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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1988. page


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Come in and ask, and an advice shall follow no matter what your problem is, whether it be relationships, an illness, existentialism, religion or anything else.

The less vague you are the more helpful the replies can be. Replies may take a while, some even hours, but you are guaranteed an advice back, full of wisdomâ„¢!

The weekly thread has moved to Saturdays.

Everyone else is free to give their advice as well.
36 posts and 4 images submitted.
>>
>>16605701
How do i stop worrying
Im so anxious all the time, I cant take it anymore.
>>
>>16605706
What makes you anxious? Is it a feeling, a thought, a general state of mind?
Are there specific things that cause anxiety for you?
What goes through your mind when you are anxious? Is it as if you understand that there's no real reason for you to feel this way, or does it feel "natural" to you?

If I have to make a general suggestion with what you give me, understanding that the constant anxiety you feel has no purpose or basis and understanding that you are a being made of love and have nothing to give but love should put you on the right path. Remind yourself of this whenever you find yourself an anxious state, it will be an inner realization that will make you stop torturing yourself with these feelings.
>>
Pretty simple question: How do I get my gf to do anal?

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Alright guys, I'm new to 4chan. I really need help with something. I just recently got with a cute girl named Gwynyvyr. She's very geeky and nice, and extremely sweet, loves coffee, etc etc. She's a super virgin. I say "super virgin" because she's never done anything sexual with another person and she's 19. I'm 20 and I have sex with multiple girls (not bragging). I have only taken one girls virginity so i know to be gentle, but this girl masturbated frequently and stretched her hymen so it wasn't that big of a deal for her. Gwyn is very different. She doesn't masturbate at all. She says she thinks it's gross to touch herself (weird I know), however is willing for me to touch her. We watch porn and stuff, you know to give her ideas and to wetten her up. I try to finger her when it is extremely wet but she always cringes in pain, saying that my finger is too big. (my fingers aren't big at all) I only successfully fingered her once and never ever even made to finger penetration after. How do I deal with this? I offered oral but she seems uneasy about the idea. She'll give me oral just fine but does not want to receive. What should I do? Should I buy lube so it won't hurt her as much? Should I buy toys? I don't know what to do please help me.
62 posts and 15 images submitted.
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We can't help you if your girlfriend is imaginary
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>>16604909
Sorry but unlike you, I have a real gf
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>>16604918
Prove she's real. And I don't even want a girlfriend.

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How do I attract guys like this?
51 posts and 7 images submitted.
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>>16604693
become poor
>>
Be as attractive as them and be at least somewhat interesting
>>
>>16604698
Explain

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What do you think when you see your ex on Tinder?
18 posts and 2 images submitted.
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If i ever saw my ex on tinder i'd probably beta like hell and feel shitty about it. but after a few days i'd only tell myself she's doing that because she just can't meet people normally 'cause, well, she's deranged.
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>>16604540
>but after a few days i'd only tell myself she's doing that because she just can't meet people normally 'cause, well, she's deranged.

Except you're also on Tinder so you're similarly pathetic.
>>
>>16604543
no, but--
i mean--
but she's like--
...
you win this one.

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Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.

Avoid asking these common questions:

>Is it normal for me to go to a club/bar by myself?
Yes. Stop overthinking this.

>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't.

>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it.

>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.

>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.

>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.

>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
Most likely

>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.

>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.

>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing

>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it. Complexes are a total turn-off.

>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No

>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>

>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking

>Brandon or Female Brandon
Piss off.

>Frog
Also piss off.

Old Thread:
>>16599649
315 posts and 18 images submitted.
>>
girls and guys

i don't know why, but lately i've been getting mad when i hear people talk about sex. whether its on the news, movies, or just my friends talking about girls they've recently fucked. it makes me upset. like one of my friends was just talking about girls getting railed out at a party he was at last week and i am irritated now. I can't explain why, but i just am.

I'm curious if anyone else has felt this
>>
Girls, how should a guy come back if your only text response to him is "okay..."?

Sent a friend a youtube link of a video I thought was funny. All she replied was that, as if it weirded her out. And now I'm all weirded out, because it feels like I'm being a fucking creep with responses like that.
I know one-word responses and "okay" are code for "fuck off", but what does that make "okay..."? I don't want to end conversation with a bitter aftertaste like that. How do I salvage this?
>>
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I'm currently seeing a women taller than me I'm 5'11 she's about 6'1
I never been so attracted to someone in such a long time both physically and mentally. I want to ask both genders why do people look at couples where the women is taller as odd?
Especially other men

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Welcome to the NEET and Shut-in advice thread!
(Version 121, running since Oct. 31st, 2013)
REMINDER: This isn't >>>/r9k/ or wizardchan

Drop out of school due to anxiety? Haven't left the house in a few years? Maybe you have a job, but don't leave the house or talk to people for any reason outside of it? Finding a job sure is hard these days.

The best time to change your life was 5 years ago. But the good news is, the second best time is right now!

>NEETmap
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1663835

>Chat
http://chat.mibbit.com/#[email protected]

>IRC help:
http://pastebin.com/Pi8EqVaX

>Conversation Starters and Past Topics:
http://pastebin.com/KFe5MQE2

>Helpful Links and Resources:
http://pastebin.com/ygPwDUk4

>NEETworkout:
Tuesday, Thursday 8pm EST -http://s_ynchtu.be/r/neetadv(no underscore)
304 posts and 29 images submitted.
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Previous thread

>>16559671
>>
Posting the thread from a phone is such a pain. I won't be doing this again. -_-
>>
Coming up on four years.

Dear lord that was fast.

I am a 19 years old girl and I'm having a hard time getting dates. I don't go out much because i like spending time alone more, but when i'm out i'm not too shy with people. Lately I’m starting to lose hope because I haven't met guys who are smart enough from my point of view. Sometimes i feel really ugly and sometimes slightly attractive, but mostly ugly, i don't get that much attention from men, though ocassionally few guys pop out in my life and are dying to date me but i find them annoying,too dumb or i want them as friends. My standards aren't very high i just want a individual who's not scared to be "weird and different". I get attracted to those guys who spend too much time on the internet, but they never make a move. :(
I would wait for that person, but the problem is I'm so horny that sometimes I just want anyone to fuck me.. I could've had sex with my previous boyfriends but I want it to be with someone i'm sure i love and i'm lithromantic(when i find out sm likes/loves me all my feelings towards them disappear and i start to feel nauseous around them), so it seems impossible. I'm so confused. Should i just have sex with the next guy who shows interest in me or wait, which could take forever because i'm cursed to never fall in love?
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>16606714
You have been muted for 4 seconds, because your comment was not original.
>>
Date an older guy, problem solved
>>
>>16606714
1/10 troll. Please try harder next time.

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>Be me
>Be pan
>Never did anything with a guy
>Meet guy off Grindr
>Whilst sucking each other notice little white bumps under his dick
>"what are these?"
>"I dunno"
>Stop sucking
>According pictures off google, he doesn't have herpes or genital warts, but genital pimples
What am in for? What's gonna happen and how so I stop it?
19 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>16606542
Go to a doctor. Ask him/her. That's all.

Don't suck off guys without checking first next time.
>>
>gives a guy he met off Grindr a blowjob without protection
>>
>>16606585
how does one give blowjob with protection? you suck the condom?

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A former male friend/roommate won't stop spying on me through social media. I think he might be obsessed with me even though we had a falling out and I have blocked him through every social media platform I have. We share a mutual friend in which he continues to talk about me to despite cutting communication with him several months ago. She has told me now that she has, too, discontinued correspondence with him as he is very invasive and has a problem with boundaries. How can I deal with this? Any advice on how to just cope or affirmations to just ignore would be greatly appreciated.
11 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>16606536

Are you serious?
>>
>>16606544
No, I'm joking...
>>
Well if he's harmless you can just ignore him, he can jack off to your facebook pictures all he wants, no reason you should care about it. But yeah, that's what you get for broadcasting your life on social media. I never understood why people have tens or even hundreds of photos on facebook and shit.

One curiosity though, how do you know he's spying on you through social media?

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I want to be good at something, but to be truly, impressively good at something as an adult, one would usually have to start at 5-7 years old and progressively shift from "impressive for his age" to "genuinely impressive".

I'm about to turn 22, and I have no education in anything. Whatever opportunity my parents had to give me an advantage in anything, they thought speaking english was enough. It isn't.

What kind of things could I still learn? I can't do anything REAL, I hate and suck at math, I'm aggressively, passionately uninterested in physics or biology, so practicing medicine or real sciences is not an option.

I can't even play an instrument. Everyone who plays the piano started at five or six, the violin by seven or eight.

I have no real education in anything so I'm too old to compete in anything you have to start training for before the age of 21.

What IS there out there that I could do that absolutely everyone else who does it wouldn't have had a headstart in?
17 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>16606494

You just pretty much said you aren't willing to do anything. That's thread.
>>
Find something you're passionate about and just do it. Don't go into it with the intention of impressing other people.
>>
>>16606498
I'm not saying I'm unwilling to do anything. I'm saying I don't want to devote myself to being mediocre.

>>16606505
But I'm not passionate about anything. And I've tried a lot of stuff, from literature to painting to religion to horses.

Unless you can suggest something I haven't tried.

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My life is made of loops.
Each loop is made of phases:
1)One day, a random event makes me question my actions or beliefs and I get depressed
2)I stop in everything I do and feel wracked with a "Being lost " feeling
3)I start searching everywhere, mostly interent, for something...something that makes me think "aah, that's what I was doing wrong"
4) I eventually find something that sounds "right" and cling to it.
5) For a few days I feel over the clouds and do everything at 200% efficiency because of the feeling of "having got it right".
6) But one day, a random event makes me question my actions or beliefs...and the cycle starts again..

I'm not asking to be forever happy, or for success, or friends, or love, fuck all that shit.

I just want it to live through life without battling with my own mind constantly.

I want to get everything of life, the bad things and the good things.

But instead I just got this cycle.

It's making me more and more empty as a person.

I just want it to stop.

Make it stop.

How do I do it?
13 posts and 2 images submitted.
>>
Help
>>
>>16606487

Have you ever tried seeing a psychologist? It really helps and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
>>
>>16606594
Yes, I've went to a psychologist several times. But after all, it was only part of step 3

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I posted yesterday or the other day (I already forget) about my horrible eating habits and weight loss struggle. I've pretty much just said "fuck it" to counting calories all week and it's Saturday and I've gone from 178 to 196 in a week. I just want to look good and be happy with my body. I've been going to planet fitness every day (sometimes twice and I thought about 3 times once) and trying to eat less (besides this week) but I just fucking can't lose weight. I'm saving up so I can set up a home gym since planet fitness is all there is, but I still wonder about if I can handle my eating habits. I want to start fresh next week but I know I'll ultimately fail due to my habits or I'll just go back to my constant 180 weight and still hate how I look. I also badly want to get my own apartment so I can be away from all this food, but I can't since my seasonal work just ended. I just want to feel happy. I'm just ranting at this point about how much I hate myself, but I would just like to vent and maybe get my mind away from thoughts of suicide. I've attempted twice in the past, but for different reasons. Anyways, I guess I need advice.
15 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>16606467
Why did you say fuck it all to counting your calories?
>>
You should know that many Anons, including myself, just hide threads relating to mental disorders. You have one. You don't need advice, you need therapy. Advice is "soup or salad?" It's not "fix me." We can't fix you over the internet. Your way of thinking is unhealthy and you need to have someone teach you new ways. That takes support, time and training. The only thing you will accomplish here is to reinforce the normality of your issues by talking about them for minutes/hours.
>>
advice on what? no one else can change your eating habits for you and it doesn't seem like you even try. you want to be rewarded with losing all the extra weight you have for not eating one treat you want. it's not and it never will be easy and real results take hard work.

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Can polyamorous relationships work?

Can everyone involved be happy?

Does anyone have experiences they could share?
14 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>16606376
They don't work and it's not a real relationship. It's more like symbiotic parasites.
>>
>>16606376

I don't think so. To this day, I haven't been able to win an argument about it with my hoe friend.

My real argument is "You don't love your bf and you want to sleep around but don't want to leave him for other reasons."

Basically, when you are in love, the idea of the girl being with someone else pains you. My friend's argument is that this is insecure and possessive. I can't debate that, it's just the way it is.

But in short, one person gets to be a pimp and others are their bitch.
>>
If everyone in the web of relationships is wired for it, then it can work. But the difficulty of this increases exponentially with the size of the web, and if even one of them starts to have doubts, the resulting dramaquake can bring the whole thing crashing down.

If you are having doybts, then it is best to stay away. You just aren't wired for it. Most people aren't.

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I think I have a slight tendency to hoard.

>have about 3 months worth of clothes to wear without having to do laundry
>bookshelf is too small for books now
>all my college assignments because i worry that I may need them some day for some reason. Do I need them?

I've gone through my clothes countless times. I've thrown out like 4 full trash bags of clothes. Had to throw them out impulsively instead of sell or donate because
>put clothes to donate in bag
>put in car
>never make it to the goodwill or salvation army
>see bag in car
>Why did I throw these out? I want that shirt again
>bag comes back in house
>back in my room

I still have a shit ton of clothes. I've heard the suggestion to store clothes for the season. But I live in southern california and all my clothes I can wear year-round. I get attached to clothes that I wore to certain events. I love to sew, and when something breaks, I just think "Oh I can fix that" but then I never do. Well, I do sometimes, but not consistently.

What's the right amount of clothing to have? I want to do a sweep on my closet. Keep only necessities, but not look like I'm wearing the same thing constantly.

Pretty sure I have about 14 pairs of jeans, 7 leggings, around 70 shirts, 20 jackets, 12 cardigan sweaters, 4 sweatshirts. Like what is normal...

I'm not rich, hell I'm barely making it, can't even afford to buy some organization boxes or more dressers. Most of my clothes are collected from over the years. Good finds from thrift stores that are durable and have lasted and are still in good condition because I like thrift shopping and it's just a hobby, I guess, that is getting out of hand.

My main concern is the clothing. Which is why I'm asking what is a normal amount to have
13 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>16606299
Also have about 10 dresses, some casual some more formal. 12 pairs of tights/nylons. And around 7 pairs of shorts. And 6 skirts.
>>
>>16606299

If you are male and have more clothing than you need for 10 days, it's way, way too much shit.

As far as college assignments/books - you may want to leave a few noteworthy essays, but fact is that you will never look at them again.

Also, I helped a few friends move over the years - they just drop most of their shit and take what they can pack in a car.

>70 shirts, 20 jackets

This is fucked up. 10 shirts is starting to push it. 20 jackets, why?
>>
I'm assuming you're a femanon, so I'm not sure how much more clothing you ought to have than an average male such as myself, but I have probably 2-3 weeks worth of clothes that I can wear without repeating too much, and I honestly think that's too much. I'd say do a sweep of your closet and keep like 2 weeks worth of clothes, plus any clothes for certain occassions (i.e. workout clothes, formal clothes, warm jackets etc.)

Hello fellow /adv/isors, I'm in a bit of a pickle and could use some help.

About a month ago my gf and I broke up. We were only together about 5 months, and the last two of them were a bit of a struggle as we were not very compatible sexually. The breakup was vaguely mutual, but she was the one who brought up the idea of "taking a break." Basically she made the coffin and I hammered down the last nail by telling her a break is a no go and that I'd rather just end things.

The breakup was a little rough, but we both agreed that after a bit of time we ought to go back to at least being friends, and although I pushed for a breakup and not just a break, I did have some hope that we might get back together. We stayed in touch for a week or so after the breakup, meeting a couple of times just to clear the air a bit, but after the last time we spoke I haven't really heard from her at all. I've only sent a couple messages, just wishing her a merry Christmas, but as I said she hasn't replied at all. I wouldn't say I'm concerned about her or anything, but I guess I'm a little bitter because she was the one who suggested being friends. She used to be obsessed with me and valued my companionship greatly, but all of the sudden it seems as though she wants to have nothing to do with me, which is okay by me, but the whole situation has got me feeling confused.

I want to know what has been going through her head since the breakup, because I see her fairly regularly and she's been acting weird around me, but she's refused to tell me anything since the night we broke up. So I guess what I want to ask is, how do I continue from here? I do kind of want her in my life, but she's been acting very weird and it's gotten to the point that I'm just fed up with her bullshit. I know I should just forget about her and move on, but that's proven to be difficult since I'm still so confused about her behavior and unwillingenss to explain things to me.

(Cont.)
16 posts and 2 images submitted.
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So how do I fully move on and get over this girl without having complete closure first? I'm just so confused because since the couple days after our breakup it seems as though she's an entirely different person, and as I've said she refuses to explain anything to me.

I can provide more details if need be, just ask.

>Tl;dr: gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she loved and cared about me still and wants me in her life, now she acts as though she wants to have nothing to do with me and won't explain what happened between us. How do I move on without complete closure, or how do I get complete closure?
>>
>>16606257
>>16606251
You two broke up; there's no obligation for closure. It'd be nice and probably better for the both of you, emotionally, if you could come to terms with the end of your relationship, but that shit doesn't always work out.

It's pretty safe to say she's still feeling upset, and is trying to distance herself from you and her sentiments. It was a mistake to suggest that you two should be friends, since you already had a deeper emotional connection between yourselves and that's always going to be an issue. Recognize the fact that she wants nothing to do with you, skip the melodrama, and go find something productive to distract yourself with.
>>
>>16606257
>So how do I fully move on and get over this girl without having complete closure first?

>needing complete closure

Just move on you fucking cuck, it's that simple.

Oh, and while you're at it maybe you'd better move on to reddit too.

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