Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 648. page
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A girl that I befriended (read: friend zoned, but I'm cool with it) is nagging me that I dress too shabby. Should I change my appearance or does that imply weakness? She is right though about me looking like shit.
If you know you look like shit and you care what other people think, stop looking like shit. Easy as that. Don't let someone who isn't significant to you change how you act. Change it yourself, and for your own reasons. Just so happens in this case her opinion falls in line with what seems to be fact. Tl;Dr invest in some nice clothes, your not in high school anymore anon.
>>17195382
Why dress like shit? You don't have to dress how she thinks you should but you should put some effort into your appearance dude.
>>17195382
She's literally offering her help and advice to make you no longer single. It's possibly the nicest thing a girl who has a lonely desperate guy hanging on to her could do. Don't be an asshole, dipshit, just follow her advice. You said it yourself, you're not looking to impress her. Why do you care if you appear weak in her eyes?
I want to break up with my girlfriend, but her sisters wedding is in 2 months.
If I do it before hand, all the family will be asking where I am and she'll have to go through the shit time of telling everyone we split.
If I do it after, she'll be feeling all lovey and romantic about weddings and seeing me bond with the family. Which is less cruel?
Pls help
They're both equally as cruel, but I guess the 2nd option is less embarrassing for her. I say wait an additional month after the wedding to let shit die down and then break up with her assuming you haven't changed your mind.
>>17195314
general rule of thumb with breakups is, the sooner the better.
>>17195419 is right about the second option being less embarrassing for her, but if you've already made up your mind to break up with her, you're going to have to either fake still being in love with her and basically lie to her, or gradually withdraw and watch her get more frantic as she wonders what the fuck is going on and finally starts to suspect that you're not into the relationship anymore. And the wedding is going to be awkward as fuck for you when relatives ask you "so are you guys planning to get hitched?" (because it /will/ come up unless she only invites mutes and introverts)
I guess it comes down to what you can live with. But if you wait til after the wedding, you better come up with some kind of cover story like "yeah after that wedding I thought about what I really want and decided we aren't right for each other" or some other such thing. If you decide to be false in order to spare her feelings, go the extra mile and don't let on that you fell out of love with her months ago.
Why do you want to break up with her?
I'm about to take a long trip on my own.
Any tips for traveling alone?
>>17195294
Bring a book
>>17195316
Figured as much. Thanks though.
>>17195294
are you traveling by car? plane? bus?
some basic stuff I can tell you regardless of transport method:
>know where bathrooms are and approximately how often bathroom breaks will be, if applicable
>all clothes and footwear worn during travel must be comfortable. if you're, say, a girl going to a city and are planning to go clubbing then fine, bring your heels. but wear your comfy shoes while you're driving or on the plane/bus.
>stay hydrated
>bring snacks with fiber; traveling can make you a bit constipated
>always make sure you have ID and 2 forms of payment if possible
>if you take meds, make sure you pack enough of them
I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 3 months. It is my first one. I'm 23, she's 21. We live 133 km apart.
I'm writing here because every day we argue. We love each other, but it's not easy when one day you try to break up, another day she wants to kill herself and disappear and the next you love each other .
She's fantastic to be friends with; always smiling, talkative, friendly. Once she's in a relationship she is different: she criticizes me A LOT (even her father told her she was changing his opinion on me), she wants me to change a lot (for her I'm too particular and have to become normal) and she's egoist.
She can't sleep 1 night on her own, in her house, without calling a male friend or me.I told her it's not normal and she told me to stop it. She wants to become a journalist and I should stay at home with the kids. I wanna travel abroad for years and work outdoors. Also, when we argue, she says stuff like "you didn't want to kill yourself, you were just overreacting" (she wanted to break up with me and i, drunk as fuck, pulled out a knife and tried to harakiri myself in front of her).
I've done a lot for her and she complains I do everything wrong: I went to a shrink AND a psychologist, trying to get a normal relationship, I have getting meds prescribed for bipolar people, which I don't even like because they make me dumb, I am spending 50 euros every time I come visit her and spend at hers days at a time without using the internet or speaking to other people, I take her out for restaurants and shopping even though I am broke, I stay with her despite my friends, her friends and even her mum's boyfriend told me to ditch her, I even called an ambulance for her when she felt very sick and threatened to dump me once she did.
I am so stressed by this situation I have asked other women to go out. In 3 months I didn't meet one new girl while she prides herself with me that she gets new phone numbers.
What should I do adv?
>>17195293
You're being emotionally cucked and the second to last line suggests it's preparation for being sexually cucked. Get out while you can.
She's destroying your mental health when she isn't mentally healthy herself? Dump her. She literally isn't healthy for you in any aspect. You can't afford to not be healthy anon. Nevermind that she's cucking you. Cut out the cancer before it spreads and farther.
Dump her, i was in a relationship with someone simliar but much worse. GET OUT, im not joking, it will just fuck you up.
What would an attractive guy who suffers from chronical narcism,possible sociopathy and sexual aversion at the same time do?Is it changeable?
>>17195235
Bump
probably spends his time on tumblr with the rest of the special snowflakes and doctors who studied at the university of webMD
>>17195235
Well one, I have sociopathy so I know you're pulling shit out of your ass. And also, its changable if you actually get off your cheetos crusted ass and find people to talk to.
>sexual aversion
K e k
So, I have a very verbally and physically abusive ex-boyfriend (he hit me a couple times in the past so I left him) who wouldn't stop calling and texting me when I told him we're done. He even came around my job (and still sometimes does) several times.
Since then when it was a common thing, I moved to a new apartment and only told people the address if I trusted them. Yesterday I get another text from him asking how life is going. Tonight my neighbor said that some man (who roughly matched his description) knocked on my door and waited a bit while I was at work. I'm starting to get very scared -- I've told him MANY times verbally in person, over the phone, and in text that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore.
I have a gun and I don't know when it's legally safe to draw it. I'm afraid he's going to show up on my doorstep soon, and if he does, I want him to know I have a firearm and that I'm ready to use it. If anything happens, I want to be able to draw my gun and maybe call the police while I make him wait. What EXACTLY constitutes drawing my gun at my door?
>>17195176
>I have a gun and I don't know when it's legally safe to draw it.
Merica, fuck yeah.
>>17195176
Look up your local laws, be it state, or otherwise.
If you have the option, have a friend sleepover, or spend the night with them.
Also, I'm in California.
>>17195181
Obviously I know I can draw and fire if I feel like my life is being threatened, but I'm asking how far I can push those definitions -- I definitely feel very threatened by him, especially if he's going to show up at my new place that he shouldn't even know about. I don't know if I can draw my gun in the situation that he's at my door, I ask him to leave, and he doesn't.
Also, fuck you. Why are you on /adv/ if all you want to do is spam?
>bf has female friend
>meh.jpg
>bit later he reveals that she's also his ex (dated 1 year, broke up 4 years ago because she went abroad, she came back and wanted to get back together but he was stubborn despite still having feelings for her)
>ok then...
>spend time one-on-one, text frequently, he has random selfies of her on his phone (he showed me)
>not sure if ok
>finds excuses to introduce us to each other
>dude...!
>yesterday tells me that he suspects that she has still feelings for him (i suspect that she suddenly realized that he's now not available anymore and that he's not a good orbiter anymore since he has shifted his affection to me)
>try to not lose my shit
>tell him that that's a pretty shitty situation, especially for her and what he thinks would be the best course of action
>tells me he might have to cut contact but that he doesn't want to and that it will crush her
>don't pressure him and tell him to maybe talk to her about it
>actually want to kill the bitch
what do i do now? should i risk her luring him in again and telling him to not cut contact? i don't want him near that witch again...
>>17195165
>try not to lose my shit
This is where you went wrong.
>>17195165
Good lord.
Just fucking break up with him, and watch tv instead of tuning into this dramatic bullshit everyday.
and to add, he told me that after he went to watch a movie with her. he never hinted anything like that. i asked him if he thinks she has always had feelings or if it occured to him recently and he said it was recently. now my imagination runs wild aobut what the hell she did yesterday to make him realize that. i swear if she flirted with him or was touchy feely, i'm going to stab her in her sleep. she should keep her whore hands off my man. she has had her chance and blew it.
What is the best way to meet nerd girls?
I have tried online dating, but my slice of the world is filed with single mothers and people who like travelling and 4x4ing.
>>17195155
That's them.
Life isn't an Instagram post or a 5 minute clip from youtube.
Go to nerdy events. Conventions. Board game clubs. D&D groups. Online gaming bars.
Don't expect nerdy girls to be some kind of magical unicorn girlfriends though. They're much the same as other people, they just happen to like the same kind of pop culture as you do.
>>17195164
>Don't expect nerdy girls to be some kind of magical unicorn girlfriends though. They're much the same as other people, they just happen to like the same kind of pop culture as you do.
This so much. They're just like other girls.
If I give up on winning the lottery, but still am unwilling and unable to ever have a job again, and won't receive disabilitybux unless I actually piss away all my inheritance money, what the fuck do I do now?
So I started to feel a little depressed and even cried a little for the first time in a long time. I have considered myself a generally very happy person, but I have been hiding behind this fantasy of winning the lottery and all my future plans, hopes and dreams as well as present spending habits depend on the assumption that it would happen.
But pragmatically, literally what else can I fucking possibly do to make a living that would even be worth it. I can't drive because of various overlapping limitations, have no useful skills whatsoever, enjoy being outside and can't do anything productive while inside except shitpost on 4chan, am too anxious to fall asleep if I have to wake up to an alarm, but afternoon to evening and night shifts would take up the whole day and make me depressed, and are only available for wagecuck jobs. Not to mention it has been 5.5 years since I was last fired from my job, so not a chance of ever working again even if I wanted to. No professional connections or family connections despite being Jewish.
So in a nutshell, how does job-slavery not make people want to just kill themselves, and what do I do now if I give up on lottery? Most of my inheritance money is not accessible to me until I'm 30 in a few years, and then will have access to $200k or so. Not enough to live off of, and no idea how to best manage it if thats the only money I'll ever have.
200k is jack-shit in 2016, good luck with that.
>>17195113
Are an attractive female? We literally have a thread about someone making Masters degree money just playing video games atm.
Or get into drawing/programming and freelance.
I'm depressed and play the lottery more than I should (ever), since I think the financial windfall would allow me to brute force a lot of toxic environmental factors by having mad dosh to move far, far away and anchor my self-confidence to my wealth.
In any case, it's a bad habit to have.
I'm in love with my best friend and I think she may also like me even though she has a boyfriend. We've been friends for a long time and even dated for a brief period in the past, but I ended it for stupid reasons. At a party that I threw tonight she spent the whole night with me and was the last one to leave, we watched a movie and she laid her head on me for quite a while. I really want her but have no idea what I should or could do, any advice?
>>17194977
>I'm in love with my best friend
Oh boy...
>and I think she may also like me even though she has a boyfriend.
Gonna cut it here, no, she doesn't like you.
>We've been friends for a long time and even dated for a brief period in the past,
there's more? fine. Just because you dated once doesn't mean shit. There's a reason it was brief, and a reason why it is the past.
> but I ended it for stupid reasons.
Doubt one thing after a while of being friends would completely turn someone off. You'd have to rape the beheaded corpse of her childhood dog for her to break up with you over just one event.
>At a party that I threw tonight she spent the whole night with me and was the last one to leave, we watched a movie and she laid her head on me for quite a while.
She's comfortable with your presence, that's why she's fine laying her head on your shoulder. If you're watching a movie with your parents, and your mom does the same thing, I doubt she'd be doing it because she wants to be sexual with you. Same thing.
> I really want her but have no idea what I should or could do, any advice?
If you like the girl, keep your trap shut and let her be. Unless it's an abusive relationship, she's with her boyfriend because she likes a quality in him. If she liked you more, she would've broken up with him and dated you. And, even if she were to covertly date you on the side and it evolves into a full blown relationship, could you trust her not to do the same thing with another guy while she's with you? If you like something OP, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours.
>there's more? fine. Just because you dated once doesn't mean shit. There's a reason it was brief, and a reason why it is the past.
I know it doesn't mean shit, but she really fell for me. Not long after I dumped her we were friends again and since that she has consistently told me how much she loves me and that she would do anything for me. To the point where it's excessive. It was a brief relationship because of my own problems, I didn't end it because of her, I completely broke her heart though.
>Doubt one thing after a while of being friends would completely turn someone off. You'd have to rape the beheaded corpse of her childhood dog for her to break up with you over just one event.
I broke up with her, see above.
>She's comfortable with your presence, that's why she's fine laying her head on your shoulder. If you're watching a movie with your parents, and your mom does the same thing, I doubt she'd be doing it because she wants to be sexual with you. Same thing.
I know that this is possible, but every time we do stuff together she always hugs me whenever possible and yesterday she was leaning on me the whole night and kept reaching to grab my hand when we were sitting together
>If you like the girl, keep your trap shut and let her be. Unless it's an abusive relationship, she's with her boyfriend because she likes a quality in him. If she liked you more, she would've broken up with him and dated you. And, even if she were to covertly date you on the side and it evolves into a full blown relationship, could you trust her not to do the same thing with another guy while she's with you? If you like something OP, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours.
This whole post makes a lot of sense. I know I'm probably just looking for any sign that she likes me, but I actually think there's s bit more to it.
>>17196103
>>17195985
I should maybe add that a week before she started dating this guy she asked me if I had ever wanted to start things up with her again. Stupidly I said what I thought she wanted to hear, which was along the lines of I don't think I'm ready for any kind of relationship right now, even though that was bullshit. Thanks for the reality check though, you're probably right
My girlfriend is weird. She doesn't want me to fuck her in the pussy because she's saving it for marriage, tho I've pretty much done everything to her by now, including anal and really hard fingering. I'm pretty much okay without these as long as get to fuck her where I should. How can I make her change her mind?
>>17194953
Is she holding out for religious reasons? It's hard to reason with someone who has faith in irrationality. I guess be happy that you you can put it in her ass.
>>17194959
Im not that into anal, its also very difficult to fuck her there because its really really tight even with lube. It's also kind of disgusting. My frustration with her is kind of building up
>>17194953
Why leave the decision up to her?
Hey /adv/
A beta male has shown intrest in me. I am a reasonably attractive 20 something, and I consider us friends, but I don't like him back. He has revealed to me that he is a virgin which is really tugging on my heart strings. I am not usually attracted to small, scrawny, beta males so I'm concerned if it would be appropriate to release him of his v-card while also maintaining a friendship (and nothing more)? Is such a thing possible?
Pic unrelated
>>17194942
Fucking someone out of pity is beneath you. So he's a virgin - too bad.
If you show ostensible sexual interest in him, he'll begin to feel "entitled" to you in some way, and that will make you resentful. Don't create a bad situation for yourself or him.
If he has feelings for you, you better keep your distance because it could complicate things. Also, I had my fair share of women but if I could choose between remaining a virgin or fucking someone who doesn't care about me the slightest, I would choose remaining a virgin. Of course it's easy to talk in hindsight.
What makes him beta?
If you empathize with him and want to help him, the best thing you can do is helping him overcoming his betaness.
>>17194942
Fucking slut. Although, you're a good-hearted slut. I like you, cunt.
I think I've figured out the root of my depression, anxiety, ADHD, and narcissistic thought patterns: I have literally no self worth or confidence in my intelligence or abilities what so ever.
It's why I dropped out of school at the age of 15 and never started doing GED classes and why I'm afraid of trying to learn math(I always sucked at it, and now I am afraid of being unteachable or just stupid)
It's why I quit my first job only 3 months ago(I was a frycook, but I was put on front counter as well, and it took alot of practice to be even be able to go to work without having an anxiety attack. But, the thing is, they started saying they would put me on the drive thru, and I was really terrified at that because of me being afraid I was too stupid to multi task. I just fucking quit. I quit in a really cowardly way too.)
It's why I feel constant shame and regret for doing alot of the fucking things I did in life. I hang around with very very talented people in my internet circle, and they all started doing awesome shit around the time they all turned 12. One of them has been programming since the age of 8 and can probably get a fucking job at Google if he wanted to. Meanwhile I'm over here, age 18, just started programming at age 16 and I feel horrible at how late I was to the scene and I am afraid of never being able to get a job at programming because of my in-confidence in my intelligence and abilities.
It's why I am too afraid to pursue what I want to do in life: Write novels and code. I'm afraid my ideas are shit and my writing is shit and my programming is shit.
And, it's why I feel like I will never be anything.
>>17194893
[cont]
I feel good having reached the main root of my problems, but now, how the fuck do I approach tackling this monster? I went to a psychologist last month and I had them record my issues, and now I'm going to an appointment next week about my options for medication.
Is there some type of an anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressant to help me?
>Tl;DR: Self-worth and confidence issues are the root of my psychological issues I think. Is there a medication to help me with this? Pic related, it is perfectly summarizing me.
>>17194893
Don't take medication, it will only cover up your issues.
You need professional advice.
>>17194893
>narcissistic thought patterns: I have literally no self worth
Haha nope.
Narcissists are not terrified, anxious, self-hating wrecks.
If you alternate between narcissistic and self-hating attitudes, that's called BPD (borderline personality disorder).
But frankly where are your narcissistic thought patterns anyway? I haven't heard any yet.
Doesn't matter anyway, you need extensive therapy. Go get it.
Medication will probably not help with anything, you have no simple neurological issues as far as i can tell (just complex psychological ones that can only be fixed by therapy).
Pharmaceutical intervention is a blunt instrument: there are no pills that can give you a healthy self-image.
They might give you anxiolytics if you're anxious, and antidepressants if you're depressed, but that only addresses a couple of the symptoms, not the core problem.
Hi all. Tried tagging on to an existing thread but it's dead.
I'm a CS dropout basically because I went with the path of least resistance (coding and math are easy to me) but had no actual goals/plan and lost motivation rapidly. I'm seriously considering learning a trade, getting into an industry, and continuing education to move myself somewhere exciting. Lately I've been looking at getting a CP as a machining technician or welding technician, and wondering what kind of employment I could expect and what options might be available to me down the line. The aerospace industry is very exciting to me, as an example.
I'm capable of the math required to be an engineer but afraid I'd still be too shakey on what I want to do with my life and lose motivation. Additionally, two-year colleges are essentially free to me but a four-year requires building up debt. Is it at all reasonable to work up to an engineering position through continuing education?
Basically, I'm looking to jump into a career finally and figure out what I enjoy the hard way so that I may work towards it, but I'm looking for advice to make sure I don't do something stupid (again). Thanks.
Bobombp
Bump for morning crowd while I sleep.
>>17194849
Just stick with CS m8. If you live in the US, software development is the way to go; you won't find that kind of ROI for any other kind of degree. Passion and motivation are overrated. Discipline and sticking with something that you know is smart (but may not necessarily be "passionate" about) isn't.
I repeat, discipline > passion everytime. People change, you will change. Your interests will change. Pick a state school, don't get into debt, finish some internships, and graduate with a decent GPA. CS is a big fucking field and if you somehow end up hating every single aspect of it, you'll have made loads of dosh in the meantime.
Sup /adv/.
Decided to shave my pubic hair for the first time a few days ago. Fucked up, cut myself on the skin around it and decided to stop. Was in the shower today and noticed this.
What do I do? Do I contact a doctor? I don't have medical insurance.
It's just razor burn lol
shave with the grain, not against, and use conditioner instead of shaving cream
>>17194809
It's fine, silly. Just the way the hair grows back if you shave against the grain
Thought I had aids or something the first time it happened, you'll be alright.
Nah, your skin is just irritated.
