology degree who goes around surveying African areas for different companies interested in building markets there. He's having the time of his life. He was able to do this because he has a passion for anthropology, which is normally not a fruitful degree. Likewise, I know more than one electrical engineers who hold low IT/computer jobs because they fucking hate EE. If you were to not have a passion for anything, obviously degrees with solid application would be smarter than "fuzzy" degrees because they're safer. You can fall back on them. But if you can really throw yourself into a field you have passion for with gusto, you'll do better in that field than in anything else. So make sure you are really interested in finance, because god knows there are plenty of miserable business students.
Also, try to go somewhere with some prestige. There are a few business people who get to lead thrilling lives making big deals or expanding international companies. Then there are the fast majority, who widdle away their time in sterile offices in boring towns. Going to a school like the University of Virginia or Caltech will ensure you're more likely to lead the former, rather than the latter, form of life.
>>17230143
Observations on this graphic:
as I've been looking around at grad schools I've been looking at a lot of statistics, and this chart doesn't line up with what every article and major website has said. Here's what I'm noticing:
> park administration
sure, park/leisure/recreation is kind of a lame degree on paper, but it's actually a profitable path with high job satisfaction
> theology
the placement might be okay, but it's important to understand: theology/divinity is one of the least valuable degrees in terms of pay, but it's also the #1 best in terms of job satisfaction
> sociology
if anything is suicide tier, it's this - sociology tends to lead to jobs in things like corrections and social work
> political science
this is one of the least valuable bachelor's, but one of the most valuable master's
> wildlife
depends on what you mean. Animal science is one of the lowest paying careers. Forestry is one of the best-paying.
> architecture
this has been a shit-tier option for a while now. There just aren't jobs.
> law
again, details. The market is saturated so it's hard to find a job, but if you do get one, it's one of the highest paying and most valuable.
> vet sciences
this is bad-tier in terms of pay.
> college education
shit-tier in pay
> criminology
this is ranked the #1 worst postgrad degree by numerous sources. It should be shit-tier
> statistics
this should be unbelievable-tier. A PhD in statistics is the #1 most valuable degree right now, and an MS also makes the top 10
> biology
it can lead to good things like biomed engineering and forestry, but on its own it's pretty useless
Is self-imposing a long punishment for your bad deed working?
Will it make me feel better?
>>17230132
No.
>>17230220
Why?
>>17230132
Depends. What did you do?
Need help publishing a whores pictures and phone number. How would I do it without leaving a trail?
>>17230108
damn that thing looks like a tumor
>>17230108
How old are you, 16?
Platonic-wise
>>17230093
Yes.
>>17230093
No.
Unless they're gay or related.
How to deal with social situations, especially negative ones if I can't help taking some things too seriously and sometimes too literally?
>>17230071
bump
If you're able to self-recognize when you're taking things too seriously or too literally, can't you just let it go? Or does the realization not come until much much later?
>>17230097
>Or does the realization not come until much much later?
Much later.
>Moved to a new city and decided to try Tinder to meet people my age
>Last Saturday I went on my first Tinder date with a girl who was really cute and seemed cool, conversation was easy (she’s 20, I’m 24)
>She gave me a long hug at the end and texted me the morning after saying how much fun she had
>We met up again last night to wander around town for a bit
>As we talk for the second time I start noticing she’s actually pretty immature and I start to get put off by her
>Out of nowhere she asks if she can sleep over at my place due to the weather (which wasn’t extreme at all)
>Say uh sure
>We’re hanging out in my room talking and I’m increasingly put off by her
>She eventually starts making serious moves
>I didn’t know what to do and I felt bad so I panicked and just went for it
>She was way more into it than I was
>She wanted to fool around a bit more the morning after
>She gets up to go to work and she mentions going to a show or something together soon
>I think she expected me to kiss her but I just went for an awkward good bye hug
What’s the least sociopathic way to get out of doing more stuff with this girl? She’s super nice and I don’t want to hurt her, or come out of this looking like a total fuccboi. Is there a way I can gradually scale down the relationship until we can go our separate ways without anyone being upset? I'm an idiot.
>>17230066
If you had found an excuse to get rid of her by bedtime you could come out of this pretty cleanly with just an "I don't think there's enough here to go on with" type excuse.
But there's no way you can escape looking like a douchebag who screwed her and then dumped her.
You might try the "I realized I'm not as much into you as you are to me, and would have to disappoint you eventually" route. But you'll still be a douchebag.
Tell her you're a fucking idiot and don't deserve her
It's tinder. Both of you are tinder sluts. You and her both know this. Dump her, she expects it. She'll just fuck the next male tinder slut if she isn't already.
Fucking tinder man...
