Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1055. page
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How do I know if someone's got a fancy for me?
ask dude, the worst they can do is say no, stop friend zoning yourself
Ask them out you faggot
>>16983985
You ask them out. Nothing else works.
I take care and live with my niece. My sister has a drug habit and her husband is total trash. I've only started taking care of her about four months ago. Anyways, she's 15. Very shy and awkward at school as far as I know, and grades have been dropping. Found out she's been shitting on me and has been doing to a 17 year olds house every week to smoke weed for the past few weeks and recently is slowly weening off meet and animal products and is becoming vegan. She's seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety and depression. She's become a bit more outgoing and a tad more sociable since the weed and veganism, I think she's taken an interest in soul healing, chakra, aromatheraphy and all that hippie bullshit. What should I do? She's become overall a much better version of herself but I don't know if this is good for her in the long term. I'd like a second opinion on this.
>>16983828
I would do whatever is necessary to get her to stop using weed. I have nothing against weed on principle, it's just generally better for growing kids if they're not drinking, smoking, or using drugs. Plenty of time for that when she's an adult. If she has anxiety and depression, that's probably why she's using weed. Is she on meds? They might not be working very well. That being said, you don't want to overmedicate her. If she needs meds, she needs them, but the less foreign substances in her body, the better.
As for all the hippie bullshit, I would let her do it, as long as she's not hurting anybody or trying to use hippie healing on someone who needs actual medical attention or something. It's probably filling an emotional need for her. With her parents being like they are, she probably feels a huge lack of control in her life, and new age stuff provides a feeling of comfort and control. She will probably grow out of it as she works on her issues in therapy. If she doesn't, the worst that'll happen is she'll become one of those ladies who wears green eyeshadow and too many rings and always tries to get you to try new herbs and shit. And you don't really have that much control over who she decides to be when she grows up anyway.
As for the veganism, keep a close eye on her health and appearance, and lay down the law if she starts to look sickly or show signs of nutritional deficiency. It takes a lot of work to have a nutritionally complete vegan diet, and even more so if you're still growing. I would encourage her to learn all she can about eating healthy, but you should strongly encourage her to try being vegetarian or pescatarian instead of vegan. Maybe try to work that in with the grades - if she gets high marks, you can buy her some vegan treats as a reward or give her a "get out of meat free" pass or something.
>>16983828
You've done all you can now go out get yourself a fuck
Lay down the law on the drug abuse. Watch to make sure she's getting proper nutrition as a vegan.
The rest, while perhaps distasteful, is not all that concerning. Just make sure she's not dumping too much money into it, or preventing people who need actual medicone from getting it.
The closer I get to graduating college and getting older, the more panicked I'm becoming.
The one thing I thought I wanted to do doesn't seem so appealing the closer I get to it. I'm terrified because I don't really enjoy anything. I've been fighting depression forever, and I've tried so many things. The only hobbies I have are there to escape.
should probably just end it now, it'll only get worse
help
Seriously. The number of people on advice who think they are special.
Who the fuck doesn't freak out (some disguise it more readily) at life changes? It's perfectly normal to be anxious about things like graduating and entering the real world. It's perfectly normal to have a mid-life crisis.
Explore your emotions and anxieties. Realise it's fucking part of growing up and living. Keep moving forward.
This september I will be starting trade school to be in HVAC. I am excited for it, I just got a job 2-3 weeks ago at Sam's Club. I work in the kitchen and they are moving me to moving carts all day. The pay is good, 10 an hour. But I dont particularly like it, and I have really bad knees and a messed up shoulder so it makes these tasks even harder. Especially since there is no sitting at all. Should I stick with it till september? Or should I try to find something else till then. Once school hits, ill be going m-f 7-3 at school so I want to put all my time and effort into passing early so I can get started in my career. I live in Tennessee btw.
>chronic pain
>learning a trade
You're already fucked son
>>16983571
yeah, if you're in pain and you already don't address your physical fitness on a daily basis seriously, you're basically just killing yourself with labor work.
so, yeah... take care of your damn body, regardless if you stay at sams. also, maximise every last benefit you can from them.
>>16983571
You didnt read my post at all did you?
I said the 8 hours of standing is tough on my knees. Doing HVAC is not 8 hours of standing. yes it is hard work, but you can do a lot of it sitting or even laying down.
Law School or History Graduate School?
Goal for the former would be J.D., then practice in criminal law, preferably as an assistant prosecutor to begin with.
Goal for the later would be PhD in History, and then to teach as a History professor.
I have the ability to do either, but not the funds to do both. Which is the more practical choice? Which would lead to me having more chances of landing a job with reasonable pay right out of school?
Pic unrelated.
-America, btw.
Law school is very expensive and saturated. Since most PHDs are funded, I'd do that, assuming you can get funding.
>>16983412
... you really think you're gonna start as a fucking assistant prosecutor?
>spending 150,000 in unforgiveable debt to beg for grueling, shitty 80 hour workweek jobs that net you 35k a year... if you're lucky enough to get a job
get real kid
up /adv/. I'm about to graduate with a BS in Biochemistry. Not really sure what I want to do after college. I've got some work experience, managing budgets, supervising employees but not much lab experience so I'm not sure how hard it would be to find work with my bachelors. Gonna graduate with a 3.8 major and 3.3 cumulative.
I'm pretty interested in intensive medicine and have a massive hard on for adrenaline and thinking about getting a paramedic certification. I know they don't make a ton of money but I don't really need much. Bad idea? I'm also considering enlisting in the Army, pulling a Ranger contract as a medic. Other ideas?
>>16983301
what itch are you trying to scratch?
your financial setup? your intellectual satisfaction?
Itch? I'm pretty bored. Going to school every day is taking its toll, I don't think I could do another 7+ years of schooling to be an MD.
I've got no student debt and own my own home, only thing I make payments on is my motorcycls. Intellectually I always enjoy learning more but don't particular feel the need to be certified by doing so.
>>16983599
hmm, making payments on a bike is pretty dumb, but whatever. only house debt is pretty good place to be.
If you're not feeling a pull, I'd say just take a job to pay your bills and give yourself some time to think on it some more. especially if you're healthy, single, no kids.
if you have lots of practical experience as a project handler, or a manager as you say, you shouldn't have any troubles.
i asked a random girl i thought was really pretty out 2 months ago and she rejected me.
i can't tell anyway cause it would be embarrassing. i've never had a girlfriend before too because i didn't really want one up until this point, i got my shit together and asked her out.
how do i cope with this feeling of having no gf
>>16983252
Just enjoy the single boat a little longer. The first few moments are amazing, but later on in life in the relationship, if it lasts long, problems develop and interest is lost. Unless you two are crazy for each other and never have those issues. I'm not saying relationships are bad, but just enjoy your freedom a little bit longer. Don't sweat it if she rejected you, there are plenty of other girls out there who are better than her. Cope with having no gf by staying true to yourself and continue to do you until you come across the one that you want who happens to want you also.
>>16983252
>how do i cope with this feeling of having no gf
the same way we all do
fap,animu,vidya,4chan repeat
if that is not your thing, follow >>16983291
>>16983291
this, totally this
I'm in a 8 year old relationship and OP I can tell you the interest is lost, very lost (mostly from his side... I'm the crying little bitch behind him looking for attention with my heart broken). So enjoy your beautiful lonelyness
Ok I am scared because I cant control my panic attacks in public. I live alone and dont have a car so I have to walk everywhere. I had an episode today on the bus where I freaked out that someone touched me and I threw my drink at him and just started screaming and shaking. I cant see my therapist for 3 months due to some insurance BS. What do I do? I cant go to one of those phych places because thats where I was sexually assulted and its too traumatic plus I need to be able to get things done with school daily.
Did I accidently load tumblr instead of 4chan? No?
You need to get a friend to go out with you and after several trips your panic and anxiety will hopefully be reduced to the point you can control it. A form of CBT maybe.
Geez you are broken as fuck. Nobody here can help you. See a professional immediately, how do you even function?
>>16983000
What if you dont have friends that live in your area? I like to hang out in my house but I need internet for my laptop which I cant afford and I need to get groceries, go to school, sell my plasma, collect cans every night, and take the mail to my grandma at least twice a week.
Ok, so here's the backstory.
I (19) live in a house with my brother (21), my mom (56), and my dad (50), and I've lived here my whole life.
My brother, who we'll call Mark, started dating a girl, Jessie. She was, at the time they started dating, 17 and pregnant, and moved in with us because of a bad realtionship with her own family. The biological father, John, did not wan't to be a part of anything at first. When the baby, Mary, was born, a little over a year and a half ago, Mark and Jessie were convinced that they'd be happy together. Also at that time, John changed his mind and decided he wanted the baby, too. Mary would spend every other weekend with John, as well as Wednesdays and Fridays.
At one point between then and now, Jessie had left. Her and Mark had been fighting and she decided it was too much to deal with and left, taking Mary with her. A couple weeks later, though, she came back and expected to be welcomed back in with open arms. We let her come back, but mostly only because we couldn't bear to lose Mary.
She also got a job at an elderly care home. Not only are her hours very strict, meaning she can't really take extra time off, but she asked for her day off to be on Wednesday, which just so happens to be one of the days Mary is at John's. She doesn't ever take care of Mary except for when she absolutely has to. Anytime she can, she'll push Mary onto Mark, my mom, or me. Mark is almost always at home because he can't work due to a medical condition, and I'm almost always home because I'm a NEET.
Fast forward to now, and Jessie has left again. This time it's a bit different though, because it's a lot more clear to her that we can't stand her. But then we come to the main problem. Mary is so important to us, we can't afford to lose her.
Cont...
Sorry, it wasn't posting
At this point, it's still possible that Jessie will come back, but I'm trying to prepare for the worst. That said, if necessary, I will help fight for Mark to get custody. Mark is by far the more responsible parent out of him, Jessie, and John. If we were to let Mary choose, even though she's only one and a half, I'm absolutely positive that she'd choose Mark.
However, Mark isn't Mary's biological parent, and he and Jessie were never married. Ultimately, I'd like to know what the chances are of Mark getting some amount of custody, or even majority, if worse comes to worst.
Personally, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep going without Mary here. Even though she's only my niece, I love her with all of my heart. I'm autistic and socially retarded, so having someone who loves me like Mary does is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. So, /adv/, help me get this worked out.
If you want any more information, feel free to ask.
Meh. Since there is no biological connection between Mark and Mary, so I'd say you're chances are 0%. Maybe if you can prove some major failures like Jessie totally neglecting her child, otherwise...
>>16982861
You could try getting a complaint against her to child services but then they would probably give custody to John.
In this situation you have no control over Mary unless you offer to adopt her.
You could tell Jessie to GTFO or give up Mary, but that may not turn out good for anyone.
how bad an idea is asking my TA for her number
I think she's cute, and I could be misreading signals but she's was pretty chummy
anyways, I'm reviewing a paper with her tomorrow for a final and was thinking of asking for her number at the end but mentioning that it'll be post-final
I'm most nervous of it not going over well then she gives my final a shitty mark
Thanks /adv/
She's your TA so I'm sure you have some way to contact her, like an email.
So do that AFTER the final, don't even mention it to her before the final.
>>16982584
be direct
dont be a faggot
these two things should help
>>16982591
I do have her email, but she's going to be away. Also isn't doing it over email shitty?
It feels (and feel free to correct me) the best way would be in person but to make sure she gets its post-final
What's wrong with me?
- 21 years old
- Two digits of bed partners
- Enough money to do whatever I want
- I'd say I'm an 8/10 to look at (hard to judge for myself desu)
- Never had any sense of empathy
- All my life, emotion has been absent like my feelings are constantly in a neutral state
- I have a shit ton of friends
- I love drugs as they actually make me feel stuff
- I have the feeling that I don't know how love feels. I've been in love, sure, but after my last GF I don't think I'll be able to feel that way again, as in, I'm pretty much scarred and lost hope
- The only way I actually know how to show love is through sex and by being less self-destructive
- Music is the only thing I truly feel emotion by and I love making it
- I don't want to go around saying I'm depressed cause I don't think I am
- Not satisfied by life in general, I always feel like I carry around some heavy burden but I don't know what
- Sometimes though, I think my life is pretty cool and I wouldn't trade it for anything (this is mostly on drugs)
- I work for charity, probably as some failed attempt at redemption, even though in the end I know I'm ripping people off as I get paid to do that shit
- I follow an international study as it's intriguing to see how other people handle life
- The emotions I show to people are mostly a facade and I'm just saying things that are appropriate in the situation, I don't actually feel what I say
- I'm indecisive about everything in my life and I actually feel my lack of motivation for anything burning in my stomach like a wildfire in a hollow
- All the shit going on in the world currently makes me feel like it's not worth it at all, I've definitely already lost hope in the human race and I just don't get how people can be so ignorant about what matters in life
I'm just looking for tips to improve my quality of life and get rid of my self-loathing. Maybe some of you feel or have felt similarly to me.
Also, what's wrong with me?
Psychology board?
Anyone?
>>16982306
If you're still here OP, it sounds like schizoid personality disorder. These statements in particular:
>All my life, emotion has been absent like my feelings are constantly in a neutral state
>Not satisfied by life in general, I always feel like I carry around some heavy burden but I don't know what
>I work for charity, probably as some failed attempt at redemption
>The emotions I show to people are mostly a facade and I'm just saying things that are appropriate in the situation, I don't actually feel what I say
>I actually feel my lack of motivation for anything burning in my stomach
are all pretty textbook schizoid. Go see a professional, schizoid isn't treatable with advice. Generally requires extensive therapy.
And damn there's a lot of schizoids on here. I suppose it supports the theory that schizoid is much more common than the literature value (mainly among men, schizoid women are extremely rare) because the vast majority don't seek help.
Lately I have been eye-ing an older guy for some time. He looks back at me a lot too.
He looks angry 100% of the time, has a reputation of yelling and swearing at people and is generally disliked where he works.
I have said "hi" a couple of times and he replies like the nicest person ever though looking like the type of guy posted in hatefuck threads and smelling like an ashtray (which i have begun to like now).
I always pussy out when around him. How do I talk to him?
>>16981974
Hand him a note that says, "Date this weekend?"
Try caressing his balls
Try asking him out nicely, try to pay attention to how he treats others while you are around (specially waiters) if there's nothing out of the ordinary then give it a go (oh an be on the look out for what makes him mad specifically)
How do I answer the "Are you still doing X" question honestly? I've been NEET for over four years and I haven't had the nerve to tell my doctor yet; I just keep pretending to still be working where I used to. He knows I have anxiety, but he thinks I'm managing. I'm not interested in trying medication.
>>16981649
I don't think there's any other way than just telling him. It's probably better in the long run. Most likely nothing bad will happen if you do it.
>>16981649
by telling him 'no' then explaining when you stopped and why you lied.
this isnt rocket science. there isnt some trick to this. its literally answering the question
Just lie like a normal person.
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.
Avoid asking these common questions:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Would you date a virgin?
><Random insecurity>
Some do, some don't. Preferences differ, but complexes are always a turn-off.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever. It takes hard work, time, and effort.
>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out. This is something we cannot explain to you.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.
Alternative answer: we don't fucking know.
>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing
>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>
>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships.
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking.
>Brandon
Fuck off
Did the name really need to be an acronym?
Heads up, you should probably leave the title as ask "Ask the Opposite Gender Anything " at the very least.
It makes it way harder to search the archives for the thread if you change the title.
>>17004439
>>17004443
Meh, i'm on my phone and was feeling lazy. Sorry guys. Should i delete and make a new one?
So hey /adv/, I wanted to make a little what to read advice thread here
>books should be useful for life
>should be available at least in english
>should be useful for anyone to read
>can be any kind of genre, about psychology, self help, meditation or something else
>shouldn't be novels in first case, but we shouldn't be so strict about that, so if you think Hesses Siddhartha brings you further why not
>post name AND author of course
>give reasons for reading this book and a little overview whats it about
>if possible post picture of cover
In other words: books making you a badass, awesome, smart, whatever person!
Also, post request what kind of book you are searching for!
So I'll start with this:
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahnemann
Awesome book on general psychology of the brain and human rationality and irrationality, shows you what general mistakes everyone makes with simple decision making...
Useful for ANYONE to read, but especially if you are interested in Psychology, Economics, Statistics and stuff like that.
So I'm searching for a book explaining the perfect learning techniques to me, I really learn a lot during semester for my exams, yet I only past half of them last term. I really really need to work that out, if I don't pass at least 5 exams next semester it's over! I've read "A mind for Numbers" by Barbara Oakley so far. Highly recommended!
Books don't make you smarter. Reading a single book doesn't, either.
Habits do that. If you read anything regularly, you'll develop a larger vocabulary. Reading books, in a subject you're interested in, will translate into intelligence.
The cursory books that are self help or philosophy don't actually make you more intelligent. If you read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance and then try to have a conversation with a Philosopher about them, you'll probably never know that they shook their head and laughed once you parted.
-
Of course, it's all just my opinion. I've read more than many, but I don't believe my knowledge of WWI naval history makes me a more intelligent person. It has gotten me a job, though. You never know who will be interested in the nuance of life that you are.
-
Also, Goodreads.
Also, scholar.google.com for specific topics. If you find a paper on a subject, your public library or university may have it in the databases that they're subscribed to. For example, "learning techniques note taking" has interesting articles. For most up to date research, click since 2016.
Enjoy.
An unrelentingly tedious book that can be summed up as follows. We are irrationally prone to jump to conclusions based on rule-of-thumb shortcuts to actual reasoning, and in reliance on bad evidence, even though we have the capacity to think our way to better conclusions. But we're lazy, so we don't. We don't understand statistics, and if we did, we'd be more cautious in our judgments, and less prone to think highly of our own skill at judging probabilities and outcomes. Life not only is uncertain, we cannot understand it systemically, and luck has just as much to do with what happens to us -- maybe even more -- than we care to admit. When in doubt, rely on an algorithm, because it's more accurate than your best guess or some expert's opinion. Above all, determine the baseline before you come to any decisions.
If you like endless -- and I mean endless -- algebraic word problems and circuitous anecdotes about everything from the author's dead friend Amos to his stint with the Israeli Air Defense Force, if you like slow-paced, rambling explanations that rarely summarize a conclusion, if your idea of a hot date is to talk Bayesian theory with a clinical psychologist or an economist, then this book is for you, who are likely a highly specialized academically-inclined person. Perhaps you are even a blast at parties, I don't know.
But if you're like me and you prefer authors to cut to the chase, make their point, and then leave you with a whopping big appendix if you're interested in the regression analysis of how many freshmen would watch a guy choke to death because they think someone else will come to the rescue, then this book is not for you.
If you want to take the Reader's Digest pass through the book, then Chapter 1 and Section 3 are probably the most accessible and can be read in less than an hour, and still leave you with a fair understanding of the author's thesis.
>>17004324
Good advice, especially the scholar.google.com part. People act like studies aren't there for us or you need a degree to read them. No, lol, they're simpler, more informative, and easier to read than wikipedia a lot of the time. You can find the full study free a lot of the time too, or just use a pirate site
