Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1614. page
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My girlfriend is leaving me because she found a tinder app on my phone despite having no girls on it. She was always paranoid about me not liking her so when she saw it she started randomly getting more and more upset and I had to painstakingly figure out what was botherin her all on my own. Do you think there's a chance to save this? I have had 0 intention of cheating on her and I admit that I had it because I was a bit paranoid of her being on this app so I got it to check. I know, it's ridiculous, but do you think I can convince her? This whole thing seems ridiculous.
>>16789835
I would just explain to her (if that's truly the purpose that you got the app for). I'd tell her that you got it because you are insecure and afraid that she was on there and that you didn't want to get hurt because she's one of the best things thats happened to you.
If you act sensitive and sincere, she'll eat it up. Only say it if you mean it though anon.
>>16789858
Yeah I'll do that. It was so hard to let her go to the point where I was following her home like a creep until I asked someone to let me sit next to her on the bus and she called out "What? No, go away" I'm the kind of person that can't let a problem go unsolved even though I know she needs time to recollect. I just feel she's going to already throw away all her feelings for me in that small amount of time. She's cut off contact with me already so I have to find her before she gets to work.
>girlfriend is a paranoid psycho bitch
>BUT THEN so is OP
Man I don't know. I was about to suggest cutting your losses and running but apparently you two are made for each other. Enjoy the crazy.
>be 24 year old fat ginger hippie
>long haul trucker because it's easy, I'm used to it
>have no motivation to do anything, now it's effecting my work
>just fuckin hang out in the sleeper for hours, sleeping or shitposting on /o/, don't wanna move, don't really wanna drive
>end up being a fucking DAY late to my last delivery, boss is pissed
>do the same sleeping all day when I'm at home except I also smoke a shitload of weed
>don't even really enjoy it that much anymore, plus I'm not supposed to be smoking, had to use fake urine last time I got tested
>have no real goals except getting a car
>only one real friend but she lives in a different state now so I hardly ever see her
>last gf I had was almost 2 years ago, finally got laid again in November but it wasn't that great
How do I unfuck myself? Make myself care about something again?
Stop smoking weed. That shit is for the occasional chill out and maybe sex. That's it. It's not a daily indulgence.
It fucks with your dopamine production, which you need for motivational behaviour.
>>16789821
I only smoke when I'm home, these days I'm usually out for over a week and home for 3 or 4 days tops. Still that does make sense.
Why bother caring about anything? Just enjoy driving around the country, smoking weed and shitposting. That's a fine life. Don't be ashamed.
Girl I'm friends with needs $400 for rent. Thing is it all seems really fishy, she's engaged and 4 months preggo and I know there's no way she can afford to pay me back hence. To make matters worse she got her fiance fired from his job so they have NO money, I said I'll give her the money if she can find something I'd value at $600 upfront. Here's another catch, I live in cali and she moved to Bama last year so they can't work it off. What do you think she'll offer up for a trade. Pic very related
>>16794389
Why are you even getting involved?
She lives super far away from you, and she's engaged. What do you possibly have to gain from lending her money? It seems to me like you have nothing to gain and 400$ to lose
>>16794399
Yup that's what I was thinking also.. she has NOTHING to offer me at all
>>16794389
it's a scam,don't do it.
advice on how to give my boyfriend better head? i know a lot of techniques but he says i tend to use teeth a lot. i usually clench my lips or jaw. should i try relaxing my mouth? im not sure what to do. any advice to fix this?
you could focus a little more on licking. Also, don't forget the step children. Very important. Maybe some tossing of the salad too.
>>16789787
Relax your jaw, but maybe keep your lips semi-tight around the shaft and head. Also, when you're pulling back/upwards, stick your tongue out a little while still keeping your lips in contact with his shaft. It's fucking mind blowing.
Sex isn't something that should be understood as a technical skill. Your passion for him and his pleasure matters more than your ability. Disregard anyone who tries to talk to yoh like there's a rule book for this shit
Guys.. I think I made a mistake... I said I love you to a woman whom shows that she does but will not say it. I haven't even dated her for longer than a couple months. She's stoked that I say it but obviously will never say it back... I just wanted it off my chest.. What do I do, I really like her and she has been totally caring and kind.. I know maybe I will get cucked one day and that she probably will never say it. I'm in bad shape... Please help...
Bumpidy bump...
I want to start off this thread by saying, I am deeply in love with my girlfriend, and I'm not afraid to say that at all. So obviously this question is just odd for me to ask.
This is my first ever relationship and I've said all this stuff to my girlfriend. I'll be with her forever, we're destined to be together, we're never going to leave. She feels the same way, she's been in two prior relationships. All these are things I hope are true.
But for the sake of harmless curiosity, I'm wondering... are these things all couples say? Does everyone feel this way? Obviously not all couples work out. When a couple feels this way, but breaks up, what does it feel like?
Again, I'm in love with my girlfriend. I don't want to ever break up with her, thinking of doing so and breaking her heart hurts me. But I'm wondering, is all the things we're saying really concrete like we think they are? Do couples who say this stuff break up? Why?
Thanks for answering. I'm genuinely curious.
feelings by their very nature change
It's your first relationship, so your earnest, idealist and naive.talk is almost cute.
Very very few people stay with the person from their first relationship. I bet you haven't even been with this girl for a year. I bet you haven't even gotten through the honeymoon period.
>>16789755
First relationships yes, later in life not so much unless you mean it or intend it
okay 4chan, I'm intoxicated enough to think this is a good idea so let's go
>be me, 18 y/o guy
>beta as fuck, very quiet but book smart/nerdy type
>in first year at college
>play vidya every day
>smoke excessive amounts of weed every day, also sell a decent amount
>say that it's self medication and it helps with depression/anxiety/sleeping problems/suicidality which it does but I'm still a delinquent
>ugly as shit
>virgin, only ever been in a relationship with one person so I have essentially no romantic experience
>basically I'm a waste of space and a lost cause
>can count the people I've been actually interested in on one hand, combination of the facts that I generally want an actual relationship with someone I'm connected to and that I've partially accepted my fate and don't really talk to girls as if I'm looking for a relationship
>have a huge crush on one of my friends from home
>liberal college stoner girl
>met her through my older brother a while ago but she's my age
>very beautiful with long red hair
>she's honestly a 10/10 in my eyes
>WAY out of my league
>first started liking her last spring, around the time I started smoking (the first time I smoked was with her)
>sorta like her for a while but never do anything about it
>always look forward to seeing her
>she starts flirting with me a lot over time
>thinking maybe she likes me too
>at a party over the summer I was tripping balls stoned and asked her out
>she says no
Continued...
>says she's going away to college in the fall so she doesn't want a relationship
>super embarrassed after I sober up
>she ends up going out with a mutual friend a short time later
>makes things a little awkward between us but we still talk
>I lie to myself and say I'm over her
>they break up before she goes to school in the fall anyways
>fast forward 6+ months
>she goes to a community college near home, college was too expensive
>see each other semi often when I'm home from school, usually with other friends
>always subtly (or not subtly) hoping something will happen between us and wanting to flirt with her when we hang out
>sometimes try to communicate this with subtle flirtation (i.e. "accidental" touches, being really nice/generous)
>she actually seems to respond sometimes, but I'm shitty at it and always assume she did it accidentally or something
>seems like she's more interested in casual sex so I'm not sure what to do
>saw each other somewhat often while I was home on break, until recently
>she's all I can think about
>normally I would only want a real and long-lasting relationship but I eventually realize if she just wanted to fuck me I might let her
>holy shit I'm a mess
>I really like her though
>lose sleep over it some nights
>don't have the slightest clue what to do about it
(Pic related)
Do you think she might be interested in me after all or do I have no chance? How do I even start to do something about it?
This is going to sound insane, and it's really risky, and it probably won't work..... but have you considered talking to her, and then telling her how you feel, and then asking her how she feels? I mean it's really crazy, but you might actually find out some things about who she is as a perso .
Forgot to post the picture
>in college
>have gf
>gf has some mental problems
>fear of abandonment
>some paranoia (she'll check the door 5 times to make sure it's locked, her phone 10 times to make sure the alarm is on, and once had a panic attack at her parent's house because she thought she heard noises in the dark)
>also self harm
>won't see a counselor under any circumstances
>recently she has been more and more afraid of me leaving her, and seeing things that aren't there
>a couple examples
>my friend and I have a tradition of making cynical jokes about love near valentine's day
>he's single and feels bad about it so I share one with him for old time's sake
>gf interprets this as me hating valentine's day, and therefore hating the concept of love, and therefore hating her
>next one
>at event with gf that little brother I haven't seen in a long time is also at
>talk to little bro a lot because we are very close
>I talk with him a lot and we share inside jokes
>she feels like I was intentionally excluding her and wanted to leave her because I talked to him more than I talked to her
>she knows that I feel terrible when she accuses me of things like these, only making her feel worse
>unending cycle
>it's been getting worse and worse over the past several months
>I try my best to be as kind and understanding as I can, but nothing seems to work and it's really wearing on me emotionally
>I don't want to leave her, but it's been wearing me down so hard that I can't help but think of it
>I would shatter her world if I just up and left her, as she has no friends, a bad family situation, and hates herself no matter how many times I tell her she's a beautiful, wonderful person
>basically her life revolves around me/schoolwork
>woman's intuition; she is worried sick that I'm only with her because I feel like I have to be
>a couple nights ago I dreamt I kissed the qt Japanese foreign exchange student
>I don't want to lose feelings for my gf
I really need help Anons, I don't know what to do.
I think I just need someone to talk to, she swore me to secrecy about all our problems
Is she taking any medications or in therapy? If she isn't, try to convince her that she should. She should be trying to improve her mental state but it sounds like it is deteriorating. Try to do your best to help her but if she doesn't improve you should probably move on.
>>16794067
Print this thread, give it to her and tell her you don't want to leave her but she needs counseling. If she won't do it for you, then your relationship is doomed anyhow.
I'm a 22 years old chemical engineering freshmen, just started college 2 months ago and since I'll be paying for tuition myself I decided to work part-time to save money for next semester tuition.
I started working at a call-center just 3 weeks ago. The job's easy, the pay's good, and the company adjusts my work schedule to my school schedule so that I work only 25 hours a week.
Even so I'm having a hard time adjusting because my homework load is always huge and I barely manage to finish it before deadlines. I've been stressed and tired as fuck for the past 3 weeks and I'm seriously thinking of quitting the job so I can focus on college, but if I quit I won't have any money for next semester tuition.
What do you think I should do? Should I quit the job or stay like this knowing I'm risking failing at least a subject? Do you think there's an easier way for a student to earn decently and pay school?
Please help me, I'm desperate and I can't ask anyone from my family for help or support.
>>16789723
would a summer job be able to cover tuition? do you have student loan options? have you tried looking for say, weekend jobs only? one that averages 16 hours a weekend like being a server, but will result in enough tips to compensate?
exhaust al lyour options before you just quit cuz quitting doesnt solve the problem
>>16789723
i hate to say it but schooling sucks these days - it is more of a system to make money rather than give people anything that will help them - it has become more of a hinderage than a help
like you - i couldn't afford college - so i started working full time
first with shit jobs in a gov office - stayed and did everything i was told - joined boards - joined groups lots of volunteering
ten years later i have a decent job in an employment office and now i have money to pay for an education which is what i am doing
>>16789742
Working as waiter was one of my first options actually.
Unfortunately most of the restaurants I asked for job have fixed schedules that force you to work 6 days a week. Call centers are of the most flexible companies in here and that's why I decided on working there, but stll I'm choking with college.
>>16789750
I think it depends on the country. In first world countries you'd probably have a bigger chance of nicely-paid job without having a degree.
In my country you're destined to work as waiter or cook with a shitty salary the rest of your life if you don't go to college.
my girlfriend is depressed as fuck cause i got into a school accross the state(san fransisco state) and i live in socal. she doesn't want me to go far and gave me lackluster responses when i told her excitedly i got it. i go to CC and she goes to a local state school that she wants me to go to, that I also got into.
but part of me really wants to do this big adventure thing but i feel sad because she said to me that she "Doesn't believe in long term relationships" so we'd have to split, and we've almost been together 3 years. i really do love this girl a lot.
anyone have any fresh pieces of perspective/insight? thank you
>>16789698
ask her to make every moment count til you go.
you are young enough to be in college and transferring to a bigger one. lets say 22 at best. not fresh off the boat of childhood, but young enough that you dont need to worry about whether or not the imaginary 'one' got away.
her first instinct is that you have to stay in her life. not that she can come with you in yours. so why not go have your big adventure? it'll be even bigger with no one holding you back. three years is a long and healthy relationship, and perhaps its best you two end it on the onte of 'i will always love you, but its time we go on our own adventures'.
until we meet again, and all that.
Just dump her and go, man
It took me all four years of college to finally find a girl that's capable of putting up with my shit
I doubt I would clutched as hard if I didn't get the practice asking girls out and getting rejected
Also there's always the chance that you'll just fuck a bunch of dorm chicks and you really don't want to be cockblocking yourself
>>16789698
If she doesn't believe in long term relationships then just end it. You're not marrying the girl who doesn't want a long term deal.
I think you might have meant long distance relationships though (sorry if I'm wrong). They're not the end of the world, but it's up to you if it's worth it. Takes a lot of effort.
My boyfriend got into school locally and I remember being kind of sad that we'd see each other less often. Doesn't mean that I wasn't incredibly proud of him and excited for him because it was his dream. Took me a few days, but I got over it. Not exactly the same as you two, though. What I'm trying to say is: slow things down and see how she feels in a few days.
>Be me
>19, at CC
>Be in politics class
>There's a ultra QT girl who seems shy and I haven't seen her talk to anyone in class
>I'm shy too
>I'm seated at an angle and behind her on the other side of the room but in a way we can both see each other
>She'll look back towards me and sort of with peripheral vision
>We've made eye contact multiple times
I have no idea how to start talking to her or introduce myself and it's killing me. Don't even know her name either. Please help /adv/
>>16789631
several options.
sit down next to her
>BUT WE HAVE ASSIGNED SEATS
the teacher wont notice
>BUT THE OTHER STUDENT WILL GET UPSET
pay him 20 bucks to pretend he wants to sit over there.
alternatively
>bump into her in the hall, like it was an accident
>apologize profusely, then say 'hey dont you have XX class with me?
respond accordingly. try to turn it to a quick conversation. ask about the material. if she likes it, push in that direction. its now you two with common itnerests. if she hates it, agree. now you both can rant about class together. etc.
Do looks matter? Would I have a better time talking to girls if I actually get my ass off and work out?
Yes you fucking mongloid
>>16793954
10/10 life changing reply, thks m80
>>16793953
Bump
Is it possible for a naturally passive person to eventually become assertive?
As a mild-mannered someone who dislikes conflict and awkward situations, I have on many occasions let people talk to me in ways I didn't like because I didn't want to create an awkward moment for others in the group or I wanted to avoid conflict. I'm the kind of person that feels uncomfortable telling "no" to strangers and acquaintances because they might get mad. These type of encounters almost always leave me feeling angry at myself for not having spoken up and on rare occasions will cause me to have an outburst of rage if pushed too much. I'm trying to work on ways to become a more assertive person, who doesn't have to seek permission to do things, but sometimes I'm afraid my nature will win and my efforts will be in vain, leaving me as nothing but a tool and a people pleaser.
>>16789596
yes. though generally you wont naturally become assertive. you have to actually be assertive ABOUT being assertive to become assertive.
you have to choose your battles. but if you have nothing to lose by saying 'no' then why not say no?
>BECAUSE ARGUMENTS
you also have the option of stepping away from the arguments. almost universally. almost
I'm currently undergoing group therapy as training.
I'm the most dominant and assertive member of my group by far. I know my mind, I speak up and I try to back up everything I say with reason.
I do my best to speak calmly, to listen carefully, to be diplomatic... and some people still find me intimidating and accuse me of being overbearing. It's just the way it is.
You have to accept that being assertive, confident and honest unsettles a lot of people because they've got by their entire lives taking the route of least resistance and passively accepting things.
You can be passive, nod along, which will give you an easier life, or you can be active, defiant when it's justified and confident which will inevitably get people's backs up and threaten them.
>>16789596
Basically no.
It comes naturally to some people and not to others. Trying to force it will likely backfire. You try to assert yourself, you'll see people better at the game escalating on you, and you won't win; you'll either cave or make yourself look like an aggressive asshole, or both. Socially-capable people have an eye for people who will take their shit, and will not stand to see this authority challenged. You will lose every time.
So you're a doormat. Sucks, bud, but that's the card you got dealt. If you don't like it, then start saying no to everyone* and doing your best to stand your ground. Don't try to hang with them verbally, keep it simple and NO. Let them be the one to start getting ridiculous. Don't debate them, don't mock them, don't correct them, just keep saying, "I don't care, the answer is no." People like an easy mark and will learn to leave you be if you're not one. Granted, this will rarely be socially graceful, but there you are.
*Obviously tread carefully with this at work and with other people on which you are dependent. Your boss is not the person you want to be experimenting with defensive negatory stances.
So last Friday I went on a successful date with a cutie. Dinner, ice cream, bar, sex. Stayed the night at her place, sex in the morning. I like this girl, so could I ask her out again for Valentine's Day? Or should I wait more than a week before the next date? Normally I would wait, but it's Valentines Day and I feel like that might make it ok.
You fucked her twice and you are still nervous to ask?
Just fucking do it.
>>16789541
Forgot to mention we text about every other day, so I'd probably ask her out again on Thursday if I chose to do so. I'm 22 and I've never had an intimate relationship, so this is all kinda foreign to me.
>>16789541
Let me put it this way: she is DEFINITELY going to feel like shit if you don't ask her out for Valentine's Day.
That said, don't make a big deal of the holiday, given this sounds like just your second date.
I'm not sure what career path to take. I was suspended last month and depression has gotten worse since then. The college told me either transfer or come back on probation. Help? I don't even know what degree to pursue.
What were you doing, and why were you suspended?
>>16789508
I was suspended for cheating on an exam and a classmate reported me. Got kicked out of the Archaeology program and was almost summoned to court. My math skills are really poor. I have 70 credits and roughly 2 more years left. I'm not sure if other colleges will accept me.
