Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 441. page
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This time last year I started work at a summer camp in Canada, and had the best summer of my life. I'd been having problems with on-off depression for a couple of years before it (and have had the same problems since coming back), but working as a camp counsellor was just a perfect remedy for me. Spending all the week in the great outdoors in a fulfilling job with children who looked up to you - spending all the weekend visiting nearby places and getting drunk with co-workers - it was just perfect. I'm nostalga-ing hard about it now, but I'm already 23 and my plan was to spend just one year on these sorts of trips. Despite my depression I've never struggled at university, and am currently applying for several interesting and well-paid jobs. I just feel like once I get a 'real job', these sorts of exciting and carefree jobs of my youth will be over for good. But, on the other hand, maybe it's the right time for that, given my age.
So for anons who are already on the career path, how did you make the decision to 'become an adult'? Do you ever regret not making more of your youth? Isn't life in your mid-20s just depressing, particularly if you're single?
>>17264620
i personally love office work, so as a back up job / pays the bills, its great. i don't need to live luxuriously but most office work pays me well enough. so im lucky that for me a 'real job' also happens to be what keeps me happy (Though the office i work in is a bit unique, perhaps ill like it less when i move on).
for you, have oyu considered finding a similar career path? maybe go to the camps you worked at and try to apply to be a higher up, something that pays more, less contact with the children themselves, but you can still get that same atmosphere?
have you also considered other similar outdoor situations? could you start up your own camp for instance? could you become a park ranger? could you teach classes, give tours, start a tour based company, teach scuba diving, etc. etc.
there are a lot of options. consider pursuing them.
what are the interesting well paying jobs you are applying for at the moment?
>>17264824
My country (the UK) doesn't really have a camp culture like North America, or even any areas of unspoiled wilderness, so jobs like park ranger are very rare. Really I'm just annoyed that I wasn't a camp counsellor every summer between 18 and 22 - there were some summers where I pretty much just lazed around doing nothing. Of course, I could look at it the other way and be grateful that I managed to have that one amazing summer, but it's still a bit bittersweet looking back on it.
I have a master's degree in psychology, so at the moment I'm applying for jobs at universities. If I decide I enjoy the field, I could quite easily become a professional psychologist and have a pretty comfy salary of £50k. The ones I'm going for at the moment are £30k, which is way more than I've ever had before - I just don't know if that extra money is worth admitting to myself that my youth is over, and entering the 'sensible' phase of my life.
>>17264948
you can still have fun though. i mean you liked the camping atmosphere so have you considered taking all that extra money and investing all your vacation time in little camping trips, and using the weekend to jsut generally go out and explore the way you like?
perhaps saving up and moving somewhere with more of a camping scene later on?
i dont think having a steady nice job means the end of fun. i love myo ffice job and while it requires my attention theres a lot i can do.
also wont you have summers off generally if working at uni? maybe not ALLLL summer but a longer vacation there than most?
After a week of not talking to my ex, she sends a text asking if I would be bothered if she came to a party a friend of mine was planning.
When I tell her that no it doesn't bother me and that she can do whatever she wants, she says suddenly that she has plans.
I'm actually at a loss here, WTF does this even mean ?
(Pic not related)
>>17264600
She was just testing you. If you had told her that it would bother you, she'd have turned up just to piss you off or would have thrown a fit that you can't control her anymore.
>>17264606
That's the part I don't get, why would she even 'test' me when she was the one who did the dumping and supposedly doesn't give a shit about me and wanted 'time and space and blablabla usual breakup bullshit' ?
>>17264614
Because she wants to see if you're still hung up on her. It's an ego boost for her if you are. You handled it well, so don't dwell on it.
How do I know I have a bully in the workplace? I am putting in a complaint with a couple worker for them threatening to hit me.( I need the job) and I don't want to risk losing it.
But with something like this I don't want it having a backlash on me for being a person that snitches. But this behavior is getting out of control
Pic unrelated
Self bump
Threats of violence are never cool, but neither is antagonizing coworkers. Generally, threats don't materialize out of nothing (especially in the workplace). What did you do?
>>17264585
>implying bullies react to the bullied
People who bully don't need to be given a reason.
What term would define my sexuality?
>be 28 yo female
I find women attractive, get off to the thought of them (with myself, by themselves, and with other men fucking them). I also find men attractive, and get off to the thought of them (myself with them, them touching themselves, them fucking women).
I often imagine my fiance getting off to the thought of other women, as well as himself fucking them (so often when he tells me he finds some other gal attractive, I will later get off to the thought of either him with her or thinking of her while getting off).
Mostly, though, I think of a woman being fucked (her body, what it would feel like to touch her, etc), and my fiance being the one fucking her. Often times (too) I imagine what it's like to be my fiance.
I used to think that I was trans (when I was 19), then thought I was gay, then figured I must be some sort of bisexual or something (once I eventually began dating men).
I'm happy with my fiance, and I'm not a fan of labels...but I don't understand my sexuality.
Thoughts?
>>17264542
Nobody gives a shit and neither should you, just take it and run with it.
You're a woman. Women don't have defined sexuality, they don't have defined anything.
Bi with fetishes about your fiance fucking people?
Hello everyone.
tl;dr: I am not able to get children, and its killing me on the inside. Its so hard to deal with it, and it rally matters to me :(
I feels so empty, I just want to cry. With each day that has passed the memory it just gets worse and worse.
When I see a mother with her child, it upsets me every time because I know I wont ever feel how its like having a beautiful soul by my side to love and care for.
Last week I got the final results and shortly after I broke out in tears. Its official: I am never ever going to be pregnant at all.
I told my boyfriend about it and I waited for a response, since he really wanted me to get children and so on. First it was minutes, then hours.
After days of waiting on him I realized where we stood. His silence said it all. It revealed my worst fear, he left me. I am alone. That’s all I’ll ever be :( I will never have a family to care for. I will never hear the beauty of the word "mommy". The empty silence gets to me and makes me feel depressed because I'm alone with my mind with no one else around. And I know now, no one should be allowed to know what it feels like to cry alone in their room. I lay in bed, left only with my thoughts.
Damn, that's tough luck.
Ever tried speculating artificial insemination?
These are dark days indeed. But, everything will be fine eventually. Trust me.
>>17264539
enough kids that are dropped off at the orphanage by unloving mothers that really want to call you mommy fyi
>>17264539
thanks for your fast reply!
I tried to look for different ways, but it all ends up the same. The price is quite high since I dont really have much money to spend on.
:(
I still dont know how to deal with that. And maybe there’s nothing more left to be said. And maybe my story is over. Like who’s saving me now as I slowly drown
Okay so due to an emergency with family I had to travel across the world to be with them. I'm stuck with them for the next 22 days away from my gf.
It's day 5 and I'm getting super anxious. I have all these thoughts swarming in my head that she's cheating on me or losing interest. What makes it worse is that she has admitted to cheating on a boyfriend in the past but says she's done with that phase. Also I was using some tinder app and it says her account was active 2 days ago. Do girls in relationships typically browse tinder while bored with no intentions on meeting strange men? I met her through tinder and we've been dating for 3 months now. Another thing that bothers me is she goes out with girlfriends every weekend to drink and with me being so far away guys might approach her. We still have yet to tell each other "i love you".
How can I calm down? Our relationship has been good but this distance is really killing me. I want these paranoid thoughts to go away.
Calm down. Don't obsess over this. You can't help the situation by thinking this way, you can only make it worse.
But in the long run - you know you can't trust this girl. You know she isn't solid. That doesn't mean she's going to cheat on you while you're out of town, but you've seen too many red flags to really believe this'll work out between you. Every time you turn your back on her, your mind's gonna go crazy with suspicion like this. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
You should probably think about breaking up
>>17264445
I don't want to break up. When we're together it's like we're married. Very sensual and intimate.
I just want to keep my mind of things until I get back to her
>>17264490
>When we're together it's like we're married.
>Very sensual and intimate.
Pick one, you naive little twat.
Three questions, but about the same person.
Would you go out with someone who was planning to move away, possibly as soon as 6 months from now?
Would you date someone who is at least externally less intelligent than you, or at least less ambitious career wise than you?
Would you take someone on a date when you're actually interested in someone else, but you can't be with that person?
seperately:
1. yes.
2. yes.
3. maybe.
altogether:
maybe.
>>17264402
>Would you go out with someone who was planning to move away, possibly as soon as 6 months from now?
Yes, if I liked them really a lot, and they weren't going to move too far away, and there was a chance to relocate closer eventually.
Otherwise, no.
>Would you date someone who is at least externally less intelligent than you, or at least less ambitious career wise than you?
What does it mean "externally less intelligent than me"?
I don't like dating people who I can't have an interesting conversation with and I perceive as more stupid than me. I don't mind dating people less ambitious than me.
>Would you take someone on a date when you're actually interested in someone else, but you can't be with that person?
No.
1. Where to? Chances are no because I'd just end up getting hurt and there are thousands of girls who wouldn't leave me just after I'd fallen for them.
2. No. Why would I date a dumb girl? What's in it for me? There's an implication there that I wouldn't enjoy spending time with this girl or be able to really talk to her. Sounds crap to me.
3. Sure, I wouldn't lead them on if I didn't like them. But if I thought the date would be fun and they were dtf why not? Because of my lost love?
I've been on Accutane for a half a month so far and I made so great progress already. The only problem is the dry skin. I moisturize in the morning and evening but I'm not happy with the product I'm using. It's pic related. It makes my skin too oily and shimmery looking even if I try to apply few of it.
Is there anything that I can get that will just keep my skin from being too overly dry? Just something that makes my skin normal looking. Not too dry not too oily. I have combination skin by the way.
try something like cerave or st ives elastin collagen
I tried using nivea on my face before and it made me break out a lot, these are considered non-comedogenic and they moisturize pretty well
shea butter, light amounts of coconut oil, light amounts of tea tree oil
cant lose bruh
You want to use straight up oils. Lotions and moisturizers only contain a little bit of oil, and I find it's not that effective on their own.
I use Sunday Riley oils in my nightly routine, and it took my dry skin to normal. They are expensive, but in general more expensive oils contain less filler which is a good thing.
I've been coughing blood for a couple of days, I've also experience migraine, shortage of breath, stomach pains and 38 degrees fever.
I'm 18 y/o so I don't think it's cancer because I've only been smoking for less than a year, what could it be?
pic somewhat related, it's what it looks like.
>>17264354
GO TO A FUCKING DOCTOR.
Holy shit. You're retarded.
>>17264355
I live in Sweden where healthcare is free but it takes 48 hours to make an appointment, got on tomorrow at 8PM but that's pretty far from now.
>>17264367
>hi im coughing blood
>see you in 2 days lad
Sweden never ever
I live in Scotland and I need to try to get home which will cost me approx. £20. I have no one I can contact, no money and as of yet, no way to get home. Any ideas?
Why can't you call home and ask them to help?
>>17264270
I'll give you £20 if you suck my cock.
I'll drive up (or down) to were you are.
>>17264270
What method of transport are you going to use mate?
(Pic unrelated)
Hey, how do I seduce a straight guy into gay anal sex?
This question has quite the story behind it too if you're interested. My gf for three years left me for reasons unknown to me and I was broken up about it. I later found out that my ex had been pregnant by another guy that I didn't know and she wanted to take off with him. A couple months later I see the guy, a co-worker of mine, showing off a picture of my ex. I figured the best way to get back at her was to get into this fucker's ass and mail her a photo.
But, I can't risk having her find out about it before the deed is done.
Just move on.
>>17264268
Yeah, no.
What would make you want your ass fucked?
>the argument
Started off with me saying its bad to have a society so far away from the starter structure of a basic society because we'll be fucked at any hint of catastrophe. So we should have women that arent too far detatched from doing womanly things just like we should have everyone not too far detatched from being able to spell their names. Then it got into the blacks and her saying they are only in their situation because of white people and I said everything you see is literally a first hand example of organic dominance we are not nearly as aware of it as we think and that groups of people behave like bacteria. Then she slapped me and walked out of the room.
Did I fuck up? Was it too much red pill? How am I wrong?
You hold different points of view. Both are possible. Once a civilization is significantly better structured and thriving all around, it would be hard for others to compete. You can argue that this is due to organic dominance, but it could be because of chance as well. Chance is a big element in Darwinism, there is a randomness to it all. The very idea of survival of the fittest is fairly random - it is about a good match between environment and organism, not about which organism is objectively the strongest or healthiest.
Either way, it's less that you are logically wrong and more that you made it clear that you regard other races as innately inferior. That is more than some people can handle. It means you are incompatible and have found that out now.
>>17264244
History was not made by dice rolls. Not to throw your words to the side but these people simply were more organized then than they are now. These were intelligent and highly sophisticated people. Could you organize an entire army and ship fleet with carrier pigeons and random peasants to spread messages?
There is no reason to understate the achievement we've made. Overhead cost being an "issue" is quite a new concept. We used to shoot for the stars.
Your views are extreme by many peoples' standards. Better that both of you found out now that you have opposing views than down the line.
I really don't know why I should keep going.
I know I shouldn't feel this need for affection and validation from others, but I do. I've tried to get rid of it for the past two years with no success. Life just doesn't seem worth living just for myself.
But I'll never have anyone. It's just the truth. Even I wouldn't date myself, let alone go anywhere further. I'm a mess of disability and sickness with absolutely no social skills due to near-isolation in my childhood, and I have to actively force myself to care about the feelings of others.
Not to mention I'd be a burden for anyone I'd get involved in, not even just because of my physical state. I just can't seem to handle life beyond the most basic of fucking requirements. I mean, no surprise, I guess, until I was an adult everyone just did everything for me, then they suddenly expected me to just figure it out. I did, except not really, because while I'm not starving or homeless, anything beyond ensuring my survival gives me a near panic attack. I can't even force myself to see a shrink about it.
There's no one I can ask to help, because I have literally no friends, and my family is stuck in the attitude of "just man the fuck up". Thanks I guess.
The only time I even feel happiness is when indulging in intense escapism. Every time I go back to reality, I want to die.
When I think of where I see myself in a decade, it's either exactly where I am, or a fucking cemetery.
If no one would truly care if I died, not for more than a month or two, is there really a reason to stick around?
You have a choice:
Wallow in self-pity and self-hatred, accepting your fate as a social pariah
or
Ask yourself how you can change the things you don't like about yourself, set goals, and make every effort to achieve them
If you're not willing to take option number 2, then expect more of the same. Just know that you have a choice, and right now you are choosing to be miserable and pathetic. You aren't an unsavable victim of society
>>17264205
>victim of society
Of course I'm not. Aside from the independence issues, which may very well be me trying to subconsciously shift blame, every single one of my problems has its source in myself. I'd have to be retarded to fail to realize it. But that's really the problem.
I don't know, maybe I'm just too weak. It all seems insurmountable, just straight up impossible to deal with alone. Every time I tried, it got overwhelming and I retreated back to where I am.
All goes to prove my point. My death would be no loss whatsoever. Just natural selection, or some shit.
>>17264227
It sounds like you've already given up. Why bother coming here for advice? You know what needs to be done, yet you refuse to do it. Nobody is going to pity you or care about you if you refuse to help yourself.
Hey /adv/ I need your help
So I'm going out to a movie with a girl. The thing is I don't know if it's a date or not. I want it to be but I don't want to fuck up trying to kiss her or hold her hand and look like a fucking idiot when she's not interested. How do I test the waters before I go in during the movie?
TL;DR - how can I test to see if a girl is ok to kiss during a movie
We need a little more context than that man. How do you know her? Since when? How did you ask her to go? What is your history together? Does she ever talk to you about relationship stuff - guys she likes or anything like that?
>>17264155
I've known her since 8th grade (12th grade now) I got her to go the movie when she went to a concert and said I wish you would've came with me and I said "pay me back with a movie?" And she said "I'm down" and the only really other guy talk she told me about is about how cute Ed Sheeren is like once
compliments > flirting > touching (hand, arm, shoulder) > and then maybe AT THE END a kiss
don't rush it champ it's your first date
So I'm a kissless virgin and I recently met a girl that wants to hook up. She's also a kissless virgin.
The problem is, I have no idea what to do. I don't know how to kiss, I don't know what to do with my hands, and I don't know how to move things forward.
So how would you describe to me, a kissless virgin, the right way to kiss?
Like you kiss your pillow
>>17264158
That doesn't really help. Never kissed a pillow before.
>>17264114
Sadly OP this is one of things you learn yourself.
We've all been there and we've all got through it.
