Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1848. page
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So, at what point should a person get help? A relationship I had recently ended unexpectedly and although I've had many before and been just fine, I seem to be really struggling at the moment. I've been crying every day for a month and have constant panic attacks. Friends think I'm being melodramatic but I'm really struggling day to day here. Should I wait it out and harden up or do I seek help?
It seems kinda stupid to get psychological help just because of a break up but I'm not coping. I no longer enjoy anything and I feel sick in my stomach all day.
Seems like you really loved this person..how long where you with them?
And in all honesty all of is go though hard breakups, it's a matter of loving yourself before you love anyone else.
The right moment is when you think it would help you. Imo, therapy is something almost everybody could benefit from. It doesn't hurt to get some professional to take a look at your life. I know that therapy was the single best thing i ever did for myselfe. Just one year in and i am off my ssri's, oanded my dream job, am MADLY in love with the most awesome guy ever and i got si much energy that i'm actually making over my whole appartment atm. Do it anon! Your future self will be so gratefull!
>>16642632
>It seems kinda stupid to get psychological help just because of a break up but I'm not coping.
If you're not coping, then it's time. Some people would argue that helping people cope is what psychology is all about. There is nothing stupid about this.
More generally, if you've got issues that you think have started to screw up your life, it's time to seek help for them.
>Meet girl on Tinder
>Nice, we hit it off we've met once
>She texts me everyday says I really like you and shit
>Suddenly she stops texting me on Jan 1st
>She says she's straight edge and very monogamous
>we're in college and she's at home over the break
>Ok, won't pester her too hard
>Jan 2 I text "how's 2016" or something
>Nothing
Every human is inherently different that is why there is struggle, competition and the unending march of progress.
>>16642598
someone else is giving her attention.
You really should waste your time on women, specially women that use tinder.
>>16642623
I'm short, no one fucking likes me where the fuck do I look
>20
>lost my job
>2.18 gpa CM&E program
>need a 2.5 to stay in program
>pscyosis
>diabetic (T1)
>gf lives over 1000 miles away
Recently lost my job, I'm getting by shoveling shit at a barn now. Give me some kind of legitimate justification not to either kill myself or go back to taking adderal just to get through the day
Some people need adderall to function at work and school. It you're using it to be productive it shouldn't be a problem. I personally get really depressed during the comedowns though. Maybe try vyvanse? It's newer, less additive, tends to be smoother and has a less intense comedown
>20 years old
>lost a job
>bad grades
You're young and your situation can be changed or made manageable.
>>16642591
>20
There you go
Why do some, mostly younger men address women as dude, man, bro, etc.?
Is this socially acceptable now?
What happened to hon, woman/girl, or sister?
>>16642587
hon, woman and sister are way too intimate to address a woman you don't know.
>"hey hon"
fine, you know, if you're an old lady
>"hey woman"
has kind of a rude feel to it
>"hey girl"
unless you want to communicate your desire to fuck her or you're her gay bff don't address a girl like that
>"hey sister"
just doesn't sound right
Hon, where's little Archie and Sara-Anne?
Woman, where's my dinner?
Hey girl, let me get a look at those tits.
Hey sister, we're both African-American.
I got no dating life what so ever and I don't see the situation improving itself. The fact is that I'm getting older and therefore losing my looks as the years come by. I'm not really being approached now and I don't see guys doing that when I get older and saggier and what not.
I broke up almost a year ago, but I still miss my ex and think about him daily. I decided to step out of the dating game until I'm fully recovered, and since the breakup I've just dedicated to improving myself.
I'm just afraid that I'll never meet anyone who'd compare to him. Not that he was a 7'0 astronaut with a dick made out of chocolate, but I really loved him from the bottom of my heart. I don't know if I can love anyone else like that. Honestly, I don't wanna and I don't believe that I could find someone who'd compare to that feeling.
I've accepted that it's over and I know that it's probably for the best, but I still just can't think about falling for someone else. And as mentioned in the beginning, I never meet any new guys. There are no interesting ones at the uni, and my life spins around library and gym only. I spend time with my friends too, but the truth is that you don't just randomly get to know some people you have nothing in common with. If it wasn't for Tinder, I wouldn't even had any dating life, ever.
I don't know why men generally doesn't seem to be too interested. For most women it seems to happen so naturally and boyfriends falls into their lap one after another. I'm not ugly, but that's just not happening for me.
I just feel like that it will never happen. I'm 23 and I have never been in a real, actual relationship. (I've dated twice for few months but it wasn't that serious.)
My self-esteem is pretty good. I consider myself as a pretty, athletic and rather smart person. I'm not cocky, but let's just say that I feel pretty confident being me. Still, the fact that men doesn't like me per se makes me feel a bit sad.
>there are no interesting guys at my uni
I'm a bit skeptical about that. How big is your university?
>>16642571
>My self-esteem is pretty good. I consider myself as a pretty, athletic and rather smart person. I'm not cocky, but let's just say that I feel pretty confident being me. Still, the fact that men doesn't like me per se makes me feel a bit sad.
This sounds familiar. Do you smile a lot?
Why are you worried about meeting other people when you're so hung up on your ex?
Really the trick to getting into a relationship is to take care of yourself and go out and socialize. That plus time and you'll meet someone. But it seems like you have shit to deal with before you go out looking for someone.
Almost every weekday morning I throw up/dry heave. A few times this year it's been so bad that I break capillaries in my eyelids/around my eyes and I look like I've been in a fistfight. I never feel nausea, but two doctors haven't been able to figure out what is wrong and just have assumed I really turned it up and drank too much - but this happens when I don't drink, too. And I know what a hangover feels like.
I feel like this is anxiety from my job causing me to do this, because it only seems to happen after I wake up and start to panic. What should I do to stop this?
I had to call in sick today due to it, because everyone is going to think I got crazy and got into a fight over NYE and I can't have that kind of perception in a corporate gig.
Do you eat and drink before bed?
do something to keep your panic attacks at bay. meditate/do yoga/breathing exercises or take an early morning walk/run.
change some pattern to healthy lifestyle.
>>16642549
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I generally eat around 8-9 and go to bed around 11-midnight.
Hey guys, i have a problem and i hope someone here can give me some advice.
I have been together with my boyfriend for 7 months now and he is pretty hung. The thing is that we like it a little rough, but I am pretty tight and after we have sex it often really hurts.. I have been to the gyno several times and she always said that everything is fine and that I am just swollen etc.
okay now has anybody had the same problem and knows a solution? Some special lube or something?
Have not had that problem but I'm pretty sure standard lube would be just fine. Maybe even taking it easy during sex would help ya
>>16642364
We use normal lube and sometimes go easier..
Then youre just tight, that's completely normal. Overtime you'll adapt but for now this is what you have to deal with
So I tried to sneakily see how my friend felt about pedophiles. Judging by how she responded , do you guys think I messed up ?
Why do idiots like you try to tell friends about your sexual preferences? Save that for people you're actually having sex with, goddamn.
>>16642246
>10/14/15
well you ought to fucking know by now
>>16642266
She doesn't respond to anything I say
I need advice friends. I'm in the most perfect relationship with the girl I'm going to marry. For the past few days I've been quite lacking in passion towards the relationship. I believe it's the distance. Right now we're apart, only for a few weeks. I'm getting frustrated with things more then usual. She's depressive but this doesn't show often. But lately her mood and negativity has been frustrating me which saddens her further. It's a lack of empathy for her problems, but it's sad to me that I feel this way. This is the first time I have lost a passion for the most important person to me. This upsets me more because it seems like something as simple as distance has made me feel this way. Help me out /adv/ how do I change this, what thought path should I be on. Thanks.
Looks imperfect to me.
>>16642176
Girlfriend of 3.5 years, love of my life left me after 6-7 months apart on her exchange program. Crying on my shoulder, begging me to not take a break, to wait for her - I did. She wrote me books, poems, made me things, ensured a surprise for me each week. I did many things in return for her.
Her love was absolutely vibrant, and way more than anything I could ever offer her:
She came back, probably cheated on me during this time, dumped me after a few weeks, and is now living life as a supposedly mature adult.
It's how it is OP. I wouldn't worry about a few weeks. I'm not even that bad. Some guys have been in relationships for years and years and much worse has happened.
Just relax.
Its totally normal to feel a lack of passion. But the amount of thought your giving it shows you still care enough. Perhaps your going through some stages of grief, anger and denial. If you spend long enough apart, i myslef felt the same way, after 2 months you'll be begging for them back
Need some advice on moving on from a relationship
Was in a long-term relationship with a girl for about a year and a half. We both really, really loved each other (in fact, I was planning on marrying her when things were more stable) but there were some bumps. We were both at a time in our lives where we were very depressed, and we sort of had a long distance relationship (lived about 2 hours from each other.) Eventually it became too much and we broke up with each other. There were a lot of bad feelings after the breakup, but we tried to stay in touch. Things were actually pretty good for a while, but then last christmas I admitted I still had feelings for her. After that she would only respond to our conversations with one-word answers, and eventually four months later she just stopped talking to me altogether, and blocked me on Skype and facebook. I sent her one last email over the summer trying to be as honest as possible with her, saying I still had feelings for her, and asking her if she still had any for me. She was polite enough, but she said no. A couple of months later I tried getting in touch with her again (not for any dramatic feels talk but just to talk as friends), but she completely ignored me. Over the holidays I'd send her a message every month or so, but never got a response.
I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore, and I guess now I have to give up on ever hearing from her again. The thing is, I still worry about her a lot (she was very depressed and suicidal during our relationship) and I think that if I knew she was okay it would be easier to just move on.
1/2
But unfortunately there's no real way to find that out. She doesn't update her social media sites or anything, and I no longer talk to any online friends who are still friends with her. I could try talking to some people who I used to know to see if they still talk to her, but they might tell her I'm asking about her.
What would you do, anons? Should I try to see if she's doing okay to help me move on? Or should I just accept not really knowing about how she's doing anymore? It's kind of my new years resolution to completely move on from this girl.
The first step to moving on is to stop contacting her. The second step is to stop stalking her social media sites. The third step is to give up on trying to find out ways to contact her. The fourth step is to start thinking about yourself more than anything else.
Take the hint; she's not interested in you anymore. She's likely started moving on with her life and you being there is hampering that.
Hey OP, sorry to hear, in a similar situation.
I'm "lucky" enough that my ex decided she wants me as a friend and messages me every other day, for a few minutes maybe, about random shit. It's kind of nice but at the same time kind of hurts...knowing she is just out there, bored and alone most of the time, and will just message me when she is bored as a friend to chat a bit...
So just think about if that would be what you want. You may be better off without her as a friend. It's just going to prolong negative feelings. I've decided to drop my drama and let her message me when she wants, for her sake, but in reality, our friendship is most likely more beneficial for her than for me.
I'm sticking to my path of moving on, whether or not we continue to talk or not. Sure again it was really nice when she first started messaging me again after over a month of me missing her and pining after her. But it didn't change much. Still gotta move on.
I can't stand people who smoke, whether it's tobacco, weed, those vaping devices, etc. Here we are in 2016, and we still allow people to smoke? Despite all the scientific evidence that smoking is harmful? Where I live, everybody smokes. I know hardly any other non-smokers. People smoke everywhere, even in nursing homes and smoke-free areas. The streets are littered with cigarette butts. Everyone has an annoying smokers' cough and they all smell like an ashtray. Something needs to be done about smokers and the availability of cigarettes. I don't care if it's their right to smoke; they're too stupid to have any rights.
>>16642065
ur mums too stupid to have any rights
I also want to point out that everyone who doesn't smoke hates people who do.
Non-smoker = anti-smoking
>>16642065
That'd awful for u I guess, but there's nothing to be done about it.
>Be me
>22
>Mates with a dude
>Call him A
>Used to work with A, get along well with him, catch up from time to time
>A has a 15 year old sister
>I'll say it outright. She does not fucking look 15. She could pass as at least 18 from the way she acts/looks/talks. Was shocked when I found out her age
>She's really into music, A tells her I'm really into music and she should talk to me for recs
>Fast forward a couple of months, she's still messaging me / talking to me when she sees me
>Always careful not to do anything untoward. No flirting, sometimes take a few days to reply to her, never alone with her, etc
>Find out off mutual friend that she apparently has a huge crush on me
How the fuck am I meant to handle this? I don't know if A suspects or knows, and I don't want him to think I'm doing anything untoward to his little sis. Do I ignore it and carry on treating her like I'm oblivious to this? Do I go to an effort to cut contact with her? Do I confront her or A about it? Like I said, she doesn't look 15, and it pains me to admit it, but if she was older I might ask A's permission to date her, but as it stands, the fact she has a stupid teenage crush on me makes me feel anxious as fuck that I'm going to do something that's misinterpreted by her or other people as inappropriate and I'll get pegged for it.
Pic isn't her but who's going to complain if I use a cutie as the thumbnail?
>>16642024
Act oblivious. I wouldn't suggest telling her brother because he might talk to her about it, so just act as if you have no idea what's going on.
>>16642038
I've only got brothers, so I'm kind of at a loss when it comes to shit like this, but do these teenage crushes last very long? I'm assuming it's fairly common for them to crush on older dudes? Is there any risk of her actually trying something on me, or is it just a stupid short term flighty thing?
Okay I'm going to give you two sets of advice.
1. Fuck her:
Hold off until she is 16 though. Treat her with respect and go at her pace. Chances are you would be her first sexual experience, make it a positive one. Make sure she understands that there is still a great deal of stigma around the age gap, and that the two of you would have to wait until she's 18 to be open about it.
2. Don't fuck her:
Don't confront A, as there's a chance he will embarrass his sister. If you have to, just let him know that you and her talk and that you have zero intention of hooking up with her- but remind him not to bring this up at all with his sister, for the sake of her dignity.
Keep things platonic with her and put a bit of space between you and her e.g shorter texts, longer response times and generally tell her you're too busy- all of which you're doing so she should lose interest when a guy her own age comes along.
I need help,
i fell in love with a girl that is going back to her country in three months, and she has a boyfriend there, she complains about him all the time yet talks to him everyday, she says its a open relationship but our chemistry and sex is the best i have ever had, we talked about us and she said that we dont know the future and that she thinks i like her more then she likes me, and feels bad about it, what should i do? Express myself and this emptiness i am feeling? We are like dating here but...
You're a faggot for cucking someone else's girl. You should feel bad.
>>16642016
Don't worry about the future
Enjoy what you have while you have it,
Just fuck her until she leaves.
>Does the BF know he's in an open relationship?
Today was the first day that I am clean.
Last night I came into the weekly advice thread begging for help, the short of it is that I have been pretending I am a woman online for so long that it has done incredible damage to my own development, and I had invested so much of my self esteem and leaned on the attention and care I'd get as a female so much, that I had become dependent on it to be happy.
An anon gave me the advice to cut if off cold turkey, and I did so last night.
I've struggled all day, I feel like an addict who is having severe withdrawals. I haven't been able to eat, I haven't been able to sleep, my heart is pounding and I constantly feel like I am going to cry. The feeling of loss of all of my friends I had under my persona is almost unbearable.
I know I'm really fucked up, but I'm trying. Please, I need help. Please give me advice on how to cope with this feeling of loss. It is very hard to distract myself. I have been watching movies non-stop today, trying to keep talking with my friends and family casually, and it's working but I don't know how to deal with it when I am alone. I don't know how to keep myself from dwelling on it, from experiencing the loss again, from experiencing the regret.
Can anyone help me? Please.
Thank you very much for reading.
You'll be fine.
Don't get caught up in the uncomfortable feelings it will throw at you, remember that you are in control. Tell yourself those feelings are just feelings and you are going through a phase to become a better person.
If you dwell on it it will harder for you, keep yourself busy with constructive things.
>>16642039
I've been trying to get back in touch with the real me, fortunately I had another account for another game where I had made a character that was male, from an earlier attempt to reconnect with my real self online that had failed.
However I feel it here more than anywhere else, because I am now in this environment that I am so familiar with, but I have no friends, and I am alone. Fortunately it is not the same online game as the one I had come from, that one I uninstalled last night and destroyed everything of it on my computer.
I'm struggling though, the persona I created was VERY popular within the community, and they have been trying very hard to get my attention, but I have not responded. I know if I do, it will reignite the problem inside of me.
Can you give me any advice to deal with people trying to contact me? The guilt and loneliness is crippling. I couldn't sleep last night and I haven't slept all day and I should have been in bed 5 hours ago, but everytime I try to close my eyes I am overwhelmed by sadness.
Have you ever dealt with trying to ignore a terrible thought or memory? Is there some advice you can give me to help me sleep? I'm sorry if I'm talking in circles, but I feel better having said all of this out loud, since I cannot say it anywhere else.
God thank you for responding, you have no idea how much you have taken off my shoulders just for that
I want to fap to normal porn again, but it feels really satisfying to fap to my current interest . The problems is I can feel I am wanting more of it. I want to fap to normal stuff again I'm just not sure if it's worth the effort
Just fap to petite shaved 18+ girls.
>>16641996
I could try......still not the same I'm into kindergardener age but I'll try.
You should seek mental help. Not trying to be rude, but what loving pizza is a serious condition and could lead to some worse things down the road when your inhibitions are down. It's alright now to say "it won't come to that" or "but I'm stronger than that" but desire is a very intense thing. If you let it, it can fuck you over. Just seek help before the problem gets bigger.
