Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 83. page
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so nothing new for /adv/ in this topic but I just need to vent and hear opinions.
blew up at my gf last night over something completely stupid but it's been a few weeks of pent up emotion.
the thing I blew up over? she literally said "Do my oil change". there was no please or niceness in the way she asked, sounded like a command. instantly set me off because she's been doing this for a while. feeling disrespected i guess.
She thinks im becoming a loser because I've put on a lot of weight lately and haven't been working. The reasons behind this is two immediate family members, my mother and brother, have died from two of the shittiest conditions: cancer and suicide. this has caused me to go into a deep depression along with just unhappiness with my job. I turn to my gf for solace and she in turns treats me great for a day then im stuck fighting with her cause she's bossed me around to do something or asked me to do something simple that she could do herself if she got her ass off the couch.this drives me insane. i feel she also hasnt been considering my feelings as she has booked two vacations while i have my time off work. one went from 4 days to 6 and she will in LA and Vegas with a friend who parties hard and they feed off one anothers energy. I am not worried she'll cheat though just dont want her gettig into trouble. there have been two instances where she's been "attacked/ molested" and it just seems to gravitate towards her.
the other trip is with a bunch of girlfriends where she's suppose to leave 4 days before me and im suppose to drive and meet up with afterwards alone. a 6 hour drive. and im suppose to be okay with this.
other than that we're pretty compatible. we work well together and usually work things out but i guess the stress from everything that's going on is setting me off more than usual and feeling un-cared for.
She sounds like an entitled little princess and a loose canon.
Has she dealt with loss and depression before? Have you taken personal space?
Having a partner blow up because you're constantly demanding is just as bad as the person blowing up in the first place.
Do you question if she is right for you?
>>17347209
she's never dealt with loss. the most she's dealt with is my family members. she met my brother twice and liked him and my mother a handful of time. other than that she's never suffered a loss. I explained to her earlier when i found out about my mothers cancer, that it would be tough as hell as id been through something similar before with my uncle. I know what its like to see someone suffer and want to die. I told her this and i didnt expect her to stay around if she couldnt handle it as much as i wanted her to stay. she called me stupid and said she was staying.
she is immature im fully are of it. i had to book her flights and stuff for her or go up and asked people if she needs things. " i dont like talking to people" is the excuse. fair enough social anxiety. i blow up because she doesn't ask me politely and demands or whines.
I've questioned it many times. we've been through a lot as a couple. I want/wanted to marry this girl. now as all this occurs I dont feel like i want to as much anymore. mainly because she wont answer any questions about our future making me second guess. I mean I've asked about us getting our own place instead of living at her mom's house in her one bedroom where there is literally no space because there is 6 people living there. she hasnt even made a spot for me to keep a spare set of clothes so i resort to leaving them on the banister which pisses her grandfather off. we are 25 i should mention.
now I live at home but have the whole basement to myself and between the two of us we make enough money to move out on our own. she just doesn't want to leave her mom, fine i understand she's family. theres a suite in her house that's ive repeatedly mentioned us moving into which would force her brother and his family to vacate (they already own a house two blocks away) giving us space to ourselves while still being "home"
>>17347191
Really sorry to hear about your senpai anon. Do you have any other ways to vent or blow off steam?Got many friends or ways to get away from your missus?
GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.
FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Would you date a virgin?
><random insecurity>
Some do, some don't. Preferences differ, but complexes are always a turn-off.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever. It takes hard work, time, and effort.
>I like someone. What do I do?
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant.
>XYZ happened. Interpret this for me please
We're not in their head, we don't fucking know.
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing.
>Someone has made it super clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No.
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>.
>Brandon, that guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships and fart guy
Fuck off.
How important is someone's facebook page for you?
These goes to both sexes.
Would it affect whether you'd give someoen a chance or not?
Asking cause I just lurk and chat there, never share.
>>17346970
>How important is someone's facebook page for you? Would it affect whether you'd give someone a chance or not?
It is not really important, I usually don't even check people's facebook.
If I go to your facebook and you write stupid stuff, you share things all the time, you post selfies every 5 minutes I'm going to be turned off.
I prefer someone who rarely shares stuff over someone too present.
>>17346979
What about pics?
I'll be honest, I don't like it when the girls only has a few, especially when they are face only.
Last thread: >>17329647
>>17332888
I claim this thread in the name of Pegasus, the Herald of Andraste
Da ich dich so lange nicht reden hörte, so möchte ich dir eine Gelegenheit geben.
Emily,
I just want to understand why it is that you said that you loved me when you had absolutely no intent to treat me like you do. I get it, I really do. I mean, I will never be as attractive as those other guys, never as smooth talking and just as cool as them in general. But there is obviously some part of you that likes me anyway, because you told me you did. That was two months ago, and you seem to have chosen them over me. I understand and respect your decision, but why did you have to drag me down with you? Whether you actually love me or not, you know me. You know how I am and how I react to these kinds of situations, so why would you lead me on like that knowing damn well that fuckboi>me?
I have been circling around from frustration to sadness, to peace and to oblivion. I don't really know how to sum up everything that I want to say to you, so i'll just say this; leave me out of it, from now on. I threw away so much for a chance for us, for YEARS, and now I just have to look out for myself for awhile.
Sincerely,
V
Hey /adv/
I'm about to get pussy for the first time, and the best I can describe the situation is as friends with benefits. How do I keep myself from falling for this chick who just wants sex?
I'm not particularly attracted to her face, but even still I can see myself getting wrapped up because of new feelings/hormones or whatever the fuck happens during sex for the first time. Still going to fuck her no matter what though.
Pic not related
>>17351194
Just fuck her and worry about "feelings" only if you develop them.
You're about to learn real quick how easy it is to not get pussy whipped to someone you're not attracted to. Don't worry about teh feels, heh.
By being realistic.
Unfortunately that is extremely hard for the average person who has not been through at least 1 long term relationship and it ends up proving difficult for many people who been through several.
Enjoy the pussy, don't think too deeply, allow enough emotional involvement to have fun. When it comes to being with someone who significantly more experienced, only let your guard down if they're are the ones who indicate that they want to be something more than just fuck buddies.
>>17351221
she's way more experienced and two years older than me. She'll be graduating and moving on to law school after this year so there /shouldn't/ be anything coming from her if she's logical about it. Really concerned about myself. Thanks
How to get my life together, /adv/? Any resources you've used or can recommend, tips, tricks, etc. besides the obvious (get a job). I'm a mid twenties male without a degree or specialized skills, live with parents as a waiter and a ldr relationship.
1. Get your own place.
2. Get rid of the long distance bullshit.
3. Go back to school or start learning a trade.
4. Fuck bitches, get money.
>>17351063
>get specialized skills
>get a better job
>save money
>get a degree
>move out
>get a job related to your field of study
>find a SO who actually could be part of your better and improved life
>>17351077
1. So just having my own place will teach me how to live? I think I understand, you have to be thrown into a situation and your system gets shocked to learn quickly how to adapt or die.
2. Would it make sense to move to her?
3. Where can I learn a trade? Are there specific schools for it?
4. Indeed.
Hi adv
My boyfriend just got hired and they sent him for "training" in another state for two weeks. From what he's told me they provide unlimited free booze and play games all day - basically a team building thing. They also encourage you go back to he office after "class" to play games and drink more. They also have a place to sleep if you do go there.
I'm incredibly anxious to what that will mean as far as fidelity goes.
Does anyone here have any stories or experience with work trips like this? I don't want to be a Debbie downer for his trip but it sounds like a two week party with co-eds and I am nervous he may cheat. Am I just being untrusting and paranoid? It just seems like this place was designed to encourage that behavior.
Are you sure he isnt just going out of town with friends and telling you it's work related? I've never heard of any company doing this as "training".
Where does he work, I need to get in on this.
He sent me photos and an itinerary. I'm pretty sure it's a work thing. He said the company admitted they were like a cult and laughed at it.
I am having second thoughts about marrying a woman. I feel this way after she revealed the following:
>before i was with her, she was dating her ex
>she told me that while she was dating her ex, she had sex with him in a taxi on the way back from a club. Sat on his lap while wearing a dress, without underwear
Im not a prude by any means, but I feel turned off by that behavior. I've had sex with her outdoors many times, but never with another guy a few feet away, possibly watching.
Am I wrong in thinking that this is trashy behavior? Marriage is hard as it is, don't want to make a mistake.
Some other details, we've been dating 1.5 years, both are late 20s, im white, she's a latina. She's never cheated on me, but she is very sexual
>>17350979
If something this is enough to make you second guess it, then clearly your relationship isn't solid enough to last marriage.
If you are having second thoughts, don't do it. Marriage is a fucking contract you want to be 100% on. If she's the clubbing, oversexual latina type, she will probably ditch your ass the second a new papi chulo comes around. 86 that bitch.
>>17350986
Not the clubbing type now, but used to be in her younger days. Not the "street" latina either - i guess im worried if she's changed now or if she hasnt.
Is it possible to become charismatic and if so how ?
>>17350963
charisma is more or less defined as somethign that comes naturally. otherwise its not charisma its simply manipulation.
it is psosible to become more charismatic, but there isnt a simpel step by step guide. we dont know you or whats lacking so how could we say?
you have to remember that charisma is considered a strong force. people who list charisma on their profiles and shit are pretty egotistical. they are saying that they have
>compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others
but ultimately thats whati t boils down to. you need to charm people and you need to attract people. charisma is considered a natural organic approach to it.
worry less about naturally being perfect and instead just focus on growing as a person
>>17350963
Yes it is possible but it takes a lot of practice. You should search it on youtube there is a lot to learn. I would recommend channel actualized.org he has a lot of content on this topic.
>>17350963
"Charisma," by definition, is just an inherent part of someone's personality. But you can learn to be more sociable, or more authoritative, or whatever you're trying to accomplish.
It also depends on who you surround yourself with. Don't try to force yourself to fit in somewhere you don't belong. When I'm with friends and family, or when I'm doing my job which I enjoy and I'm good at, I feel confident, and being social and funny and pleasant with people comes very easily and naturally. I've been in plenty of other situations where I feel out of my element, and I don't feel confident, and I've behaved awkwardly as a result.
Some people spend huge portions of their lives in relationships, or friendships, or jobs that make them feel like this. This type of situation would make anyone seem uncharismatic.
I got video of my sister chasing me through my house with a large blade just today.
Im 18 she's 25 we both live at my moms house. Mom is incompetent.
Should I call the police. My sister is a minimal wage mindset lowlife selfish piece of shit. But if the police do arrest her that will be on her record and then all she can is shit jobs.
Maybe I dont have to press charges but I can still get her out of this house if I call the police.
>>17350917
Need adv
Do it. Press charges. They could charge her with attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon. Whatev though.
>>17350917
Move out and never look back.
I act really nice because I fucking hate people.
What is wrong with me
>>17350895
Why do you hate people? Do you hate current culture?
>>17350895
same here. dont know about you but i personally do it because im aware its easier. if i act shitty to people it will cause drama. if i am nice to people, they dont bother me.
Nothing. Stop faking it though. Accept yourself and be yourself.
How come every relationship I have feels superficial?
Your emotions are your own. If it feels superficial to you, it's because it is.
Maybe you're a fake-ass person, maybe you suck at emotions, maybe you suffer from depersonalization/derealization. Maybe all three. How the fuck would I know, I don't even know you.
>>17350890
How the fuck would I know, I don't even know you.
No One Really Does......
Wouldn't we be more happy hanging out and partying with non-white babes?
They seem to have more respect and admiration for white men. Moreso than white girls themselves
>>17350889
t. Black woman
>>17350889
Why is this a question? White men have been dominating, conquering and impregnating non-white women for literally centuries with much success. Carry on.
>>17350889
White guy here. Work in manual labour, so I tend to work with alot of immigrants, including women.
Can confirm they are much nicer and friendlier than white women. Plus, they tend to work the harder jobs, like men, so they get hazard pay and stuff so they never complain about some mythical wage gap.
Literally our women are just the worst. They hate men, spread propaganda and lies about us, falsify statistics to demonise us.
They claim to fight for equality (But don't want to be drafted, work in quarries, factories or warehouses, give up alimony and child support, let fathers actually be goddamn fathers to their kids, talk big on consent then get baby boys dicks chopped up before they can even say "yes" or "no" - Before you refute this, I'd like to point out that the feminism capital of the world, Canada, actually has a law passed preventing academics from publishing any study that presents negative consequences of circumcision).
Hateful, toxic hypocrites.
And you might say NAWALT, or more appropriately NAWWALT (Not all white women are like that) - but how the fuck are we supposed to know.
Ever hear a white bitch call this bullshit out?
Ever hear a white girl say "not all men are like that"?
The fact is, a girl who is LIKE THAT, will act like she isn't, when she's found the right target, too.
So how the fuck are we supposed to know?
They got 'Schrodinger's rapist" as an excuse to treat all men like sex pests.
Well we got 'Schrodinger's feminazi men hating, alimony-collecting marriage for cash white bitch".
Just told my housemate that I think she's great. She picked up what I really meant (that I'm pretty much head over heels for her). It just so happens that I'm going on a six week journey starting next week so her response to my admission was 'wait until you get back.'
Sounds like good news to me, right? She basically told me to enjoy my holiday and see what happens following that. We're due to watch a movie this Saturday anyway so I'm going to make a move then anyway but curious as to hear your opinions on her response.
Should be noted that I'm moving out next week, hence my decision to lay it down.
>>17350878
Any not negative sign is a positive sign, especially given females
I have high hopes
>>17350878
>It just so happens that I'm going on a six week journey starting next week so her response to my admission was 'wait until you get back.'
>Should be noted that I'm moving out next week, hence my decision to lay it down.
So she told you to wait until you get back, but you're never coming back?
That's... that's fuckin brilliant, is what that is. Keeping that one in mind for future reference.
>>17350960
Believe it or not people can still meet after you've moved out of a place. We've already planned to have a movie night each Sunday night.
It's central London so it's not as if it's that far.
>move across the world to Ontario at 16
>struggle to make friends because of 'alternative school'
>19 now, haven't had a friend for 3 years, had a couple girlfriends but it never lasted
>about to go to uni in August, not completely socially retarded but don't know how to interact anymore
What are some things I should know about making friends and social interaction? Also general tips for university
Talk to everybody on your dorm floor
Then talk to everybody on the floors above and below you
Talk to literally anybody who sits near you in class
Talk
To
Everyone
Everybody comes into Uni knowing nobody. At most they might know one or two friends that happened to go to the same place. Literally all you have to do to make friends is talk to anybody about anything.
>>17350868
Listen to what this anon said
Additionally find a way to get involved on campus. I was a pretty shy guy in high school, but I got involved in my school's mock trial team, not only did it teach me confidence, poise, and public speaking ability; but I met a ton of people. It also made me pursue a career in law
>>17350868
Thanks for the advice. So I just go out of my way to talk to everyone? Isn't that a little weird?
>Fastest way to learn to swim?
Swim more.
>go to pool
>jump into deep end
>learn to swim or die, ridding the gene pool of your inferior genes
>>17350818
common frustration, feeling like you're not moving. It's cause you're not, sometimes. Better motion and strokes fixes it, only way to get better is practice. I swam every day for an hour for a month, and even though at first I felt like garbage, by the end you feel amazing.
practice, don't worry about getting tired, your body will improve itself over time. You can even measure your times if you want for confidence boosting
