Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 103. page
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I swim daily, and my fingertips (nothing else for some reason) end up looking like this, and it's pretty painful. I tried some lotion for dry skin that my room mate had and it does the trick, but only for 3-4 hours or so. How do I deal with this? I assume it'd go away if I stopped swimming, but I don't really want to do that.
>>17346265
It's the chlorine in the water. Use lotion every day if you want to see results, especially after you shower. CeraVe is a good brand, try to avoid anything petroleum based.
>>17346279
Ugh, suspected as much. The chlorine smell is pretty persistent, usually doesn't go away even after showering. Thinking about getting chlorine removal shampoo for that. Do you think that does the trick for the fingers too or do I want something separate for that?
Too much chlorine. I'd give my whole body a break if I were you. Is there anywhere you can swim that has a saltwater pool instead of using chlorine? Retinol, vitamin E, and coconut oil will help.
What's going on /adv/ I have a weird problem. I am a pretty good looking guy, but I'm only into porn of muscle monsters/fantasy characters. I can't get into anything else. It sucks because it has gotten to the point I'd rather look at that then have sex in real life.
I know this isn't healthy but I don't know what to do. I have a fetish in my mind that I can imagine (I have a very strong imagination) and it makes me seriously cum harder than actual sex.
This is causing a serious strain on my relationships and staring to develop very negatively, to the point where girls I'm with think there is something wrong with them because I don't want to have sex.
What the fuck do I do? Just quit porn forever? I try that but I eventually relapse hard.
Maybe your gay
>>17346264
that's what a few of my gfs have thought. the thing is I don't like looking at guys at all irl. one gf said that perhaps I look at fantasy characters because I have too much shame admitting I'm gay due to my upbringing. I'm someone who suffers from intense shame over lots of things (long story, but my parents made me feel guilty over everything growing up so now I'm fucked in the head with constant feelings of guilt over every little thing).
try to pinpoint what about it makes you so fucking hard
Sorry if this is the wrong board to post this, but I'm bad at remembering this stuff and I figure green texting it out will help me remember this.
Anyway, I had a nightmare that actually woke me up in a panic and as far as I know this doesn't happen much, but like I said I don't remember these things very well so who knows.
>be me, in a weird military prison
>we're getting out today apparently, me and everyone I know there
>me and a fellow inmate remember our time, pretty average shit but I get the feeling this was my buddy
>time skip to us in a loading area for a plane
>definitely not any plane I was ever on in the army, but dream logic
>southern stereotype of a prison warden but in the Army is barking orders at us
>we all stand in assigned spots until the person in front of us boards the plane, then we range walk to the plane
>snowing for some reason
>we are ordered to remain standing in front of our seats until everyone is onboard.
>Warden Army inspects our seats to make sure nobody sat without permission.
>we sit down and I start to buckle my seat belt which I get screamed at for doing ahead of orders
>we take start rolling down a regular ass street to take off
>no more snowing, desert now
>plane can't get altitude, tries multiple times by fails
>results in a soft crash, not sure if anybody is hurt
>before I can react everybody who was with me but the pilot and warden army run for it
>I hear the pilot talking to warden army
>"your little friends ran off"
>"good, he's the one I needed" (me)
I don't remember why they wanted me exactly but I think it had to do with something I saw, a crime I witnessed or something. That's when I woke up.
Some background info that seems possibly pertinent.
>was in the army, deployed to Afghanistan once
>got discharged for being sad crybabby who tried to hang self
>DX is borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder and major depressive disorder
I'll give it one bump then let it die peacefully
>>17346247
Well it's just a dream.
I had one where a bunch of people including myself were held captive at an old run down playground which was closed by a wire mesh fence. Every few days "they'd" come and get a few of us. They never returned and no one knew what "they" did to them.
Or once I had a recurring dream three times in a row about two wonderful mysterious planets I could see at the night sky looking up from the balcony of the house I grew up in.
Or I have pretty much recurring nightmares, this is going on for years. There are three of them.
In one there's always taking some kind of alien invasion where they try to destroy as much as possible human build on the surface of the earth (buildings primarily). Im always trying to survive by hiding in a building trying keep my family together and silent.
In another one there are always those tornados which I notice in sheer horror after looking out from the window of the room I grew up in. My mom still lives there and we're in Germany where tornados don't exist. Anyhow, in these dreams I once again try to keep my family safe and sound and before anything else I try to keep us together (in case we're doomed to die, at least we shall die together, not taking the risk of one of us surviving and having to mourn for the rest of us)
The other one is always witnessing a plane crash at different scenarios and it's always a very close call that the plane didn't crash directly into us.
After witnessing the horrible crash I'm always trying to shake off the shock of a plane nearly hitting my house I always try to help desperately. Calling the ambulances and trying to do what not.
As you can see anon... dreams are dreams and definitely some weird shit at times.
I ordered five notebooks, they cost 0,80 euros each. I got my order, there are 62 notebooks. So I got more than I ordered. I should notify the store about this, right? Everyone tells me to just keep them but isn't that stealing?
It might depend on the store/country, but last I checked it's illegal for stores to charge you for things they send you by mistake. I guess it used to be a bit of a scam to send someone too much merch, then charge them for it when they don't send it back, which is unfair because sending it back places a burden on the customer that they didn't consent to. So any extra stuff you're sent is legally a gift with purchase and the shop's own mistake.
I'd look it up myself if I were you though.
In any case, that's a lot of notebooks. If it's a smaller company, I'd probably contact them and let them know what happened just to be polite/clear your conscience. That's happened to me before and they just thanked me for my honesty and let me keep the extra merch.
If it's a huge company that won't notice the difference, it's probably not worth fretting over. Maybe donate some of the extra books to a kids' charity or something if you feel bad (or generally don't want 62 freaking notebooks lying around).
>>17346216
>isn't that stealing?
In some countries/jurisdictions, trying to keep goods delivered to you by mistake would be considered theft (I believe there are a couple states in Australia that have codified this into criminal law, and at least one in the USA). Generally speaking though, I think in most countries, recovery would be done via civil process.
The particular legal doctrine in common law countries permitting civil recovery is called "unjust enrichment": you cannot unfairly benefit or profit from someone else's mistake. So yeah, depending on your country & local law, you may be legally obligated to inform the vendor of their mistake, and you would need to comply with reasonable requests to arrange return shipping if they their goods back. Requesting that YOU pay to ship it back is generally not considered reasonable.
If you call and they tell you that you can keep the goods, request that they tell you this in writing. Email is better than nothing. If you don't get anything from them, send your own email saying along the lines that you had a conversation, and you're emailing to confirm that they said you could keep it. I'd hold onto the stuff for at least a couple months before you get rid of it, just in case.
>>17346229
>So any extra stuff you're sent is legally a gift with purchase and the shop's own mistake.
This isn't true most places in the western world.
While the store cannot require the customer to pay for the items or pay for return shipping, if they arrange return shipping themselves, the customer is required to comply with reasonable demands for the return of accidentally delivered goods.
I emailed them and they asked me to return the extras, also I will get a giftcard as a thanks. Sure it sucks to take them to mail because they are really heavy and I'm not very strong but I'll figure something out.
Hey /adv/, just looking for some advice, both guys and girls would be helpful!
Essentially, I was online dating this girl, and things were great, I flew over and had a date with her some two months back. Essentially, my school year ended before hers and she was busy. I ended up acting kinda needy since she was so busy, and I felt kinda ignored. Y'know the basic stuff, contacting too much, too many compliments, too much future-talk, general desperation type stuff. In my defense it was my first real relationship, and I was a bit too gung-ho about things, though it's not an excuse for how I acted.
Anyways, after a bit, she called off the LDR and a date we had planned in my country. Since then I've not communicated with her in around 3 weeks. It's been good for me, these 3 weeks, to kinda wrap my head around things that I'd done, and how much I had really screwed up. Now that I'm more level-headed, I'm at an impasse:
Should I try and reach out to her and try to rekindle what we had, or wait for her to contact me?
Was wondering if people think it's impossible to come back from, or if I can prove I'm changing. If it's the latter, what should I do? I've been debating starting up some friendly communication and moving from there, but was looking for some opinions from non-PUA or sappy love blog sources.
>inb4 move on
She's not going to contact you. It's been 3 weeks. She likely has moved on.
Contact her and try again, if that's what you want.
Don't contact her man. Long distance relationships are fucking aids. I've been in one for almost 3 years now and every day I wish I had the willpower to end it. It's fucking miserable, expensive, lonely, and not worth the effort.
She probably won't contact you, and you shouldn't contact her. Get out and meet people IRL. Easier said than done, but far less stressful than an LDR.
>>17346977
Hey man, seize the day and take your own advice. Have a real relationship soon .
Hey /adv/, I've been in complete panic for a few weeks right now and have no idea what am I supposed to do with my life to improve. I'll just post a list of characteristics that I hate about myself and maybe someone will have any /adv/ice on it.
Physical:
19 y/o, 5'11 manlet, 4/10 on a good day weak as fuck (no muscles), out of shape, hairy body, acne allover back, uneven face.
Misc:
Addicted to porn, unconfident, failing my education, jobless, have dream hobbies but just don't start them, almost never leave home, eat unhealthy, have a fucked up sleeping schedule, poor and untidy.
I just see all these people who are x1000 better at everything than me and I just get depressed. I feel that no woman will ever want me (eventhough I've been in a relationship). I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm not gonna kms either,
Most importantly, how am I supposed to become at least a 7 or 8/10. Is there just no point? I'm completely lost. Help me!
Okay:
- Muscles are easy to get. Go over to /fit/ or even go to the fit section of reddit and learn about bulking up. Eat healthily and start packing on some muscle. You'll also get in shape if you follow a good cardio workout plan.
- Hairy body is fine, just shave your neckbeard, chest/back hair, keep your armpit hair in check.
- For back acne, change your sheets and pillowcases regularly or put a flannel / towelette on your pillow. Don't sleep in thick clothes, get a breathable singlet (basketball singlet works well) or t-shirt. Make sure you're washing your body (or at least putting water over it). Make sure to exfoliate. If all of that fails, try a new body gel/soap and book an appt. with a dermotologist.
- Failing your education is negligent on your part. Why are you failing? Do you not use your time effectively? are you retarded?
- Job is easy to get, you just have to be willing to accept a McJob or a shitty job e.g. pizza delivery until you work your way up.
- Start your hobbies, easy. Find other people who share your hobbies and do it with them in order to motivate yourself into doing them.
- Count your calories, begin to eat more fruit and vegetables. Stop eating shitty processed food. It'll help with your acne.
- Fucked up sleeping schedule is a lack of discipline. Stop playing video games in your bed. Set a sleep and a wake-up time, and do your absolute best to adhere to those times for a week or two straight. Once you've done that your body will begin to get tired in preparation for that time, and will wake up on time without the need for an alarm clock. Getting good sleep will help with your mental health, body problems, and will promote muscle / mental growth. You're not going to learn anything from education if you don't get a good nights sleep (this is when your brain commits things to long term memory)
- Poor can be changed by getting a job
- There's no excuse for being untidy. If you can do something in less than 2 minutes... 1/2
>>17346197
2/2
... then you should do it. It's such a small amount of time out of your day, and there's really no excuse for being so lazy.
Creating a schedule for yourself and adhering to it to the best of your ability will help with whatever issues you have. Any social problems (lack of confidence, lazy, NEET etc.) can be alleviated by changing small things in your life and bettering yourself as a person.
Getting fit/buff and fixing these aspects of your life aren't magically going to make you a walking chick magnet. You're going to have to work on your social skills and your outlook on life.
There's no point focusing on how many people do things better than you. Stop thinking about other people and yourself as a rating system. Trying to rationally quantify subjective things is a waste of time and so pointless in the grand scheme of things. You can look like a 10/10 but be mentally retarded with no social skills. Stop worrying about that shit.
>>17346197
>>17346199
This is all good advice.
Read the /fit/ sticky, there's a lot of advice about diet and how to get in shape.
Healthy diet will also help with your acne.
Most of your problems are about lack of discipline. Address one problem a month and let yourself get used to it.
Get used to sleep healthy, to tidy up your room, get a schedule for your studies, etc.
What torrent program should I use? I heard uTorrent is no longer a good option.
>>17346154
utorrent works just fine for me, never had a problem with it.
Deluge
>>17346158
gib rare pepe
I am 22 and i've been dating the same girl for 5 years now.She is introverted and has trouble talking to people.Sexually she is really plain and kind of boring sometimes.
Now there is this girl i know from my university who has amazing sex appeal and i really enjoy talking to her.We get really flirty sometimes and to be honest i really like her and fantasize about her.I'm certain she likes me too but i've never made a move on her cause i have a gf and she has a bf(i think).I dont want to cheat on gf but i want the other girl too.What do??
>thinking a girl likes you for any reason
You fucked up.
That being said, if you think you really do have a shot with this new girl and your gf isn't making you happy, you should move on. 5 years is a long time, especially at 22. There's nothing but time for you man, don't chain yourself to one individual forever. Give it a shot if it's what you really want.
>>17346119
>I dont want to cheat on gf
Break up with her.
>but i want the other girl too.
You're not entitled to get with the other girl. You can give it a shot and maybe it will happen, maybe it won't.
>>17346127
>bumping on page 1
It's really like you're 22.
I've been slowly changing my habits in order to lose weight and get more in shape over all. I've lost about 20 pounds already. I have atleast another 20 to go. Now i got invited to a class reunion and obv don't want to embarass myself by being fat. I got 3 months. How can i further tweak my plan of actions to reap the biggest benefit till then? Btw, i know how shallow this is. I don't care
Do you want to be skinny or be a sick cunt?
>skinny
You're not gonna make it, but you can keep doing your best with your weight loss plan, 20 pounds is really amazing. Stick with your proteins and your cardio
>sick cunt
You're not gonna make it, but general weight lifting will continue to refine your shape. Keep lifting, eating protein, and keep with your cardio routine. We're all gonna make it brah.
>>17346094
I want to both. Kind of. I don't want to look perfect. Who knows if i ever will. I just want to feel good about how i look. I've been pretty in shape in school and i have been crippling insecure about my weight for years. I don't want to do this to impress anybody. I just felt like it's an awesome opportunity to get my Motivation up cause i know i would be embarassed af to be seen like that if everyone Remembers me differently. I'll keep at what i'm doing.
Different question but same topic: i've moved a lot When in school and thus never managed to build up a real social circle. I have lost contact to all of the people that will be there. I somehow think this is like getting a second chance at taking that contact up again with people my age and from my area. How do i not fuck this up?
>>17346100
As to question 1, you have to do it for yourself. No one gives a shit what you look like desu. To them, you're either fat, average, or fit. The good thing is, you've started. Now how bad do you want to be in shape again? Is it worth three months of pain and suffering? Is it worth a lifetime of small changes so you can look good well into your 70s? I dealt with the same thing for awhile. >>(You) have to want it. Motivate yourself with those 20 pounds you've already lost. Imagine being down 40 or 50 pounds. Imagine the 20 year reunion. No one will care what you look like then either. Just imagine how YOU will look. No one wants to be a slob. Only you can change that.
As for question 2, I have no idea. Be friendly, meet up with people you thought you liked from back then. I only talk to like 3 people anyway.
Some background information: her and I work at the same job in the same department. So does her twin sister.
We hit it off pretty well. Had our first date by going to the movies. She invites me to her house afterwards to watch game of thrones.
I couldn't do much because her roommates were there, but they generally left the two of us alone. After it was time to leave, we went in for the kiss. Kind of wish I kissed her longer but oh well, there's next time.
Then I've come to realize that were still in the talking phase because she hasn't said anything about being official yet. I didn't come to bring it up directly, but she eventually told me she wants to take things slow and get to know me first.
That's fine and all, but it's the first time I came across a girl that wants to take things slow so it's a weird adjustment so far but I think I can manage.
And a little tidbit: her twin sister pulled me to the side one time and told me that her sister (the one I just started dating) really likes me even though she wants to take things slow. Gave me the impression that she wants to see us official eventually.
So am I in the clear, /adv/? Her and I plan to do our second date this coming weekend.
>>17346084
I think so. Pretty cute that you're this worked up about it. I hope you're right for each other and it works out for you so you'll be very happy :)
OP here. Gonna make a correction: I've been dating her for a week now. Not that we dated for just a week lol
>>17346092
Thanks senpai. I hope so too :)
I have a weird relationship with self-sabotage.
Whenever something I like comes up for me, I do my best to ruin it or lost the opportunity.
Whenever I manage to break/lose the good thing, I feel pleasure all over myself.
For ex. I've got a lot of time to study for an exam and I purposefully do nothing to fail the class. When someone shows me affection,friendship or whatever I ignore them or behave passive aggressively in order to make them mad and abandon me. I purposefully hurt junk food and drinks and don't do exercise to feel sick. Whenever I buy something I like, I break it or throw it in the trash just for the regret.
What's going on with me? Am I the ultimate masochist?
>>17346080
*I purposefully eat junk food
I also like insulting myself with thoughts like "I'm a failure" and other heneric stuff
Also, everytime I get insulted I insult back in order to get insulted more and I feel soo good.
And when someone gives me a compliment I turn it down immediately, trying to insult the person who said it because it causes me pain.
Like "Thanks you helped me Nick, you are so smart" and I would answer "I'm not smart, it's that you're an brainless idiot" and it makes me feel so good when they get sad
I haven't been in a relationship before this one. I have no past experience. The GF and I are 22 and have been together for 9 months. I need an external opinion of my relationship, and if its something I should get more invested in or back away from.
I'm introverted, and I have trouble trusting women. I'm relatively in shape with 160 pounds at 5'11". She is bigger with 230 pounds at 5'7", she looks good considering her weight.
I have actually been living with her and her parents over the summer (they insisted) because I would've lost my job and had to moved back in with my mom in another state. I live on campus in an apartment during the semester. Her family is super nice to me.
We don't argue that much, and we keep the drama to a minimal. Worst argument we had was over after a 10 minute cool down period. In general she treats me well. A lot of the time she will have lunch packed for me and she likes to cook. I feel we are really stable as a couple. Her friends like me, her family likes me, and she doesn't seem like the impulsive type to just leave.
The downside is that she has no libido. We haven't had penetrative sex yet and its rare for her to get horny. I believe this is what is giving me doubts.
Aside from her weight and libido I wouldn't change a thing about her. A lot of girl's personalities turn me off, but she doesn't. I have tried to talk to her, but I haven't really got anywhere as for the libido. She has shown me that she wants to start dieting, but her weight isn't as big of a deal to me as not having sex.
Do I cut and run or do I keep trying to work through it with her?
>9 months
>no sex
Most men would have bailed long ago.
>>17346079
>>9 months
>>no sex
>Most men would have bailed long ago.
Most men aren't looking for a relationship though.
>>17346088
False. Where did that idiotic quip come from?
It's almost 5 in the morning where I am and I haven't slept for 20 hours I have to wake up in 3 hours. Will it be more worth it for my body and my energy to keep trying to sleep or to just stay up until tomorrow night
getting any amount of sleep is better than getting none at all, especially since you've been up for so long
try sleeping for at least 90 minutes, that should at least help a bit
>>17346062
Thanks I'll try I've been attempting to sleep for the past 7 hours in different places positions and temperatures
What do you need to do in three hours? Is this an eight hour work day or just a thirty minute commitment? If it's the latter, I would suggest just dealing with it and staying up all night. Maybe have some caffeine.
I'm a mid twenties guy that is just getting his shit together for once.
I'm making positive changes and seriously challenging myself after being depressed for years.
I woke up one day and something just clicked when I had a thought about someone in my head.
All of a sudden I felt this huge weight in my chest that forced me out of my chair and I literally didn't feel apathy for once in a very long time.
I have accepted the fact that there is something I want to live for. There is just one thing. Among this sudden and unexpected turn around, I realized something.
I'm a slob. A pig. I look like garbage and all my clothing is old and worn. My hair seems to be already receding and I don't want to accept it.
I have cleaned myself up. I shaved and got a haircut.
It's very important that I don't look away from my trials and hard ships right now.
I would never share this with anyone I know but I am just unattractive. I'm not an attractive guy.
I have to face myself but the pain of being physically ugly, is vile.
I don't believe in the fairy tale that looks are not that important. They very much are so.
How do you deal with the pain associated with accepting yourself wholly?
There is only so much I feel I can do. Though, it must be done. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
>>17346048
>How do you deal with the pain associated with accepting yourself wholly?
Why accept yourself wholly?
Only by not being satisfied with yourself will make you change yourself (for the better or worse).
The only true way to accept yourself is work towards that goal where it became acceptable.
>>17346055
Yeah, you have a point.
I should have said "How do you accept things you can not change about yourself?"
Sorry, this is stupid.
>>17346059
It's not stupid unless you neglect to follow the path you're discovering by your revelation.
It's all about learning to let go. Mindfulness and careful examination of thoughts and emotions that arise in the moment.
You are more than your appearances, and although you are within your right to continuously believe that looks are important, you don't have to pour your energy into conserving those beliefs. If it's an objective truth, your change of attitude towards the matter won't affect any outer reality - but it will change your inner reality
>inb4 zen philosophy, inner and outer are the same, only appear to be seperated by the illusion of duality
If you manage to change your inner reality, it will affect how other people see you, and it will results in opportunities that can't be matched by your past experiences.
When you feel uneasy or depressed, ask yourself to welcome the thoughts and feelings, and sit with them for a while. If you can welcome (accept) what arises, move in to asking yourself if you also can welcome the need to influence, stop, start, or in any way change what you are experiencing. Can you welcome the need to keep it at a distance, or holding it close, protecting your vulnerability from the rest of the world? If you can, can you also welcome the sense and belief that what you are experiencing is who you are, or got anything to do with your total being? Will you still be you, if those feelings didn't arise?
Can you let it go?
Will you let it go?
And if so, when?
The Sedona Method
I'm a good enough looking guy. I've had women take interest in me, but I never find anything in common with them. I usually end up attracting girls which are polar opposites of myself. Nothing goes past a text conversation/first date. I never find anything about them interesting. It bothers me because I want to be able to find someone. My hobbies aren't even obscure or anything, but I have a hard time finding people with similar hobbies/personality for some reason
>Outdoors/hiking/fishing/target shooting
>Video games
>Records/Vinyl
>Prop art
>Discussing anything important like current events, history, politics, theology, life, etc
>Dark humor
>Movies
Are there any common activities a college guy like myself can join in to find someone with similar interests/traits like myself?
Literally me except for the prop art (whatever that is) and records/vinyls. OP, I can't communicate easily either. I might throw out a few topics in the air to see if it sticks, but they eventually lead into awkward silences after a minute of commenting back and forth.
Is there anyone here who isn't autistic and can teach us the way?
Be Chad
Don't be not-Chad
>>17346029
>>17346106
More likely than not, you don't know enough about these girls to assume they don't share your interests past one date. Try giving people more than one shot. Take interests in what they enjoy, their interests could overlap with yours. Relationships take time and effort to cultivate, just assuming they're going to understand your humor and interests in a three hour date is very optimistic. Keep trying guys, and try a little harder while you're at it. No one wants to talk about heavy political situations on their first date, they want to know about what shows you liked as a kid/teen. Use that dark humor of yours, and if it isn't that great, tone it down a bit.
