Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 856. page
- Home
- Board: /adv/ - Advice
- Reading: Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 856. page
So I've been pretending to be a gay guy when I'm actually a girl amongst a group of close-knit online friends I recently made. I feel I really click with them but I fear my gender and the fact I've been lying will be an issue. Should I just come out clean?
I knew someone like this and when they came clean no one cared. We didn't find it amusing and we thought nothing less because it's hard to think about nothing.
I'd recommend doing it sooner than later, probably best if you do it individually instead of everyone at once. You don't want this to escalate too far as someday everyone may want to meet up and you don't want to miss that or cause drama.
Women won't even let faggots congratulations without inserting themselves into the group. What the fuck is your problem with male only spaces?
>go out on 2 dates with hot, well-adjusted mature girl
>my first real sexual experience with a girl
>we text alot and I go from playing it cool to needy
> she breaks it off
>says I acted like I was 17 after the second date
>now I can't stop thinking about her even though it meant nothing to her
Feel so shitty because she's right and I lost my chance at something great with this girl since she was smart and really really attractive too.
How do I stop being such a faggot? I know I shouldn't dwell in the past and I've learned from my mistakes but still I can't seem to get her out of my head even though we weren't even a couple
Well, the shame and regret are there for a reason.
>embrace them fully
>learn from them so you won't repeat
>move the fuck on
>>17125341
I've learned what I did was wrong and immature but I'm still beat up because she was exactly my type. She was tall, graceful and had beautiful pale blue eyes. I'm aware this isn't love but she made me realize what I like in women. And now I don't even think the majority of women come close to her and if they do they wouldn't go for me.
Tell me what you did that was "acting like 17" so I can avoid doing it
I am running out of reasons to hold on.
I hurt my ankle 2 weeks ago so I'm off work, my dog died a week ago, a day after my birthday and my parents are getting divorced.
Nothing I do is good enough for my father, I live with my parents and tonight he went off on me saying I need to watch my back and be knocked down a peg or my mother will kick me out. My mother overheard and said she would do no such thing and she has no issue with me and said shes at the end of her rope with him and that they'll sell everything and go their separate ways.
Everything that comes out of my fathers mouth is hurtful, nothing is ever good enough, I'm never good enough. He said i dont treat him with respect but I try to, its just hard when everything out of his mouth makes me want to kill myself a little bit more.
I'm currently sitting outside in the dark so when he walks around in the house he wont see me.
I just dont know what to do, I keep holding on and thinking "tomorrow will be better, it gets better" yet everyday theres something else.
I have a boyfriend and I don't know how it would affect him if I passed away, I know he tries to comfort me but he isnt used to it so its easier not to involve him.
I'm worried my mothers going to kill herself and I'm worried how badly my death would affect her.
Being an only child is one of the things thats helping me hold on, but if this is how the next 60 years is going to be, continuously being knocked back down and just shit on in everything I try to do I just cant do it.
I want to cry all the time. I want to sleep all the time. I tried moving out and my ex left me with the lease 2 weeks into moving out. I was lonely and out 6k+ from that. I dont have any friends.
Can someone please tell me how to deal with this?
I'm drowning.
As suspected noone here cares. In reality why would strangers care.
I've got my answer, thank you for helping me.
Well, I think the first thing you need to do is release all of that energy you're killing yourself trying to hold back. You probably don't even notice how tense you are at this point. Usually the best way to do this is to exhaust yourself physically. A lot of people run, but that might be a problem with your ankle. You could still lift, or do body weight exercises though. Physical activities allow you to translate that emotional stress and pressure into physical energy.
Once you're so tired that you can't move, then you should eat and meditate for a bit. Just breath and relax your body. Lie down, don't think about anything, just feel your chest expand and contract with your breathing. Nice and deep. Once you're nice and relaxed, just start looking back at things and reflecting on what has happened. Let your emotion out, and just let everything sink in. Try to let yourself stand in the feet of your mother and father. Don't worry too much about what they're saying, but why they're saying it.
>>17125354
Just as your emotional and physical stress is driving you to irrationality, so it's happening with your mother and father.
I'm not sure what's going on between your parents, but it sounds like your mother really needs you right now. She needs her child to be there, to tell her that she's loved, and that she always will be.
It's not easy to be strong, it's never easy. That's why we respect the strong. You need to be strong right now though. If not for yourself, for your mother. You have the power to get through this, and doing so will make you even stronger.
My story:
>27 years old faggot
>talking with a 29yo nerdy girl
>we "talk" on messenger because she never calls me and if I call her, she ain't talking much
>went out twice but I always have to feed the conversation because she rarely asks me anything
>she seems to be a lonely person, doesn't have many friends and again.. She's quiet almost all the time, it's a non-talkative person
>sometimes she sends me messages asking about my day
>ask'd her if would she like to go out for another date and she agrees.
She has a beautiful heart but she's quiet on dates and it drives me crazy having awkward silence in a date.
Need help.. What do you recommend, guys?
>>17125313
Try having sex ?
>>17125319
Can't have premarriage sex.. Religion..
>>17125313
Know her interests and hobbies.
Zero self confidence
Am I ugly AF or what
What can I do to improve myself?
>>17125229
hard to say from one photo but thank for actually posting it instead of expecting us to be psychic to figure it out.
ultimately oyu arent bad looking. at all. im jealous for the most part, though i consider myself to be attractive when i put the effort in.
if you arent wokring out start. if you are, keep it up. even if its infrequent, a little progressi s better than no progress. if you can wokr out two shitty wokrouts a week thats still better than none at all, and your body will improve more than it will degenerate.
hair might need a new style. that stache has to go.
lose the facial hair and cut your hair shorter imo
>>17125229
shave, lose the beanie and long hair, never wear a wife beater again
My girlfriend has had pain in her lower and upper back for months now. Recently it's transitioned to her shoulders and somewhat arms too. About two months ago she also had neck spasms occasionally but they've stopped.
>Pain is lower and upper back, recently spread to shoulders and arms
>she also says her right shoulder is down more than the left
>I can feel a bump on her spine right where most of the pain is
>Massaging her back doesn't work in the short term but she told me that she feels better the next day after them, though still in pain
>Aspirin doesn't seem to help at all
>It's gotten worse in the past couple of days, near-crippling pain
>Doctors keep giving different diagnoses, muscle spasm (treated with a type of electrical current therapy to absolutely no effect) scoliosis (she's learning some exercises to correct it today but not sure it's causing it or if she even has it)
Anyone have any ideas on what this could be? I was thinking maybe somehow she bruised her spine in the area the bump is or maybe she has a herniated disk. I think it could be related to exercise too, she seems to have worse pain after she exercises (also, the neck spasms occurred every third time we had sex, and only a few times without us having sex). I'm getting really concerned because it keeps getting worse.
I think whatever the doctors said.
>>17125235
They've said several different things now and the treatments for them haven't worked. The doctors in her country aren't necessarily U.S. standard.
>>17125243
well then I don't know, I'm not a doctor so I'm even less qualified than them
I live in a constant state of fear and misery, do you miss me anyone? and i don't even notice when it hurts anymore...
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
That I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
It's my theme song for having too much on my mind to sleep.
Dreamers
They never learn
They never learn
Beyond the point
Of no return
Of no return
And it's too late
The damage is done
The damage is done
This goes
Beyond me
Beyond you
The white room
By window
Where the sun goes
Through
We are
Just happy to serve
Just happy to serve
You
If I have the space of half a day,
I'm ashamed of half the things I say.
I'm ashamed to have turned out this way,
and I desire to make amends.
But it don't make no difference, now,
and no-one's listening, anyhow,
and lists of sins and solemn vows
don't make you any friends.
There's an old trick played,
when the light and the wine conspire
to make me think I'm fine.
I'm not, but I have got half a mind
to maybe get there, yet.
When the sky goes pink in Paris, France,
do you think of the girl who used to dance
when you'd frame her moving within your hands,
saying This I won't forget?
What happened to the man you were,
when you loved somebody before her?
Did he die?
Or does that man endure, somewhere far away?
Our lives come easy and our lives come hard.
And we carry them like a pack of cards:
some we don't use, but we don't discard,
but keep for a rainy day.
Can you train yourself to develop feelings for someone?
There's this girl I've been talking to for a few weeks.
> she's pretty cutesy 7/10 brunette short
> went to the same highschool but never crossed paths
>people have told me for a while that she's always been into me
> didn't take it serious because we never met
> figured that she wouldn't seem bad to date was never against the idea
> but we never really knew each other until recently
> she heard i broke up with my girlfriend and invited me out with her
> we've been on 2 dates and we've been skyping and stuff
> we share common interests talk to her about cosplay, drugs,comics,the paranormal etc
> she works 5 days a week long hours so i can't expect much contact from her until on the weekends
> we don't really have much time to talk
I'm concerned that since we don't have much time together that i won't develop feelings for her.
Mind you i've only known her for two weeks, but i'm just afraid that it won't work out and i'll end up not having feelings.
Should I have caught feelings by now?
I think that even if I didn't end up liking her she seems like the best thing for me.
Don't wanna end up stuck in a 10 month relationship with someone i don't have feelings for...
What do i do?
Should I just wait it out ?
Am I just over thinking?
>>17125147
sounds to me like you are over thinking. wait it out until a serious step comes up. in this instance its when she says 'anon are you my boyfriend' or something similar. until then you are just getting to know each other. yes shes into you and you are aware and she might feel betrayed, but you are not a bad person for not immediately committing to someone you are just starting to get to know.
if you arent really itno her already id guess you wont be. generally distance makes the heart grow fonder.
>dont wanna end up stiuck in a 10 month relationship with someone i dont have feelings for...
i dont understand why you people think this way. you are never 'stuck' in a relationship unless you are sharing a house or have kids. in which case you're kind of stuck but obviously still have options.
you can leave anyone for any reason at any time. you can break up wiht her over text and literally never say another word to her again. you are never stuck. if you dont like where its going, drop out.
but agian, my advice, hang out while its convenient and fun. get out when anything serious happens or if someone who really strikes your spark comes along.
>i feel like even if i didnt end up liking her she seems like the best thing for me?
so? ive dated several chicks that seem like they should be perfect. everything from their looks to their personality meshed with mine in a way that was perfect for my life style. despite this i found myself ditching them for a not nearly as attractive, harder to understand, harder to meet up wtih brazilian chick because she was the one that made me feel passionate.
YOU are the best thing for you. you do not have to settle with someone just cuz they would be objectively the best you can get. its better to be single than it is to be married to someone you dont care for. its okay to cruise along and hang out and casually see people you arent really feeling the feels for, but take the exit routes
>>17125166
but i feel like i can't just be into someone i've only known for two weeks
>>17125179
cool, so maybe just read my post again cuz my advice IS applicable to waht you just said.
Can I use a letter to type a whole word? Like I can bind the letter 9 to say "the" and 8 to say a phrase like "went that way.?" Or can I change words into synonyms?
https://autohotkey.com/
>>17125163
I know how to do it, but thanks. I'm asking if it's considered cheating? I'm getting mixed responses by different people. I personally don't see it as cheating.
>>17125137
Anyone else know?
Hey /adv/,
I am just asking on some advice on how to make friends again. I lost half of my friends over a stupid fight with me going off all spastically on them. I was really unstable mentally then but now I am on mediciation I am doing much better.
However, I find myself lonely and distant from social interaction. Outside of my girlfriend, i really don't talk to anyone else since I moved out of my Parents place. I am really socially awkward and i get anxious easily. What is a good way to get over my irrational fears of people? Walking up and talking to them will force spaghetti to fall.
I just miss going out on weekends and having fun.
>>17125089
>Walking up and talking to them will force spaghetti to fall.
That's how you learn.
To change you must exit your comfort zone over and over and over again until you feel comfortable in what you once saw as uncomfortable.
Wise words indeed that I have not lived up to myself but that's how it goes.
You need to live and learn and over time the experience just falls into place, like a missing puzzle piece.
Trust.
Join a club, hobby, or whatever you're interested in and use that as a starting point to get to used to being around others. By having an activity that you all have in common, you'll always have something to talk about and eventually be able to talk about other stuff. As long as you force yourself to try and socialize you'll eventually get better at it.
There is a lot to be be said about spreading your bare ass cheeks wide and asking your friend to pound the hold hard as he can.
Any advice on how to get rid of depression without taking pills? I can't afford a therapist either. I can't stand being this way it pisses me off that I can't get out of my head then I get irritated and take it out on anyone who gets on my nerves. I don't want to be a shitty person, I want to be patient and kind.
Read and learn something new. Perhaps with dealing with emotions. You would be surprised with how much you can fix yourself with a little bit of self study.
>>17125097
Any books you can recommend?
>>17125088
Look you fuck your just hiding behind the pills as an excuse for being a shit person who does want to work on themselves.
Work out a lot.
Run a lot.
Do things you like
Do things you don't like and control yourself.
interact with people.
Watch how much of a bitch you are when your about to blow up at a 7 ft tall giga nigga. Try taking your anger out on that dude.
If you can't then it's not a medical thing is about yourself as a person.
No autist stops being an autist around giga niggas they still go full tard
will the nigga destroy them? Yes
They keep at it. If your not like that then your just a pill popping faggot using depression as an excuse.
Okay /adv/ im pretty hyped...
I have no idea wtf happened but i was
chatting with a girl from school, shes nerdy, 9/10(not kidding), im a fucking 6.5/10 and fat... AND I GOT A FUCKING DATE WITH HER
we´re going to watch civil war next thursday
WTF IS GOING ON
WAT DO
We we´re just talking about things we like and turns out we have a SHIT TON of things in common... then we started sharing oldies love songs... and then i asked her if she watched civil war and she said she did but wanted to watch it again, so i ASKED AND SHE SAID YES AND WE SET UP A DATE AND OMG IM SO HYPED
WAAAAAAAAT DOOOOOO
>>17125020
Whats your name?
>>17125026
anon
>>17125032
Just tell me is it Alex?
I just found out my girlfriend kissed her ex boyfriend, I still like her and she says she is sorry and will never do something like that ever again, she is very beautiful, likes kinky sex, doesn't like anime or video games (and I'm a big fan of both) and has big tits.
The truth is that I think I will never find someone so beautiful and addicted to sex like her, but everytime after we have sex she says she feels she is pregnant, also since I've been dating her I have no time for my friends or hobbies, next year I'm gonna have a sabbatical year.
>>17125008
Nope you've already lost her.
See she's not the only one
She's a giant cunt for kissing her ex
Her bitching about your hobbies is bs
She has segregated you and is feasting on your cash and social life.
Look bro your a gopher trying to date a puma it isn't going to work
You let her get away with to much shit.
Talks to ex ( dumped)
She kisses ex ( dumped)
She bitches about hobbies (dumped)
Lies about pregnancy ( dumped)
I can't kick it with bros ( dumped)
All of this bs just for some tits and good sex
You got your priorities all wrong
This is all your fault for being weak and letting her woe you and trample your dignity and integrity
>>17125008
don't be a cuck mate. theres plenty of other chicks out there like her. You sound young. Cheaters don't change and if she is kissing an ex boyfriend now, she'll be fucking your neighbor while your at work 5 years from now and the kids are at school in the house that you paid for in the bed that you bought. Seriously, have some self respect and punt that bitch to the curb
>>17125008
>The truth is that I think I will never find someone so beautiful and addicted to sex like her
S T O P
T
O
P
L E A V EH E R
E
A
V
E
H
E
R
It doesnt matter about her physical appearance. If you feel she is too good for you because of her looks, that won't help you in the long run.
As you type this out, conflicted, just know this, she IS fucking him. She will NOT stop fucking him. When she dumps you in a few months, she will STILL be fucking him.
She got into a relationship with you and knew what the deal was. PLEASE, PLEASE dont be another man too afraid to stand up for himself when he KNOWS he was done wrong.
I was dumb like you and let it slide when my ex kissed her previous, I regret it. I regret being dumb, but that's done with.
TL;DR: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE SOME SENSE
Be smart man, If she wants to kiss her ex? Leave her so she can kiss him full time.
Dont let any tumblrinas tell you otherwise. DROP HER
So I'm a lazy motherfucker when it comes to hygiene. The worst part is is I can get away with it. I brush my teeth once every... shit, two weeks and I don't have even remote halitosis. I shower maybe once a week, and I don't smell because I do use deodorant and just don't sweat that much. I don't shave but once a month even though I much prefer to be clean shaven (well, maybe a little scruff) and I dress like a slob. No excuses there.
I want to start with the basic hygiene before I tackle my wardrobe though (I was gonna ask /fa/ about my clothes, but upon lurking, I discovered they're all colossal faggots with no actual fashion sense.).
What are some things I can do?
YOU think you can get away with it. Everyone else begs to differ...
Start with showering once a day and brush teeth twice a day. Wear clean/fresh socks and underwear daily.
>>17124997
If you want to become something. You have to surround yourself with things that you want to be. Be around well dressed, hygienic people. Put soap and multiple toothbrushes in the bathroom you use most to poop and pee. The best way to become hygienic is to be around an individual that is hygienic. They rub of on you with habits and techniques.
>>17125027
That's actually what inspired this thread. My best friend has been living in my apartment this week and his hygiene is impeccable.
Made me jealous (and actually try to keep up with him).
As someone who has always been a social recluse is it really worth it to get involved in a relationship??
I mean when I look through this board, it seems that massive amounts of work is needed just to get into one let alone maintain it - from changing ones physical appearance to completely changing their personality, in which both can take months and even years. Also I rarely see any of the benefits being celebrated here and when they do they seem minuscule to the effort needed to get it.
Even after all that there is the likely chance the person will just leave anyway which leaves one where they started except with heartbreak and increased loneliness.
Unless you plan on getting married or having kids whats the point? Do people really need relationships??
I'm in the same boat you are so I'm probably not someone who should be giving an answer.
But if you don't put in all that work then things will only stay as they are.
I'm a weak person and my odds aren't good, but even if it all ends up horribly I'd rather be able to look back on a life with experiences with other people than a life spent alone.
But to be honest, yeah, I don't know how other people do it.
>>17124973
>is it really worth it
define 'worth it'. it depends. not all relationships are created equal. all relationships end, but if you can go in knowing that then you can enjoy what happens while it happens.
>the massive amounts of wokr is needed just to get into one let alone maintain it
nope. in my opinion if you have to put in any serious 'work' into starting one, then its not worth it. you are manufacturing a relationship. i understand putting effort into going out and meeting people but this should be done in relation to some sort of activity you enjoy regardless of whether or not you meet a 'worthy lady' that night. you cant meet people staying home and reading comic books, but you can meet people going down to the comic book store during their weekly events.
>changing ones physical appearance to completely changing hteir personality.
appearance is worth changing regardless of who sees. call me vain, but i love to look good, and look good to me. but what looks good to me isnt good to other people. i LOVE my messy-esque hair style. but a lot of people give me shit for it saying i should brush my hair. i think it looks best this way, so i maintain it as such. on a slow day at wokr i may go in looking pretty and never once meet a single person that day. and i dont really mind cuz its just nice that when i look at myself in a mirror i can feel proud of that. as long as your looks arent the only thing you care / feel proud about, then its fine.
especially hwen you put in a lot of effort, such as by working out. that goes beyond appearance and goes to just being physically great, which i believe all people shoudl aspire to.
>change personality
depends on what you mean. if you wanted to be a certain way are oyu really changing your personality? my advice is generally to stick to activities you already liked, just reverse engineer them to meet people (comic book events, book clubs, or whatever your hobby is, but in a public setting).
>>17124973
you gotta find a girl who is also a social recluse so you dont have to change your whole personality. Finding them is difficult, look through local facebook groups thats how i found my boyfriend I was happy to find someone as socially inept as me. Dating sites are a bit risky because there are some crazy people on there use them as a last resort.
