Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1853. page
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When I was younger I used to get a lot more wet and turned on, but now that I'm in my early twenties I can't get as wet. I used to be able to get turned on just by reading erotic things or seeing people kissing or watching porn.
I quit porn a couple of years ago but it hasn't helped
Is it normal?
No , it isn't normal , it is an asset . A high sex drive in a girl is a very good thing
>>16638920
It's not about sex drive
My sex drive is as high as it was but I can't get as wet/turned on by things anymore
So, last night I had an argument with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. Our weekly "ritual" is to meet once during the week, and once on Saturday night for datenights. I'm a pretty horny dude, so I always initiate (which I don't mind). She rejects me EVERY.SINGLE.TIME unless it's like super-late, last thing we do on Saturday night. So we have pretty boring sex once per week, and I've been in denial that it's only because we only see each other twice per week (50% rate not bad right?), but it's been getting closer to the point where we're thinking about moving in together, and because of her rejecting me constantly I've been growing increasingly-worried that sexually nothing will change (that 1/2 rate will be moving to 1/7)...
We've been spending a lot more time together the last couple of weeks because of the holidays, going to parties and such. Just this week, we had three separate occasions before Saturday where I was horny, she had been flirting/teasing me, we had some alone-time, basically everything prepped to go, but when I go to initiate I get shutdown again...So now last night, we do our usual Saturday night thing and it gets to sex. I have to like talk her into letting me go down on her (which I do because she can't cum from penetration), which goes really well, as it always does and she gets off. I get on top and go to work for about 10 minutes, and I get tired, ready to switch positions, and she literally tells me "get on with it, you're taking too long". Of course this instantly kills the mood, I get angry and didn't even finish.
Before she leaves, I try and talk to her about what just happened, and she basically told me that sex (not just with me, she's had partners before me also) doesn't feel good to her, and she only does it because she knows I like it...basically what I've suspected/feared. Then she says that she doesn't see it as a problem at all, and I should be happy just having sex. I try to explain to her that it's not at all satisfying to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex, but she just kept refusing to acknowledge it as a problem, or try anything new to try and make sex feel better for her. She's acting like it's completely normal for women to "go through the motions" without desiring sex, or thinking sex feels good.
I really love this girl, and every other part of our relationship is amazing....but I can't live the rest of my life being completely undesired, having boring sex only because she feels obligated. Do I have any options to try and help her? As I see it, if she doesn't want to help herself, my only two options are to have the sexual part of our relationship with other women, or just break it off completely...
>TLDR; basically confirmed that my girlfriend is giving me duty-sex, doesn't see it as a problem, and refuses to try anything to compromise/improve/change
Break up with her. This is not a good woman.
It seems like she knows herself pretty well here. Some people really are just like that, OP, it doesn't mean they're broken or need to change. It may seem like a problem to you, but it's not a problem to her, and you should stop forcing it on her as a problem. She shouldn't be forced to change who she is just to make you happy. She gave you a solution, but it isn't your tastes (understandably).
So no, there isn't anything you can do to "help" her. Anything you do to "help" her is selfishly motivated so you can happily have sex without feeling guilty. Yes, it would improve sex for her too, but again, she doesn't see this as a problem, so you're still forcing your "solution" on her.
You've both said your pieces and explained the feelings behind them. Her solution isn't to your tastes, so it's time to propose new solutions that aren't "fixing" her and making her like sex more. You're correct. The other options are to live with your sexual frustration and not bring it up again, open the relationship sexually, or break up.
My penis is 4.5 inch long, which obviously isnt something to be proud of. Is jelqing just a meme or legit way to train it? Hlw long would it take to get ~1.5 inch progress? Pic semi related.
No. It's a good way to cause permanent nerve/blood vessel damage. You're better off with a 4.5 inch dick that works, than a bruised, misshapen, worthless piece of meat that MIGHT be six inches if you were still capable of getting hard.
Just make the most of what you've got. And keep in mind that if you're like late teens/early twenties, you might not be done growing yet
>>16638765
This. Jelqing has fucked a lot of men up.
One more thing, believe it or not, but here's the truth. I have an 8inch cock. I've slept with about 20 women.
Most of them really didn't care that I was big.
>>16638780
Anything bigger than 7" is honestly a liability. It might be nice to look at, but it's not gonna fit in your mouth, pussy, or asshole without a whole lot of discomfort
I normally follow the "never get back together with an ex" ethos, but recently I've fallen for an ex again. Hard. Typically, I'd ignore these feelings, but I only dated this girl when we were teenagers (15-16). The reason we broke up was over really petty teenage stuff, but we've remained great friends as the relationship wasn't serious. We're in our early twenties and I think I have another shot.
The question is: Is it advisable to date an ex if you only went out when you were dumb teenagers, not more mature adults?
>>16638736
It's stupid to set arbitrary "rules" like that for yourself. If you like her, and she likes you, and you've gotten over whatever you fought about in the past, then why not give it a chance? I've known plenty of very strong couples who've gone through breakups or separations, only to get back together and stay together. It can definitely happen.
No. You will be forever tormented by the amount of independent living you guys did while only friends. I don't just mean romantic/sexual business either, though that is a significant part of it.
>>16638759
What does this even mean? How can you be this much of a control freak?
>she's had life experiences that didn't involve me, I can't even look at her anymore
I'm bored on a dreary Sunday day, ask me anything.
>>16638729
How's life treating you?
how old are you? if legal, can you post some nudes of yourself? would you like to get on cam and shake it around a little?
>>16638729
>Ask a femanon
What qualifications do you have that makes you so special you can't just post in the ask opposite gender thread?
> The Pill?
So here's the situation /adv/. I have been seeing this super hot Colombian girl that looks like pic related. IDFK how this shit even happened, I'm a fairly average American white guy, and this woman just fell into my lap. My head is still kinda spinning about everything. And she has a good career as well. She's not on a Visa, she is full USA citizen.
She says she's on the pill. We can bang without condoms, but I still pull out. I really want to put my seed in this woman, but I'm afraid because I have several male friends who are now dads when their girl said, "I'm on the pill, so don't worry".
Should I accept the risk? For anyone who has creampied a lady, its very satisfying.
i dunno. i don't know her. if i tell somebody i'm on the pill, i am on the pill 100%. i don't want to get knocked over unintended. but as you know, there are weird people out there... i would give it a bit more time until you know her better and can calculate the risk
>>16638663
Thanks, we've only been dating a couple weeks.
And not to generalize, but Colombian women can be a little mysterious, she leaves a lot left unsaid.
Absolutely not.
To put this into perspective, one of my exes was incredibly dedicated to her pill usage. She'd take it at the same time every day down to the minute; there was always some water in her purse in case she got caught out when the time came. She read every last word of the little information paper and knew every incompatible and cross-reacting drug by name. The girl took this shit as seriously as needing to breathe.
Still almost never let me blow my load inside of her. She loved it, I loved it, but we never ever made a habit of it. We only did it maybe a handful of times during our entire relationship. And she was right. It just wasn't worth it. Only after a lot of thought and prep do married couples think about the gravity of having kids. We're supposed to risk that (or have to live with abortion) as bf/gf? And you want to do it with someone you're just "seeing?" Who you don't know to be as mindful and trustworthy as that ex of mine?
You'll do whatever you do, bro, but I don't think it's a good idea at all.
>I've been thinking...
How would it be if we had a group of people here dedicated to answering certain question and problems? They wouldn't be the only ones, but when you see their names, you'd know you could come to them.
>We could have a thread where we list those chosen to represent specific topics.
In these threads, we can keep track of who responds to the most threads, who gives the best quality of advice for their topic, etc. in order to give people an idea of who to trust.
>It could be broken up into sections:
Relationships, Socialization, Lifestyle, Finance, plus an additional few that most anon agree on wanting to have.
>We already have some of the infrastructure in place:
Ask The Opposite Gender, Get It Off Your Chest, and so forth.
I feel like we should do what we can to help as many other anon as possible. Could this work, and help more people in the long run?
>>16638647
The issue with that is anonymity is a part of this website. Your partially removing that element
I'm missing the part where you gave any explanation or even elaboration on "help as many other anon as possible." That sounds like hand-waving. How does this help any more people than me responding anonymously in a thread?
you could just tell people to use names.
but you're also opening up the possibility of impersonation.
Difficult situation I find myself in...and I feel like I have nobody to talk to, namely because of how controversial the subject matter is. I'll try not to make this tl; greentext for ease:
>be 27 yo female
a little backstory...
>shit tier men in my life for the most part
>>alcoholic dad and all that
>>>thankfully gone around age 3, due to adultery
>>stepfather inc ~age 4
>>>he sexually abused me from the get-go, until I was 12
>>>he cheated on my mother with some other woman, so she kicked him out
>>a few more boyfriends come and go until I graduate, all their own unique bag of shit
>>even the dad of my first niece (more like a daughter to me though) molested her
>>>I caught him and from that point on, he never saw her again
My mother pounded the following into my head:
>all men are pigs
>men are never satisfied with one woman
>if your man /looks/ at another woman, it means he is dissatisfied with you and is looking elsewhere
(I'm currently trying to rewire my brain.)
I have an idea of what 'normal' is, but I often question the validity of my opinion on such.
So why am I here? Well, after going through years of therapy (namely for being sexually abused)--including CBT, mindfulness meditation, group & individual--I realized there was still more I needed to explore, mentally. In the first couple of years dating my current partner, we had a number of difficult conversations and arguments...awkward sexual moments...whathaveyou...
after a number of painfully detailed, hour/day-long conversations, we got to a point where I opened up about a certain fantasy
>I told him I like the idea of being with an older man
>>I like being called 'kid' by said older man
>>he would have me whatever way he wanted, but would be gentle, etc.
Sometime after this, my partner (er, fiance) asked if this was because of my abusive past. Of course I didn't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. At one point during sex, he asked if I ever enjoyed it as a kid. That was a difficult moment...that particular sex ended there, but it did open up doors for both of us...as we somehow got to talking about age difference/him fucking younger gals (at some point we were looking at loli together and trying to find young models that look like they're fit for a hebophile). He would talk about what he would do to someone so young, how he would barely fit, etc...and I could offer my own insight about what she might be thinking, given my experience as a girl. It was like exposure therapy.
There were many-o-argument around there, but the contrast was a deep connection (which a lot of people would view as prettydamnfucked...I'm sure).
We don't talk about that much at all anymore, because of my incapacity to maintain consistency when it comes to my reaction to the matter, but I do think about it. I know he still looks at loli quite a bit...and because of this, most times he touches me I think he's thinking of a young gal. I do small things to help him with this perceived fantasy (such as shave, or avoid moaning like a woman...I'm even trying to lose enough weight to pass for younger). I love and hate it, as I feel this has turned into a kink,,,but it hurts.
Anyone dealt with anything like this before? ....fuck.
I feel trapped. I feel like the older I get, the worse I'll feel about all of this...I'm fucking lost. I feel like running, honestly...but he's the best man I've ever known.
I don't know what to do, because I've been told by most everyone that such fantasies are wrong (almost to the point of being illegal), but
>>16638633
(I guess there is a Pt 3)
...but...at what point does it become 'wrong' ?
When it's acted-upon, no?
...or can simply normalizing such thoughts (through exposure) fall into the 'wrong' category?
.....maybe this is a question for /sci/...
>>16638630
All I can say is that you are a degenerate destroyed beyond repair and he is a pedo degenerate. I guess you two will make a happy marriage.
Any advice on LDRs?
Yeah, don't have them.
>>16638524
Yeah, alright, but what if I'm already in one. Any tips on maintaining it? Or is it just a lost cause?
meet in person ASAP
after that, move in together ASAP
being "nevermet" for any length of time will doom you
I need a stable career path that can support a family on a single income.
Are there any?
>>16638505
union longshoreman
>>16638505
Sorry, there is, but you may not like it.
Military. No matter where you are in the world, they will help your family in exchange for your service. If you're American, the U.S. Army does its best to put family first.
Engineer
How does emotional support work in healthy relationships?
I've had perhaps the shittitest week in a while. The problems aren't related to my relationship, but I am very stressed.
>car was stolen
>borrowing car from family
>only had it two days and brakes went out on me
>family said it happened while I was driving so I have to pay
>piss broke, actually owe more money than I make
>won't make it from work to school in time on public bus
>may have to drop classes
>throws off graduating this year
It's like a domino effect of bullshit. My SO cannot help me with my car issues, were on total opposites of our county during the work week.
It's just, whenever something shitty happens, he's really flighty and emotionally distants himself from me. We argued last night about it. He said "I can't help you so what do you want from me?" It's not like I'm asking him to buy me a car or solve my problems. I just need a rock. He freaks out if he sees me stressed. And asking him to be supportive seems like it's from such a forced place.
If your SO had issues that you couldn't fix, how are you supposed to help them?
Just offer kind words and be there to listen. That's all you can do. Maybe offer an opinion if it's asked for.
I've been through stressful situations and that's what my SO did. There was nothing he could actually do, so he always listened to my rants/complaints/bitching for however long I needed to talk, he left me alone when I needed to cool down, he did little things to ease my stress (washed the dishes, lowered the volume on his video games, etc.), just stuff like that. Having someone to listen and just acknowledge "Yeah, that sucks man" helps. Hugs don't hurt, either.
Honestly, they can only do so much for you though. Your problems are your own to solve, and as kind as my SO is, he never coddles me or lets me feel sorry for myself. I tend to wallow and when I ask him, "What should I do?" he always tells me it's up to me to decide. He's always logical, which pisses me off in the moment, but looking back it helped me gut through whatever I had to do.
So, he's kind and listens when something happens, but when it's time to take action, he doesn't let me throw a pity party and pout the whole time I'm working through something.
>>16638539
But how would I express to my boyfriend that I need that?
He takes my issues so lightly. He even occasionally jokes about it morbidly or teases me about my personal problems to our friends.
We argued about that last night. He listened but didn't really respond or say he would at least stop doing that.
But believe me, the moment anything bad happens to my boyfriend, he wants me to throw him a pity party.
>>16638499
>what do you want from me?
For me, having a second head that is on my side to help think about possible solutions (and possibly to take up some of the burden of following up).
A sympathetic ear if nothing else.
In my experience, most women and younger guys are not interested in solutions, they just want the latter. I don't know if that's the case here too. If I were you I'd be way more interested in getting advice on my real, immediate problems than on my relationship problem. Maybe you've already pursued all the possibilities, I don't know.
Anyway, a lot of guys who don't get that what you're looking for is emotional support can end up feeling very uncomfortable and defensive when you present a problem that they can't fix, as though venting your problems to them means you're presenting a complaint that you expect them to take care of, or that they feel useless to someone they want to protect.
Some guys just don't want to have to deal with negative shit at all and only want the fun times, and some guys are just uncomfortable with a situation where they don't know what is expected of them.
So what did you tell him you wanted from him? Did you tell him you needed a rock? Did you tell him what "a rock" means to you, or is he supposed to figure out what you want in the actual manifestation of your metaphor.
If you were very clear on what you wanted and he just doesn't want to play that role for you, well, consider whether or not this is something you need from your relationship. If it is, this might be the wrong guy. You might also want to consider that maybe he does try to play that role, but you're unreasonable about it. "I want you to listen to me until I've gotten it all out and feel better" is doable. "I want you to listen to me and make me feel better" is not unless you tell him exactly how he's supposed to do that.
What is your opinions on a hairy body (mostly looking for a girls perspective)
>21 Male here
>Portuguese (50%) Dad is very hairy more then me
>Hair on my----
>Arms and behind my hands (kinda thick)
>Chest ( Not that thick but noticable)
>Shoulders and back ( medium thickness)
>Legs (medium high near the hips then thicker as it goes down)
A few girls I know have said that I have alot of body hair and they can only imagine how much I have under my clothes. ( They only see my arms)
Hot
>>16638492
Yeah but alot of it? or like a small fuzz here and there
>>16638482
gross
That feel when jealous as fuck gf.
So, during New Year celebrations, workmates from a whatsapp group texted me with "happy new year" shit messages.
My gf asked me later if i received some text for new year, and i told her about this. She got mad and all that women shit.
We've been discussing a lot since then, and she spouted i was bad for not telling her in the moment.
She has made a shitton of these scenes in the past, and really started to lost my patience.
Should i dump her? Sorry for bad engrish.
>>16638430
And what about her and men?
It's not going to get better. Decide on whether you think the relationship is worth it, you're the one dating her.
Was she mad that you didn't text her for New Year's, or is she mad that you got a group text from people she's jealous of? Either way, that's not jealousy, and that's not "woman shit." That's just crazy person shit.
Sup /adv/ I ran into a small problem, I don't think I have a style. Right now most of my shirts are one color and no design on it, and I just have normal jeans. Small bio to help out
>21 Male
>206 pounds ( working on lowering it at the gym its going pretty well)
>Hairy Body ( dont know if that matters like should I cover up my arms or not)
I want to try and get some better shirts or at least a distenctive style so I can feel better about myself when I go out.
>>16638412
Bump
>>16638412
Don't. It took me a long time to learn that there is no style. the only way you should dress is like people you want to be around, your age and wearing stuff that fits and looks natural.
Dress like the cool people in your area, not like a fashionista. Fashion is kind of like a gang sign, the clothes you wear tells people what you represent, and your style is really just copying the style of a famous person... Fashion is vain and there are artists who make clothes, but for normal people clothing is just like gang signs, dressing different is like being in another gang - it's threatening.
>>16638454
Where would be a good place to shop or look for clothes that would be for someone around my age?
I cheated on my gf by receiving a bj from a prostitute while being black out drunk 8 months ago.
I told my gf about it and she broke up with me.
Ever since, I feel like I have no reason to go on living. I dont necessarily want to kill myself, but I just have no motivation to do anything, and just dont see any point in living. Does this change after some time, or am I doomed to live out the rest of my life like this?
You sound depressed. Sometimes medication can help. Talk to your doctor about it.
how do you know you did the thing
>>16638396
I couldnt be bothered to go to a doctor
>>16638397
I remember images, when I ger totally drunk I remember like snapshots of what happened, also a friend who was significantly less drunk than me was in the brothel with me and he confirmed that I did hire a prostitute while being barely able to walk, so yeah, it happened
