Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 88. page
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I am new to the party culture. Is it possible to party without drinking?
yeah, dingas
>>17349531
Nope.
>>17349531
That's why drugs were invented.
TDLR - How to say No When Someone Asks You To 'Grab a beer Sometime'
I haven't spoke to this bloke for about 8 years, I barely even spoke to him in high school. Its nice he has asked me but to be honest I really don't know the bloke and generally didn't like him before and don't know what he is like now.
It came out of the blue, sure it might be a nice laugh but I just would feel good having a one on one chat with someone I have basically never know. It would all be reminisce and a bit pointless.
So how do I say thanks but no thanks without shutting him out of my life completely and being a rude guy
>>17349508
"That" pattern, eh? I'd wager he wants you to lend him some money, at least I would know a couple of those types.
Either way, just spin some bullshit about you "being busy" this month. Chances are high, that he won't get back at it.
Say 'thanks but no thanks'. Why do you want to avoid shutting him out of your life, it sounds like you want to do exactly that.
>>17349508
What the Fuck is TDLR
Studying English and my book is kinda weird. So these sentences are wrong? How should they be really?
I'll be very happy if Jake comes home tonight.
Nora won't find a job if she doesn't try harder.
We'll go out this afternoon unless it rains.
>I'll be very happy IF Jake comes home tonight.
Not actually faulty, but somewhat odd way to put it. "Better" would be;
I would be very happy if Jake comes home tonight.
or
I will be very happy when Jake comes home tonight.
Can't really place fault with the other two sentences though.
I'll be very happy when Jake comes home tonight.
OR: I would be very happy if Jake came home tonight.
Nora won't find a job unless she tries harder.
We'll go out this afternoon if it doesn't rain.
>>17349511
Okay, the book is being very vague about, it just says that those sentences are wrong and present tense should be used. These are so hard because I feel like all of them sound kind of right and the rules are so weird.
i'm not sure how to start this..
typical 'best friend tells you they like you thing' i guess, except this friend is online
the problem is- not that i don't like them, but that they were in an online relationship and it went to shit
now, me being his friend, he would tell me everything he felt for her, the relationship and just everything else
just two weeks ago he was talking about how he tries to find her in other people and replace her, how she was the only one for him and that he still loves her
alright so me knowing all of this, and then being told "i really like you, please go out with me" is just baffling, and he doesnt seem to realize somehow?
I think i'm being responsible here by telling him he's wrong, but i want him to understand.
so,, what do ?
Uh, well, this is awkward...
Could we talk about it maybe?
>>17349502
please don't scare me like that anon
>>17349502
Aw, but what's the fun if you don't give people a little spook?
Anyone here read Marcus Aurelius's meditations? I read it and plan to re-read it again, but it'd be great if someone with a better grasp can reassure me if I understood the book correctly.
What I understood from the book is:
>live according to nature and with virtue
>be indifferent to things that are not vices or virtues
>love mankind for I am also a member of it
>help where you can for no effort is in vain
>do not let emotions cloud rational judgement
>be content with everything that happens because it was meant to
>life is good because it is well intended
>opinion and conceit only damage rational judgement
>worry not for the future for what happens is destined to happen anyway
>the world constantly changes, so worldly things are of low value
>even if the body is hurt, the soul and reason are not impaired
>only I can let external factors affect me internally
>happiness comes from living according to nature in a right world, not from a world right for me
If I missed anything else major or misinterpreted something, I'd be thankful if someone pointed it out
>>17349495
I haven't read it for a long time, but that's about how I remember it. You should read Epictetus's Discourses and Enchiridion next; I think you'd get more out of it than rereading the Meditations.
1/2
>>17349951
2/2
Link a pdf of it nigger so I can read this shit faggot printed out breh.
I'm uncircumcised. for the past couple of years I have been masturbating while my head is cover by my foreskin. Im able to retract my foreskin over my head while I'm erect. I've tried masturbating while my foreskin was retracted and i couldn't do it. It's very sensitive. How I am able to have sex like this?
That's the way you're supposed to have sex/masturbate. You've got yourself into a reverse death grip.
>>17349487
Has it always been the case?
I never knew if this was normal or not but i'm like you, OP.
Not only it's too sensitive but it feels worse; i used to use soap in the bath to be able to jack off without the skin and even then it was hard.
>>17349503
buy why pornstars retract the skin?
I met a girl on tinder and we hit it off really well. A day after we met she was being openly sexual with me saying she wants to take a bath with me and wants to see me in her bed wants she gets home and that kind of stuff
The thing is I'm 24 and live alone but she's 18 (she really is 18, I checked) and lives with her parents.
I've invited her many times to my house and she's been once and she literally laid in my bed. I tried to make a move but she didn't seem interested and every time we meet she treats me just like a friend...
We used to talk everyday for hours but since yesterday she just kinda stopped out of nowhere
WTF is going on? Is she in only for the attention
Playing games, and too young. Get the fuck away from that ASAP, it'll only end in bad things for you.
>>17349460
I'm doing that at the moment, just ignoring her
desu, yesterday I lashed out a bit because I felt like she was messing with me, so I might have blown my chance anyway
>>17349456
bump
any femanon has any clue?
Over the last 3 years I quit reaching out to people and frankly lost all my friends
Is that just a normal part of growing up?
It's normal for people with avoidant personality disorder
Don't bump on first page though, darling
No you were just not a good friend.
My GF and I both cheated on each other months ago. It never went into anything physical as it was just flirting and sexting. Once we told each other she said she didn't consider that cheating, I said that I didn't either, but it would be healthier if we did going forward.
Months after I did it again and never told her. I almost did and started talking with her about before and she said that once again couples could've done much worse. I got upset and masked it behind me feeling guilty about doing it in the first place. She assured me that what I did wasn't cheating on her and that its okay.
Now I don't have any urge to do it anymore, and I do not believe I will, but I am wondering if I should tell her. The thing is that she is insecure, and if I told her I did it again it would just make that worse. I don't want her to feel like I am choosing anyone over her, it is just me being fucked up in the head.
So you don't want to do it anymore, and you don't want her to find out about what you did.
How about. Don't. Tell. Her.
Spend your worries on how to lift her insecurity, and be a good man for her.
>>17349402
how about both of you find someone else and be done with it
>>17349402
You're both faggots and should just break up. She's not the only insecure. Look at yourself op.
I keep fucking staying up all night, And waking up at random times. Iv'e gone to sleep at normal times, I still sleep for a goddamn century.
How the fuck do I fix this?
Set alarm everyday at the exact same time and get up immediately after it goes off, no matter what time you went to sleep. If you do this for a few weeks/months your inner clock will adapt.
>>17349411
Alright, Thanks. I'll try that.
>>17349411
but the trick is to actually get up
ive tried setting alarms, but i just turn it off. cant get myself to get up if i have nothing to get up for; which i never do
Hey, /adv/. I'm in need of some advice, so please, if you have something to share, I'd appreciate.
My father has been diagnosed with brain cancer last month. No words to describe how shitty it was to hear it from the doctor.
We don't have the best relationship ever. He has some serious alcohol and anger issues, and over the years he grew distanced from everyone, including his family.
So, even though we're in this situation, I can't reach to him. I'd like to talk to him and tell him I love him and all that jazz, but it's been a few weeks that he has been straight up ignoring me here at home. He literally doesn't respond when I say hi or shit. He only speaks to my mother and only when he has to.
The thing is, he's having surgery next tuesday and there's a great chance of him having sequels from the procedure. Due to the tumor's location, it's likely he'll have trouble with speech and language in general.
I'm scared as fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to communicate and support my father when he may lose his ability to talk and understand language?
I'd like some advice on how to deal with it.
First and foremost, you have my condolences. It's an unbearably shitty thing to go through, not just for him, but for you and any family surrounding you.
But secondly, my best advice is just love him as best you can. I come from an household where my father was abusive and incredibly angry a lot of the time. We've gotten to the point of flinging some of the most hateful words at each other I can imagine. But when he was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, I realized this was maybe the last chance I had to just let the past go and make the best of the time I had left with him.
Just love him and be there for him. It's not going to be easy. But in the end it'll leave you much happier. Nobody lives forever, and losing somebody like that on bad terms is one of the worst feelings in the world.
I can't really say much about the communication thing, but honestly, talk to people about it with experience. Talk to the doctors. And understand that throughout all of this, just being there for him is the best thing you can do. You love him, and I have no doubt he loves you. Just cherish the time you have together.
>>17349375
Thank you. For real. I'll have your words in heart.
I'm sorry that you also had to go through it. Life sucks sometimes.
Good luck for us, brother.
Ah. My grandpa had brain tumor, the only difference was we had a good relationship. I would try and find a way to show that you care about your dad without shoving it into his face or making it seem like you just suddenly started feeling this way. Maybe try to get him laugh if you're the type of person who doesn't care if things get a bit awkward, or get him to talk about things he might be interested in. If he loses a way to communicate, usually the doctor/nurses there will help you out with that. I would like to share more advice, but I don't want to look like an expert, and I don't know how bad your relationship is, so yeah. I hope things go well with your father.
>best friend since preschool is getting married sept 2017
>im the best man
>I gotta come up with a speech
>I gotta come up with money
>I need to find a girl to bring that's hotter than my ex
>could easily see my brother bringing my ex as a plus one because they've been friends since childhood and have known the groom since we were very little so I need a girl prettier than her
>I also might be going to jail soon
>trying to juggle all of this while trying to get legal shit dropped and back in school for behavioral medicine and work 6 days a week 3rd shift and save up for a new jeep
Fuck. Help me. Anyone have advice? I am not prepared for this whatsoever
one day at a time
>>17349319
>Speech
Simply. You can also hire professional writers for this.
>I gotta come up with money
Not a big deal. You have a job already. Put a little bit to the side and sell some belongings online. How much do you really need?
>I need to find a girl to bring that's hotter than my ex
If this is a real problem for you just hire a high class escort
>could easily see my brother bringing my ex as a plus one because they've been friends since childhood and have known the groom since we were very little so I need a girl prettier than her
You should be more concerned with the fact that your brother was probably banging your girlfriend when you were together.
As for your legal shit, that's what lawyers are for. Just fucking relax.
>>17349347
My brother is gay
Please tell me not to fucking contact this chick ever again. She wasted 2 years of my life and I have no idea how I ever got to be so fucking clingy. She has a fucking weird effect on me, tell me what she is and why she is like she is. I just can't seem to let go.
Do I need to go see a fucking shrink to finally let go of her?
Story inbound:
>Met girl online, got into chatting, got a crush on her after about 2 months
>Sunshine and happiness, met her once (Lives 700km away from me) and absolutely melt thinking about her
>All smiles when I talk to her on skype
Fast forward 1 year
>I bring up the relationship thing, I think we need to get serious
>She says she just wants to be friends because she has bad experiences of relationships, whatever that means
>I can't be friends because muh feelings
>So I break it off, because I cant just stand idly by her without something more
>Cut all contact
Fast forward two months
>I break radio silence by sending her a letter explaining shit, saying sure, we can try to be friends
>Okay, we start chatting again
>After some time I find out she has been fucking with some guy in the meantime
>Tell her straight how I feel about it (feels like shit man, basically)
>"She's just for me to get over you, I feel horrible fucking him and think about you the whole time"
>She breaks it off with the other guy
>So okay, we get into chatting again and try this friendship thing out
Fast forward six months
>Constant bickering back and forth, some fights, but all around we try to make it work
>After much effort I finally start to see and treat her like a friend (so basically, I stop treating her like the love of my life and a precious wallflower), she says enough
>Turns out she blames me for leaving her in the first place almost a year ago, which is why she fucked the other guy earlier, but also blames me for leaving the other guy, because she didn't feel right about hurting my feelings being with him
>She breaks it off because we argue too much
Fast forward two months, current day.
Yes there is fault in me too, I know. I maybe argue too much and maybe shouldn't have been trying a girl who didn't want a relationship in the first place, but it still feels wrong that she's been leading me on like this. Why not break it off 2 years ago? Why start talking to me again? Why fuck some dude to get over me, when there's nothing to get over about?
And yes, we didn't even fucking have sex.
>>17349318
Because it is your fault for throwing a fit like a child because another person who didn't feel the same way didn't just cast aside their emotions and become your lover because you told them you have feelings, bonehead.
You got to the point that it was arguementative because, what, I assume you're still a little sore in the ass because she didn't just fall in line with your idea? Don't talk to her again, quit being an obsessive shit. She isn't the end all be all of women, I promise you that now.
>>17349320
Truly a cuck
Have a first gf ever for like 3 weeks
She has birthday today, sent me message at like 4AM just to remind me and i told her i want to celebrate in person
My plan was to take her skydiving but I have 2 Euros in my pocket right now
cannot sing draw nor write...
Help a fellow robot
Simplify, simplify.
Make the food she likes. Buy her a gift. Think about what she enjoys and take her to do that.
Hell, even just going and doing something as dumb as a picnic can be great.
Just celebrate her. Show her you appreciate her. It doesn't have to be the best thing in the world, it just has to show she's one of the best things in your world. Make some memories with her. She'll appreciate that much more than just trying to validate her with some shallow gift.
What you will do is very simple and might not cost a lot. Make her a little cake. And YES, if you can ready, you CAN make a cake. No excuses. Doesn't have to be perfect. It's the thought that counts. Go to a comfy place, make a bonfire, take a blanket with you. Give her the cake and put a candle on it. Sing Happy birthday or just wish her one. Also bring a bottle of wine and music.
Please help.
Hey /adv/, I’ve come here to maybe seek some advice on how to deal with the problems my girlfriend is having with her bestfriend, because lately they often get into a discussion or a fight which leaves my gf really unhappy and I don’t like her being that.
So first of all, the situation: I’m in the midst of my twenties and my gf at the beginning. We became a couple about 4 months ago. It’s both our first relationship and so far going really good.. everything is new, exciting, wonderful, the typical romance yadda yadda.
There’s only one small „problem“. About the time I got together with my girlfriend, her bestfriend lost her relationship (maybe that’s important? I’m not quite sure myself). Since then it’s been somewhat downhill between my girlfriend and her. Her bestfriend often claims my gf has no time for her and doesn’t consider her. Here’s the problem: They live about 7-8 hours apart so they can’t see each other face to face very often. I’m always very considerate about that and so I have no problem if my girlfriend text her bestfriend even when we’re together. They text each other kinda regurarly over the course of the day. Her best friend claims that these text lost substance.. my gf doesn’t think so and so we’re on the first point of a discussion. She tries to write her more but it kinda never worked. This was about 2-3 month in the relationship. They had a talk and everything seemed to go back to normal. They talked more again and seemes satisfied.
(1/2)
Now on this weekend my gf went to visit her for her birthday (she even crafted a handmade nice present for her). They had a great time, she only texted me some good night messages and I let them do what they want. It’s her friend, she can have as many free time with her as she wants. Everything seemed fine. Now my gf came back from her and remembered that she forgot to tell her that my gf and I booked a vacation for end of august about 5-6 days ago. Then her best friend erupted once more. She told her that my gf had to tell her beforehand if she does such things and that my gf is «totally inconsiderate» of her and apparently doesn’t want the friendship between my gf and her anymore. This naturally made my gf unhappy and even a bit angry cause she felt she did nothing wrong. My gf often made concession (texting here when we’re together or phoning, visiting her, and all this stuff without me which is totally fine for me). And now she doesn’t know what to do and I’m at a loss of advice I can give her. So far I told her that maybe It’d be good if they sat down and talked about all this instead of all these messages. Honestly what am I to do? It makes me nearly angry when my gf gets so much unfair (from my point of view) treatment. I dunno if that’s only me but I think my gfs bestfriend should be happy for her that she also found some happines in her lovelife? None of my friend bother me that much cause i saw them a little less often as of lately, everything normal, so I can’t quite grasp what is going on. Does anyone of you have any advice on how to deal with this situation? Should I do anything at all or just listen? Am I not seeing something obvious?
(2/2)
Before doing any of these, ask your gf for the O.K. to get into their business.
Option 1. Let them figure it out if you don't know her friend personally. If the problem branches out to the point where you have to fight back, try and confront her friend and talk to her? Get to know her friend and try to make yourself seem like a guy who won't hog her best friend to yourself.
Option 2. (AVOID AT ALL COST) If it comes to the point where things get toxic, tell your gf to not be friends with her. Save this for last, you don't want your gf to be unhappy.
Option 3. I GUESS you can try to sort it out, but I recommend getting on her friend's good side before starting a debate. Maybe get your gf to have her 'free time' to hang out with her best friend? I don't know. Her friend seems like the clingy type who makes false assumptions because they're paranoid about losing friends (like mee hah).
>>17349408
To Option 1: I asked her and she shared all this with me by herself and said she is happy if I have some advice. I've seen her friend a few times (3-4) and got along well with her on these occasions. I just don't have any regular contact, e.g. her phone number or whatever.
To Option 2: My gf sometimes even said that she feels under immense pressure to always have to write her and she is generally unsure of the friendship, but i wouldn't wann be the dude she loses her friends over, that would seem like just what her best friend expects.
Option 3: Well her friend lives far away and herself didn't come to visit my gf. but she can't afford to travel their every weekend. When they're together I give them space and don't expect any messages from my gf. And whenever she wants to spend time with her friend I let her, no problem for me. My gf herself just seems hesistant to even want to spend time with her because she is "toxic"
![mushroom-01[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ne9ZNfB.jpg "mushroom-01[1]")
