Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 202. page
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Can I be loved?
I grew up with my parents seperated living with my mother. But my father who is a borderliner narcicist who generally has a very egocentric world view, still managed to cause a shit ton of damage. Sometimes I feel like he has just ruined my life and I will never be truly happy because of the mental scars he left.
But that's slightly off topic really. I'm 21 and haven't been in a relationship so far. There was a small romance with a girl in a clinic I was to treat my depression. But she ended it and it turns out she only thought she fell in love with me. She likes me I think but just in a platonic way I guess. I feel more for her though. Anyway, she was the first person besides my mother that I thought loved me unconditionally and for who I am not for what I do or don't do. It was an entirely new feeling to and I built a lot of will to live on that. It was a new facette to my life and one that made things worthwhile. Essentially curing my suicidal thoughts entirely at the time. But now that I know that she only thought that she fell in love at the time (that's part of her issue, she's not just a bitch fooling around with other people's feelings). So it feels like I'm back to square one. It feels like I can't be loved. People would probably tell me otherwise but its hard to believe. I would probably tell myself otherwise if I were someone else. And yet I can't believe it or feel it. It feels like I will be forever lonely in that regard. Like I can't be loved for who or what I am. And it feels bad man. It pushes me back to the point of where I don't know why I should even go on like this. But I guess I'll hang in there for the sake of others anyway.
Of course you are. Question is if you love yourself and do you let other people love you and how to make fall in love with you.
Now you obviously have issues. Your parents (yes both) failed you. Your mother failed you too by picking your father and she must've fucked in your head in her own way (even if you don't belive it, you may want to absolve her, but you must realize that probably she too probably fucked with your head).
You need to deal with your own problems and find balance and self respect, then self love. I would advice reading about Self Love Deficit Disorder. Cluster B disorders. And distancing yourself from your family.
I actually very well understand your feelings "I can't be loved", it shows that something deep down with you is not right. My guess is you never really felt safe, respected and loved (yes loved, in your life, it will be a long shot but it's often the case that single mothers don't really treat her children as human beings, instead treating them like their property which confuses shit out of children that don't feel loved yet are told they are loved).
You need to understand that loving is no easy buisness but you can for sure find love. You need to work on you and not in the "Self-improvement" bullshit sense. First thing you need to deal with your issues that stop you from beliving in yourself.
>>17321943
I feel your pain, OP. Also 21, also narcissistic asshole father and mother who never cared.
Personally, i guess i've just accepted it. Some people aren't really meant to be loved, or maybe even liked.
We can still contribute to society, still do some good in the world.
>>17321989
I don't think loving himself will help OP. It won't change the opinions of others, after all. And it won't change who he is.
And even if it works, if he boosts his self-esteem, becomes confident in himself, and people start to like him, what will that change?
It'll simply prove that people don't like him unconditionally, "for who he is", but that their affection is dependent on his self-esteem.
>My guess is you never really felt safe, respected and loved
Probably. That's how it is for most of us. Hard to unlearn things drilled into you throughout childhood.
>>17322073
Im the 89 anon. I understand you very much. I myself was never loved in home and me and all of my brothers are quite disfunctional adults because of our fucked up parents. But I belive that it is totally worth it to be fulfiled in life and big part of being fulfiled is feeling good with yourself and feeling loved. Now sure you need someone to start to love you first, grow your love, tend to relationship but if you meet the right person when she/he loves you it will be solid and unconditional. But you must make them love you first. It's kind of foolish to asume that if someone doesn't love you for the first glance and is completly unconditional in feeling then it is good. We need to work for it to grow but if it is grown good it is true and great.
Hey /adv/. I've come upon a bit of an unusual predicament and I'm genuinely unsure how to proceed.
My boyfriend's close friend (as in, going on friends for 12 or so years now) is having a house party. It was a super big deal for him, finally being able to get his own place and my boyfriend wanted to do something special. He's gone the full mile, booking entertainment, catering, baking a cake (He's a baker, his cake's are insane). it's adorable
Anyway, he kind of came out of left field yesterday and asked me if I'd be okay with stripping. Okay, I know that's pretty sudden, but there's a bit of a backstory. We're both pretty open (Not as in an open relationship, but about what we enjoy sexually) and he's told me before he likes the idea of me being seen by others. And honestly I think it's kind of hot. Not really the idea of being seen, but him wanting me to be seen. Now he's never pushed it, it's just something he's mentioned in private, but this proposal seems like his way of trying to push things further. Also he knows I've had a few body image issues in the past that I've -mostly- worked past. I've put a lot of work into better myself, and he's supported me through all of it. He's told me time and time again that he thinks I'm attractive, and has not-so-slyly told me he sees others checking me out. I don't know if this is the case, but I feel like this might be a way for him to cement that self-confidence I've been working towards
But I'm still apprehensive. I don't even know how to strip, and I'm not sure exactly how either of us would end up feeling about the situation afterwards. But to be blunt the idea is hot. So just. I don't know
>>17321928
If they're not going to offer you a good paycheck for it, then they're basically just trying to manipulate you into being a stripper for cheap. If they were to offer you like.. Say, $150 and have someone working security to make sure no one harassed you, it would be one thing, but if they want you to do it for free, then they have zero respect for you.
>>17321941
>they
My boyfriend is the one that asked, and I'm assuming he hasn't mentioned it to anyone at the party? Or at least I assume he wouldn't until he knew what my answer was
>have someone working security to make sure no one harassed you
It's not a huge 50+ person party. It's my bf's friend's core circle. I don't know, 12, 13 people? Something like that. And I know most of them, and I think they all know my bf
>>17321951
I wouldn't do it for the group of friends you will at some point continue to socialize with. I would look into stripping at amateur night at a club and your bf can be in the audience.
>see a qt 3.14 girl in my job
>try to make an approach and start talking to her
>she sends me to the friendzone faster than ever
>fuckyou.jpg
> start ignoring her
> few days later a friend tells me that she was asking about me
the fuck is wrong with women... why do they start caring about you when you treat them like shit or ignore them and how can i get an advantage of that without surrendering to their desire o getting attention?.
>>17321889
She was probably asking because you sound like a douchebag.
>>17321889
Maybe she was just asking to ascertain your level of autism, and if she should be afraid of bumping into you when she leaves work in a dim lit car park.
my female friend recently told me that the most attractive thing a dude can do is to show some interest and then stop, ignore her and be cold towards her
then she will do everything to get him
woman logic...
I received 20+ calls from this number. 4 0 5 6 7 9 1 4 0 8
Have you tried answering the phone ?
No I'm afraid it's a scammer. Or an ex bf...
>>17321900
Why are you afraid ?
Stop assuming the worst. Just answer it and tell anyone to fuck off whom you don't want to communicate with.
Don't be one of those people who are too paranoid to answer new or private numbers. Nobody can hurt you over the phone. Just hang up.
I want to marry this woman and I'm going insane thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about her. How do I accomplish this? I've tried to get in contact with her but no luck so far.
Pretty sure thats a dude.
>>17321877
>I want to marry this woman
Why? What's her net worth?
I would marry her grandma instead, you'll be waiting long time to get your hand on her money.
>>17321877
>mfw i had a gf like OP's pic
>tfw i leave her because i'm stupid and have commitment fear
>tfw i still dream about her
Kill me.
My girlfriend loves giving me a rimjob while jerking me off. I cum really fast when she does it amd i really enjoy it.
Should i dump her and start sleeping with guys? I have a really nice boipucci.
Try it with a strapon first.
>>17321879
But what do i tell her if i like being pegged?
>>17321876
Why would you want to dump her ?
Are you not attracted to her ?
Would you prefer to be with a guy ?
>>17321915
She's already licking your shit cave. I don't think asking her to fuck you with a plastic cock is going to be a deal breaker.
So I'm having difficulties staying hard. My new girlfriend can get me rock fucking solid with no effort but I have trouble staying hard during sex and sometimes just transitioning positions makes me go limp. We seem to have a lot of chemistry sexual and romantically but something just stops it dead in its tracks.
I stayed hard longest during missionary (I might have been half hard for some of it though, I don't remember.) and we actually had some decent time tonight before we switched and I kept going soft under her.
What should I do? She's been super cool about it but I feel like I'm disappointing her.
Literally the same thing. I blame mental health and the years spent abusing my dick, but im not a doctor
Oh shit. It occurred to me that there are doctors for this. Maybe it's entirely psychological though. Investigate yourself. Maybe a doctor will logically guide you through all the possibilities
>>17321872
do you watch a lot of porn? jack off a lot? Could be that, maybe try no porn and no fap for a few weeks and see if that improves it any
Do you exercise?
So I have been trying to drop or at least, somewhat tune down my gaming addiction, I have tried other hobbies, I tried learning guitar which I have been doing for 2 years now, and it got boring and stale
I have this anxiety when I do other things than playing video games, I just want to go home after work and play games all day, but on other hand if I skip my guitar practice sessions, I feel guilty, and ashamed of myself, because I set high expectations for myself.
I have this irrational fear, if for example I go and try join a band, I won't have any time to play video games anymore, and I feel like I will be always missing out on something.
How do I deal with these feelings?
>>17321840
Video games are a massive waste of time. You gain absolutely nothing from playing them, other than a good feeling. With playing guitar you're actually learning something useful. If you like video games, you could always try and learn how to make them. Though if guitar playing feels like a chore, then maybe you should be doing something that you enjoy doing and actually have interest in.
>>17321840
Video games can be a potentially addictive form of instance gratification the same way drugs, gambling, etc. can be. Treat it as you would any other addiction, so that means things like restricting access, substituting with similar but more healthy activities, avoiding triggers/temptation, potentially seeking help from family, friends or a professional.
>>17321955
I fail to see how learning to play the guitar is a particularly better use of your time than playing video games.
Mastering and learning how to play other people's song on guitar is so like a video game that it is actually a video game. And what do you get in the end? The ability to play a few songs on guitar.
Shit, what a great use of your time.
I met a an ivy league girl in group therapy who wants to date me. The problem is she has clinical narcissistic, avoidant, and depressive traits as well as therapist/psychiatrist who only addresses secondary problems. Her therapist must be encouraging her to build a house on quicksand, because she's $20,000 in debt to said therapist, temporarily out of school, not pursuing a profession, and engaging in prostitution. An example of how self-inflicted this is, she lives next to the EMS station she could be employed at, but she's afraid of not being perceived well after breaking up with a coworker. She would sooner have the lights go out than return to doing what she enjoyed and what pays the bills. Her roommate said the house was extremely neglected and pretty unsanitary before her arrival. I'm not sure what the hell happens in those sessions, because they're twice a week and she still needs antipsychotics to sleep, which I would imagine is a symptom of not bipolar or some supposed shit but rather being very discontent.
She has been paying that doctor to roleplay what she's going to say to me about our status as friends or lovers (because we dated for three weeks) and I would really like for her to wake the fuck up and help herself rather than giving me any more detailed thought. Is there any way to convey the situation as I have to you, to someone who is simultaneously creating the situation and avoiding it?
My best plan is to remain friends (or friends with benefits if that's what she'd prefer) and just piss on the job her therapist is doing, while encouraging her to return to school and work, before she ends up another $20,000 in senseless medical debt.
Any other ideas?
Reason suggests you not stick your dick in crazy.
I suggest you go for it and keep us updated regularly.
bitch sounds extra af
Saving these hoes baka. Forget her
>>17321842
Do the rules change when I'm crazy, or do I find healthy people and become the nightmare?
>>17321847
I'm pretty prepared to do that, but you can distance yourself from someone without totally ditching them, right?.....right?
For one reason or another, I need two weeks off work. What is the easiest thing to claim to a doctor so I could get a sick leave note for two weeks? I've heard depression is one of the best (claim a family member died, feeling angsty, don't feel I'll be able to cooperate at work, fearful I'll hurt someone if I get agitated, etc), but I want some other opinions. Perhaps even from a doctor if there's one here.
I'm too early into my job (a few months in), so I don't have enough sick days, but this is a very important matter to me. I doubt my employer would take it well if I suddenly needed time off, though.
no fucking idea, what do you need two weeks of for though?
>>17321773
If you're paying your doctor, just go to him/her and ask them for a note for two weeks so you can look into help for depression.
Don't do anything beyond that, as it could backfire and you'll be stuck trying to get medical releases and all that shit.
>>17321773
In fact, don't say depression, just say "anxiety issues."
"When I'm at work, it just feels like someone is constantly tossing ice water on my entire body."
Works like a charm.
Would It be a crime to secretly record me losing my virginity with a woman, maybe for evidence, not ever showing it to the public.
>Male, 17
>>17321768
God Damnet... Male ""18"", not 17
I recommend that you ask her.
>>17321771
>""18""
>>17321782
This. don't be a paranoid creep, just ask her.
I did the right thing but I dont like it.
Im friends with this woman who I have very strong feelings for. She has a boyfriend, and recently was in a rough patch. She made it feel like the feelings with him had been weakening for several months and she wasnt sure what she felt.
I told her not make any rash decisions and try and fix things with him. Hes a good man.
They had a talk and seem to be happy again, thought its only been a few days.
I feel like I did the right thing by telling her every time we talked that she should be focusing on her relationship with him and not running from the problem, but at the same time I was rooting for it to all fall apart.
What should I be doing with this girl, should I distance myself from her incase I am somehow causing problems? Should I distance myself for my own sake?
Distance yourself for your own sake, move on from this girl. You opining for her and she isn't in a position to reciprocate. Go out there and find a new girl, preferably unattached
>>17321767
But shes also a good friend regardless of her capacity to fuck me. Should I throw that away simply because I cant get my dick wet.
I feel like I should be able to keep her as a friend and still find someone else.
>>17321763
You're being altruistic, looking out for others even if it conflicts with your own desires. This is a good thing according to society.
Keep at it and you'll still die alone like the rest of us.
Good job OP.
Are my 36B breasts small enough for keyhole FTM surgery? They are mostly fat, so I think with testosterone and diet they will shrink a lot. I have not started testosterone yet. I am almost 24 if that matters. pic unrelated...my cat.
It depends on your frame. We'll need a picture for reference
>>17321761
I thought I had to look like this for work. It wasn't until recently I discovered there is a market for who I really am.
>>17321761
Here is another work picture. The harness and tape make them seem bigger than they actually are.
Yesterday in a silly argument through skype (ldr) I said a bit my voice and hit the bed in a silly manner. I was telling her "see how we shouldnt have talked about this?" because she was getting sad because of some argument we were having
after i raised my voice she started crying for a good while, I stayed there saying her everything was ok, that I was sorry, etc. she went to sleep after a while.
10mins passes by and she tells me that she wasn't angry, just that probably she got scared. I promised her I would make my best to not ever raise my voice again, she tells me she doesnt believe that I can promise that, in general she was cold.
5 mins later she asks if I can do her a favour, and tells me if I can call her again because she wanted to fall asleep while in call, and not feel alone.
I read her some poetry (because I have an exam so it was also a way for me to study lol), laughed at some things, told me the poems were cute and just fell sleep.
Would she still break up with me after the "let me fall asleep while listening to you" bit? I'm really confused about her going out of her way to tell me that she isn't angry, just scared... I don't know how to take it, obviously it's not like I'd hit her irl, I think it's pretty common to raise the voice in an argument, and it's been the first time I've done that...
Lmao ldrs are jokes
>>17321887
This.
Enjoy your Skype pussy, OP.
You have to be 18 to post on this site.
Okay so I was wondering if anyone could help me out?? This asshole stole $2000 off my homie and I was wondering if anyone on here could help me see if he deposited $2000 into his bank account or paypal within the last 48 hours. His name is Cody Alan Seagriff and is from Freeport Pennsylvania.
If anyone can help me out it would be greatly appreciated
Post this on /b
Jesus Christ man do you really think it is as easy as a name? What would be the point of putting money into a bank if all you needed to access the account was a full name?
If I stole $2000 from a roommate, I wouldn't deposit it. Leave no trace. I'd either zip it up in my mattress and pull out cash as I needed it or put it someplace neautral that no one would suspect, like a garage or car.
