Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1986. page
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When we first started dating she admitted she was scared of commitment so I told her to tell me if she reached a point where she wanted to be official. A couple.weeks later she asked me.to be her boyfriend. I help her babysit her son a couple times a.week but her best male.friend literally admitted love for her and she asked about an open relationship. After talking it out she agreed it was a terrible idea. Now a few months have passed but I can't help but feel like I limit.her happiness by not letting her have that freedom because I am a monogamous type. Is that normal and.should I ask if she is really happy or just assume.she would have left otherwise?
So you two are still dating ?
What age is the son?
How offen you babaysit / was she going out with said guy friend ?
Do you think she is being honest /has she ever lied before?
No.
Look, you did the right thing. Open relationships tend to favor the woman. By standing up for yourself and saying no, you showed her that you have value and know it. This is wholly positive.
Look, and open relationship efectively means that you're going to have to taste another man's semen sometimes when she kisses you. If you agree to that, it shouldn't come as a surprise that you don't garner enough respect or love for her to not cuckold you.
Now, do NOT let her know that you're having guilt or second thoughts, if you value her respect and your self-respect. Put that shit out of your mind.
If there's a red flag here, it's that she asked you about that. If you expect monogamy, are you sure she's able to fulfill your desire? She's already asked about fucking another man, and shaming you by trying to keep you there for comfort or emotional and potential future fiscal security. The trope about alpha fucks and beta bucks is a real thing. Thus far you've done well. Do not change that. Demand that the respect you offer her be returned. That's how you maintain a long-term relationship. If you set a high bar for yourself, demand one from her. She'll admire and respect you for that, and if she doesn't, she's fucking poison, anyhow.
>>16608201
>she admitted she was scared of commitment
>A couple.weeks later she asked me.to be her boyfriend
>I help her babysit her son a couple times a.week
> her best male.friend
>she asked about an open relationship
Red flags galore.
Whenever im out of contact with my gf for hours on end i get worried as shit, especially when shes with other people especially guys. I get so fucking paranoid that something can or will happen. I always tell myself not to worry and that i have no reason but i just cant help it. The best thing i can do is distract myself, but right now shes in town and shes with a bunch of people i feel like shit, i always get that worried feeling in my gut and it sucks, i like being in a relationship but this stresses me out so much, anyone got any ideas what to do or any experience. Why tf do i feel like this
>>16608037
>>16608037
The root of most jealousy, I find, is insecurity. The way I am working to overcome it is increasing self confidence. Also, knowing that she chooses to be in a relationship with you- you can't control if she cheats or not, but if you find out she did, then it's not the end of the world, you can just dump her. But meanwhile, try forging a sense of trust and see what happens, because you might as well just trust her rather than letting your insecurity sabbotage the relationship. At least this is what I am trying.
Im not worried about cheating just what other people will do. I am insecure but i hide it well and have come an extremely long way in terms of self confidence and such. Jealousy has crossed my mind but im not sure what i would be jealous of in this situation, also i appreciate the reply
>>16608055
Maybe a "FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out) type of feeling?
Hopefully those other people would respect you! I know my boyfriend gets upset if I hang out with people that don't respect him/the relationship, understandably. It's important to confront that kind of behaviour if I want to keep spending time with those friends.
She is not 'yours', but the people she is around should still respect your relationship.
was in a relationship for 4 years. In the end I found out she cheated on my and most our relationship felt like a lie. I now think she may of cheated on me more than a year and a half ago.
So I was single two months. Being cheated on by some one I trusted is hard to take. Especially me since I have no living family so no other people I can trust.
Then I start to chat to girls again. Notice girls were smiling and responding to me. Which for some reason I didn't expect. I started to date a girl a few times. Then she cheated on me with my flatmate.
Complete disaster. I need to grow a heart of ice or some thing. Went to ex girlfriends house for the night just to go to some one familiar. I probably screwed the situation up even more by doing this. Now old hurt and fresh hurt at same time.
I don't know if I'll be able to trust again :(.
>>16607537
you are the common denominator here.
Not all women are cheaters
but all the women you attract have cheated
something about what you're attracted to, the type of woman, the similarities between them, that is the issue
this isn't to say you're a bad person, you just have bad taste and you're not realizing it.
>>16607561
/thread
>>16607561
>trusting to woman to have self control
They cheated because to them he wasn't fulfilling one of their expectations. So who's fault is it really?
I'm struggling with a philosophical question right now. (I broke up with my gf on christmas and my career has recently turned into a dumpster fire, but I don't want to talk about that; that's just the context to my question.) Here's my philosophical question:
>How can we do what we have to, to survive, and still live with ourselves?
I know literally why we have to, of course. You have to kill to eat. But how do we, as humans, as a species, not turn into monsters along the way? I'm an attorney and I have a lot of disgust for my profession - the shitty people in it, but moreso the shittiness of the people that require lawyers, even just shady business people and petty people in petty conflicts. My relationship that just ended was needlessly aggressive and filled with antipathy (her emotional issues) and it makes me feel like there's no other choice between being the butcher or being the cattle (to steal a theme from the walking dead). You either emotionally manipulate, scam, cheat and trick your way into what you want, or you get eaten up by the people around you doing it.
But I don't want either choice.
You guys have any thoughts on this? Im gonna get drunk in the meantime.
these are the flaws of capitalism, comrade.
>>16607456
Yeah, no shit. But it's also something bigger than economics, you see the same behavior in the law of the jungle, and in sex/reproduction.
Is this just what evil is?
it looks like you are seeing relationships and life around you as a competitive environment filled with pressure
it may be true to some extent, but there are different ways of perceiving the world that makes it more pleasurable to live
How do you feel about your significant other acting differently when they are around their friends? Like... A person you don't recognize and all of their value and morals that you two have discussed just go out the window when they are around a group of people.
Would you assume they are not marriage or long term potential?
>Would you assume they are not marriage or long term potential?
if they behave in a way that I don't like, then yes
>>16607301
Could possibly be some future infedelity issues with that SO.
It just means she is easily influenced by others and is not true to herself. She seeks to validation from others and so she will say anything to get it.
Personally a person like this is at best an acquaintance and nothing more. Move on and find a girl who doesn't jeopardize her morality just for some people to like her.
Why is cum so damn bitter and gross? I love the saltiness, I love the texture, the way it feels on my tongue, how it's thick and almost kind of chewy, the way it gets stuck on your teeth and just wont come off for shit... but like, why does it have to taste like fucking unsweetened baking chocolate? Even precum is all salty and wonderful like those fancy caramels, so I ask you WHY?
Depends on the diet of the person, it could taste tangy and sweet if you a regular fruit eater.
>>16607259
I've only ever been with one guy, so maybe I got lucky, but his is absolutely delicious. Not a hint of bitterness at all.
Maybe try getting him to eat more fruit and drink pineapple juice every day.
>>16607264
>>16607261
Thanks a bunch, I'll start sneaking more fruit into his breakfasts and stuff. To be honest fresh produce is kind of pricey here, will canned or dried stuff do?
Okay /adv/ are you ready for some truly retarded stuff? My friends invited me to go to the strip club tonight and I'm kind of freaking out. The reason for this is because I actually really enjoy going to the strip club, I just have this sort of system. Basically I have to have at least $200 or so on me in singles and I have to have abstained from jerking off for a few days so I'm just horny as fuck the whole time I'm there. But this just got dropped on me, I don't have any money until I get paid next in a few days, and I fapped last night. So now I'd be going with no money to afford dances and I'm worried that even if one of my buddies buys me a dance I may not get rock hard from it. See, the main goal when I go to the strip club is to try to either get head or fuck one of the strippers, and without the prereqs the chances of that are pretty much zero. If everything was in order I could fucking drop like $150 on one of the girls and go into the back room for some real private time, but I can't. So because of that I'm freaking out. I don't want to bail on them because my friends aren't around very often, but I also don't know if I really want to go considering I worry I'll have a terrible time. Any advice?
don't go
>>16606608
Go and have a few beers with friends. Why you'd want to be rock hard around your friends is beyond me.
I've been to several clubs for business functions, and the women are more or less just scenery. A few singles to the girls that walk up to the table here and there, and you shouldn't be spending more than $20/hr.
>>16606621
That's kind of how I've been leaning on this, but we're going to see the new Star Wars first and I don't wanna miss out on seeing them. They're in the military and in the next two weeks they're all slowly shipping off to where they're stationed. I probably won't see them again until next Christmas or something. I gotta spend what time I can with them.
>>16606626
I hear ya. I don't drink personally, so what I end up doing when I go with no money is sitting around being bored and pissed I can't get any dances. When I go with money and such I get to sit back, scope the girls out, take my time, enjoy myself talking to my friends about the females, then pick one out and get a dance, maybe two if she's really good. By the time I've done all that it's usually around 1am or 2am and we all bail. I just feel like a fucking loser when I go without money because I'm kinda wasting the girls' time. Not only that but if I'm not horny af I'm not as good at being flirty.
Late 2013 I was pretty drunk with a girl, she now told me I fingered her (this is true) but she also said I tried to take her clothes off and tried to force her to have sex (this is not true, I fingered and kissed her, but left after doing that because I had to go home, and a mate of mine did all that to her, and also she sucked his dick). Now she is telling me that she didn't consent me after 2 years and now I'm horrible and discusting to her, she told me not to speak to her again.
But, she told me various times she missed me before saying that, invited me to her birthday party last year (I went). I didn't talk about the mate that did her that shit, it would make people reading that think I'm trying to redirect the blame, at least I wont do that until I talk with him. I think she will probably say to everyone close to her that I did that shit (I think she already did). She was young at the time, 17, it's a legal age in my country to have sexual stuff with 18+ guys. I'm +20. What should I do?
Shut up and leave the crazy drunk alone.
>>16607923
I was drunk also, I wasn't myself. She didn't do anything to make me stop, btw. Now I have two rules since the begining of 2014, don't stick your dick in crazy and don't get drunk. I don't have any pleasure knowing I was drunk and I did X to someone, I don't find that really funny.
I cried when I read what she told me.
Does anyone have any other opinion about this?
/adv/, how do I convince this chick to let me fuck her unprotected? She gets paranoid as shit about getting prego every time I even ask "what ifs" about it. What's the best way to convince her?
>>16607752
You know that if she does get pregnant, that's at least 18 years and 9 months you're tied to her, right?
vasectomy and a clean bill of health with a recent date
She can go on the pill, if she can't for whatever reason tough luck; it's not paranoia.
I've never asked about my girlfriend's past until now. We've been a couple for a year.
We are LDR right now, but only for 2 months.
I don't know why but...I woke up today dying to know her sexual history. Out of nowhere. I am going to ask her as soon as she wakes up today. Is this a bad idea?
She's in her mid-30s, and I was going to just ask "hey..before you met me, how long had it been since you had sex?"
>inb4 don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer
How the fuck...how can I commit my life to this woman if I don't eventually know some day? I don't know. Today for whatever reason I woke up and feel like I NEED to know.
Just ask. If you got such a strong urge to ask now, it'll probably happen again and it's way better you know now than when you're married or whatever.
>>16606661
you sound insecure as fuck, believe me, you don't want to know..
People on /adv/ will tell you "ignorance is bliss" and "don't ask don't tell", but I fully agree with you that a relationships is about intimacy, and intimacy comes from being as close as possible. You can't know you actually truly love someone if you don't even know them fully, and a past is definitely a part of them.
I just think you should have asked earlier.
Why is that whenever you ask a girl on a date, she assumes you just want to hang out as friends? But when you genuinely ask them to hang out with no strings attached, like you would a guy, they think you're asking for a date?
What kind of topsy-turvy, Twilight Zone bullocks is this?
>>16607768
No one said it was easy, kid.
Would you say the girls in the two scenarios are equal? How are you asking them in each circumstance?
Women prefer it when you approach them without an agenda in mind.
Also, you probably just suck at flirting.
What would you do if a girl canceled plans with you? Like you two had plans for dinner but a group of friends asked her out and she canceled, said she was going out with friends. She wasn't a bitch about it or anything, she just said she was asked out and was going out with them. Said we'd go out some other time.
Am I missing something here? The respect part isn't what gets me. Is this normal? Like this has never happened to me. I can see very clearly she's stepping on me and it's just blowing my mind. Is this some kind of "new age" mind game? Do girls do this commonly?
I plan to cut all contacts. I just didn't see it coming. I'll explain myself to her if we run into each other and it comes down to it, but I'm uninterested in having a drawn out fight or anything of the sort. I'm not even really upset. I'm just baffled. Is this a thing? What would you do? Also can someone explain anything I might've missed?
What's the context here? Who is she to you?
when did she cancel? one hour before? one day before?
changing plans is fine, but if the person does it at last minute then I see it as disrespectful
Pretty disrespectful in my opinion. I don't know your background with her, but if it was someone I casually knew and was trying to get to know them more, this would kill it for me.
I'm thinking of starting my a mature porn company.
I'd get chads and whore from my uni to fuck on cam, pay them each 200 dollars a scene
I'd have the chad wear certain clothes: cargo shorts, base ball cap, nike, vans, ect. The woman would wear booty shorts, converse, bra.
I'd have them act out fanatisies, like they were both in HS still and the alpha chad was dominating the shy innocent.
I'd sell my product for 80 dollars per cd.
I really need the money, plus it would allow me to fulfill some of my fantasies.
Is this feadible/legal?
amature*
There are probably all sorts of legal issues around this that you're not going to be able to work around, and if these people were willing to do porn, why wouldn't they do actual porn which would pay them more?
as a consumer, why would I pay for porn when there is plenty of them on the internet for free?
you would need something different, like having a friend's mom participating on it or something
/adv/ I loved her, she was my high school crush, i saw her on tinder super liked her then this happened
WHAT DO
>She left me started a life with someone else, and had a kid.
>I just graduated, and landed a good paying job starting next month.
Below is the text conversation, what should I do guys? I can't be her platonic friend after she did that to me but she "isn't ready" or whatever other bills hit excuse...
Pic related 1/3
3/3 this is the last message she sent me, i'm the blue she is red
>>16607554
you both sound like retards holy shit
what is the purpose of my life? how does one gather the courage to not conform to a "regular" life? i work 40 hours a week as a forklift mechanic and im just not happy with my life.. i feel like theres alot more to life
How is the money? How is your social life and where are you academically?
>>16607535
money is okay and increasing continually. social life is decent im a 22 year old skateboarder. with four years of electrical engineering schooling. im superior to the other mechanics (that arent master techs) because of my past experience... but paid alot less because i guess my age. i have no girlfriend but have girls that come and go frequently
>>16607548
So you finished your degree right? Get licenced and start applying to engineering positions as an entry level engineer.
Isn't that what you wanted to do with your degree?
