Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1849. page
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When I was 18, I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I knew from middle school. I never told my parents about it because I assumed they wouldn't let me drive to see her as often as I did because of my inexperience with driving at the time. Despite both of us using protection, she became pregnant. I don't really know what happened, maybe my condom broke, but the fact is we were both wearing protection. Naturally, this became a huge deal. I tried talking her into getting an abortion, but she morally was opposed to it having been a big Christian at the time. So then I said because we are 18, we are incapable of supporting a child; we should give it up for adoption. We agreed. I stayed with her and helped her through it, but then I went to college around the time her third trimester stopped. I tried being supportive, but it wasn't the same. She told me she decided to keep it, and I flipped out saying that she was being selfish. She cut me out of her life. She figured we had made our decisions. She never pressed me for child support or anything because as far as she was concerned, it was her baby. Our relationship has been a strained one ever since. I was able to sort of make peace with it all because I figured she made her decisions and I made mine. Subsequently, she's been married since then, and the baby has an adopted father, which is good. So I don't necessarily feel bad for abandoning the baby because I was never given an option to raise the baby. She and I have only spoken a few times since this has all transpired and she's made it clear that it is her life and that she does not want me involved to complicate it.
Now just very recently I just got out of a 4 year relationship with a girl I wanted to marry. She cheated on me, lied to me, emotionally abused me, and still let me bend over backwards to do her things(she didn't have a car or a license until very recently so I took her everyone and went out of my way to try and help the relationship.) I told her on date 1 what happened because I did not want any false pretenses and we made it work, but I could tell it never rested easy with her. She always used it as ammunition because of how vulnerable I was to it. It would make me cry without fail. I went to see her about two weeks after the break up to get answers because at the time I was unaware of the infidelity. I offered her compassion and forgiveness. I loved her. I told her that we can use that moment as a point to stop the rolling boulder and push back. She warmed to the idea, knowing that I'd still forgive her. But then she felt trapped for some reason and lashed out. She said a lot of hurtful things and again used my previous relationship as a weapon telling me that I should tell my parents. I agreed, but I told them now wasn't the time.
So this has haunted me since, it's been almost two weeks since. This whole thing has riddled me with guilt ever since. I never told my parents any of this. At the time I was afraid to tell the truth because I was scared. And they had a slew of problems of their own. My dad's mother died two summers before that, his brother the summer before, and his father almost died that summer. He was slowly developing a problem with alcohol as his wife/my mom wasn't emotionally supportive enough at the time. Their relationship was strained. And my brother, who was about 27 at the time was living at home and about to be kicked out. The home atmosphere was tense. I haven't come clean because it's been 5 years since this all happened. They're extremely Catholic Conservative now, which they weren't at the time. I feel like the damage would be severe. We have a good relationship. I feel like I'll lose my parents forever, because their capacity for compassion is not what it used to be and just the betrayal and mental gymnastics on my part makes this all the more difficult to swallow.
I don't know what to do about anything. The first girlfriend is beyond contact(changed her number), the second girlfriend I believe still has feelings for me, but that's another story that's superfluous to this(though it makes me feel depressed), and I don't know how to approach the subject with my parents. If I even should.
What should I do?
Give me a fucking tl;dr holy shit I'm not reading an essay this early god damn.
So, I'm seriously considering dropping out of high school. Currently in 12th grade, and yes, I am 18. Since around 6th grade I really haven't had any motivation to do any work and I don't have any serious goals for my future. I don't see why I should go to college since I'll never do anything.
I've had a minimum wage job before and I don't mind the work. I'd probably try to find a place that belongs to someone else & pay partial rent. I don't really feel that I need a lot to be happy.
But there are some problems. Poverty is much more common in dropouts, apparently. I also know I would have no support from my family at all, which would be funny since none of them have graduated. My mother, who I sole live with, will probably immediately kick me out if I drop out, but I do have other family members who'll take me in for a month or two.
So, should I drop out? I know I'd be happier at first, and a GEDs is an option for later in life. And like I said, I have ZERO motivation for school. What do?
Finish anyway. Your motivation level is irrelevant.
>>16641912
Maybe I should rephrase. I really don't care enough to do it. I can't find enough reason to do it. In fact, doing it almost feels me with a sense of dread. Is dropping out really as bad as they say it is?
I dropped out almost a year ago, and my life has just gone downhill. I worked a minimum wage job for a couple months, then left because they didn't give me any hours. I've been job hunting for like 3 months and still haven't found anything. My family always says that I'll never amount to anything because I didn't finish high school. I still have the choice to go back to school, but I'm not going back. I'm taking my ged this week and I'm going to seriously look for a new job. I would say dropping out was a bad idea, but I don't regret it.
Giving honest relationship advice tell me your problems anons
I'll shoot.
Seeing/dating this girl for about 2 months.
She's already stated she doesn't "want anything more" but wants me to take her out on dates and see what happens and has said were friends even though we cuddle, kiss and have sex.
Haven't seen or heard from her in the last couple days.
Do I keep going or forget about it?
Bro. Don't give her your all if she's going to be a sometime thing. Honestly you should be looking for someone else looks like she just wants you for sex and material things . Which might be okay if youre into that but, i would have other options if i were you.
>>16641922
Thanks bro.
I know you're right as well. I think I've gotten attached to the wrong one.
There are smart people in the UK, Europe, etc who get top grades in their finals and yet decide to pursue Music, Math, etc instead of Medicine, Law, etc for their undergraduate degrees.
Yes, I understand that being a doctor or lawyer is stressful, but why don't these smart people go for "easy" jobs instead? Being a physiotherapist, nutritionist or actuary is not that stressful. Working for the government is nice as it's difficult to be fired from your job. This is certainly the case compared to something such as a researcher where no results = no funding = no income.
Really, all jobs are boring in their own ways. Even if they are interesting at the start, they become dull over time. Why not just pick something which leads to a stable income and learn to love that job?
>Really, all jobs are boring in their own ways. Even if they are interesting at the start, they become dull over time.
That's just like, your opinion man. It's called passion and clearly you have none. Don't bother trying to understand.
>>16641857
Really all jobs are stressful and the passion they feel now will be sapped from them over time.
>>16641864
Yeah nah, talking to my professors discussing research and I can tell they have plenty of passion.
Sure work can be stressful, but it can be just as rewarding. The only reason you don't believe that people could sustain passion is because /you/ can't. It's really closed minded.
Hey /adv/. First thread here.
I like my best friend's sister, and she feels the same towards me. I talked to my friend about it, but he really doesn't want me and her to be together. I don't really know what to say to either of them. I really want to be with his sister, but I don't want it to ruin our friendship.
>Pic is me a couole days ago
Is it really true that she likes you?
Me and her brother both think she likes me. She's single right now and flirting with me a lot more than when she's dating someone. On new years eve, she was pretty much cuddling with me while we watched movies.
How long have you liked her?
so i messed up,
i received bareback oral sex from a girl at a party, i was later informed she lives with and shares iv drugs with her HIV positive room mate.
i was fucking terrified after i found out (a month or two later) and went and got tested 2-3 months after.
the test result was negative and i was ecstatic when i first found out but im worried now that i didnt wait long enough between testing and/or accounting for false negative readings.
so my question is, what is the chance of infection from insertive unprotected oral (i ejeculated also)?
help guys im freaking out.
unless you both had a bleeding cut in the area in question its pretty low/impossible.
just get tested again.
>>16641825
The Chance she has HIV is around 60% I would say, the chance to get it from receiving oralsex is 0,04%. HIV test are pretty accurate after 3 months. Mate it is more likely that you have brain cancer so chill the fuck out.
>>16641830
no cuts or bleeding at all, i plan to get tested again but i literally cannot sleep / eat. im tired all the time and am at risk of loosing my job.
On December 18th my gf dumped me. She told me it was because she didn't feel the same as before with me and it was like this for a couple of months, months I spent believing she was happy with me. My dog even died a week before and she was there consoling me, I brought her home for the first time because I really needed her. She accepted and personally that felt great.
Anyway, obviously that ruined the holydays and the end of the year. I tried to take her back, talk to her, but then she added more and more stuff to the situation like:
>I didn't care enough
>It was like I didn't want to be with her
>The days spent at her home this summer felt like I was being forced to do it (Actually it was the most relaxing time I've ever had.)
>Too many things not said
>It was a flat year
>There are too many problems in our families and she couldn't take it anymore.
>I didn't say "I love you"
The last one is a bit stupid for me, I did say to her that I loved her in numerous occasions but I didn't want that word to be something to get used to like it was nothing, I wanted actions to mean more and that's what I did.
The second last, I don't really know what to think. I mean we've been together for two years and I never really talked that much about my family's problems. She had a shitton of problems with her mother and I did what any boyfriend would do. I stayed close to her as much as possible.
Obviously I also had my life to work on, I'm a CS student and this shit's hard believe me, I was never too good with math but hell I'm working my ass on it. Also, In november I started taking a couple of small simple jobs because I wanted to give her Gifts that really meant something. At least for me, I'm not rich, neither was she. I never told her about these jobs because they were manual and she would get preoccupied for both my back and my Study at the university, also I wanted it to be a surprise.
Yesterday I got pissed as hell to her and told her "Good luck with your life."
Now I can write what I said and there have been other problems with our relationship before. the 24th would have been our second year milestone.
I can write about those too, to make you see maybe what kind of person she was if you people are interested.
>>16641803
Those problems in greentext dont sound like problems to me if I knew you're kinda introverted. She probably doesn't read your face well, I used to think that the off, distant look my partner has meant they felt bored/not wanting to be there but that was just how his face looks and he can't help it. Same with the too-many-things-unsaid.
Anyway she seems impatient and silly to not take your word that you care, love her etc. Don't think you can help that kinda person.
I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time in months. I got on top of him so it would be deeper but as soon as it did I felt a stinging pain in my right abdominal area. I tried to go slower to see if I could tell what exact movement caused it but the pain just seemed to move around the right area as I did.
The next day, I've had the pain on the right side of my abdominal area when I do certain movements and it won't go away. Only thing that comes to mind is UTI but I haven't had any more accompanying symptoms.
Help?
You have insurance? what about a doctor? Has this ever been felt before?
>>16641703
It does sound like a uti. Hope you have insurance.
>>16641713
I have. But it has gone away.
>>16641718
Can this be treated at home? There are barely any doctors left in my area and I can't afford to miss work right now.
Need some advice everyone. My wife is bisexual and prefers women over men, she still likes men, she doesn't want to risk harming our marriage but she needs that connection with women. We've tried mff 3somes but it's just not the same for her. I'm being as open and supportive of her sexuality as I can be, we're just not sure where to go from here.
Any advice would be fantastic.
Pic unrelated.
>my wife
For what reason?
How does one marry a woman who isn't even into men.
This is like one of those good old gay man marries to look good for family and shit.
>>16641702
She's into men. She's into women too. I'm straight. It's my wife who is into men and women.
What if you watch while she has sex with another chick?
a friend who is bigger and stronger than you jokingly applies a grapple on you
what do you do exactly?
It's kind of a weird situation if you ask me. Power is taken away from you yet you're not being hurt.
It seems kinda beta to just go
"hey please let go of me bro haha"
what exactly would you do in this situation?
obviously to not get grabbed in the first place would be optimal, but lets say you've already been grabbed by them
>>16641649
and at the same time, it seems a bit too much to hit them. The situation isn't painful or treacherous, you're just powerless is all
stay there and don't laugh, don't move, accept it, and then when they finally let go walk away letting them know you didn't find it funny one single bit. They should understand by that that they fucked up. If they don't understand and do it again it's because they're fucking stupid and you hang out with stupid fucking friends.
It's the current year, force multipliers obsolete physical strength.
Just shiv or pull a gun on him and see how he likes that.
Being serious though you just want to make it so he doesn't get the "fun" from it. Don't struggle or make a big deal out of it.
What are the times after a date?
I mean, how much time am I supposed to wait until I ask her about a second date? How many times does it worth asking after a first "I'm busy"?
Before the first date ends you should ask here if she would like to hang out again sometime.
I'd say 3-5 days after the first date ended you can ask for second date so you don't seem too eager or leechy. After the first "I'm busy" I'd forget about her.
>>16641671
What about her saying she would like to hang out again after the meeting and then saying she's busy? And what about her asking for another meeting two months after?
>>16641707
>What about her saying she would like to hang out again after the meeting and then saying she's busy?
either she said she wanted to hang out to be polite, she changed her mind or she really is busy. in the latter case she'll come back to it keep talking to you and propose another time herself. If she doesn't it's definetly one of the first.
> And what about her asking for another meeting two months after?
sounds like she had another guy in the meantime, didn't work out and went back to you... don't expect much because you are a backup to her, then again with only one date her choice to see you as a backup plan is not based on much. I'd just kinda let her initiate things then and just hang out a bit if it's not much effort.
since i graduated high school my life has been a giant, dull mess. It's coming up on about 1 year since i graduated and nothing has gotten better, besides having more money. recently my mental state has been out of wack and I don't know how much more I can take. None of my friends know and I had the chance (2am, backyard, drunk, spilling feelings) but i was too much of a coward to talk about any of my problems so I said I was fine. I don't know what to do anymore. The only good news i've gotten recently was that I passed 3/4 of my college courses. What can I do to stop this never-ending migraine besides putting a fucking bullet in my head?
I feel kind of similar. Life became both boring and overwhelming when I graduated high school.
My solution is to join the military, so I'm being told what to do the next four years while I figure life out and discover who I am.
>>16641630
>more money
>friends
get your money and friends and travel around the world a bit. heaps of people do that at your age. if you cant afford a big round world trip just go to like japan or america or just somewhere quite culturally different that interests you, and maybe work there if you can. just have some fun and get out there.
>>16641635
i heavily considered joining the military, but i'm not really strong nor "military" material, so i decided against it. still considering the navy though.
>>16641640
definitely have considered it, only thing is my car is a piece of shit and I'm still living with my mom and step dad, and I would like to move out ASAP. I don't want to waste my money but one of the main problems is being stuck in this town and a trip to japan or europe would be AMAZING. Also my friends are super broke, they work but they're in a band so they spend all their money on band equipment. I am actually considering just going to japan and trying to meet some cute girl there because i've had 0 luck where I live. Maybe i'm just bad with women anywhere I go, but japanese girls are super cute and I'd like to try my luck lol
basically i like a guy iv been friends with for abit short of a year and all this time i thought he was gay because he never really talked about girls so i just kept my feelings to myself and shut up; but recently they asked me for advice to ask out/date another girl.
i was really routing for him because mostly what i want is them to be happy but sadly he got rejected and now that i know they are straight i wanna try to drop a few flirt bombs on him and maybe confess my feelings eventually but im nervous even talking to them about anything more then shows we love and or internet stuff,we talk quite frequently and have good cemetery but im worried if im just seen as a friend because they came to me for advise.
he said he might start internet dating soon and i feel that maybe he will stop even talking to me if he started to date somebody plus my time to tell them how i feel would be running out if he did, my stomach is constantly feeling like a big knot because of this stress from knowing its almost all over
all in all what im asking is how do i drop hints that i like them without seeming to forward or maybe having 1on1 time with him,i am never good talking let alone this flirting thing so i REALLY need help/advice
and if he does start to date somebody before i tell them how i feel ill just continue hiding my feelings and deal with it he is a amazing and nice person and id love to still talk to them.
>>16641577
i would post lewd apple jacks all day if i was not a ball of anxiety right now
>>16641576
I wouldn't bother with dropping hints, just tell him how you feel. He may already know. Maybe he's not interested in you in that way, or maybe he thinks you'd make a move if you were interested enough. But either way, I wouldn't leave it up to chance - just make some alone time with him ASAP and tell him.
>>16641576
Men don't really pick up on hints most of the time. Be blunt. Ask him why he's never asked you out. While it is possible that he's not interested, it's more likely that he thinks that you're not interested. He might also be worried that it'd make your friendship awkward if he asked and you rejected him. The way men think, you basically confirmed your disinterest when you failed to react with jealousy toward the other girl. Who knows, he might even have only brought her and Internet dating up to see how you'd react.
I'm just gonna be very straight forward how can I stop being friendzoned when I meet a girl or more importantly get out of the FriendZone
>>16641533
If she doesn't want you she won't take you, similarly to what happened at your birth.
I don't really like the term friend zone, using it demonstrates the problem to some degree. If someone doesn't like you, you can't make them. As far as getting there, not sure what to tell you besides just don't stay there. If a girl doesn't like you, it's over.
Be forward with your intentions and stop bullshitting yourself saying you're okay just being friends. If you say you're okay with being just friends then accept the "friendzone" and move on.
It's important not to get completely overwhelmed by the idea of a relationship and accept that things can go either way and the only way to know this is by being honest with yourself and her.
so I've been working at my job for two years, and the first six months I was on probationary wages (-25%)
yesterday a fresh faced young man got a job where I work, and was taken off probationary wages in two weeks
I am not sure if this was a special favour to him, or if I have been made a fool of
from what I gather my co-workers did 6 months like me, and it's the kind of thing can't ask about directly.
I'm not sure what I should do, either way I can't bear that kind of professional insult
>just get a new job anon
that is one option, but I have invested two years worth of work in the one I have, and it would be a terrible thing to have to do
>>16641411
>I'm not sure what I should do, either way I can't bear that kind of professional insult
Why not? You're making a personal issue out of something that is not personal. You're defeating yourself here.
Does it really fucking mater what someone else is making? What great injustice as been done to you? If you think you should be paid more for the work you're doing now, ask for a raise. Otherwise just shut up with this petty complaining.
>>16641453
it is personal because the boss has through his actions demonstrates that the new guy is more valuable than I was
he didn't mean it as an insult, but there is an underlying issue here that I can't leave undressed
either he doesn't recognize my value
he thinks he doesn't have to reward me for what I do
or I am not as valuable as the new guy
![why-break-up-now1[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/2HeEO5k.jpg "why-break-up-now1[1]")
