Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 438. page
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I don't post often so sorry for any things I do incorrectly.
Alrightie so about 3 years ago I got friends for the first time in a long time.
>Friend introduces me to other friends
>Talk to one friend for like 2 years
>Hang out irl too
>Talk almost every day
Life is good.
>Develop feelings for friend
>Ask her out
>She says yes
>I think I found the love of my life
>Cute, smart and similar taste in jokes and hobbies
>Is going well
>Notice she gets a bit more distant
She broke up with me like 3 weeks ago. She gave me the lets be friends stuff. I'm just happy to talk to her so I say sure. Problem is she doesn't talk to me much since. She doesn't start convos and when I do it dies really quickly.
I'm gonna be blunt here, I love her still a lot. I though I was over it but now I'm relapsing. I just miss everything about her. I wish we could date again or at least talk like we did before we dated but it seems neither is happening. I dunno anymore ,I just miss talking to her so much. So does she hate me now or should I just wait and hope things go to normal? She is always online but doesn't respond and seems to have stopped talking in a group chat we ad with other people.
>>17265067
>I though I was over it but now I'm relapsing.
That's why the "let's just be friends" thing ever works. Not immediately after you break up.
Either you try and fget back with her, or you cut all contacts and stay away from her until you get over it. If you keep trying to be friends it will just be depressing/awkward for the both of you
Hmm I guess your right in a way. It just sucks because all my other friends aren't in my timezone so for most of the day I have no one to talk to. I think I'll just wait it out until she is ready to talk again.
>>17265215
don't wait for her, don't you have any irl friends to go out with? If you keep "waiting" fo her she might never come back, and then you'd feel even worse. Try to move on.
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
>period starting may 10, ends on 15.
>have sex 1 time on the 28th
>start bleeding the day after and ends on the 5th
>now bleeding again on the 16th
The fuck just happened to my cycle? I just had sex wtf? My boyfriend is freaking out thinking he did something because I never bleed the day after we have sex... I was visiting him and this shit kinda ruined everything...
>>17265016
Periods can be weird, I've skipped periods at least twice now.
>>17265026
I'm usually on 28 days, sometimes irregular but this shit just fucks me up. If it continues I'll be living in hell. 10 days between periods is not cool.
>>17265034
This happened to my gf recently. It was like she just started bleeding out of nowhere less than 2 weeks after her last period. It was during sex too, which had never happened before. Sorry I can't offer you an explanation, but I can at least say I know you aren't alone in experiencing an irregular cycle
I have IBS and want to kill myself.
Problem is, I don't want to die. I want to live. I don't want to hurt people that love me.
I've tried so many medications, I've tried about everything, but every day is constant pain and I haven't been able to hangout with my friends in 6 months now. Last year I was perfectly healthy and in February I kept going to the ER for awful stomach pain and got diagnosed with IBS.
What should I do? For the first time in my life I think I'm genuinely scared. It feels like the walls are closing in on me.
You need to go to a gastroenterologist and find a treatment that works for you. It's also very important to keep a food diary in order to figure out what your 'trigger foods' are.
I have Crohn's disease which isn't far off from IBS. I was living in pain for years until one day it got so bad I was taken to the ER for an emergency bowel resection. That's when I was diagnosed. Since then I have found a medication that is keeping me in remission, and I am careful to avoid any of trigger foods. It is very rare that I have any flare-ups now. You can probably achieve this too. Hundreds of thousands of people live with IBS - it is manageable. Good luck
>>17264942
What's IBS? Inherent Beta Syndrome?
>>17264961
>You need to go to a gastroenterologist and find a treatment that works for you.
I've been seeing one for months now, trust me. I'm currently on linzess which makes me shit my fucking guts out in the morning (which really doesn't help my stress considering I hate using public bathrooms.)
At first it was working. It was like I never had IBS, the only side effect I was even having was diarrhea 5-6 times a day. Suddenly, it just came back. I don't know why. My GI doesn't know why. The ER doctors didn't know why. My colon just decided to get backed up again for no reason.
>It's also very important to keep a food diary in order to figure out what your 'trigger foods' are.
That's another thing.
I can eat anything and it doesn't upset my stomach. I mean of course there are foods that I could eat that would upset anyone's stomach (eg spicy foods) but otherwise, food doesn't hurt my stomach. It's just a constant pain. It doesn't matter WHAT I eat. I've went a couple of days without eating to see if that would help. Nope. I ate very bland, safe food. Nope. I ate regularly. Nope.
>Hundreds of thousands of people live with IBS - it is manageable.
I understand that plenty of people have it, yet it seems like every time I try to search up advice on it, it's always people being negative. I never see any positive stories about it.
The only positive thing I've ever heard about IBS was from a friend who has it. He manages it and never has flares up anymore, but he's had it his whole life whereas I've been recently diagnosed.
I'm just very scared and confused at this point. Like I said, nothing seems to help.
I'm also sorry to hear about your Crohn's, but I'm glad you're doing a lot better now.
>>17264979
Funny. Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
You bring up another topic: I hate my condition because of how embarassing is. No one understands it and I've been made fun of for having it before.
My girl is out at 3am at a bar drunk..
I'm considering ditching her.
Do you think it's wrong for a partner to be doing that shit when in a relationship ?
>>17264918
Yes.
>>17264918
Yes.
Women aren't allowed out of the house with out a family male chaperone in my country.
>>17264918
why though?
If you have kids I think its irresponsible, but otherwise it's fine
For the past 5-6 months I'be tried to be a more social person and get out more.
It worked well, but I had to stop going out because of college entrance exams for the last 2 month or so, and now I'm back at being cripplingly afraid of talking to people.
It feels even worst than before, any advice on how to get back on track?
>>17264885
Remind yourself that you did it before, so what's there to be afraid of?! Take things in steps and just try to get back out there...forgive any setbacks, but keep trying! You're definitely not alone in feeling anxious or feeling afraid, but BEING ALONE is not much fun and you've been there, done that--what do you really have to lose?! GL!
>>17265560
Thanks a lot, that's exactly what I needed to hear.
I'll try to go to a bar tomorrow (to late for going now) and cheer myself up.
>>17265600
You're very welcome :) Hope it only gets better for you out there!
Went to an interview for this tech support position near my house. They were they only ones that called back. They promise $11 an hour for my first month of paid training after which i'd get bumped to $12. The human resources guy said basically i'd be working 40 hours a week on call. It seems like a sham job, what's the catch? Also has anyone worked at a call center before? What's it like?
>>17264883
>It seems like a sham job
???
>Also has anyone worked at a call center before?
boring
>>17264883
What sounds like a sham about it? You can look up the company on glass door to find out about it.
I've never worked in a call center but I'd imagine it's pretty boring and soul sucking. Better than hard labor for shit pay, though
>>17264899
>>17264921
when i say 'sham job', i'm not disputing the existence of the actual job, but the labour, if any. it's supposed to be a positive thing
Is this resume good enough to use to apply for some part-time summer jobs?
I always feel like I use the worst possible language when I make a resume.
>>17264863
change the experience to section to bullet points describing you helped the business/what you acomllished
-- supervised computer labs, ensuring software and security practices were up to date
-- assisted students with -----
>>17264863
>>17264882
learning to build a skills focused resume will be a great help for this and future endeavors.
>>17264898
would you still include any work history in a skills-based resume?
Guys, I do not know if I am crazy or anything, but I moved away in the last months for College, but I think I am being monitored or something.
Everyday, when talking to my mother in the phone, she lets something weird slips. Last week, she knew I was sick before I told her or anything, then the other day she asked if I slept well in the only night in my life I had insomnia. Yesterday, when talking about some assholes that that live in the same place I live, she said: oh, they are annoying you and all, but they arnt bad folks, it is not like they are going around with whores and drinking. The last thing I searched in my internet, was one of those prostitute sites (but only for fapping curiosity) and I kinda drank a lot the day before. There was another day also when I just left the bath and told her I was going to the supermarket, and she said: put some clothes and come back soon. This creeped me out, how could she know that? Am I crazy or it makes some sense? She was always very possessive, and those things started after some work was done in my room (construction stuff.)
She also only calls to my cell when I am in my room. It is very weird, she does not know my class hours or anything. I am really desperate. Tried to find cameras on the room, look it any VNC software was installed, but nothing, and I do not know how to check my Ipad or my phone.
I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not mentally ill. Stay with a friend/motel for a week, only answer her when no ones around and see if she picks up on it.
OP, a lot of what you're describing sounds like you might have schizophrenia. That is far more likely than your mom being a secret agent spying on you and plotting your death. I would advise you to see a psychologist.
So I really suck at conveying my emotions towards anyone in my life right now. There's something I'm afraid of and still don't know what that is. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts will lead to an argument. I'm scared to feel? Has anyone had this problem before? I can tell someone how I feel more efficiently when done on paper..but verbally I don't know how to even begin..how can I get better at this? It's taking a role on my relationship with my boyfriend and he means too much to me for me to let this go like water on the bridge.
>>17264835
consider writing how you feel. then redraft that, then more or less read that to him. over time you get better and need the paper less. thats how i did things for awhile.
>>17264842
I feel so stupid that if every time I need to tell him how I feel I have to bring a piece of paper..it's a thought though.
>>17264862
you cannot be perfect. ou can work towards being better and writing out your feelings will help. considering you can memorize it for the most part, writing it out just helps you organize the thoughts.
its kin of like scheduling. i know theres a shitton i need to do but i cant ifgure it out til i write it down. some people are the same way with math. they need to just write it down to understand it, even if it doesnt offer anything other than a visual of what they already see in their head.
Is there another way to get laid without pretending to love a woman?
I run into too many women who say "I'm not that kind of girl" "I don't do those things"
So I take them on dates, tell them I like them (even though I don't.)
Tell them they're special, help them out, drive them to places. and then..we finally have sex, and then I slowly give them less attention and move onto spending that time on another woman, and just fucking the girl that I pretended to love.
But, the last 2 girls went crazy on me when I tried breaking up with them. They told me that I was just using them and that I'm an asshole.
I don't get it, how are people having sex lives without making women angry or pretending to love them?
I lied to 6 women now, telling them that I loved them and that we should get married some day.
I'm not an asshole, but I love sex so much, and one night stands don't do it for me. I just want to fuck girls every day.
>>17264830
Just go use hookers everyday anon.
Clearly you aren't fit enough to be a part of a family so worry about making enough to fuck hookers instead.
>I don't get it, how are people having sex lives without making women angry or pretending to love them?
By being upfront about what they want. And that usually means sticking to stuff like tinder and parties where everyone is drunk.
Why are you surprised that women get angry with you when you manipulate them, are dishonest about your real motives and then dump them once you've gotten what you want? That's pretty fucking straightforward. You -were- just using the girls. You -were- being an asshole.
Become a good enough lover that if you have regular one night stands, you'll get girls begging for more. Girls who go for casual sex are usually used to absolute horrid sex, as in, five seconds of rough, clumsy fingering = foreplay. Be the guy who sexily undresses them, who teases them and makes them beg for it. Be the guy who eats her out before sex and fingers her during. Be the guy who moans and talks dirty to her and sends her a sexy text a few days later about how he can't stop jerking off to [insert specific memory she most likely also enjoyed].
This is the only way to try to get regular and sincerely no strings attached sex.
There are women out there who do want things besides a sentimental relationships, be upfront about what you want.
I mean you ARE manipulating and lying to people otherwise.
And yes sometimes someone you want to shag might want to have an emotional relationship, sorry to tell you you shouldn't fuck everybody you want to fuck, it's a though world.
My friend has a 6 year old son with her now recently ex bf. For the past 7 years he's been with her. He's been helping her by supporting her. She's been helping him by watching their child while he was working full time establishing his career, she has worked a few part time jobs in between those 7 years.
He says he hasn't been happy in a long time and is leaving her. She currently has no job. He's not waiting for her to get a job before he leaves since he already has a plane ticket to leave in a week. So I guess he's giving her "one week" to find a job.
Her biggest issue is driving. She can't drive long distances and she has little experience driving on the interstate. As far as her child goes, her kid is constantly sick. He said they will go to court when he settles in his new place.
She has no way of even paying for rent at the place they were staying at together for years and is moving in with me in the mean time.
She's a good person. She doesn't do drugs, she doesn't even drink, she doesn't get involved in bad things.
Are people really this fucked up? I understand her ex bf has no obligation to help her besides child support. But what kind of person just LEAVES and expresses no sympathy, he even texts her randomly fucked up things like "any suffering you go through is your fault, it's not my fault you don't have a job"
He also gave her forty bucks before leaving and said that's all he's gonna do to help her until he sees her in court...
Really fucked up shit. Have any of you known someone to do this?
Is that really the whole story? She did nothing to make him turn on her like that? I've seen previously nice people act heartless like this, but it's always some form of "revenge"
Does she have any family or anything that can help out? You're a really good friend for letting her stay with you when she needs help, but it doesn't really sound like she has any plans or abilities to get her own place anytime in the near future... are you really OK to just take on someone's family like this, even if it might be semi-permanent?
>>17264741
She's looking for a job and doesn't plan to stay with me for longer than several weeks.
Yeah, it's the whole story. She did nothing bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't steal from him, etc.
He said he just wasn't happy for years. That's what he told her. I've read the texts between them also. The ones she sends and he knew he sends her.
He's not doing anything bad besides helping her the smallest way he can, with the smallest amount of money. But considering he was her main supporter and not even giving her at LEAST a few months for her to get established with a job, I feel like that's so fucked.
>>17264755
Yeah, I mean, what would've happened if you couldn't/wouldn't take her in? He would've let his own child be homeless until a judge orders him to pay more? It's his business if he wants to break up, but you're right, for the mother of his child and HIS CHILD he could've been a lot more considerate.
If I think about killing myself, and I am depressed, should I get help, or should I just wait and see what happens?
>>17264626
Get help. You've pretty much hit the rock bottom, so no reason to keep waiting anymore.
Get help, you were never meant to go it alone. Go to a hospital and tell them about your thoughts of suicide, they'll help you.
>>17264671
help or 'help'?
how to microwave sweet pie without it going soggy and crap?
Oven, microwave makes soggy.
A microwave that makes crispy would be good invenshun
>>17264627
my microwave has a crispy top setting but i'm pretty sure it's like a program to cook leftover lasagna or something.
(Pic related)
Girls often seem to refer to multiple traits they are looking for in a boyfriend:
>funny
>driven
>patient/attentive
>loyal
>...
Although they say this, the fact that they often fall for relationships which are (to an outsider) abusive / bound to fail / not following the above guidelines, shows that they are intrinsically very irrational. Possibly even more so than men.
So if these guidelines are often empty expressions, the reality of what girls want from a relationship is
>chemistry
Even if girls bring this term up it is almost never clear or in the least concrete:
>I am looking for chemistry
>We need to click
>He didn't have that 'special something', you know.
But if chemistry is by its very nature so illusive that even the people looking for it, cannot define it:
>What are they even looking for?
Or is it really just a numbers game, where one hangs out at the venues where there is the highest probability of meeting your 'type of girl' (which is much more concrete imo) and just engage with as many as possible until there is a match based on the arbitrary nature of 'chemistry' the girl sees in you?
>What is 'chemistry'?
>Why do girls keep on using a term they don't understand themselves?
>How do guys 'improve chemistry' and is it even possible?
>What are your experiences with 'chemistry'?
97% of women really just want a man who will step in and tell them what to do. 90% of the men who understand this, and know how to do it, are selfish jerks who know they can get more than one woman.
Most women don't really know what they want, or at least they won't honestly express it in a conversation with a man. Stop trying to appeal to their logical, sensible side. Aim for her emotional, impulsive side and you'll do a lot better. Women want to be thrilled. The checklists are meaningless
>>17264608
>bound to fail
all relationships are bound to fail, stop acting like you could make a life long commitment work.
>chemistry is not clear or concrete
have you ever had chemistry? if you had you know thats as clear as it gets. there are people you are naturally interested in, for reasons you cant explain. sometimes they arent even your type or you might find them ugly in a way. often times their good looks help push that chemistry.
you do need to 'click'. stop acting like romance should be a simple mathetmatic equation.
>what are they even looking for?
someone that makes them feel special. no, going out of your way to make someone feel special isnt the same thing. there are natural reactions between two people that cant be explained. thats the whole point of love.
are you aying you've never had a crush on someone before? you never knew someone and couldnt really say why they were the special one, but you knew it was them?
you can walk into a room filled with pretty girls, but only one might give you the butterflies.
Chemistry has to do with both how you are alike and how you are different, as well as some subconscious stuff that may have to do with your parents and upbringing, nationality, and even a little bit of genetic influence
I'm 24/m/usa, I graduated art school a year and a half ago and am currently living with my parents. They always told me growing up they'd pay my way to school, and I always knew I wanted to be an artist, and that finding a way to make money off it after graduation would take time, so here I am a year and a half later living in their house. I expected this to happen, and I was prepared to deal with it.
I just had a job interview go really well for a full time job at an autobody repair shop, and I could start working there in a month or so once the owner gets back to me. I'd be making easily enough money to move out of my house and live in an apartment somewhere, and spend all my free time drawing, looking for better jobs, and just generally living independently.
But here's the thing: My sister is a fucking maniac and my parents can't deal with her or control her. Without going into details, she's got three kids with one wannabe rapper boyfriend whos been in and out of jail, and those three kids spend six days a week at my parents house, sometimes seven. My dad works during the day so my brother and I help my mom watch the kids when they're not at preschool/kindergarden. During the school year I drive them to school and my brother picks them up. Maybe twice a week I'll spend half a day having to watch the kids, usually any day they're home I'll spend a minimum of an hour around them.
They're great kids, but they're not mine and they're not my responsibility. I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a college graduate who moved back in with his parents, or helping mop up my sisters mistakes while she continues to fuck up her life further and further. I want to move out and do my own things. But my mom keeps trying to convince me to stay at home. She says she wants to help me raise money, but I know its because she needs help with her grandkids. (1/2)
(2/2)
I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I really, really love the idea of living independently and being responsible for myself and so on. Every older person I know has always told me to take my younger years and be as selfish as possible, only focusing on bettering myself and my career. To never bother with getting married until I'm at least thirty, if then. Work hard now, get a good job, then relax and settle down later, etc. But on the other hand, I'd feel guilty leaving my parents to deal with my sister and their grandkids all on their own, especially when they so graciously paid my way through something as volatile as art school without asking me to pay them any money in return.
I really wouldn't mind sending them some of the money I make for a babysitter, or daycare, or for someone to come by once a week and clean the house or something. But living here in the house I grew up in is just making me listless and tired. Every day I get less and less work done, and every day these toddlers and their reckless mother grate on me more and more. I don't know what to do. Staying here is just going to slowly make my life awful, but moving could end up making my parent's lives worse.
What do you guys think I should do?
You know you can move out and still lend a hand at home when they need it. Just get a place in the same town.
>>17264657
Yeah, thats what the original plan is. The job is only a 10-15 minute drive from their house, and whatever nearby apartment I can get (I've scouted a few cheap ones) will hopefully be reachable on bike, so if they really need me I'd be like 20 minutes away absolute max. I think my mom knows that, but she's still apprehensive.
