Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 649. page
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Hey guys, not really sure where to turn to for help, so I figured since I've been a "4channer" for a fair few years I'd try this advice forum.
tldr: I'm sad because I have no RL friends.
So, pretty much I live in a small township with about 4000 population, and used to drink every weekend or so with friends and have a great time enjoying their company and generally just being around them. We'd look out for eachother, make eachother feel better when we were down etc, pretty much everything good friends would do for eachother. But now that I've gotten into a relationship with someone that doesn't like drinking or alcohol as much as I do, I've cut down on the drinking pretty much 99% except for special occasions and such. Now I don't really see any of them, I don't hear from any of them, and they've pretty much progressively stopped inviting me to anything. I try to keep in touch with them but pretty much everyone just doesn't reply to texts or calls anymore.
Like, I've tried my hardest to keep friendships going without using alcohol as a means to visit eachother, but it just seems like no one wants to know me anymore.
When I say no one wants to know me, I mean pretty much aside from family, my girlfriend, and two friends that I can hardly see or talk with due to conflicting work schedules, I have no one that wants anything to do with me. I've been getting more and more down about this, and not really sure what to do about it. I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly but now that I'm in this relationship (we've been together for two years almost) its starting to really hit home that I have no one to just "hang out" with or joke around with on weekends.
I can't exactly move to another town or city because I've recently bought a house here and I have family and a well paying job here aswell.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family and my girlfriend is great 90%of the time, I just wish there was something I could do to get that social interaction back in my life.
Should also put as a sidenote here, that I'm not in any danger of commiting suicide or anything like that - I've tried that sort of shit in the past when I was younger and I know that its not worth it. Nobodys mother should be put through anything like that.
Start a neighborhood beautification committee or something
I don't think that would work very well - the last person that tried that here about 5 months ago failed pretty miserably.
I am with my Bf for 8.5 years now, we have met when I was 17. He is a loving, good person. We have a good complicity and never yelled at each other. We live together for 5 years now and are going to Europe for 2 weeks in July. I know I love him, but i'm not sure if i'm still attracted to him as a lover. Daily life together is soothing.
I have an online "friend" that I know for 6 years now and I always had feelings for him, but our relation has always been complicated. We have seen each other like 10 times in the past and it always been awkward du to our big history of mixed feelings. 3 years ago, I deleted him because the relation was pretty toxic to me. I had too much feelings toward him and it was hurting so much (he was not interested in me).
I really tried to focus on my boyfriend but even if I tried to forget my online friend, he always stayed on my mind.
6 months ago, I talked back to him and we texted every day since then. 1 month ago, he invited me out. After that "date", he told me that he was interested, that is head was spinning thinking about me. The week after, we went to a bar, shared a meal and a few beers. Nothing physical happened.
I felt very guilty and told my Bf the morning after that evening. I left for 2 weeks at my moms house, trying to think about what I should do. I was never able to make a decision.
My friend started to find the situation awkward and too deep and it installed a discomfort between us because the relation cant develop naturally or easily, as I said it always been complicated between us and seems like it continues to be. My Bf sent me angry messages about how horrible I was and that he would not take me back. That made me panic and I just said everything that needed to be said for him to take me back.
So here I am now, at home again with my Bf since 2 weeks, having the same questions on my mind. I did not text my friend for these 2 weeks and it is awkward.
That summer trip stress me so much. What should I do?
>>17194608
Just cheat on him you know you want to
I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
You shouldn't be talking to other men while you are in a relationship.
I would not be able to live with this guilt. That is not what I want in relationships anyway.
Should I feel bad that I don't want to go to my Moms new husband's family thing for Memorial Day?
He's a good guy but they want me to leave at noon to go to his family's place for a bonfire. And I take care of 3 dogs and have really bad tinnitus.
Should I feel bad that I don't want to go?
>>17194571
Yes. Tinnitus isn't a reason to not do something. Neither is having dogs to take care of. You say mothers new husband instead of stepdad. Are you autistic or do you have aspergers?
>>17194580
I got really bad social anxiety, even with my family I'm always there for a couple hours then I go somewhere else in my room. But no I say my mother's new husband because I only have one father and there was my grandfather.
>>17194583
Also don't want my dogs to s*** or piss on my bed
Hello /adv/
I have a question, what would happend if you are not from the U.S but you commit a cybernetic crime and a U.S cop catches you?
I do not understand international laws and this is keeping me up at nights
if you get arrested online, you get arrested in real life
>>17194452
I don't know if it was a cop,
Also i don't live in the states so hoq does that work?
Inb4 it was on kik
Is she into me
Too many exclaimation points. Apologize to her
Can't tell from two messages. Stop spamming her though
>>17194429
I don't know. Why don't you ask her and find out?
How do I be more edgy? Anybody have some starter packs for me?
>>17194405
Start by not referencing NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL anything!
>>17194405
Really?
>>17194496
Yes
Why?
What's so bad about it ?
Aren't women sexually aroused by men's hard cocks ?
The same way men are turned on by women?
men would suck a woman's asshole if given the chance.
>>17194389
>Why?
>What's so bad about it ?
Cum is disgusting.
>men would suck a woman's asshole if given the chance.
Nope. Men with zero self esteem would.
>>17194394
Men don't toss your salad because you're an uptight prude
>>17194396
This
Don't you a like a guy to lick your asshole before he shoves his cock up it?
>>17194371
one thing you have to realize is that girls are not safes with a lock to crack. there is no perfect code thati f you do it right she will go to you.
otherwise life would just be a girl bouncing between two men in a perfect pattern cuz they keep cracking the code over and over again.
if you like a girl, make your move. if you think you can woo her over time go for it, but chances are you cant cuz ur a tripfag
>>17194371
investigate if she is into polygamy, if yes, keep it up dude go for her, if dont, stop this
>>17194381
>implying this doesn't happen.
>>17194371
Find a girl that like to cheat. It's usually an emotional predilection.
I´m asking for advice because /adv/ actually helped me last time I was in need.
Long story short, I fucked up. I had a stable relationship with my girlfriend, and after my best friend told me she had feelings for me, I broke up my relationship, because, as I told her when I ended things, it wouldn´t be fair to her to be with someone who as not 100% committed to her. Then I came down and realized, without a doubt, that she is the only thing I want.
So after 3 weeks of trying to talk to her, we talked and I told her that I was sorry for not telling her earlier that my bestfriend had told me she had feelings for me, and I told her I missed her. Of course we could not start dating again, but this was a good opportunity to get to know each other as friends (we started dating almost immediately after meeting). In the end I told her that I still had feelings for her, and I would wait for her because now I know what I wanted.
Here is where I need your advice or some perspective: We have hung out some times, and I believe she still enjoys my company, but I don´t know how to get us to a dating dynamic again. If I don´t talk to her, she doesn´t talk to me, if I don´t make plans, she doesn´t make plans.
Can you weight in on this? I can give more details if necessary
You gotta chase her bro. Its going to suck for you and I am sure it does now, but you just gotta keep at it. Realize the possibility of failure, but doing something is better than doing nothing.
Keep hanging out with her, keep talking to her, but if she starts dating somebody else than you gotta know when to call it quits, but for now I would stay diligent.
>>17194233
Thanks man. I know I screwed things up. I was her first serious boyfriend, and she gave me a lot of her intimacy, and I only realised that some weeks ago. So I am okay with having to prove to her that I am committed.
As for she starting to date someone, I told her that I would wait for her because this time I knew what I wanted, and I told her that the only thing I asked from her was that if she started to have feelings for someone else I wanted her to tell me that
>>17194222
Just jerk-off and go on with your life. Fucking forget about her.
How do i make it clear i wanna go on a date with a person?
Do i just say " hey wanna go on a date"
Like if i invited her to do something already, is it too late to call it a date? How to make sure she knows its a date
Yeah, its not a date until there's a firm verbal or textual confirmation that its a date. So ask.
>>17194214
A date is just a number on a calander, anon. If you mean a romantic outing then yeah you should probably let her know. Otherwise a simple "hey wanna grab some coffee/tea/food/whatever with me?" would be fine.
>>17194214
I think it depends on the culture where you live.
I don't think the word "date" needs to be said, but you have to somehow make it clear, that you want to have only you two in the meetup and you have to make it clear that you're interested romantically in this meeting.
You don't have to sound cheesy or romantically or something other over the top. If you let her know that you want to have only the two of you in order to be able to get to know each other better, because you want to know if there might be *enough* for investing more, than I think it's totally fine and she should know what you are for. I mean, that's the reason you want to meet/date her. You want to know more about her and give her the opportunity to know/ask more about you. Then both sides can decide to meet up again or to search at another person.
Isn't that honest and fair for both and (hopefully) give both side a fast and easy answer?
>have long term bf
>used to work more hours at one job, but this was short term, im permanently part time
>when i made more money, my bf and i thought it fair that (since we made about same amount of money) we generally go dutch on dates
>then i started making less money
>if we wanted to cont this lifestyle of going out often, bf had to pay for at least most of the dates, i contributed what I could
>at times bf was frustrated with this, but still did it
>i found ways to ease this and repay in what I could, since I didn't have the funds, I'd make dinner for him and kinda cater to him when I could so he knew I still wanted to have fun with him
>it has been hard for me to keep up with rent and general cost of living so I sought out another part time job
>im in probation period and really want to stand out, so i take most substitute work and my reg schedule at this second job to show i am good employee
>bf is now kind of skiddish to my new job
>i personally love it, despite working full days and it is split shift, so it can be an all-day work day for me
I don't understand, I want to make more money to live comfortably and go out and do my share with bf. But it feels like no matter which way I chose (having bf pay for most things, or getting another job), bf seems unsatisfied.
How to help him adjust? Is it something we'll just have to get used to? I mean, if we were older and living together this would be the fair norm anyways, both of us working and seeing each other less in general... As much as I wish we could totally do whatever we wanted with each other all day for free, it's not realistic... What do?
>>17193860
>has a bf
>uses jim from the office as a reaction image
you're already planing to cuck him
>>17193869
I actually just picked a random image. its not related, but once I saw it posted, I realized it seems like it adds a negative connotation.
>>17193860
Perhaps it's not so much the money but more the fact that he will be spending less time with you now?
Should I stop smoking weed?
Long story short I started smoking weed pretty late (age 23) after being pretty straight edge throughout HS & uni. It was fucking awesome and blew my world open. My buddies and I moved into a place together a little while after that and it didn't take long for it to become a stoner nest, which was pretty sweet for a bit, but soon I noticed I had real trouble talking to people when I was high. Like even answering the door for pizza or having a roommate come home when I was high was torture. I noticed that nobody else seems to have this problem and that made me wonder if it was something wrong with me.
It made me incredibly self-conscious and I started thinking about all the shit I missed out on by not smoking earlier in life/all the stuff I could have done differently/all the reasons I was lame or whatever. It'd happen each time I was high and started to bleed into when I was sober, too. I figured it was time to take a break so I tried - like once every month. But all my friends smoke and nobody thinks weed is anything but a miracle drug and I always end up caving to the pressure.
I guess does this sound familiar to anyone else? I just need some advice because I feel really confused about it. The idea of quitting weed forever makes me sad, because on the occasions when it doesn't affect me poorly it makes me incredibly creative and I like examining the world from that new perspective.
>>17193766
If you have to ask whether or not you should quit smoking weed you should probably stop smoking weed.
Smoking weed is degenerate. You will make it a personality crutch if you don't cut it out.
I started smoking everday at 16 and only stopped recently. I am 21. I feel legitimately better. Keep it out of your life. If you really have to, I'd recommend not letting it get habitual. You will stagnate as a person. It's not worth it.
>>17193766
I'm the same way. Makes me socially autistic and I get all introverted and can't form sentences to save my life.
You don't have to stop, just cut back on it. Make it the thing you do when you're alone and just playing vidya or whatever. Don't partake in social situations. If your friends are stoners, they'll probably pressure you about it because for some reason it's not fun to be stoned around sober people.
How ugly am I? Do I have a chance for a girlfriend?, truthfully.
>>17192851
Shave that half ass beard and meet a woma of your race and you'll get a GF
Put deodorant on
>>17192851
7/10. 8/10 if you lift.
I seriously think 4chan has poisoned my mind. I am growing increasingly misogynistic and sometimes think all women are money grabbing whores looking to fuck over providers and make babies with genetically superior men.
How can I change this? Give up 4chan?
Leaving this site is probably the best because it sounds like you really agree with the shit posted on here and it is negatively affecting you.well I am in the same boat as you and have taken a few steps to start getting off 4chan. It's a slow process because I'm so enthralled but it is starting to work.
Block boards that push that dumb message you are talking about. I am specifically talking about r9k, pol, fit and probably v as well. It's a hassle for me to turn the block off so I just leave it as is.
Find other sites to go to that aren't so consciously mean and angry. I'm not saying go to a hugbox like reddit because that'll just have the same effect.
Get off the internet and live. Talk to people IRL not over the internet. The shit posted here is just pushed and pushed and gets nastier as time goes on.
This was a lot but I hope it helps you man. THis place sucks but I feel like for some of us, it is such an escape that it is hard to escape hahaha
>>17192774
>leaving 4chan
>>17192718
Don't use the internet for a few weeks, you'll return to your normal optimistic self within a few days: it really works.
What jobs are there out there that really reward competitiveness, while also allowing workers AT LEAST weekends off?
Sucking dick
What are your skills and interests? "Competitiveness" without talent doesn't mean much except "I will treat my co-workers poorly"
>>17192373
Work at a commercial bank, most banks don't open weekends, and if you stand out as strong in sales and leadership you will climb quickly. Aside from paycheck, you get quarterly bonus based on performance and commissions for large investments you bring to the bank.
Source: work at bank, but mine does open weekends :(
